"Mer!"

"What's wrong?"

"Well I was thinking we should go buy the paint for the dreamhouse"

"Are you already finished?"

"Mer, I told you I wanted it to be over in less than 2 years."

"I.. I know Derek" She sighed

"Mer, once the house is finished we can be a family, we'll go see a fertility specialist and this is gonna work out" Derek said before pulling her into a hug.

They tried to make a baby. Kathleen, Nancy and Lizzie were all parents by now even Amelia had a baby. Although her son, named after her father, didn't survive. Derek and Meredith were trying, they had sex. Lots of seks. Meredith was desperate, she wanted a baby so bad and she blamed herself. She had a miscarriage all those years ago and she never told Derek.. She needs to tell him.

"Derek?" She whispered

"What's wrong Mer?"

"Uhm.. about getting pregnant.." Whispered again

"Mer?" Derek whispered back, he was concerned

"Derek.. I.. I have been pregnant before.. before I met you, I have been pregnant." Meredith started, Derek held her hand as he saw how hard it was for her to say this

"I was pregnant after I got raped. I miscarried.. Derek, maybe it.. it's my fault. My body-"

"Meredith, you never told me"

"I.. I wanted to but.. I lost my baby and I.. god" She started to cry

"Mer.. I'm sorry" Derek held her close, kissing her head "We can go to your OB or some fertility specialist"

Meredith nodded and let go of her tears

"Mer? Have you ever told anyone?"

"I.. I was ashamed, Derek. I was drunk, it was one of my only friends.. I was 16"

"Mer, you don't have to be ashamed, something awful happened to you, and it was not your fault"

"I.. Derek.. I wasn't able to take care of my baby, I miscarried.. I.. Maybe I will be a bad mom like mine and is this the universe telling me I'm not allowed to become a mother"

"Mer, I love you and you will be a great mother. What happened is not your fault.."

Meredith nodded

"Did.. Did you know how far along you were?" Derek whispered

"6 weeks" She whispered back, her eyes were like glass, she looked so vulnerable. Derek knew her as the independent woman, someone who was always fighting, someone who wasn't scared to push through so it hurts him to see her this way.

Derek scooped her up and brought her to their bedroom. He knew Addison and Mark could arrive any moment and he knew Meredith wouldn't want them to see her this way.

"Do you want something to drink?" He asked her once he gently placed her on the bed and tucked her in

"Hmm.. Maybe some water"

"I'll be back soon"

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Love you"

"Love you to, Mer"

...

"Mer? Are you ready to leave?" Derek asked. They have their appointment with RE"

Meredith walked into the room and gave him a small nod

"Are you okay?" He asked before walking over to her

She nodded again before she grabbed her jacket

...

"We're gonna be fine, Mer" Derek said when they walked into the hospital

"Little and Big Shepherd? Don't you have the day off?" Bailey said they walked into the elevator.

"We.. Euhm.. We have an appointment" Derek said when he noticed Meredith was staring at the ground

"Okay, goodluck" Miranda replied

The elevator stopped at the OB floor. Derek and Meredith got out, leaving Bailey in curiosity

...

"So.. I.. I need to set one shot a day?" Meredith asked

"Yes but if you experience any kind of symptoms, you need to be honest with me and tell me. Okay?" The RE told them

"Okay" Meredith said

"We can start today?" Derek asked

"Yes you can, and if this doesn't work. Don't panic just yet. You have a hostile uterus but there are other ways we can try such as IVF. Okay?"

They both nodded and walked out of the room and left the hospital before crossing Addison and Mark

"Hey guys" Addison said cheerfully

"Hi" Meredith said while looking distracted

"Already missing us?" Mark joked

"I can't wait until our house is finished" Derek rolled his eyes

"Oh Shep, you're gonna miss me!"

"Yeah of course" Derek said, rolling his eyes again.

Derek put his arm around Meredith's waist and said "Guys, we need to go. See you tonight"

"Bye guys" Meredith said

...

"Derek.. Do you wanna stay with me please?" Meredith asked before she left to the bathroom to set her first shot

"Of course, Mer"

"Der?"

"Yes, Mer?"

"Should we tell Mark and Addi? I mean.. they live with us, they are our best friends.."

"I thought you wouldn't want to"

"I don't want them to get suspicious, they will find out anyway"

"Sounds good, Mer. Let's talk tonight after dinner"

"Love you, Derek"

"Love you too, babe"

...

"Guys, we need to talk to you" Derek said after he and Mer got up to put everyone's plates into the dishwasher

"Is there something wrong?" Mark asked

"Is everything alright?" Addison frowned at the same time as Mark

"Can.. Can we sit on the couch?" Meredith asked

The four of them walked over to the couch and sat in silence until Meredith started.

