I felt sick to my stomach just reminiscing the day they contacted us about my mom.

I didn't understand at all.

I clearly remember thinking she left me behind.

All the pain I tried to push away since dating Koleen just resurfaced.

When I was with her, things weren't so shitty, but every time I was alone it hurt.

God did it hurt.

I couldn't take being in this place, being here in the present.

With knots in my stomach, I reluctantly walked towards my house.

The door freaked open, all I could hear were the faint yelling from my dad upstairs.

My legs were shaky as I walked up, I didn't want to be in here.

Everything just reminded me of her.

I slowly opened the door, and poked my head in.

Whatever my dad and Stepmonster were saying was quickly dropped as they noticed me enter.

"Come inside Bryson." My dad said beckoning me with his finger.

"What is it Dad, I have to go back to school after lunch is over."

"No you don't. I checked you out."

Great.

I was gonna have to tell Koleen that I wasn't going back.

"Bryson we need to talk, as a family , about the other day." He says, while the stepmother stood there quietly.

"Family? Are you fucking serious dad? What do they have to do with your dead wife? They never even knew her, why do they have to be included?"

"You little punk. We are a family. Like it or not she is your stepmother, and Charlie is your step brother."

"Right. Okay then, where is Charlie right now? Oh yeah, you kicked him out for not wanting to run your stupid business."

"Don't you dare talk to me like that Bryson. You respect me. I should beat the crap out of you, if it weren't for police coming."

I froze. "Police? They're coming again?"

The anger for my dad started to go down and was replaced with anxiety.

As much as I wanted to find out what happened to my mom, I didn't want to think of it.

I'd rather much have the narrative that she left me instead of knowing she's dead and never coming back.

I didn't understand how she was in water, I mean was she trying to commit suicide?

Was her life with me and my dad really that bad?

I hold in my tears and tried to push the thought away.

"Of course they're coming again, when they get here you better not act up. Don't embarrass our family." My dad scolds me, before I can argue again we hear voices from downstairs. "That must be them, behave Bryce."

We all walk downstairs to greet the authorities.

Just starring at them made me feel queasy.

"Hello officer, is there any news of my ex wife?"

"We just came to ask a few questions."

"Why yes of course, anything." My dad responds softly.

I rolled my eyes, I hated seeing him put an act in front of people. My dad was such an ass.

"When was the last time y'all had contact?"

"I haven't been in contact with her since she left."

"Is there any reason why she left?"

"No officer, I have no idea."

He turned toward me and asked, " What about you?"

I opened my mouth but instead nothing came out. I completely froze up.

I didn't say anything until I looked towards my dad who gave me a mean look.

"I, I was still in junior high when she disappeared. I don't remember anything really, it was a blur."

"We had to send him to therapy." My dad tells him.

The officer nods.

They ask more questions then start talking about her body.

"Excuse me, I think I'll get some water." I announce to them to leave.

I felt sick. I couldn't do it, I walked over to the kitchen to get a cup when I noticed one of the maids listening to the conversation.

When she notice me, she quickly walked away to do her work.

'Nosy maids.' I thought.

After finishing my water, I didn't want to go back.

I didn't want to listen to the details of it.

My mom cannot be dead.

She couldn't be, surely they could mistake the body and later I'll find my mom in New York writing a book.

There was just no way.

How would she even drown?

Why would she commit suicide?

I walked back to the living room, I didn't realize I was gone that long when the authorities weren't there anymore.

"What else did they say?" I asked my dad.

He had a blank expression, I couldn't tell what it was. My stepmonster looked over at me with sympathy while holding onto my dad.

"They say she could've been murdered." He whispers.

My heart stopped. Literally it's what it felt like. I almost felt like falling to the ground, but I hold my body just enough to fall on the couch instead.

It was the least of my guesses that somebody could've killed her.

Who would do that?

Why?

She was such a sweet woman.

But then I remembered what my dad did, surely being in the drug industry or whatever you'd have a lot of enemies.

I felt angry.

"It's your fault." I say to my dad.

He looks at me confused. "It's your fault dad! It was probably one of your enemies that killed her to make you angry! It's your fucking fault!" I yell angry at him.

My dad pushes himself off the couch and was about to come towards me when Stepmonster intervenes, "Honey he's just angry! The kid is hurt, leave him alone. He just found out his mother was killed."

