I closed my eyes trying to catch my breath as I came down from my high. I opened my eyes, smirking at Michael as he stood above me finishing on my stomach.

I had finally gotten my libido back post miscarriage. It has been two months now and I'm not 100% my old self again, but I'd say I'm about 90%. I feel much better and I can openly talk about it to our family and Michael. I still hadn't told friends, but I was slowly getting around to it.

I still attended therapy, but inside of going 4 times a week, I go 2 times now, so that's progress. And as mentioned, just recently, about a week ago, my sex drive came back. It slowly had been coming back, but I was just scared. I didn't know what to expect, so I just refrained from doing anything, but until a week ago, it got to be too much. I was starting to get sexually frustrated and irritable, which could came from the miscarriage too, but it was also starting to annoy Michael.

"Michael," I called out for the 50th time in the last hour. "Oh my god," he whined to himself but I still heard it, "Yes?" he answered walking into the bedroom. I squinted my eyes at him, "I heard you," I said and his face fell flat.

"Yeah, well can you understand my frustration?" he asked, cocking his eyebrow at me. "No," I said smartly, folding my arms across my chest, "Why don't you tell me."

He scoffed, poking his tongue in his cheek, "You know what? Forget it. What did you want?" he asked, putting his hands on his hips. "Don't worry about it. It's obvious you don't wanna do it, so I'll do it myself," I said sitting up in the bed.

"Don't be like that," he said and not it was my turn to scoff, but I didn't say anything back, I just continued to get up out of the bed. "Be there for me my ass," I mumbled to myself as I walked to the door but he stepped in my way, "What'd you just say?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said, giving him a fake smile. "You did. You said something. What was it?" he asked standing up firmly to try and make me feel small. "Get out of my way Michael," I said, rolling my eyes. "No, what did you say?" he asked again, emphasizing every word.

I went to walk around him but he stepped in my way again, "Move Michael. I don't have time for your little games right now," I said and he scoffed. "Games?" he questioned, "You wanna talk about games? You really wanna go there right now?" he asked.

I squinted my eyes at him, "I don't know. Maybe I do," I said smartly, "Seems like there's shit you've been holding back so say it. If you have the balls, say it."

He looked at me but stayed silent with fire in his eyes. "Go ahead, say it," I pressured on but he kept quiet. I shook my head and walked around him and as I went to open the door, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me flushed against him.

I was thrown off guard and I tried to ignore the trance he was trying to put on me, but I failed. He knew he had me right where he wanted me. We stared at each other. His stare firm and dominant as mine was confused but I didn't want to back down.

Before he knew it, I crashed my lips onto his kissing him hard. He cupped my face and I moaned in his mouth as my hands found his belt, undoing it. He backed me into the wall, my head hitting it pretty hard but that didn't matter right now.

I got his belt off and unzipped his pants trying to pull down his Levi's. "Off," I mumbled as he bit my lip. He let go of my face and pulled back from me, placing his hand over mine on his jeans. We stood looking at each other trying to catch our breath.

"You wanna do this?" he asked. I swallowed and nodded. I wanted him and I wanted him badly. "We don't have to do this. Trust me, I understand if you're not ready," he explained to me. I stood looking at him, contemplating.

He watched me as I stared at him thinking. I've been through a lot physically and mentally this past month and a half from losing my baby to the mental effect it's taken, but slowly but surely I'm getting better. And I know I'm getting better because I'm happy again and my days aren't so dark anymore. And more than anything, I knew I loved this man in front of me more than I had ever before.

"I want to do this," I said and he slowly smiled leaning in to kiss me. He picked me up and laid me down on the bed, crawling on top of me, his lips never leaving mine for a second. We undressed each other and I knew he could sense I was scared, so he took his time and waited for me to give the okay.

The moment he entered me, I gasped quietly. "Did I hurt you?" he asked concernedly. "No, just go slow," I said and he slowly entered all the way, letting me adjust. Slowly we found a rhythm and it was like it wasn't over a month and a half since we last had sex in St. Barts.

