I always avoided going anywhere near the girls.

If they thought I was stuck up for dating Bryson, so be it.

But I felt fad for Crystal, she always invited me to places and I always said no.

We still talked, but it wasn't personal.

I already felt so overwhelmed with my relationship, and college, homework, running.

I thought it was better to keep my distance from them, than to get in an argument the next time they say something that doesn't sit well.

But unfortunately for me, I couldn't avoid them for the rest of the year.

I do see them everyday, and they're the only 'friends' I have.

So I when Bryson left again, I was forced to sit with them.

I sat my backpack down, and got out my packed lunch.

They didn't say anything to me, Chloe even smiled at me when I came.

I was trying to listen to their conversation, when Crystal came.

I looked up towards her expecting her to say hi to me, and inform me of any gossip she heard in gym.

Instead, she started talker to Amy.

I didn't think anything of it, I even spoke to Amy myself for a little bit until she was checked out.

Somehow twenty minutes have passed, and my stomach sunk.

Something was wrong, Crystal didn't even look toward me once. She acted as if I wasn't even there, not acknowledging me at all.

I didn't know what to do so I say there uncomfortably, eating my half empty pasta salad.

"Hey Chloe can you come with me to buy an ice cream?" Crystal asked her, still ignoring me.

Chloe looked toward me wide eyed, I gave her a shrug.

I knew it.

Even Chloe was surprised that Crystal asked her instead of me.

She always asked me to company her.

While they were gone, I contemplated whether to stay put or simply get up and leave.

My dumbass stayed put.

There was ten minutes of lunch left anyways.

When they got back, she ate her snack, but still refused to face or acknowledge me.

I was angry, yet hurt at the same time because I didn't understand why she was mad at me.

What have I even done wrong?

As I was counting down the time, I finally hear her say, "You want to take a walk Leen?"

I looked up surprised, and just nodded my head.

I threw away my trash and started thinking f what to say.

"What's wrong?" Was all I said.

She sighed. "Nothing, it's just..." She trailed off.

"What? What did I do wrong?"

"You've been ditching me for Bryson. Every time I ask to hang out with you, you always choose him. I was always left alone."

'Oh.'

'Had I really?'

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again." I changed the topic afterwards, and though it was still a little awkward, it felt better at least.

But as soon as I thought things were fine for myself, it started again.

The distance.

Between me, and Bryson.

It was like a pattern, one day we were okay, and another day he wouldn't speak to me.

I would try to make conversation but it would just die down.

I noticed he didn't kiss me goodbye anymore either, or hold my hand on our way to class.

I told myself if it kept going then I would have to end things with him.

Surely, I shouldn't have to put with it.

But I didn't want to.

I didn't want to end things with him, I liked him.

I really liked him, and I wanted to make things work.

I would do it for him, and my heart that fell for him.

My mind kept replaying the day I found out she was dead.

The police in my house, the sudden news I got after spending a good day with Koleen.

After what I thought things were finally working out, it all came crashing down.

I couldn't do it.

It hurt too much to know that she was gone completely.

The pain I felt before thinking she had left me was nothing compared to now.

Every time the police showed up, I wanted to disappear, but I had to know more of the investigation.

Afterwards I'd lock myself in my room trying to drown it all with loud music.

They still tried to find answers, asking for anyone in particular that could be a suspect.

My dad mentioned his competitors possibly, I bit my tongue from saying too much when he said that.

I mean seriously, how were they gonna find out the murderer when in a world of the drug dealers it could be anyone.

Right?

It was a case that would probably take forever to solve, and I couldn't do it anymore.

I couldn't take the pain that consumed my whole body.

Worst of all, I couldn't take the pain I was causing to Koleen.

I could tell that I was the cause for her pain.

I wasn't in the right head space.

I had to end things with her, I couldn't keep pretending I was okay when I was hurting inside.

I wasn't the same as before.

I couldn't deal with not being there for her, when I can't even be there for myself.

I had to break up with her.

As hard as it is, I couldn't keep causing her pain.

The next day all I could think of was the right time to do it.

Should it be after school?

During Lunch?

Before school?

Or does the timing really matter?

I mean I should just get it over with right?

Right.

After school it is.

I asked her to meet me in a secluded place.

That way it can be said with no interruption.

I didn't want to do it.

My throat felt dry when I asked her to meet me.

Was I gonna do it? Or chicken out?

When I saw her arrive, my heart sunk.

I couldn't do it, but I would only bring her down if I stayed with her.

I had to let her go.

"What's up?" She asked jiggling with her keys anxiously.

"The thing is..." I couldn't look her in the eyes, if I looked into her hazel eyes then I'd break down.

I had to hold my ground.

"I think we should break up."

She didn't say anything.

"What?" She quietly asked in a shaky voice.

"I have to break up with you. Im sorry, it's not you, it's me."

"I don't understand." She whispers.

"I have to go." I try not to cry as I headed back to my car.

"Bryson?!" I hear her call me.

I can hear it.

I can hear her crying.

I couldn't do it.

I didn't want to make her cry, but I didn't want to drag her along in my problems.

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