It's been over a week since I had the chance to talk to Ashley that one night. That night, that phone call did me more harm than good. First, seeing her with another man did some damage to me. And I still didn't know who he was, but I had Bill find some information and he found out that he did go to high school with Ashley.

And second, having the chance to talk to her and have it not turn out the way I wanted to, hurt. I always knew what I wanted to say to her when the time came, but that night I lost my words and my voice. What hurt me more than anything was the realization of me begging her to come back to me for her to not even respond appropriately and give me a good enough reason for her breaking up with me and cut the phone call short. I was fighting for her, but she wasn't fighting for me. For us. Had she really dusted off her hands with me that fast?

I was also confused when she admitted that she did still love me. I didn't know whether to believe that or not when she wasn't fighting to save us. How could you say you still love me and not even give me a good amount of time to tell you what I've been dying to tell you?

None of it made sense to me. But, I'd have to say the worst part about that night is that besides realizing she wasn't fighting for us, she sounded just as broken over the phone as me and I hated that. I hated that I caused it. I broke her in a way. But, I still held out hope she'd come back to me.

My phone rang knocking me out of my thoughts. "Hello?" I answered, clearing my throat. "I just wanted to tell you, I made it home," my mother spoke softly on the phone. "Okay, thanks Mother. And thanks for coming to visit me today. I needed it."

"You don't have to thank me, baby. You're hurting and I hate to see you hurt. Any of my children hurting. But don't lose hope. If there's one thing I gathered for sure from Ashley when we met her, it's that she loves you. That girl loves you, Michael, probably more than she loves herself. It's just going to take time, she'll realize her mistake and come back to you."

"I hope you're right," I said softly. "Trust me, Michael," mother pleaded and I sighed, "Okay."

"Okay, I have to go now, but I love you. I'll talk to you later," Mother said softly before I told her bye and hung up.

I sighed thinking about how grateful I was for Mother to visit me today. Most of the time, I was crying my heart out to her about everything that was going on. She comforted me, assuring me it's just going to take time for Ashley to come back.

The one thing that lingers in my mind was a question she asked me today. Mother saw how broken I was and she saw all of my weight lost and asked if I was having suicidal thoughts. I hesitated, thinking long and hard about the question.

Truth is, I didn't know if I was. I know I love life too much to ever end my own. I couldn't do that to my family and all the people who love and care for me. But, let me put it this way. Ashley turned my life upside down the moment she came into my life.

She came into my life like a wind, changed my life like a dream. She seemed like the cutest mold of a woman, made me smile, laugh, and blush.

She came into my life like a sun, made my mornings so much more beautiful. She seemed like a rose, mesmerized and hypnotized me.

She came into my life like my mother, to teach me.

She came into my life like a wife, to walk with me at the toughest pace.

She came into my life like a daughter, to play and make me love her.

She was my life and to have her not in it anymore, wasn't that the equivalent of dying?

I heard my phone ring again and I picked it up. "Hello?" I asked. "Hey, Michael. It's me," a female with a deep voice said and I knew exactly who it belonged to. "Oh, hey Lisa."

"Hey! Sorry, I haven't called in a month or so, I've been busy with my whole divorce and trying to keep up with Riley and Ben's usual routine, but enough about that. How are you?" she asked cheerfully.

I should've never picked up the phone. Don't get me wrong, Lisa was a lovely woman. She was beautiful, but she could never compare to Ashley and besides her RBF, she was actually very nice and shy. I liked Lisa but not in a way of attraction or wanting to be with her. I didn't want her. At all.

When she admitted she had feelings for me, I was at a complete loss for words. I was not expecting that, mostly because when we talked, I talked about Ashley most of the time and how happy I was with her.

I explained to her that we couldn't be anything more than friends.

I laughed at the story Lisa was telling me about how she used to manipulate her nannies into doing her homework for her so she could go outside and play instead. "I'm so serious! It worked every time until my mom caught me," she said over the phone as she laughed.

