I just realized that I haven't introduced myself yet. Well, my name is Thomas, but everybody calls me Tom. I am 15 years old. I like to play outside in nature and meet friends to read - haha, kidding! I'm just an ordinary teenager and not a freak, so I like to gamble on the console and preferably all day. This playing outside or reading is more of a 90s thing, I think. And for some time now, I've also found out that my penis secretes a white substance like that if I rub it long enough. So gambling and masturbating are definitely things I like to do to pass the time.

My little sister - she hates it when I call her little, is 11 years old and a real pain in the ass. I get along with her though, mostly when I'm avoiding her, she's napping, or we get along best when she's staying over at one of her numerous friends' houses and I don't have to see her. So the typical big brother-little sister problem. There are legends that brother and sister get along very well, but I don't believe it.

You've already met my father. That's right, the where-is-my-whopper guy from before. Actually, he's a cool guy with a funny name. His name is Dieter, but he doesn't look like one. Since the breakup with my mom, which was also two years ago, he's been taking us on a little tour every first Saturday of the month. I guess it's the guilty conscience that plagues him and not the longing for us.

This Saturday, the intended destination was the zoo. To be honest, I wasn't quite excited about this trip and would have rather stayed home. Right, to gamble and jerk off. Would have been more to my taste, at least. But life isn't a wish-fulfillment concert, my mother often used to say, and at least this time it seemed to apply. My annoying sister, on the other hand, was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when she heard where we were going. Still wondering why we don't get along well? Exactly, that's why.

That's enough about me and my family. I may add a few more things later. But my bad self is standing behind me right now and is really annoying. He says I should take my sister's hamster and put it in the microwave. That other something never, ever, ever gives you peace until you do what he tells you to do. But I'll come back to it later, and first I'd rather tell you how I encountered this second evil me at the zoo.

(...)