I groaned hearing the obnoxious alarm going off. "Turn it off," Alisha groaned in the bed next to me. I sighed, sitting up and turning it off. "Thank you," she mumbled. I rubbed my hands over my face, really debating if I should quit modeling or not, because these early mornings on top of jet lag and a time change from St. Barts, to LA for two days, and now Milan, is just not it. And I just haven't been feeling good lately.

Even though it was really hard, I chose my career over the bed and reluctantly got out of bed. I rubbed my eyes, yawning, going over to open the curtains. "This is some bullshit," Alisha said because the morning sun shone in the hotel room.

I laughed at her, "We gotta get up. I have a long day today," I said, getting on the floor to stretch out my muscles. "Exactly, you have a long day, not me," she said, covering her head with the pillow. "Okay then no paycheck," I said and she threw the pillow off sitting up. "That's what I thought," I said, chuckling.

"Goodmorning!" Josephine said cheerfully opening the door in her Victoria Secret pajamas and a bright smile on her face. Alisha and I looked at her with the exact same look. "What?" she asked, looking between the two of us.

"Why are you so goddamn happy in the morning?" I asked. "She's white," Alisha said, laying back down, making us laugh. "You guys are so annoying," she said laughing, "And for your information, I'm a morning person. Early bird gets the worm."

"Yeah, but I'm not. You're talking too much," I said and she nudged me with her foot. I laughed, "I'm kidding...maybe.." I said finishing my stretches and going into the bathroom to wash up so I could work out in the living room with Jo.

We completed our first workout of the day 45 minutes later and I have to admit, that was the toughest workout ever. The first 10 minutes, I felt sick and had to take a break. I don't know what happened, but I pushed through. I made my way back to my room and I opened the door and saw Alisha had fallen back asleep. I smiled creeping over and hitting her with a pillow, "Get up!" I said and she groaned, throwing back the covers. "This 6 AM bullshit is getting old," she said and I laughed. "It's the first day," I said and she looked at me with a mean look.

I held my hands up, "Sorry, I'll leave," I said going into the bathroom to take a shower and do my extra long skin care routine. I came out of the bathroom about an hour later, ready to start getting ready for the day.

"I'm done," I told Alisha and she nodded, yawning. "Kevyn and Marina are here to do your hair and makeup," she said passing me.

I walked out in my robe to greet them. Jo's glam team was there too already. "Hey everyone, good morning," I said smiling. "Good morning!" They all greeted me back.

I talked to Kevyn and Marina as I drank a glass of water and took a shot of apple cider vinegar. (That's a model tip from me to you. It actually does work)

I heard Jo squeal at the sight of her glam team, running up and hugging them. At the same time, Lais, our best friend since the beginning of modeling, walked out behind Jo. She came over and stood next to me, "Jo, is so loud in the morning, it's ridiculous," she said and I laughed. "I'm serious. Can I sleep with you tonight?" she asked.

"Sure, I don't care," I said, cringing at the taste of the apple cider vinegar. We all sat down and ate a small breakfast as we got glammed up. "Do we all have 7 castings left today?" Lais asked. "I do," I said, applying lip liner. "Me too," Jo said, sipping her coffee.

"How many is that total?" Kevyn asked. "21," Jo, Lais, and I all said simultaneously. "21 castings!?" he asked and I nodded. "That's insane," he said. "Yep, we'll be lucky if we get to eat today," I answered and Jo and Lais groaned because they knew we probably wouldn't get to eat until all of the castings were over.

"I could never," Marina said, making us laugh, "You guys don't get hangry?" she asked. "Oh yeah, definitely me," Lais said and me and Jo laughed because she was definitely telling the truth.

At that moment, Alisha walked out, "The walking dead has risen!" I joked and she gave me a middle finger as everyone else greeted her. Lais' pager went off, "Taylor's on her way," she said and we nodded. Taylor was also one of our model friends. We met her recently for the VS campaigns and fashion show.