"See, I was the opposite. I did all my homework in hopes of being able to have free time before the studio or something," I said back and she laughed.

"Well, that's where we're opposites, but for the most part I think me and you are alike," she said softly over the phone.

I was thrown off guard and didn't know what to say, so I stayed quiet. "I mean think about it. We both know what it's like to grow up in the spotlight, having to grow up and learn things so young. My father was a huge star and I remember long nights traveling with him and you being on tour with your brothers," she said trailing off.

"Yeah, yeah," I said thinking about it. I guess we did have some things in common but nothing like me and Smiles.

"We could be good together," Lisa whispered and I froze. "What-what do you mean?" I asked nervously. I didn't know where she was going with this.

She sighed, "Well, I've been wanting to tell you this and I guess this the opportunity to do so," she started and I stayed silent, nervous of where this was going, "Michael, these past few weeks that I've spent getting to know you and what you've taught me about the music industry have been so great. With everything that's been going on with my divorce, you were an escape."

She paused and I didn't say shit. I was nervous. This is not how I expected this conversation to go. I heard her sigh again, "I guess what I'm trying to say is I have feelings for you. I look forward to calling you when you're free and the other night at dinner was everything to me."

I started shifting uncomfortably in my seat. I didn't like Lisa and not to mention I had a girlfriend who I loved more than anything in the world. This is bad. This is all bad. I hate when I'm put in a position like this. This has happened before and I guess I still haven't learned my lesson. Sometimes you just can't befriend women because sometimes they will fall for you.

"Lisa-" I started shakily, but she cut me off. "And I-I know you're in a relationship but I'm willing to do our own thing on the side."

My mouth dropped. I was at a total loss for words. I was confused, yet angry at the same time. How dare she threaten my current relationship? That was some bold shit.

"I'm sorry, Lisa, but no. I'm in a relationship. A happy relationship with someone I love. I can't ever jeopardize that with an affair. I love her too much to even think about hurting her in that way. And hurting her would be hurting myself because I need her," I said, finding my voice.

Lisa stayed silent, so I continued. "Listen Lisa, I think you're a wonderful woman and I like you but as a friend. That's it. I befriended you as a friend and past that, I befriended you to help teach you things about music and business. I wasn't looking for anything more than that. I hope you understand."

I heard her sniffle, "Yeah, I understand. I apologize, I didn't mean to upset you or anything. I guess I just got caught up with the attention I was receiving. I haven't had that in awhile," she said, chuckling softly.

"We can still be friends, but strictly friends. I love Ashley too much to ever lose her," I said feeling sorry for her but also wanting to get my point across.

"Yeah, I'd like that," she said and I knew she was smiling a bit, "She's a lucky girl."

"I'm the lucky one actually," I said smiling as Ashley came into my mind.

"Michael?" Lisa called my name over the phone. "I'm-I'm here," I said back.

"I asked how are you?" she said cheerfully again and at this point, I was tired of people asking me that question. It was a loaded question for me at this point.

"Um, not the greatest," I answered truthfully. "I'm sorry to hear that Michael. Do you want to talk about it? You sound so sad and I think I owe you for when you listened to me vent about Danny," she said chuckling a little.

I chuckled a little. "We don't have to talk about it though. No pressure," Lisa said. I sighed, "No-no, it's just...Ashley and I have been broken up for almost a month now," I said sadly.

Lisa gasped in disbelief, "Oh no! I'm so sorry Michael! I hate to hear that, I know how much you loved her."

"Love," I said, correcting her. "Oh, right, well what happened?" she asked and I stayed silent. I didn't want to just straight up say, you.

"Um, it's a long story," I said, not wanting to get into it. "I'm sorry," she said once more.

I sat thinking about how none of this would've happened if I never entertained Lisa's conversations when they turned more personal. I'm not blaming this all on her, because I did allow it, but I wish I could do things differently.