"Go to your room." Is all he says.

I gladly ran up to my room, and start throwing my pillows on the floor.

I wanted to throw my stuff on the floor but decided against it.

How would that help?

My mom was dead.

No.

She was killed.

She was killed.

Fuck someone killed my mom.

Someone took her away from me.

I slid to the floor and started bawling, I didn't care if my cries were heard from downstairs.

It hurt.

It hurt way worse than just knowing she left me, because she didn't leave me.

She was taken from me.

I had no idea when I fell asleep, but when I woke up realization hit and I cried again.

My chest felt tight.

I had no idea what the time was, but I knew it was a school day.

I couldn't decide if I wanted to go to get distracted, or just lay here and cry all day.

Koleen.

I had no idea what to tell her.

Part of me wanted to see her, but another part of me would rather not.

I didn't want to tell her what's been going on, if I told her then she'd feel pity for me, and always ask if I was okay when all I wanted was at least for things with her to stay the same.

When I heard knocks on my door, I ignored them.

I didn't want to get up.

"Bryson." I hear my stepmothers voice. "Your father told me to tell you you have to get to school. You're almost late honey."

I didn't reply or bothered to get up.

I didn't want to go.

I hear her sigh, "Do you want me to get your father?"

Finally I force myself to get up and get ready for school, making sure to be loud so she could hear I was up.

The sun stung my eyes as I walked outside.

My legs felt stiff, I didn't want to move.

I wanted to stay in my room, and lay there forever.

At least until the pain leaves.

On my way to school, my word mistake was driving by an elementary school.

Seeing all the kids, and their parents only made my heart ache even more for my loss.

I pulled over to the nearest gas station, and cried.

I didn't know if I could go to school.

I couldn't face everyone, face her looking like this.

So I skipped school.

I made up an excuse saying I didn't feel well.

I only attended baseball practice.

"Hey Anders, I've been hearing around that you're dating Koleen. I know it's weird coming from me, as an assistant coach so I'm technically staff, but she's a good girl. Treat her right." Jaxon tells me with his hand on my shoulder.

I only nodded, and tried not to cry.

While I was still upset over my situation, I still felt a little jealous over his comment.

I still remember when he was there at the party with her, and to say the least I was still mad that my stubborn self didn't ask her to the party first.

On top of that, fall was coming, meaning Baseball and Track season were almost here.

As team captain for baseball, it was my duty to to lead the boys right, but I felt like I was losing it.

I stroked out for the first two games.

My pitch wasn't good.

Everyone was giving me shit for it.

Except of course Brian.

While I was drinking water, and splattering it on my face he came over. He didn't say anything, just stood there starring at me.

"What?" I croaked out.

He sighed, "You know I never cross your boundaries and push you to tell me what's wrong, but you suck ass out there man. Is everything alright?"

I didn't look at him, I just stared straight ahead circling his response in my head.

"I'm just having a rough time, I'll get over it." I tell him.

"If you need a place to crash, I'll sneak you in mine."

"Yeah, thanks man."

I appreciated his support, Brian was my favorite dude, but I wasn't sure he could help me with this.

After talking to the coaches, and reassuring them that I was just sick for the day and still out of it, I decided to call Koleen before I left.

No answer.

I felt disappointed but relief at the same time.

I sighed and got inside my car, when Dominic came by.

"Hey."

"What is it Ramirez? You're gonna give a sick guy shit for not well in today's practice?"

"Nah man, I just wanted an update on her."

"Huh? Who?" I asked confused.

"You know, your girl. The one we helped with a homecoming poster that you got back together with. Don't think I haven't noticed."

I groaned. "Not now, I don't have time for this."

"Do you even remember what I told you? Why you're the team captain? So tell me have you done it with her or not?"

"My personal life is no ones fucking business."

"Since when were girls considered part of your personal life?"

"Since she came in, and I'm not up for that team captain tradition. I'll tell coach about it and see what he thinks of it."

Dominic laughed. "Yeah like Jaxon would care, he was part of it last year when he went to our school."

"I wasn't talking about him. Don't even try to threaten me again, and don't come near my girl."

I slammed the door shut in his face, and speeded off, unsure where to go in fear that the police would be in my house at the moment.

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