Chapter Four: Jitters

Shutting the door close behind her, Nadiah slumped against it. Her heart hammering wildly in her chest. Could it be the man she had seen earlier was Maa'rof? The son of Haji Ali she had been seeking out all this while? With his features in her head, he did bore some sort of resemblance though it was hardly recognisable. It was no wonder she had a strong feeling emerging when she first laid her eyes on him. After she had recovered from the shock earlier, she studied the men for another two minutes before deciding to flee without them seeing her.

She felt utterly silly to suddenly make a run for it but she just couldn't bear all the conflicting emotions gushing out all at once. She finally slowed down when she was sure she was of safe distance but her feet felt heavy during the entire walk home. Back then a part of her had wanted to go up to him and confront him of his true identity but yet another part of her was afraid of doing so.

After all, when they first ran into each other, he didn't recognise her. He scolded her for a minute mistake that was honest on her part. The look of outrage evident on his face at that moment was unlike him. The Maa'rof she knew was someone who was kind and gentle. Throughout their childhood friendship, never had he raised his voice at her no matter how clumsy or dimwitted she could be at times. Or could it be on that day he was having a bad day and was worn out? After all, he just arrived, right?

She crossed the room and sat down on her bed. It was all wishful thinking to soothe her nerves but then she realised. Something did not quite fit. She could recall vividly the brief look of astonishment on his face when he saw her. Alas it was gone too soon for her to assess what it meant or whether it did happened. But she was sure that she had seen it. And there was something peculiar about the look he had.....Could it be he had recognised her? She shook her head again. No. She refused to succumb to quick conclusions in case she had been misled. But did she see wrongly? Her logical thinking self was starting to be dominant but another part of her would rather refute that she was mistaken.

Their first meeting didn't go as how she had planned. She didn't even know who he is only until she discovered it just now. She thought he would come see her and greet her parents as well but that didn't happen. Surely, isn't that what he should be doing? Then again, they didn't have any special ties. Sure they were childhood friends and knew each other's parents well with his mother being especially fond of her and would always invite her for tea and collect some kuih (delicacies) she had baked whenever they meet in the market. She was treated as though she was their own daughter and would address his mother "Ibu" (Another term for Mother) instead of the usual "Makcik" (Auntie) she was so used to calling other women. It had been a while since she last met his mother probably because she no longer run into her.

Now that she thought of it, she wondered how his mother has been. At Ainum's wedding, she did not get a chance to speak to her as she was busy cooking and helping around. She did recall witnessing his mother cough into her hand as she stirred the stew while Aidah, another village maiden who is of the same age as her, stopped her cutting and went to rub her back. As Nadiah was busy herself then, she did not stop and had forgotten all about her.

Realising this, shame and guilt began to seep in. How could she have forgotten about her Ibu when she had always looked out for her and treated her well and kindly? The recitation of the Azan (Islamic call to prayer) coming from the nearby surau (small mosque) summoning people to prayer brought her back to reality. She heard her father closing and locking their back door downstairs. Glancing out of her window, she was surprised to see that it had gotten dark. The night was already crawling to claim its place. As she got ready for prayer, she made a mental note to pay her Ibu a visit come tomorrow.

***

The hours seemed to pass faster that morning. After eating lunch with her parents and washing up, Nadiah gathered the ingredients needed to bake Kuih Talam (a type of Malay delicacy) with the aid of her mother. Nadiah prepared the bottom layer while Aminah prepared the top layer. By two o'clock, the strong smell of freshly baked Kuih Talam was carried around the kitchen. Covering her hands with bundles of cloth, Nadiah lifted the tray from the pot as steam rose to her face.

Carefully, she set down the tray on the table while Aminah stood by her side with a knife in hand. Making space for her mother, Nadiah watched as she cut the delicacy into smaller pieces. She reached for a banana leaf and started to pack some in it before securing it with a rubber band. She aided her mother in cleaning the kitchen before dashing upstairs to change her clothes.