"How long have you guys known each other?" Lais' hair stylist asked. "Well, I've known Lais since we were scouted at 14," Josephine answered, "And then I wanna say we met Ash when we were about 15 and we all clicked because everyone else was so much older than us."

"Yeah, we were literally babies, traveling to New York every weekend in high school for modeling," I said and everyone's eyes widened except for ours. "What!?" Kevyn questioned and we all nodded.

"And during the summers, we had to move to New York and so we always subleased together," Lais said. "At 15?" Jo's makeup artist questioned. "15," Josephine said, nodding. "That's crazy," everyone said and we laughed.

"I know, I think that's why my advice to younger girls is to wait till they're 18 to model because what we went through as 15 year olds was a lot on top of school and sports," I said and Lais and Jo agreed.

There was a knock at the door, "I'll get it," Alisha said chewing on an orange. I heard Alisha squeal and I knew it was Taylor. "Divas!!!" Taylor said walking in, "Ready for castings?" she asked excitedly. She was younger than us. She was only 20 so she was still getting used to this modeling life which I understand because it is exciting.

"As exciting as castings can be," Lais said, making us laugh. "Do you guys know you are all wearing VS pajamas right now?" Alisha pointed out and we all looked at each other before we laughed.

"Have you guys talked to Romee?" Taylor asked. "Not today. She called me yesterday. She wants all of us to go out to dinner tonight," I said and everyone nodded. Romee was our other model friend from the Netherlands. That was one thing about our group. We were very diverse. I'm African-American, Lais is Brazilian, Jo is Danish, Taylor is American, Romee is Dutch, Heidi is German, and many others that we hung out with.

"Alisha, can I have a slice of your orange," I said, getting her attention. She grabbed one and walked over to me, handing me it. "Have you talked to Michael yet?" she asked. "Oh shit, no. I should probably call him right now before he goes to bed," I said taking a bite.

"I'm done with your hair for now," Marina said, pinning the last curler in my head. "Thank you," I said, grateful for her. "Let me blend this and then I'll be done," Kevyn said and I nodded as he blended in the translucent powder.

"There all set," he said and I thanked him, standing up and stretching. "I'll be back, I have to make a phone call," I told the girls and they all ooo'd at me. I laughed, shaking my head going into me and Alisha's room in the suite.

I sat on the bed, grabbing the phone and dialing Michael's number. It was past midnight back in California, but he always told me to call him when I woke up so he could hear my voice before he went to sleep.

I heard the phone ringing and I figured he must've been tired since he had been on set all day today to finish filming 'Childhood.'

I heard him pick up on the third ring, "I was just about to call you," he said, making me chuckle. "Really?" I asked. "Mhm. I just got in bed and as I went to grab the phone, I heard it ringing," he said and I smiled. "Well, y'know what they say...great minds think alike," I said and he laughed.

"Are you tired? How was your last day of shooting?" I asked. He yawned, "It went . We've completed everything for that short film so that one is out of the way, but yes. I am so tired. I've been up since 5 in the morning. I haven't been sleeping good," he responded.

I frowned, "Omg, let me get off then. I don't wanna keep you," I said but he interrupted, "No, I want to talk to you a bit longer," he said, making me smile. "Okay, if you say so. Why haven't you been sleeping?" I asked concerned.

"You've been gone for 5 days," he said straightforwardly. I chuckled, "Michael," I said and he laughed. "What? It's true," he said, "And I know you can't sleep without me either," he added arrogantly.

I rolled my eyes, "I can," I said lying. "No, you can't. You told me yesterday you couldn't!" he said and I laughed. "That's what I thought," he said.

"Well, I'll be home soon and then we can sleep all day and all night," I said and I heard him smile. "I can't wait," he said, making me giggle.

"What are you doing?" he asked. "Mm, well I got up at 6 to workout with Jo and for some reason that was the hardest workout ever. I had to stop because I got sick," I said. "Got sick? What do you mean?" Michael asked. "I don't know. I just felt like I had to throw up. It's happened before, but not for just a quick 45 minute workout," I said.

