I waited as Devon opened the door to my suite for me. I had just finished a photoshoot in Vegas that took all day and I was drained. Tomorrow, I'll be able to sleep in until 9 and I am so excited. I can't remember the last time I was able to sleep in. Or at least try to sleep in. It has been extremely hard to sleep without Michael in the same bed as me.

On the topic of Michael, I hadn't heard from him since I left Neverland a week ago and went home to stay with my family. I had turned off my phone until yesterday when Alisha started blowing up the phone at my parents house trying to get a hold of me. When I turned my phone back on, I also saw that I had over 20 missed calls from Michael and about 10 voicemails.

Majority of them were pleading with me to come back and how sorry he was. I'd be lying if I said they didn't make me cry. I yearned to go back because I love him more than life, but I think we needed this time apart to reflect on ourselves and our relationship.

Our relationship has really been tested these last 2 months and it hasn't been any easy road. We used to have our ups and downs as every couple, but just with everything going on, the tables have turned. Michael and I had never argued that bad like the argument we had back at Neverland.

I know he didn't mean the things he was saying because I know respects me and I know he thinks highly of me, but it still hurt to hear. Especially to hear him question me about whether or not I slept with Aiden. I thought there were two things that Michael knew for sure; that I loved him and that I would never hurt. With some of the words he told me last week, I guess he didn't know that.

I just hope after this break, we'll be able to talk and work out what we want to do. I also really miss the promise ring on my finger. I feel myself rubbing over my right finger, something I used to do with the ring, and now it's not there.

I sighed, walking into the bedroom. I sat on the bed slipping out of my shoes and jacket. I went over to my luggage to grab my things to complete my nighttime routine. As I did so, my cell phone rang.

I stood up and walked over the nightstand picking it up. I looked at the caller ID and it was my grandma. I smiled answering it, "Hey grandma!" I said happily. "Hey baby! I'm just calling to make sure you made it into Vegas okay," she said calmly. "Yeah, I made it in okay. I just got done with my shoot. I'm able to get ready for bed."

"Oh, I see. How was your shoot?" she asked. "Long," I said short and blunt, "Long and draining. I'm so worn out," I said with a chuckle. "Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. You should take a break, baby. You work so much that you don't even know what to do when you're not working," she said. I sighed, "Yeah, I know, I've been feeling really sluggish and fatigued lately. I just feel off, you know?" I asked.

"I can tell. When you came home, you just laid around all day," she said sadly. "Yeah but that was because of what's going on in my personal life too," I said thinking about Michael. I heard my grandma sigh, "I take it you still haven't talked to him?" she asked. "No," I said quietly.

She sighed again, "Smiles, you gotta talk to that boy. He's probably going crazy without you. Hell, you're going crazy without him." I sighed, "I know."

"What are you afraid of?" she asked. "I don't know. I understand why he reacted the way he did because I should've told him and I was planning on it, but life got in the way and it honestly slipped my mind. I was dealing with so many other things. And I just guess, if I call him, he might say something I don't wanna hear because I keep running from my problems."

"You gotta be honest with him baby. By ignoring him, you're making things worse. Think about how he's feeling. He may have reacted out of anger and said things he didn't mean, but imagine that person not giving you an opportunity to apologize and explain your side."

I stayed silent in thought, she was right. "Relationships aren't easy. It takes two to tango. You think me and your Papa never had our ups and downs? We did, all the time. To some people, they didn't even know why we continued to get back together, but your grandfather and I did because we knew that through everything we loved each other. I only saw your grandpa in my future. No one else. I knew he was worth fighting for no matter how much our relationship was tested."

"You love Michael and he loves you. You guys have so much love for each other that you can see it from three thousand miles away. Fight for that," she said seriously, "Don't let that little chicken leg boy get in the way of you and your soulmate," she said, making me laugh.