"Lisa," I started nervously. "Yeah?" she asked. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way and I apologize if this comes off as crude, but in order to try and get Ashley back, I'm going to need to take a break on our phone conversations."

It went silent on her end and I think she caught the hint, "Oh-Oh. Yeah, sure. No need to apologize, I understand."

I sighed in relief, "Thanks for understanding. You've been such a great friend, I'd hate to kick you to the curb."

"No, yeah, I understand. Do what you have to do to get her back. You really love her. You always told me you did."

"Thanks Lisa," I said before we said goodbye and hung up.

I looked out the window of my private jet in the night sky. It was pitch black outside and the lights were dim in the jet. We were flying to Paris for some anniversary dinner for my friend David Foster and his wife.

At first I didn't want to go, but Bill convinced me to go to take my mind off things and clear my head a little bit. I guess I needed this little trip anyway. It could do me some good and that's how I was looking at it.

I was still heartbroken over Ashley. I called her yesterday and she didn't answer. I'm kind of glad though because I was a mess. I had been looking through pictures of her and I together that we've taken over the years.

Matter of fact, I pulled out a folded picture of her and I out of my letterman jacket pocket. I unfolded it and smiled as I looked at the picture. It was a picture of the two of us that Alisha had taken of us. The three of us were having a picnic outside by the lake at Neverland.

In the picture, it was a bright and sunny spring day and I was sitting crisscrossed on the red and white picnic blanket, courtesy of Ashley who wanted to be festive, with the old school wooden picnic basket sitting in front of me. I was dressed in my usual red long sleeve button up with my black slacks and black loafers with white socks.

Behind me, Ashley was dressed in a red mini dress decorated with little flowers and it fit her a bit loosely. I had my head tilted laughing at the joke Alisha had told us just before she snapped the picture. Ashley was behind me with her arms wrapped around my neck as her face was pressed against mine. She had her head tilted into mine and she smiled brightly showing off all of her pearly white teeth.

We looked so happy. We didn't have a care in the world and at that point in time, we weren't even officially dating, yet our eyes shined with happiness from being in the presence of each other.

We all walked towards the spot Ashley had picked for the picnic by the lake. There was a slight breeze that whisked through the air but we didn't pay it any mind.

"Ashley really?" Alisha asked, laughing as she saw the red and white checkered picnic blanket and a traditional woven wooden picnic basket sitting on top of it.

"What?" Ashley squeaked, looking adorable, "I wanted to be festive!" she exclaimed, chuckling like a little girl.

We all sat down on the blanket in a circle around the basket. Alisha was to my left and Ashley was to my right. Ashley sat up on her knees and brought the basket closer to her opening it.

"Okay," she clapped, "Are y'all ready for this?" she asked dramatically. Alisha and I looked at each other and then back at her laughing. "Yes," we said simultaneously.

Ashley flipped open the right side of the basket, "Ta da!!!" she exclaimed and we laughed. She pulled out a cheese, crackers, and salami platter that was wrapped in saran wrap and sat it down in front of me.

She reached back into the basket and grabbed out a plate of caprese sandwiches that was also wrapped in saran wrap. I licked my lips at the sight, I was hungry.

Lastly she pulled out 3 glasses and a glass bottle of sparkling pink lemonade. She handed us plates and told us to dig in. Alisha and I wasted no time tearing the saran wrap off of the platters.

"Oh, wait, wait, wait," Ashley exclaimed and we stopped to look at her. She moved the basket to the middle of the blanket with all of the food surrounding it and she took a small vase with a sunflower and rose inside of it, making me and Alisha laugh at her festivity.

She smiled at us, "Okay now dig in."

We all sat around the blanket and ate the food, talking amongst each other. This was a great day. It was simple, something we all needed to just destress.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ashley turn in her red mini dress to grab something out of her small bag she brought along.