"Hm, I don't know how I feel about that," Michael said, concerned. "I'm okay now. I still feel a little weird. I honestly think I just need some good sleep and I'd be fine," I said. Michael sighed, "I don't know. Are you feeling like you did last time?" he asked. "Not really. Lightheaded and fatigued, yes, but that's it," I said. "What'd you do after you felt sick?" he asked. "Well, after, I took a shower and then Kevyn and Marina started on my hair and makeup. I'm just waiting on the other girls so we can go."

"How many castings do you have?" he asked. "7 today, 21 total," I mumbled and he gasped. "Isn't there only like 40 something shows total?" he asked. "Yep, me, Jo, and Lais are in over half of them, but at least we're together," I said. "Yeah, that's good. Who's all with you? Who are you staying with?" he asked.

"Well it's me, Alisha, Lais, and Jo in a suite right now and tonight Romee and Taylor are coming so it'll be all of us in a hotel, but everyone's here. I mean everyone," I said. Michael laughed, "Are you ready for that?" he asked.

"No," I said letting out a breath, "My social clock is gonna run out so fast. I mean, don't get me wrong I'm happy I'll see everyone but show after show and then dinner after dinner, that gets tiring real quick."

"I bet. Well, you can always come home to me and we can be recluses here at Neverland," he offered. "I actually need that. I wish we were back in St. Barts," I said sadly. "Ugh, I know. Me too," Michael said, matching my tone.

"It's alright though. All I'm thinking about is that once I finish my week here, it'll be October already and then I'll be back and forth to LA and New York for about another week and a half and then I'm done for the rest of the year," I said. Michael cheered, "yes and then you're all mine. I'm going to hold you hostage," he said, making me laugh.

"Please do. For about a week, I want to do absolutely nothing with you," I said. "Okay, we can do that. Just relax at Neverland, but remember you have to come with me to Africa when I get the Diamond award," he said. "Yeah, but that's after halloween right?" I asked. "Yeah, it's November first, so we won't be celebrating Halloween this year. I already told Omer and Frank and Eddie. They were crushed," he said sadly.

"Aw, I bet. Ashton is going to be crushed. I'm supposed to take him to buy his Power Rangers costume when I get back," I said. Michael laughed, "He's going to look so cute in that," he said. "I know! I'll have my mom take lots of photos so we can see him," I said and Michael liked that idea.

We talked for a few more minutes before Alisha came in, "Time to get dressed," she mouthed and I nodded.

"Okay baby, I gotta get going. I have to get dressed so we can head out," I said and I heard Michael yawn, "Okay, sending you lots of love and good luck on your castings," he said, making me smile. "Thank you," I said blushing, "Try and get some sleep. Call me when you wake up? I should be done by then," I said.

"Will do," he said and I smiled. "Okay, I love you. Goodnight," I said. "I love you more," he said, making me smile even wider. "Bye," I said.

"Bye," he said, hanging up. I placed the phone on the receiver and sighed getting up to get dressed.

After getting dressed and Marina taking the curlers out of my hair, I was finally ready to get these castings over with. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for these opportunities and I don't take it for granted at all, but 21 castings? That's exhausting.

I walked out dressed and ready to go and all the girls whistled and cat called at me. I laughed while grabbing water and some aspirin for my headache. "You have a headache?" Alisha asked. I nodded, gulping down some water. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked. "Yeah, yeah," I said, downplaying a migraine.

"Girls, the cars are here," my manager Cameron said, opening the door and peeking in. "Okay, let's go," Taylor said, linking arms with me and walking us out of the room as everyone shuffled behind. Time to get through these castings so I can relax before fashion week starts tomorrow for my few first shows.

"This has been the longest day ever," Romee whined beside me. I laughed, "It has. My feet are killing me," I said. "I need my bed," Josephine said and I turned around over my shoulder to see Lais practically carrying her.