"We've been trying to make a baby" Meredith said looking into her lap "But I couldn't get pregnant. So we went to a fertility specialist"

"She told us that Mer has a hostile uterus. So it's harder to actually get pregnant"

"And the risk of a miscarriage is bigger" Addison said while tearing up, her voice cracking because she feels so bed for her best friends. She and Mark wanted to wait a little longer before they started their own family but Addison already suspected they were trying. Meredith didn't drink anymore and they didn't stop at Joe's after work.

Meredith nodded while Derek pulled her closer to him

"Did she suggest any hormonal therapy?"

Meredith nodded "Every day I need to place my shot. She hopes these hormones will prepare my body for being able to actually carry a baby"

"So, it would lower the chances of a miscarrie too?"

Derek and Meredith both nodded

"We're so sorry, guys" Mark said

Meredith put her head onto Derek's shoulder

...

Half a year later there still wasn't any kind of treatment that had helped. They decided to start IVF if the treatment still had no success in 4 months. Meredith was pushing herself through every day. She was out of energy, she felt like a mistake. Derek had a hard time too, he was desperate to become a father. He wanted to play with his kid and instead he had to watch Meredith getting depressed. He knew the hormones didn't help her feelings but he wanted to help her but there is no easy solution. There just isn't.. Derek walked into the bathroom and saw Meredith sitting on the toilet, her head resting in her hands.

"Mer?"

"Derek? I.. I'm late but I don't want to have too much hope. I don't want to be disappointed when I'm not pregnant

"We can do a blood test tomorrow at work?"

"Hmm.."

"We can ask Bailey? She'll help us"

Meredith nodded

...

"Hi, Bailey?" Derek asked when he and Meredith found Miranda the next day.

"Shepherds, is there something wrong?"

"Well.. we euhm.. we would like to ask you do do a blood test on Mer. Well, you know.. cover us"

"What's this about?"

"Can we speak ik private?" Meredith asked

Bailey nodded and walked with them to an exam room.

"I think I'm pregnant.."

"Well we hope she's pregnant and we want a blood test to confirm"

Bailey did not respond for a moment but after what seemed minutes she nodded and walked over to grab the stuff she needed. Bailey thought Meredith was pregnant all these months ago when she saw them in the elevator but when she saw Meredith getting more and more annoyed she knew she wasn't. There wasn't a bump forming, she and Derek were almost afraid to talk.

"Are you late?" Bailey asked

Meredith nodded "Der? Are you okay with telling her?" Meredith asked

Derek nodded

"So euhm.. Derek and I started to try to get pregnant like a year ago but nothing seemed to work.. and euhm.. I.. I once had a miscarriage before so.. so we went to see a fertility specialist. She gave me hormones because I apparently have a hostile uterus.. But it didn't seem to work.. until-"

"Until now" Bailey interrupted "Oh sweetie, why didn't you tell anyone? We were so concerned about you these past months.." Bailey said with her sweet and soft voice. She didn't show this sweet side a lot but everyone knew Bailey took care of her former interns.

"I.. I don't know.. it just.. it's such a personal thing" Meredith said, looking into her lap. She hated to show she was vulnerable but she and Bailey got pretty close after all these years. Derek squeezed Meredith's hand, his thoughts were everywhere. He was hoping so badly to let the blood results come back positive.

"I'm gonna take these to the lab and I'll page the both of you when I have the results. Okay?" Bailey asked

Meredith and Derek both nodded

"Thanks Bailey" Derek said

"Oh and to be honest" Miranda started before leaving the room "You will make beautiful babies"

"We're gonna make a beautiful baby" Derek whispered into Meredith's ear

...

"What do we got?" Meredith yelled when she ran into the ambulance bay after being paged

"Jessica Thomassen, 31, fell off the roof. No feeling in legs, unconscious last 5 minutes" They shouted

Meredith pushed the gurney inside together with Hunt, Torres and Kepner.

"Put in a central line" Hunt yelled

"We need scans ASAP" Callie yelled

"Doctor Shepherd, doctor Bailey needs you, now!" some nurse said as she came into the room

"Go Shepherd" Hunt said before returning all his focus to the patient

"Where is she?" Meredith asked

"She said she's in the conference room"

"Thank you" Meredith said before walking over to the conference room. Meredith wanted to run but was scared of the results. The closer she came, the slower she walked until she finally reached the door. She was hesitating is she would go in or not until Bailey opened the door. Revealing Derek sitting on a chair.

"Hey, don't be scared. Let's come inside" Miranda said

Meredith nodded and walked in. Her legs felt like jelly and she grabbed a seat next to Derek while Bailey sat in front of them

"Meredith, Derek.. I have the results" Bailey said before opening them

Meredith was staring at the ground, preparing herself for bad news