Back out again on winter sidewalk

low brilliant light half blinds

Beams itself so strong and laser straight

into these narrowed, teary eyes

still seeking gentled dimness

of a caffè's hanging lamps

Glance up, blinking, see crossing lights agree to let us go

The brightlit crowd steps forth as one, me with it

all very glad to move now, keen to comply

to cross the busy city street

rush hour cars lined up both ways, far as one can see

but late-day sun creating sense of pleasure, even gaiety

as we group-troop along beneath the sparkle sun

On far side of the street I walk past shops, then bus stop

A voice calls out — another flower-frantic stranger

This one is also keen to learn the name of dark red blooms

But, even more

he needs to smell them now

And so I proffer them once more

compelled to pre-excuse

potential disappointment, lack of scent in icy air

Attempt to offer up a proper explanation —

their perfume comes out more, I say

when it's less cold

He speaks then of clove pinks that bloom at mother's house

A bed of them, their fragrance strong two blocks away

You knew when you were coming home, he says

Shows me a tiny cactus he's just bought on sale

Starts quickly asking stuff, so many asks

Asks what I do, asks me out, asks what's in my bag

some scribbling of mine, I say, something new for me, a bit . . .

I break off, dumbstruck, mouth agape — don't know what to say

he asks for my number, asks me to hurry or he'll miss his bus

Aghast, thrown off

hear myself cry out o no don't miss it!

sorry sorry

Bus vibrates

shakes the sparkle air

huffs up there beside me

He says no, I'm missing it

you must make up your mind

I'm dyslexic, can't really read

could give you good feedback

If it could hold me, what you're writing

it's a test, shows what works

Give me your number — and I comply

Not sure why, just couldn't speak it out

could not explain why not

not right there, not right then

Why it —

whatever it might be —

was impossible

why everything was

why I'm alone, must be alone

what I fear

Why blooms are irresistible, when red

None of that, none of that gets said

there on busy sidewalk, bus rumbling away

just write my e-mail down, shake hands (!)

because he sticks his boldly out

and, rattled, baffled, ruffled, walk away.

Long-lived carnations

strong even when they're cut

still blooming out dark red here in my room.