"Grandma," I said laughing and wiping my eyes. "Sorry, I never liked that boy for you. He was cute when you guys were younger but when you guys went off to college, I just knew he'd think he was all that," she said, making me laugh more. "You should've told me that. I would've listened and broke up with him before shit hit the fan," I said.

"No, because then you and Michael's love story would've been different. Who knows? Maybe you guys wouldn't have even met," she said and I shook my head. "He always says we were destined to meet in this lifetime. He said he's sure of it," I said. "See?" she said, "Fight for him Smiles. Don't dwell so much on the negativity. Things pass, but he's forever."

"You're right," I said to her and I heard her smile. "Good, so you're going to call him?" she asked. "Yes," I said smiling. "Good, because Katherine's been calling me about the two of you."

I widened my eyes, "Oh no, What has she been saying?" I asked. "Well Michael went home and told her what's been happening and she's like me. She doesn't want to see something bad happen to your guy's relationship over small things that you two can work out."

"Yeah," I said, agreeing. "So, just be honest. Tell him the truth and apologize. Learn from this and grow together," she said and I sat in thought thinking about the fact I still hadn't told Michael about the threats I had been receiving.

"Grandma," I said, cutting her off. "Yeah baby?" she asked. "What if there's something I can't tell him? Something that if I told him, it may hurt one of us. I just can't tell him. Not yet at least."

"Smiles, is something going on?" she asked worriedly. I sighed, "There's just something that involves me. Wes is on it, so nothing to worry but I'm trying to keep Michael out of it because he'd drop everything he's doing for me and I don't want him to do that. He has an album about to come out and his attention needs to be on that."

"Well," she said, sighing, "I think you should tell him. I'm sure he'd respect you thinking of him and his artistry, but he'd respect it even more if his girlfriend didn't hide things either, despite the circumstances."

I opened my mouth to speak but she spoke again, "It seems to be something you're hesitant about so I'm not saying call him right now, but definitely ease into it. He'll appreciate that much more than you just not telling him about it or him being the last one to know," she said.

"Okay, thanks Grandma. You don't know how much that helped me figure out a lot of things," I said sweetly. "I tried talking sense into you when you were home!" she said, teasing me. "Yeah, yeah," I said laughing. "But no, you're welcome. I'm glad I can help. Anything you ever need, you know I'm only a phone call away."

I smiled, "I know and I appreciate that. I appreciate you and papa so much." I heard her smile over the phone, "We know baby, we know."

"Smiles," my grandma said softly. "Yeah grandma?" I asked. "Don't lose that boy. He's good for you. I can see it in the way you look at him and I see the way he looks at you. You guys look at each other as if you two are the only people on earth. Keep that. Fight for that," she said. "I will, grandma. I promise you," I said, smiling while examining my nails. "Promise him that," she said. "I will," I said.

"Okay, good. Well, I'll let you get off the phone," she said. "Okay, thank you for the call. Send everyone my love," I said before we hung up.

I sighed, tossing my phone on the bed behind me. My grandma was right, despite everything Michael's worth fighting for. I am not going to let Aiden be the reason we break up again. He's not worth it.

I looked back at my phone, debating if I should call Michael. I picked up my phone, gnawing at my bottom lip when an idea popped into my head. I dialed Devon's number on my phone. "Hello?" he answered. "Devon, I need a favor," I said smiling.

This past week has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I was in the studio most of the day working on little changes that I want to make on the HIStory album and then when I come home, I cry because I'm hit with the realization that I don't know where my girlfriend and I stand.

I feel so bad about what I said during our argument and what makes me feel even worse is that her cell phone is off and she won't take calls from me, so I don't even get the opportunity to tell her how sorry I am. I know she would never cheat on me. I know she's not a liar. Her mental well-being is important to me. I had just reacted out of anger. I didn't even recognize myself. I'm not usually a confrontational person, but I was hurt. And that's another thing, because I still don't have the answers about what happened in Paris.

I just pray and pray that Ashley and I can work this out. I'm willing to. I want to work this out with her. There's just something about her that no matter how much we fight or ups and downs that we go through, I can't just let go of her. I'm willing to fight her. Fight for us.