I moaned in pleasure at the feel of him. "God, I missed you," I said through a moan scratching at his back as he hovered above me, grinding his hips into mine smiling. "I missed you too," he said, leaning down to kiss me.

That was it. I was hooked again.

I can tell Michael was happy too because not only the out of this world sex we have, but this told him I was in the clear. However things in our sex life were different.

For example, this.

Michael flopped down next to me, trying to catch his breath. I turned to look at him as his eyes were closed and his curls were stuck to his forehead. I laughed and he opened his eyes looking at me. He sat up smiling and leaned over to kiss me. He slowly pulled away, getting off of me. "Don't move," he said, pulling on his underwear and going into the bathroom.

I sighed, looking up at the ceiling feeling satisfied for at least the next hour. He'll have to go again pretty soon, but I'll let him rest for a bit.

He came back with a warm towel and I smiled as he wiped me off. "I don't like this," he said and I frowned. "You don't like what?" I asked sitting up. He didn't say anything. "You don't like having sex with me?" I asked hesitantly.

He looked up at me as fast as he could and frowned, "NO!" he exclaimed, scaring me with his loud voice, "Sorry," he said rubbing my arm affectionately, "But no. I definitely don't not like having sex with you. I have never been so sexually attracted to someone as much as you. It's just beyond comparison. That's not what I meant." I slowly nodded as he handed me his shirt to put on. "Thanks," I said, putting my arms through and buttoning it up.

"What I meant was, I don't like this," he said, gesturing to what he just did. "Huh?" I asked confused. "I mean.." he said, rubbing his neck, getting uncomfortable, "finishing...on you. It feels repulsive."

I laughed, "No it doesn't. Not to me at least," I said and he looked over at me. "Yeah, but it just feels weird. It doesn't feel right to me. I love you and because I love you, we have a deep connection when were...well, you know," he said and I giggled, "So when I finish on you, it feels like I've taken the connection out of it, like I'm not making love to you anymore."

"So almost like it's just sex?" I questioned. "Yes!" he said glad I understood but he changed his tone, "No...wait yes," he said and I laughed. He groaned, placing his hands over his face and fell back on the bed.

I laughed at him, folding my arms across his chest and laying down on him. He removed his hands and looked at me. "I get what you're saying," I said softly, "But I don't think of it like that so if that was your fear, there's nothing to worry about."

"I know you don't, but that's just how I feel about it," he said shrugging and I ran my hand over his messy curls. "Well, if you don't want to pull out, we can use condoms," I suggested and I had never seen him frown up so fast.

He gasped, "How dare you, we've never used condoms," he said and I laughed. "Yeah, I know, you've been lucky since the beginning," I said and he laughed with me. "That was actually an insult. I can't believe you suggested that," he said and I laughed more.

He watched me as my laughter died down, "What?" I asked slightly, furrowing my brows. "I want you to be honest with me okay?" he asked and I nodded. "You're scared, aren't you?" he asked and I swallowed hard looking away from him. "That's why that part of sex has changed for us. You're scared to get pregnant again."

I closed my eyes, fighting back tears. "Yeah...I am," I said as my voice cracked. Michael sat up and grabbed me, holding me tight in his arms. "I know you are," he said and I wiped my eyes. "I understand. We'll do whatever you're comfortable with. I'd never pressure you do to anything you wouldn't want to do especially when it comes to sex," he said in my ear and I nodded. "Thank you," I said softly.

"But," he said and I looked up at him, "I don't think getting pregnant should be something you fear either because whatever may happen, you have me." I nodded, "I know, you're right," I said and he caressed my hand. "I'm just not there yet," I added softly, looking down at our hands. "I know and that's okay," he said, "I'm not expecting you to be there quite yet. The wound is still open."

I nodded in agreement. "And plus, you're on the pill so it's not like you could get pregnant," he pointed out. "Fuck!" I said jumping up and going into the bathroom to take my pill. This shit was so inconvenient for me. It's why I never picked the pill because I couldn't remember to take a pill everyday at the exact same time. I could barely remember to eat, let alone take a pill the size of a baby pinky nail.