Returning to the kitchen, she retrieved the Kuih and descended down the steps. "Mak, I'm leaving!" She called out as she slipped on her slippers and headed to where the bicycle was parked. As she crouched down to unlock the padlock, out of the corner of her eye, she saw her mother approaching.

"Take care of yourself and send my regards to Melati, " Aminah said. "And don't stay out too late!"

"I will, Insya Allah (God-Willing)."

Biding her mother good bye, she got on the bicycle and set off. Maa'rof's residence was quite a distance away and even on wheels, it would take about half an hour to reach. The occasional breeze threatened to steal her scarf and she would wrap it even more tightly for fear of losing it. Rows upon rows of Kampung (Village) huts she past, slowing down a little when she entered the town area where the shop houses were and her cycling speed picked up as soon as she exited civilisation. Past the rubber and coconut plantations she went, exhilaration and excitement coursing through her veins. At long last she arrived at her destination. Chickens were roaming freely and pecking the ground around the polished wooden house, a water mill stood running at the side where a lake flows.

Wheeling into the porch, she got down from the bicycle. The door was left open and it was quiet except for the battering of the lake water. It doesn't seem that Maa'rof was here, she thought. But she could be wrong and she hoped that she was. She felt nervous at the thought of possibly running into Maa'rof but pushed that thought away.

She greeted, "Assalamualaikum!" (May peace be upon you!)

Melati, Maa'rof's mother appeared at the doorway a moment later. A curious expression on her face but the moment she saw Nadiah, she immediately broke into a grin. "Walaikumsalam! Nadiah! Do come in, anak (child)!"

Nadiah mirrored her smile. Kicking off her slippers, Nadiah raised her skirt slightly and began ascending up the stairs, dropping a kiss on her cheek and her hand.

"I brought this for you," Nadiah told her and handed her the package. "Freshly baked from the oven."

"Really?" Melati's grin widened. " Thank you so much, so thoughtful of you. Really, you didn't have to trouble yourself."

Nadiah simply smiled and changed the subject as she followed her into the living room.

"Are you alone, Ibu? Where's Abah?" (Abah: Another term for Father)

"He went to the farm as usual. Probably won't be back till late afternoon. "

"Oh, where's Abang (Brother) Maa'rof?" She asked, feeling her cheeks heat up a little while trying to sound casual as they settled on the couches.

"Your Abang Maa'rof went to the market. I asked him to get some stuff." Melati answered and began to cough. Leaning forward, she clamped her mouth and Nadiah rubbed her back soothingly as she thought of how he would be returning soon and she would get to see him. It was absolutely distressing as now she wasn't completely sure whether she was ready to face him. But since she was already here, she decided to stay put and distract herself to stop herself from having a panic attack.

"Ibu, are you sick? I saw that you were coughing since Ainum's wedding."

"As usual," she replied and coughed again. "At this age, it's so easy to fall sick and have a sore body. I'm getting old."

"Oh, Ibu. Don't say that. You're still young and you look quite youthful." It was true, Melati was probably no older than forty.

"Really?" Melati questioned with interest.

"Ibu, are you alright?" A voice interrupted, making both of them turn to look. Aidah was walking towards them while carrying a tray filled with food. At the sight of her, Nadiah's smile instantly faltered. What was Aidah doing here? Never mind the fact that there was a high chance of her meeting Maa'rof, but really did she have to deal with her too? She quickly rearranged her facial expression.

"Aidah, what are you doing here?" Nadiah asked, trying her hardest to mask her true emotions and to sound polite. Aidah flashed her a wide smile as she set down the tray on the coffee table in front of them. There were a teapot, three teacups, a plate of banana fritters and a bowl of steaming porridge.

"Oh, I just thought I should drop by and help around. Ibu was feeling ill of late so I thought I would look after her." Aidah answered gleefully and starting laughing a laugh that sounded more like a Donkey's laugh to Nadiah.

"This girl insisted on taking care of me even though I told her I was fine by myself," Melati answered, faking a pout.

