:

After spending most of the day with Bryson, he finally dropped me off at home where I dreaded going to.

I wanted to be with him longer.

After he kissed me one last time, I slowly walked to my door and waved goodbye to him.

I sighed smiling, closing the door softly.

"Look who finally decided to show up?" My smile fell after seeing my mom across the room with her arms crossed. An angry expression on her face.

"Excuse me?" I asked confused.

I texted them I'd be out late, I don't understand why she's angry with me.

"What were you doing all day? You have school tomorrow." She walked closer towards me examining me.

I panicked thinking maybe she'd see right through me and figure what happened this morning.

"You look suspicious. Koleen your father and I are okay with you having a boyfriend, especially someone like Bryson, but you cannot be fooling around." She lectured me like a little girl. "You're lucky your father isn't here to see this, I told him I'd handle it and let him go to sleep."

"Mom, what is it that you are trying to say? And I texted y'all that I'd be out late, I don't understand why you're so angry." I try defending myself.

"Don't act so dumb Koleen. I know what you did. We are not okay with you staying late when there's school the next day, especially when you're filling around with someone."

I laughed sarcastically. "What is that supposed to mean? You've been watching me like a stalker? Nothing happened. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go shower." I told her walking towards my room ending the conversation.

"Deny all you want Koleen, but I don't want you to be doing those things." I hear her yell after me.

I roll my eyes, but also let out a breath of relief to be leaving.

My face was feeling hot, I hope she didn't notice.

How did she know something happened?

Can moms read minds?

As I bathed under the warm running water, I couldn't help but reminisce what happened this morning.

The feeling of pleasure I felt when he had his head between my legs.

When he sucked my boobs.

I couldn't help but want to feel it again.

I scolded myself for having those thoughts when school was the next day.

I didn't want to think of that when I was trying to learn Calculus. It was too distracting, and not to mention, what if someone else read my mind?

I started singing some One Direction songs to keep my mind off the dirty thoughts, then slid into my sports bra and underwear afterwards.

Before I put on my shorts and T-shirt, I examined my body in my full length mirror.

Running was the only thing that kept me in shape.

Now that the season was over and my lack of motivation to run on my own disappeared, I gained some weight.

My waist looked wider than before, my stomach stuck out more, I felt uncomfortable in my own body.

Sure I was still exercising now and then with soccer and track , but I was becoming lazy and it wasn't in season yet so it wasn't as intense.

At least before I felt pretty strong when I ran.

Suddenly I felt embarrassed for exposing myself to Bryson.

What if I looked like a pig to him? Too chunky in all the wrong places?

Heavy?

Or was it the lighting that might've hidden it?

I decided from now on, I was going to be dedicated in the gym and run on my own more.

I probably got lucky with him kissing me in the dark, because if it was in lighting, I would feel too insecure to go through with it.

I tried going to sleep peacefully after getting ready for bed, but my stupid brain kept going from the hot make out session to the doubts and insecurities from it.

The next morning I woke up feeling drained.

I dreamed that Bryson told his team of what happened between us, and laughed about it.

That it was only a challenge.

He only wanted to do something with me just to experiment.

Instead of wearing some tight clothing today, I opted for a matching set of sweats.

I might've looked raggedy, but at least it'd keep me on the low.

The good thing was that Bryson couldn't pick me up today, so I went to school alone.

But once I entered the school I couldn't help but feel that everyone was starring at me.

Judging me from yesterday.

I kept my eyes on the floor, and tried not to bump into anyone.

As the teacher went over equations, I couldn't help wonder off.

My head reminded me the way his hands touched me, and what his mouth did.

I bit my lip and tried to concentrate on the lesson.

I looked towards the students around me to see if anyone was starring.

As ridiculous as it was, I was paranoid if anyone could read my mind.

Here I thought school would be a distraction from the dirty thoughts I was having.

I felt ashamed and angry at myself for wanting it again.

I wanted to see him and kiss him all over again, but what about my body?

Did I really want to expose myself again?

In daylight?

I was never worried about them before, but what if my boobs were too small? Too saggy? Far apart?

Maybe he didn't notice the first time, but he would notice the second.

He will probably notice everything.

Like the birthmark I have in my inner thigh. Or my cellulite.

Has he noticed my cellulite already ?

Or did I not shave properly?

'Pull yourself together Leen, it hasn't been lunch time yet.'

I took a deep breath as class was dismissed, and walked out.

While my body wanted to see Bryson, my brain wanted to avoid him.

I hadn't seen him since Sunday, and texting him on my phone was way easier to control than in person.

I only hoped he didn't find me by my locker.

"Oh my sweet Leen, I've missed you." The annoying voice turns me to him with his finger on my chin.

I smack his hand off as I glared at him. "Didn't you threaten me last time you saw me?"

"Oh please that wasn't a threat." He responds, marking himself comfortable against the locker next to me, bringing himself closer to me.