And it was extremely difficult for me because going from an IUD, something you don't even have to think about to a pill was hard. I didn't like this. I couldn't wait to get back on my usual form of birth control.

I quickly downed some water as I took my pill. I looked at the clock and saw it was 11:22 AM. I was over an hour late taking the pill.

I sighed walking out of the bathroom. "Baby, you really gotta get better at taking those on time," he said laughing as he sat up against the headboard. "I know, I know," I said, crawling back in bed with him.

"I can't wait to get an IUD back or something like that. This pill is just not working for me," I said and he softly giggled, sounding extremely cute. I looked over at him and smiled. He smiled side eyeing me, "What?" he asked.

I didn't say anything back though , I just bit my lip still looking at him. "What?" he asked again. I released my lip and saw his eyes look down at my lips momentarily. I smirked and crawled on top of him.

"Oh no baby. I'm too tired. I can't go again," he said holding my arms as I started tugging his underwear back down but he wasn't necessarily stopping me either. I smiled and kissed him, "It's okay," I mumbled starting to undo the buttons on his shirt I was wearing, "I'll do all the work. All you have to do is lay back and relax."

He laughed and I moved in, kissing on his neck. "Don't you have an appointment with Dr. Ross today?" he asked in my ear, trying to resist the temptation. "Yes," I said gently, biting his skin. "Then we shouldn't," he said through a sigh as I started feeling on him. "We should," I whispered, coming back up to kiss his lips.

He kissed me back and moved his hands to feel down my body. "You want to?" I asked stopping for a moment. "Yes, but you gotta go fast," he said and I smirked. "Sorry, I don't do quickies," I said, mimicking his catchphrase.

He smiled as I leaned in, biting his lip, "You are going to be the death of me y'know that?" he asked making me pull back. I slowly started moving down his body, "Oh I know," I said, placing kisses across his lower stomach as he threw his head back.

Ah, feels great to be back to old habits.

I went into the kitchen to grab something to eat. I hadn't eaten all morning since Ashley wouldn't let me out of bed for a majority of it. Don't get me wrong, I missed our sex life and I definitely understand why it paused after the miscarriage, and now I'm glad it's back, but Ashley? Her sex drive is through the roof.

We've been having sex every day since last week, sometimes multiple times a day. It was exhilarating but also tiring trying to keep up with her. It's okay though, because I'm glad she's getting better and her getting her sex drive back meant she was towards the end of healing.

I'm so grateful to see her much better than she was about a month ago. There were still some rough days for the both of us, but for the most part, we were okay. We were good and we were happy and that was the most important thing to me.

It made me so happy to see her getting back to normal. I was so incredibly happy to see her smile and actually mean it. Nothing was staged or faked with her anymore. It was all real.

I grabbed some papers off the counter going over them. My new R&B group, Brownstone, was starting to make it big and I had to make sure they were getting everything they needed.

I heard Ashley come in and drop her shoes to the floor. I felt her hands wrap around my waist as she stood on her tippy toes. I smiled to myself as she started kissing on my neck. "Ashley," I said slowly, "What are you doing?" I asked. She kissed up to my ear and started messing with the button on my slacks.

I placed my hand over hers, "Oh no, no, no, I need at least 10 hours," I said only half joking and she chuckled in my ear. She let go as I turned around to face her.

"Hey," she said, smiling at me going over to the fridge. "Hi," I said, biting my lip checking her out. She looked so good, it was unbelievable. Maybe I did want to have a go.

"Checking me out?" she asked, smiling. "Always," I said, licking my lips. She laughed and opened a water bottle while taking a sip. I put the papers down, pulling her into me. She giggled as I whispered little things in her ear.

"Michael, I thought you needed 10 hours," she said giggling as she turned around in my arms. I smiled at her and she kissed me throwing me off guard, but of course I kissed her back. She pulled back and wiped her lipstick off my lips, laughing.

"So what's your plan for today?" I asked curious. "So, I'm leaving in a few minutes to meet with Dr. Ross," she said I nodded, "Right," I said and she continued. "After meeting with Dr. Ross, I'm meeting the girls for lunch," she said and I widened my eyes slightly.