"Oh Ibu! Don't be stubborn, you need to rest. Here, I cooked some porridge for you. Eat!"

"Leave it there. I'll eat it later."

It was Aidah's turn to pout but Melati turned her attention back to Nadiah for which she was grateful for.

"What did you came for, Nadiah?"

"Just thought I would come and see you too," Nadiah replied as she started to feel inferior next to Aidah. But I guess someone already beat me to it, She thought. Aidah was fifteen years old just like her and their friendship went a long way but they weren't close friends. They were more of acquaintances. She remembered how Aidah used to wrinkle her nose in disgust whenever she saw Nadiah running around barefooted while playing soccer in the fields with the boys during their childhood years. Nadiah was the only girl who played soccer while other girls were busy playing ting-ting (hopscotch) and masak-masak. (cooking games)

While Nadiah could care less about getting her clothes soiled in mud, Aidah was the dainty, feminine girl with her hair in pretty plaits and a preppy look to match. She had always knew that they could never be good friends due to their differences and Nadiah had always found Aidah to be a bit of a snob. Now that they were older and Nadiah had since abandoned her rough and tomboyish ways mostly due to her mother's personal involvement with her growing adolescence, she still felt that there were clear distinctions and differences between them even though they both had long hair and dressed the same.

She continued, "I have also missed our conversations and our tea times."

"Ahh, I was missing you too," Melati nodded with a kind smile on her face which managed to make Nadiah feel a little relieved. "Oh, please help yourself to the tea. I apologise there isn't much around here, I didn't know you were coming if I knew I would have prepared -"

Nadiah interrupted. "Oh, worry not! I have already eaten at home and I came here to see you not to eat."

"Oh Nadiah," Melati responded. "You're too thin my dear. Did you eat enough?"

"Yeah, you're so thin," Aidah agreed though she sounded a little bored.

"Well..." Nadiah hesitated for a minute. "If I were to eat too much, I would be fat and then no man would want to marry me."

Aidah's jaw dropped at Nadiah's brazen remark. Melati simply broke into a hearty chuckle. "I wouldn't be so sure about that." She said with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. A smile spread across Nadiah's face. This was what she liked about Melati, though she was technically as old as her own mother, she was understanding and easy to talk to.

"You should eat your porridge before it turns cold," she urged.

While Melati ate, she sat awkwardly in front of Aidah in silence, while they both sipped their own teas. The warm tea didn't help calm her raging nerves especially when she knew Maa'rof could appear any time now. Her palms were already beginning to sweat and she knew that when she was prone to make a fool of herself when she's nervous and she certainly did not want to appear that way in front of Maa'rof and especially not in front of spectators.

She decided to leave. Drinking the last drop, she set the tea cup down and stood up.

"I should probably take my leave now, " She said, trying not to show how nervous she was.

"Already?" Melati asked, looking slightly disappointed which made her sad but she couldn't stay. "Aren't you going to eat the Banana fritters at least?"

"No, I'm so sorry but Mak is waiting for me," She lied. "I have some chores to attend to."

Melati nodded in understanding as Nadiah bent down to salam and give her a hug. "I will be sure to visit you often. "

After she had salam-ed Aidah, she walked towards the door at a normal pace but made a run for her bicycle as soon as she was out from their sight. Her heart was throbbing wildly and felt as though it could get ripped from her rib cage.

Scrambling on her bicycle, she crossed the bridge linking the house and the main path, relieved that she was able to escape before he returned. She felt bad for lying to her Ibu like that but she couldn't help herself.

"I'm sorry I lied, Ibu..." She said in a low voice.

Travelling down a slope, she began to navigate her bicycle to a turn when suddenly Maa'rof appeared from the opposite direction on a bicycle, not noticing her. Before she could clutch the brakes, the next thing she knew she rammed into his bicycle, her bicycle jerked backwards from the force and they both fell onto the ground.

***

A/N: I know I'm mean >:D Thank you for reading! I love you all! :D Oh and the picture of the side is of Nadiah :)