I pushed him away.

"You shouldn't miss me, aren't you still dating Kimberly?" I ask Sean crossing my arms.

"Ah yes, " He replies, "my bratty little princess. Tell me, has she been bothering you?"

"The occasional death glares never stop to dagger me in the gut."

"I'll talk to her about it."

I rolled my eyes.

"I don't need you to stand up for me or whatever."

"Oh, because you have a man of your own now huh. How is Anderson? I hear he has the biggest piece of the cake." Sean laughs.

I slam my locker and shove him. "Fuck You Sean."

I hear him chuckle behind me as I make my way to class.

My stomach started going crazy as I walked near my classroom.

I was so nervous to see Bryson after what happened between us, and embarrassed as hell too.

I wasn't sure if I made the right decision to let him get that far.

I didn't plan to stay a Virgin until marriage, but I didn't want to do intimate stuff with a random dude either.

I trusted him, but did I trust him enough?

My body was shaking as I went in.

Again, for some reason I felt like everyone knew.

In the corner of my eye I could see him in his seat.

Bryson.

He was playing with his pencil facing down on his lap.

He seemed to be in deep thought, because he didn't notice me at all until Clarisse came in and said hi to me.

We made eye contact after.

I thought he would smirk at me, and wink but instead he just looked away.

I wasn't sure if I should feel hurt or not.

The rest of class I did my work, and exchanged only a few words with Clarisse.

It felt odd not talking to Bryson, but he still seemed out of it.

I guess I would just have to ask him after class.

✰✰✰✰✰✰

After what seemed like eternity, I reached over for my baby blue hoodie before running after Bryson.

I know it wasn't on purpose but for some reason I felt like he was running away from me.

I managed to be by his side, I wanted to reach over for his hand but decided not to.

"Wow, are you running away from me?" I laughed a little.

He looked over at me, and reached for my forehead then kissed it.

"I'll see you in lunch right?" He asks looking at me.

I looked into his eyes examining him, he looked more tired.

He didn't look...normal.

Had he looked like that yesterday when we were together?

"You look tired." I tell him, reaching over to touch his face.

"Tell your friends you're seeing me for lunch." He tells me then walks off to his class.

Okay. Maybe we would talk in lunch about it.

Or maybe there's no need for talking at all?

My hormones are going wild, I just wanted to kiss him again, but I need to control myself.

After the rest of the group found out about me and Bryson, they all teased me about it.

They liked to hear whatever tea I can spill.

But I never felt comfortable telling them anything, they more like acquaintances.

I was only closest to Crystal, the rest came with her.

I hadn't decided if I was going to tell Crystal yet about yesterday.

She'd probably want me to go into detail, and thinking about it makes me feel a little embarrassed.

But maybe she could give me some tips, I mean I'd like to think watching romance movies, and books gave me all the knowledge I needed but I was clearly wrong.

My brain and body don't act accordingly.

In fact, the only time they ever do is when I'm physically active, and not the sexual way.

Somehow my legs burned more sprinting to the goal while juggling the ball against my feet.

Even if the season hasn't started, it was starting to get harder.

Soccer wasn't my top priority as Cross Country was, but I was still pretty competitive in it.

Some would argue I try a little too hard.

"We're in the same team dumbass, quit hogging the ball!" I hear Lisa shout at me.

I kicked the ball to the goal then turned to her, "Who are you calling dumbass?"

"Oh don't take it to heart Leen, I didn't mean it." She smiles then walks off for some water.

"Bitch." I mutter.

Kimberly, I could handle, considering she was just a dumb basic mean girl, but Lisa?

She was just a straight up bitch, who I got stuck with.

Another reason to hate this school, they were all entitled brats.

Sure I grew used to it, but it doesn't make me hate it any less.

The girls always changed their outfits in the locker room from their morning fit, to their afternoon fit.

I always just wore the same clothes as I did that morning, but sometimes after a heated workout period I wanted something clean and new.

Today was one of those days, I sweated so much. I pushed myself more than I have before in hopes of losing some weight.

All I wanted to wear now was either a loose t-shirt, or a small tank top.

A tank top would look good, maybe even some attention from Bryson?

'Oh stop it Koleen, I thought you forgot about that!'

I smacked myself in the forehead for even thinking about it.

School was a place to learn, I shouldn't be thinking these things here.

That didn't stop me from wanting to kiss him as I walked out the door though.

But that soon turned to disappointment.

He usually waited for me by my locker or outside the door, but today he wasn't there.

Confused, I looked at my phone for any messages from him.

:

Had a family emergency, can't make it to lunch.

Guess you're stuck with your friends Thunderthighs , instead of your charming man

Although the last part made me smile, I still couldn't help but feel sad, yet worried.

He sent it two minutes before the bell rang at the end of fourth period so it must've been urgent.

I hoped to see him between our last classes to talk to him.

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