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During middle school, I had gotten a Kindle Fire from my parents for Christmas. Early on when it was new, they wanted to monitor me when I played on it, and they told me to sit where they could see me. Being the rebellious tween I was, I would slowly creep away until I was safe in the sanctuary of my room. They didn't really care after that, and for the next couple of months I was free to search and play anything I liked. Eventually, I got onto the subject of paranormal activity. It was a forbidden fruit to me, and that only deepened my interest. I would constantly watch videos on YouTube until it became an unhealthy habit. No one would ever know about it either because I would never tell anyone of my findings. I suppose it was because I didn't want to get into trouble with my parents. They are fairly very religious, and would always tell my siblings to change the channel even if a séance scene in a movie came on. They would never allow my siblings and I to watch ghost hunting shows and things of that sort. They always told us that even watching it could open up a portal for evil things to come through. I had always viewed that belief as a bit over dramatic. But now, I can see that they were telling the truth.

Over the next couple of months, I watched videos on poltergeist activity, ouija board videos, ghost hunting, exorcisms, you name it. YouTube was a gold mine of videos. I'm ashamed to say that when my inner conscience told me to stop, I took that as a sign to watch just one more video. This was always my downfall. Over time, I started to become a bit paranoid. Every night, I felt like something was watching me. My room would seem darker some nights, even though my brother's nightlight would shine brightly through my doorway. The shadows overwhelmed everything. I tried to push away my fear and focus on sleep instead. My efforts were in vain, so I would close my door and sleep the rest of the night with my light on.

One night, I woke up around 2am or 3am, sweating, and my feet and hands were cold. This is how I get when I'm scared, and I didn't know why I was scared. I just felt this fear grip me. My room was dark again, and I felt this presence all around my room, looking down at me, looking at me from the side, everywhere. It took me about an hour to muster up the courage to turn on my light and close my door. I turned around as quick as I could after turning it on, for the feeling of something watching me. Returning to my bed, I noticed my small propped up mirror on the desk beside my bed was facing my bed, and not the closet where I had turned it. My heart stopped and I rushed to get my bible and rebuke whatever evil spirit I had let into my house. My mom had to get a sleeping bag and spent the rest of the night in my room with me because of how scared I was. I still didn't tell her about my internet searching, nor the reason why the spirit was probably in our house. I told myself that I wasn't going to watch anymore videos. That was a lie.

In the middle of 9th grade, I got into the paranormal videos again. Part of me was ashamed, and the other part was afraid that what happened could happen again. I was right. Every night, it would feel like something was watching me, but I always pushed the thought into the back of my head. I figured I was being paranoid. Still, I would sleep with my back facing the wall. I didn't want to feel anything touching me from beside my bed.

One night, I woke up sometime between 1am and 3am, and I didn't know why. Then, I heard footsteps. I didn't freak out at first, because they sounded like the footsteps of my little brother. But they kept going and going, and I realized that if it had been my brother, I would have seen him walk across my doorway to either the bathroom or my parents' room. I figured then that it must have been one of my sisters. But the bathroom light never came on, and all my siblings are deathly afraid of the dark, so they would have turned it on as quick as possible. I panicked inside my head and said a prayer. The child-like footsteps eventually stopped after a while, but I still couldn't sleep. I was in a cold sweat until I heard my mom come home from her night shift. I flew downstairs, and I told her I had heard footsteps that didn't belong to any members of our family. My dad had awoken to greet her as well, and I told him what had happened. He checked all the doors and said that they were all locked. We all said a quick prayer over the house, and went back to bed. I didn't look up any videos after that, until my sophomore year of highschool.

I took an interest in horror game walkthroughs and things of that sort one lazy spring day. My mind told me not to watch anymore haunted videos, but I didn't listen to myself, and watched around ten videos or so. I got bored, and finally got off of YouTube for that day. So I went downstairs, lit a candle I had gotten as a present, and brought it upstairs. It smelled nice, and I set it on my shelf, and started to clean my room. The AC was off because it was broken, and my ceiling fan was off, but the flame was flickering like crazy. I remembered that that sometimes means a spirit is nearby. I asked out loud, "Is there a spirit here?" and the flame went even crazier. Trying not to flip out, I said, "Go away in the name of Jesus and don't return here. Go to wherever he sends you and don't harm anyone or anything on the way." And the flame stopped dead still. I blew that sucker out and rebuked the crap outta my room.

From then on, I haven't been watching paranormal videos as often as I used to. If I do, I only watch one or two explorations of abandoned places and things like that. I always remember what can happen, and it still makes me regret watching those videos. It's not as bad as it used to be, but even now, sounds can be heard once in a while, the feeling of being watched still remains in the back of my mind when I'm in the dark, and my dog will bark when there's nothing to bark at. And that's what stops me from watching those videos.