But, she won't return my calls. I've been keeping up with her through Bill and Wes. I know she's been home at her family's house for the majority of this past week and I also know now that she's in Vegas for a photoshoot. I'm not stalking her, but I just need to keep up with her. If I don't know what she's doing or at least where she's at, I freak out. I need to know she's safe.

I just hope that soon enough I won't have to rely on Bill and Wes, because she'll be back and wearing her ring. I need her to put that ring back on. It's killing me that it's in my pocket and not on her finger. Part of me is actually scared to talk to her, because what message was she sending me with taking the ring off? Was she done with all the fighting and highs and lows? Who knows.

I sighed walking into my hideout apartment. I flipped on the lights and looked around the apartment at all the arcade games, scooters, book shelves, plush toys, and so much more neatly put away. You could tell I hadn't been here in a while. But, I have no choice. I usually stay at Ashley's house when I'm in LA, obviously, but I don't know where we stand right now, so I don't want to just be at her house when she doesn't want me there. I do value and respect her space.

That was one of things we connected on was the need for our independence sometimes. We agreed that we didn't want to feel trapped within a relationship. We wanted to feel free and we have that, which is why I was so hurt and confused on why she asked for space, because subconsciously we gave each other that. Hell, we're apart for about 2 full weeks out of every month because we're both so busy.

I walked into my bedroom at the apartment, flipping on the lights. I went over and sat down on the bed. I looked around, trying to get familiar with the place again, but I couldn't. This just didn't feel like a home anymore. Home was where she was.

As a matter of fact, I looked down at the nightstand and saw a picture. I smiled, grabbing it in my hand. It was a picture back from 1991 of myself, Mac, Kieran, Brett, and Ashley all laid down with sleeping bags on the floor in the living room watching Captain Hook when it had just come out. My smile got wider as I looked at the picture.

We all were in Disney pajamas with snacks all over the floor. Ashley was laying down in between me and Mac. I chuckled to myself thinking about how Mac used to playfully fight me over her because of his huge crush on her.

All of us were laying on our stomachs, smiling up at the camera. Ashley was leaning into me and her hands were on top of mine. I remember the moment she did that. Goosebumps immediately raised on my skin at her touch. It's funny to think there was a time when Ashley and I just had crushes on each other like little kids in middle school. We used to write little things to each other, bring each other candy, buy each other toys, whisper little flirty things to each other; those days still mean a lot to me.

And to think at the time this picture was taken, we hadn't even had our first kiss yet. Our love was innocent and afresh. I remember the butterflies I used to get just hearing her voice over the phone or seeing her smile in person. Hell, those same things still give me butterflies today. Except it's a different type of butterflies. It's different because I know she's mine and I am hers.

I sat the picture back down on the nightstand and stood up to go into the bathroom to get ready for bed. It was almost two in the morning and I have another long night in the studio tomorrow. As I made my way to the bathroom, I heard a knock at the door.

I frowned, slowly making my way to the front door. No one knew I was here, so who could that be? I looked at the clock on the wall and it was 10 minutes till 2 in the morning. I quietly walked up to the door and looked through the peephole. Whoever it was, was covering it with their finger.

I quietly slide the lock in to keep the door from opening too much. I unlocked the door and slowly opened it, unsure of who was here outside my door. I didn't hear anyone so I peeped my head around the corner and saw Ashley.

"Ashley!?" I asked shocked, "Wha-what are you doing here?" I asked opening the door wider but the lock blocked it. I chuckled nervously, "Sorry, just hold on." She laughed a little and nodded. I closed the door, took off the lock, and opened the door. "Hey," she said softly. "Hey," I said, rubbing the back of my neck out of nerves.

"Can I, um, come in," she asked. "Oh right, yeah, sorry," I said, moving out of the way to let her in. As she passed me, her perfume and shampoo hit my nose. She always smelt so good. It never failed.

