"When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one there to dry your tears

Oh, I hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love..."

"You do know that is song is making you feel even more depressed, right?"

Margaret's voice pulled me out of my depressing thoughts. It's funny how down I felt that I didn't even hear her open my door and walk in my office.

"How did you even know that I am feeling depressed?"

She rolled her eyes before giving me that seriously? look. "Come on. You are standing in your office, looking out your window while the rain poured on the outside world. Nathan, you don't do that. The old Nathaniel Westwood would bury himself in work especially during rainy season. Of course, there is also this fact that you, the rain and the song seemed to come out straight from a movie I once saw."

Now it's my time to roll my eyes at the last statement. "I'm not being dramatic, if that's what you are implying," I said as I turned my attention back outside my floor to ceiling window.

I don't need this right now.

I was forced to look behind me as a new set of voice suddenly emerged.

"She's not implying, but I'm saying."

"Hello, mom," I said blankly. "What are you doing here?" Although I know exactly what she's doing here, I just decided that it will be a good question to begin a conversation.

"Marge, you're supposed to tell your boss slash cousin that I'm visiting," she said, ignoring my question.

I saw Margaret shrugged in answer before nodding to my mother. They both looked at me as if they share a thought. Margaret nodded once more before leaving us in the office.

My mom turned to me.

"You should have talked to me instead of simply brooding here in your office," she said as she walked towards me.

I sighed and turned to face the outside world through my window. "There's nothing to talk about."

She's back to where she belongs

"If there is nothing that we should talk about, then you should stop being melodramatic in your office like the world suddenly became a burden on your shoulders."

"Nothing will change even if I talked to anyone about the past week," she's still gone and she's probably never coming back, I chose not to add that last part.

I heard my mother sigh after a few minutes of silence.

"You're right, talking will not bring her back here," she said. "But it will ease your mind a bit knowing that you can always talk to someone that you can relate to."

"Mom, my problem is different form yours. My misery, or this dark emptiness I'm feeling for a whole week is different from yours."

"You're right. Your situation is different from the one I had experienced ones," she said calmly, but I detected a hint of indignation in her voice. "Laura is still alive, but your father was not."

"That's not..." I tried to say but she stopped me and said something instead.

"Of course it's not what you mean," she cut off. "But I know exactly what you mean."

Slightly amused at the change in the mood, which my mother never failed to whenever I feel down, I turned my back on the window and took a seat across my mother, ready to listen.

"Your father is my first love, just like the Swiss princess was yours."

The sudden stiffness and tense in my shoulders didn't miss my mom's eyes, as she glared at me, daring me to say otherwise. But, I didn't.

"Mom, how sure are you that I'm in love with Carter? Or how sure are you that she is my first love?"

That's the painful truth I am currently dealing with. It took me so long to realize what I am truly feeling, what my true feelings for Carter really means.

"Still using that nickname you gave her, I see," she commented before answering my questions, "besides to on the fact that you are my son? I knew that you're in love with her because your eyes are very expressive too me. Without using your linguistic skills to admit to me what you truly felt for her, your eyes say it all. And of course, those green eyes are so very similar to your fathers. And you know how much in love your father was to me."

I huffed at this.

"And how did you know that she is my first love?" I asked.

"Your father is my first love."

I frowned.

"Whenever you're wistfully thinking of her, you gave off the same look I had. To clarify, I had the same look you have whenever I think about your father."

I rolled my eyes. Of course. I am the complete manifestation of both my father and my mother.

"But, I know, that's not really what's bothering you, right?"

Trying to make the conversation light, I laughed. "What do you think is bothering me right now?"

"You are bothered by the fact that you did not have the chance to clear things up on her before she left. That you were unable to tell her how you truly feel."

The laugh in me disappeared after her reply.

It will not even matter, anyway.

"It's a good thing that you didn't tell her how you feel," she said. "If she thought that everything you've done together were nothing but parts of the set-up, then she might also think that you're love is a lie."

My mom looked at me, her eyes are telling me that she and I both know that it wasn't true.

"But remember, when all is said and done, tell her what you truly feel. I know you're an idiot most of the time―"

"Hey!"

"But still, I know you can form at least something coherent once you became honest with her."

"What do you think will be the size of the tree, once it's in here?"

I frowned as the voice broke through my reverie. I have been doing a lot of things to distract me from the events of the previous weeks. Volunteer works here and there, school and hospital visit from my time to time, occupied my time for the whole week. And of course, there is also some discussions of new projects and possible prospects for the company.

All of those things were good distraction from mornings till the early evenings. But every time I prepare myself to turn in, I realized that the bed wasn't right, the walls weren't the right colors, and the furniture is wrong. Those are the reminders that I no longer reside in Jessica's sweet house from Long Island Sound in New York.

Turning my back on the view of the Greenfields on the balcony, I acknowledge Jessica's question with a shrug.

She raised an eyebrow, "well?"

I frowned, "well what?"

She glared, "you didn't exactly answer my question."

I rolled my eyes. Of course, Jessica would be trying to talk to me. Of course, my best friend would use such trivial questions first before changing the direction of her questions.

"Jess, you do know that we always set our tree during the Christmas Eve, right?"

"I know I'm just curious as to how tall it would be this year?"

I blew out a breath in slight irritation.

"Jess, you can stop beating around the bush, and ask what you really wanted to ask."

"Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

She only raised an eyebrow before I surrendered and told her the different emotions I feel during daytime as well as during the nighttime.

"You can stay in my room if you want to," she offered. "Or I could stay in yours if you want."

I didn't say anything.

"I know with me staying with you, or simply with us together, it could give you some semblance of what we had back in New York. Those whirlwind of fun and freedom will always be in my mind." She forced a laugh on the last part.

"Laura, I know why you're doing what you're doing for the past week. And I think what you're doing is healthy."

I raised an eyebrow at this.

Why would that be healthy. I seemed to need every distraction I could find just to avoid thinking about what Nate and I had once shared.

"I think it's healthy because you're making a routine. And I think if we stayed together just like old times, we will both fall on that routine. If we do a lot of things together and simply talk about those things, we both could put those months ago in the back of our minds."

Why are you using the word "we"?

I noted that part to ask later.

"We could plan to go out and have fun in those bars. Of course, we'll take some of those bodyguards for your father's sake. The next day, we could plan something and look for the perfect gifts to out family. And speaking of family, why don't we focus on them, right now?"

I sighed.

"Okay."