"Jo, you are too much," I said and she smiled at me. "Do you guys wanna get dinner? Ash and I planned to go," Romee said and all the girls scoffed. "So, we weren't invited initially?" Taylor asked, placing a hand over her heart. "Yeah, what the hell?" Lais joked. "Rude," Josephine added.

"No! No, that's not-," Romee stuttered but all the girls laughed. "Romee, we're messing with you," Lais said and Romee sighed in relief. Romee was by far the sweetest person I had ever met. She reminded me of Michael in a way with how sweet she was. She never had anything bad to say about anyone and treated her friends just like family.

"Okay well my name is down at Seta, if you guys want to go there," Romee said, still holding onto my arm. "YES!" all of the girls yelled and Romee and I laughed. We all piled into two cars and made our way to dinner.

Seta was a fav when we came to Milan. It was just to die for. It was so good, I crave it when I'm back home in the states.

We made it to the restaurant and sat down for dinner talking about our day and little encounters we had to deal with.

"Are you okay?" Jo whispered discreetly to me. "Me? Oh yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" I said, giving her a small smile. "You barely touched your food," she pointed out. I looked down at my plate and it barely looked touched. "Oh, I just lost my appetite," I said, giving her a small smile.

She gave me one back but I could also tell she didn't believe me. She rubbed her hand up and down my back, "You know if somethings wrong you can tell me right?" she asked. I nodded at her, "Yeah, I do," I said and she nodded. "Okay, good," she said and I smiled at her.

The rest of the dinner went well. I ate a few more bites because Josephine kept looking at me. I was quiet during the dinner but mainly because I still had a massive migraine and I felt off. I hope to God I wasn't having another episode like before. Not only would that not be good, but I would not want to pass out walking down the runway. I'd never be able to live that down.

And as much as I loved the runway, I was just ready to get this week over with so I could go home. I think I just needed to be home and that'll instantly make me feel better. Or at least, I thought.

The girls and I went back to the hotel and had a sleepover because we had a photoshoot that night. The theme was 'girls night in' which was fitting considering the circumstances. It went by quickly as we had a few glasses of mine, I only had half of one, but we stayed up talking about any and everything.

I was the first to go to bed because I was exhausted, "Goodnight girlfriends, I'm tired," I said standing up and yawning. "Goodnight Ash!" They all said back to me. "I'm coming too," Lais said standing up. "What? I thought you were in the room with me?" Jo asked, laughing. "No, you're too loud in the morning," she said and we all laughed. "Whatever," Josephine said laughing as me and Lais walked to the room where Alisha was already snoring.

We got in bed and I heard Lais sigh, "What?" I asked, chuckling. "Moments like this don't you miss Michael?" she asked, "I miss Brandon." I laughed, "I do. I miss him a lot, especially at night," I answered. She smiled, "Well you can cuddle with me if you want," she said and I laughed. "Thanks Lais," I said. She laughed, "Goodnight Ash," she said as I pulled the cover over me, drifting off to sleep.

This week has been the craziest week ever. I had 21 shows that I was walking for on top of meetings with designers and photoshoots before and after the shows. It was a lot and I couldn't wait till I could leave in two days to be home with Michael.

My social clock ran out Tuesday and I was hanging on by a thread. It was to the point I didn't even want to answer my phone because then I knew I had to go somewhere or meet someone.

I also still wasn't feeling the greatest. I don't know what's wrong but it seems to be getting worse. My headache has been nonstop, I'm fatigued to the point of exhaustion, and I'm cramping which is really weird because I haven't had a period in years because of my birth control.

It's whatever though. I know I just need to get home and rest up and I'd be fine. I'm not worried about anything.

I sat in my chair, getting ready to walk for my last show which was Prada. I walked for Gucci this morning and it was a lot of fun. Gucci's theme is always fun, and vibrant. A lot of bold pieces too and I love wearing their clothes.I was excited for Prada too because Prada is one of my favorite brands.