I looked at her, "You're going to tell them?" I asked shocked. She nodded, "Yeah, I'm finally ready," she said and I rubbed her arms. "I'm so proud of you," I said and she gave me a smile. "I couldn't have done it without you," she said softly and I smiled. "You gonna be okay? Do you need me to be there?" I asked.

She shook her head, "No, I-I think I'm gonna be okay," she said and I smiled. I hugged her, I'm so proud of her for getting to this point. "You are going to be okay," I said, wanting to be supportive of her. "You're right," she said, pulling back smiling, "I am."

"What's your plan today?" she asked. "Nothing much. I have to sort out some things for Brownstone and the boys, so I'll be home all day," I said and she nodded. We went over a few things before she left about some Christmas decorations we wanted to put up around Neverland.

Ashley's pager went off, "That's Devon, I gotta go," she said, putting on her heels quickly. "Okay," I said, watching her with a smile. She looked up and grabbed her designer purse, "Bye," she said leaning in to kiss me. "Bye," I said right before she placed her lips on mine.

She gave me a firm and tender kiss, pulling away after a few seconds. I smiled at her and she smiled, wiping off her lipstick with her thumb. "I love you, see you soon," she said and I nodded. "I love you too," I said, "And remember, just take your time. You're going to be fine and if it gets too hard, take a deep breath and take it slow."

She nodded, "I will," she said and I kissed her once more. "Bye," I said again, watching as she started walking away. "Bye!" she said, shutting the front door. I sighed and decided to head to my office to get some of my work done.

"Dr. Ross," I called out, opening her door, "I'm here!" I said enthusiastically. She laughed, pushing her chair back from her chair, "Ashley, my favorite person!" she said and I laughed as she came over to give me a hug.

"Have a seat," she said gesturing to the couch and I sat down. "Can I get you anything? Water?" she asked. "No, I'm good, thank you though," I said and she smiled, grabbing her mug and coming to sit down next to me with her notepad.

I watched as she took a sip of her tea, "So," she said, sitting her cup down, "What's going on? Let's catch up. I feel like I haven't seen you in a while since I had to cancel our last appointment."

"Yeah, what was all that about?" I teased, "You've become one of my closest confidants. You can't just do stuff like that," I said, making her laugh. "I know, I'm sorry. My daughter was sick with a fever," she said and I nodded understandingly.

"I understand, I was just messing with you," I said smiling at her and she sighed smiling. "Okay, so what brings you by?" she asked. "Well," I said starting to smile slowly, "Michael and I started having sex again."

She gasped, "Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed, "That's so great! This is a great step for both you and him!" I smiled, nodding. "How does that make you feel? What emotions have you been feeling?" she asked.

I gave her a look, "Dr. Ross, I told you before, when Michael and I have sex, I can't get enough," I said and she laughed nodding. "So, I'm guessing this is why you're so extremely happy and cheerful today," she said and I tried to hide my smile.

"It's okay, you can say it. A great sex life is something amazing. A lot of people don't have that so it's okay to get all giddy inside thinking about it," she said and I nodded, "Yeah, you're right. I never thought of it that way."

"How does bringing sex back into the relationship feel? How are you," she said pointing her pen at me, "feeling?" she asked. I sighed, "It honestly feels great. I feel great. I'm so happy to see that my sex drive is back and I know he is too," I answered truthfully.

She smiled, "Good, I'm happy that you are happy," she said and I smiled back. "Is the sex different?" she asked. I slowly nodded, "It is. At first, I was hesitant to initiate anything or even give the impression I wanted sex, but," I said shrugging.

"But?" she edged on. "It's different. I-I don't let him finish you know," I said, clearing my throat. She slowly nodded, "Mhm, I see," she said, "Did he used to before?" she asked.

I nodded, "Yeah, we've never really been that safe about sex. I mean, we knew we were both safe in terms of health, but maybe reckless is a better word. I'm actually surprised it had taken him this long to get me pregnant two months ago," I said chuckling.