"Okay picture time!" she said cheerfully as she looked down, turning on her Canon EOS Rebel X camera.

Me and Alisha watched her chuckling and she looked up at us. She waved her in hand in a motion that told us to scoot closer, "Get closer," she edged on smiling. We watched as she put the camera up to her eye, squinting. "Okay, 1..2..3.." she said and we heard the camera shutters click.

"Adorable. My two bestest friends," she said smiling as she removed the camera from her eye. Ashley kept taking pictures of any and everything. She caught both me and Alisha off guard most of the time. I wondered when she'd run out of film.

"Ashley, stop!" Alisha exclaimed laughing as Ashley took a picture of her drinking her sparkling pink lemonade. "No, come on!" she said as she scooted closer to her, turning the camera around. I watched as she smiled, making Alisha smile and we heard the camera click.

Instantly Alisha's smile dropped to a playful frown, "Give me that," she said as she took the camera out of Ashley's hand and started snapping pictures of her. Ashley smiled at first, but to play with Alisha she started posing as if it was a real photoshoot.

Dramatically she laid down and smized into the camera and that's when Alisha had enough, "I can't stand you!" she said through her laughter as Ashley cracked up still lying down on the blanket.

Ashley looked at me and smirked, getting up on her knees. "Your turn," she said, mischievously grabbing her camera from Alisha. "No!" I said laughing as I tried to shield myself as I heard the camera clicking repeatedly.

"Michael!" Ashley yelled as she tried to remove my hand from my face. As she did so, I gave her a funny face and she snapped the picture. "I love it!" she yelled, laughing.

She started taking pictures with me until Alisha told her to let her take them. She snapped pictures of us as Ashley sat next to me, smiling leaning her head into me. Ashley moved behind me, wrapping her arms around my neck in the process. "Lish, take this one!" she said smiling.

"We can show these to y'all grandkids," Alisha said as Ashley and I cracked up laughing, causing me to tilt my head and Ashley tilt her head into me, pressing her cheek against mine. The camera clicked and Alisha spoke. "Aww, that was so cute. That's gonna be the picture that'll be in all of your guy's kid's houses."

We laughed more. Ashley sat down next to me, talking to Alisha as I sat in thought. I looked down at Ashley's camera and picked it up, observing it.

I was thinking about what Alisha said. About me and Ashley getting married and having kids. I hope they would put these pictures in their home.

I picked up the camera looking in the lens at Ashley as her hair blew in the wind as she looked out towards the lake. She looked beautiful. I put my hand on top of the button and snapped the picture, not once, not twice, but three times. Ashley turned around at the third click and when she saw the camera in my hand, she smiled. *Click*

She's my dream. All I want is her and I'm waiting for her. I'd wait forever for her.

I felt a tear fall down my cheek as I stared at the picture. I wiped it, getting frustrated that she still hadn't come back to me. Maybe it was time I move on? Who I am kidding, I'd never move on. It'd just be me trying to replace her knowing I never could because no one was her.

I sniffled quietly, wiping my nose as I looked at the seat next to me. The seat she would always sit in. During take off, after laughing, she'd comfort me from that seat. Or sometimes, I'd look over and she'd be engaged in a political theory book or the latest issue of Vogue or Vanity Fair.

Sometimes, I'd catch her staring at me out of the corner of my eye and when I turned towards her, she'd act like she wasn't playing with her nails or looking back at her book.

Recently, when she'd give me a certain look from that seat and I knew exactly what it meant, taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom in the back.

But now, she wasn't there.

I walked into my suite at the Hotel Lutetia. It was around 5 PM when I got in and the dinner was at 7:30 so I needed to start getting ready.

I hope this dinner will take my mind off of things.

I looked at myself in the mirror one more time giving myself the once over. I combed through my straightened hair one more time. I stood up straight and exhaled, "Here goes nothing," I said in the mirror before I walked out, turning off the lights.