I watched as she walked further into the apartment, towards the kitchen. She was wearing leggings and a navy blue Disney crewneck. She also had on high ankle white socks with some white Nike's and her hair was tied up in a ponytail. She looked relaxed, yet always so beautiful. I was so happy she was here, but I knew we'd have a lot to talk about.

I finally gained my composure back and walked in her direction. "Haven't been here in a while," she said looking around. Her eyes landed on me and she gave me a genuine smile. "Yeah, I know. I almost forgot what it looked like," I said with a chuckle.

"I would offer you something to eat or drink but I have no food and I only have water and wine. And I think it's a little late for wine." She laughed lightly, "It's never too late for wine, but I'm good. Thank you for offering."

I nodded my head and looked down at my hands as I leaned over the counter. It was silent between the two of us. "So, what brings you by?" I asked not wanting to see her facial expression in case she was going to tell me something I didn't want to hear.

"Oh! Right, um, I-I was wondering if we could talk?" she said, biting on her lip out of nervousness. I looked up at her and saw her eyes were almost pleading, "Yeah-yeah, sure," I said standing up straight, "Follow me," I said, leading us back to the living room.

I sat down on one end of the couch, nervous. I watched as she sat down on the other end of the couch, also visibly nervous. My palms started getting sweaty so I rubbed them against my thighs. I felt her looking at me so I looked at her. We both chuckled nervously. "Sorry," we both said simultaneously. We looked at each other again and laughed.

"You make me nervous," I admitted, "but in a good way." She smiled, "Still?" she asked and I nodded. "Oh yeah, the butterflies you give me never went away," I said honestly. Her smile got wider, "I never lost the butterflies from you either."

Now it was my turn to smile. I saw her take a deep breath and turn towards me. She opened her mouth but I put my hand up. "I think I should apologize first," I said, looking away from her and playing with my fingers.

I took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, Ashley. I am so sorry. I didn't mean those horrible things I said to you and accused you of. I let my emotions get the best of me and I reacted irrationally and out of anger. I-I wasn't thinking straight. I know you wouldn't hurt me. I know that, I do. I really do. And I also know that you're not a liar. You've never lied to me before and I hate that I even insinuated that you were. That's not you. That's just not in your character and I should've realized what I was saying."

"And I know you're not a cheat. I know you would never cheat on me for the same reasons I would never cheat on you. I'm sorry for throwing that in your face. I saw what that did to you, mentally and emotionally, and I want to make sure you'll never feel like that again. You are so important to me. Your entire being. I know what you went through a few weeks ago wasn't fake. Your mental well-being matters to me. I saw first hand how upset and depressed you were and yet I still let anger cloud my judgment and I am so sorry for that. I wasn't thinking when I said all those mean things to you, but just know I regretted it immediately after. I felt so bad. It's been eating at me since you left. I just hope you can forgive me."

She looked up at me and gave me a small smile. "I forgive you, Michael," she said softly and I pulled her into a tight hug. She hugged me back, rubbing my back. I was so glad she was back in my arms.

We pulled away and she continued, "I know you didn't mean the things you were saying. You honestly reacted the way I would expect anyone to act, so I don't blame you. I realize that now. I shouldn't have gotten defensive with you. So," she said, letting out a deep breath, "I apologize too. For everything. I was wrong from the start not telling you about the photoshoot with Aiden. I should've told you and I was going to, but the honest truth, it really did slip my mind. I was dealing with a lot, hell I still am, but I didn't know how to compartmentalize it and I just," she said throwing her hands up, "I forgot."

I nodded at her, feeling for her. "I was going to tell you about all of it, the dinner included. But, I do need you to know that nothing happened. I swear to you. I wouldn't throw away all we have for him. I would never let Aiden come between us again. He's not worth it, but you, you're worth it. You're worth fighting for. If there is someone I have to argue with once in a while, I want it to be you. I don't want anyone else. I don't see anyone else in my future but you."