I turn to Matthew side of the bed as I wake up and find that he isn't there. As I wake up I look at myself in the mirror. I look absolutely unrecognizable Merc now and Merc about a year ago are two different people. Inside and outside. After the whole baby thing I chose to move on. Away from being a surrogate, away from the Jacobs and on to the future. I gave Matthew's relationship with me a chance and we ended up living together. We're basically engaged now although he hasn't popped the ring yet. He's just scared of actual commitment and I accept that. Just like he accepts my flaws.

"You're up early" I say as I find him the living room of our studio loft. "I gotta work. You know how it is" he says as he walks to me and gives me a kiss. "I'll make it up to you" he says with a smirk. "McDonald's" we both say at the same time. Unlike my past relationship ours didn't just evolve around sex. We waited till we were both ready for it. "You know I'm really over seeing his face everyday" I say as I walk to stand in front of the floor to ceiling windows. Just in front of my fucking window there is a huge billboard with James' face on it. "A New York times best seller. 'The recipe to success' by a multi millionaire James Jacobs. Now on tour" I say in a deep voice.

"What are the odds. The whole fucking LA and he chooses to put in right in front of my window" I say with a chuckle. "Technically it's quite a few yards away and I mean you can always turn around and look at me" he says as he sits on the couch. "I'm sorry I'm getting carried away" I say as I jump on the couch and lie on his lap. "You know I could pay for it to be taken down" he says and I turn to him. "Babe I don't want you to feel like he's some type of threat in our relationship" I say as I stand up and walk into the kitchen. "I don't feel like that at all it's just a billboard" he says standing in front of me. "I'm trying to show you that I'm over him and focusing on you. Only you" I say giving him a peck before taking out some bowls.

"Who are you trying to convince" he says with a serious face. I give a light laugh before grabbing the serial. "Babe I know you and I think this whole look change and throwing away all your old stuff is just to distract you. Maybe you should go to his book tour thing today" he says and I realize he might be right. "I've been to the Jacobs house many times and their stupid security won't let me in. They don't want anything to do with me." I say. "I'm not saying to their house I'm saying go to his book thing" he says as he pulls me closer. He lifts me onto the counter to and kisses my lips. "I'm working in town today. We can ride together if you want" he says as he changes the subject.

I look into the mirror one last time as we pull up outside the place James is having his function in. "You look beautiful babe" Matthew says as he gives me a kiss. "I love you so much" I say as I kiss him back. I wave at him a final time before walking into the hall. Maybe Matthew is right, this could be it. My final goodbye. There wasn't a day that goes by that I didn't think about James and maybe this will finally fill that void. Or maybe I'm just playing myself. Cutting my hair into a bob and dying it brown, a tattoo on my back with the day the baby was born also the day James left me, throwing away all my stuff but that pathetic box of memories that I can't seem to let go.

Maybe I have changed. Maybe I have moved on but maybe James is the part of my life that I can't leave behind. As I stand in line for my book to get signed my palms start sweating. I look to the front of the line, where James signs books without even looking up or how he puts on a fake smile every time he takes a picture.

As I am about three people away from getting a signature I look to the lady behind me. "Hey you want to switch places. Hate to admit it but I'm a little star struck" I say making a pathetic excuse. "I know the feeling but I've got you" she says as she moves forward. As I turn around to switch with person behind me again I find a really tall and scary man.

As I get to the front James doesn't look up to me. I put the book in front of him and start fiddling with my already half chipped nail polish. "Hey nice to meet you. Name?" he says with his pen ready to write. "Mercedes" I say as he quickly looks up. His face looks confuses but I know James and I can tell under the confusion there's more happiness. "You've... changed" he says as he stands up. "You too" I say as I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

His mouth turns up into a smirk as he stares at me. "I'm kind of holding up the line so I'll wait and maybe we can grab some lunch or something. I just wanna talk to you" I say in a shy tone and he sits back down. "Sure. Enjoy your book....Mercedes" he says as he hands me the signed copy of the book. I sit on one of the benches. As I open the book to find a smiley face next to my name, my mouth turns up into a smile.