2/ Miss

Cruel selfishness of love and youth

I scarcely think one thought about my host

his birthday, his invite's shocking kindness

or anything at all except

the chance to be with HIM, with HIM

at night, with costumes, music, dancing

a magic dream come true

In such a setting, all would at once come right

Alone together, alone in a crowd

in privacy of streaming silver moonlight

our love at last would be expressed

revealed, somehow made living flesh

Had never kissed a boy before

Had never loved a boy before

And so had never kissed one

No fears of how to do it though

It seems to be in me, somehow

Just needing to be freed

by night, by touch, or by some magic word

from HIM, who does, I know, somehow love me

Not that I think tonight will be

the night of my first kiss

But first of something, being there with HIM

at a party, a real party, dancing after dark

The night unfolds

a little differently

For from the very start

HE ignores me steadfast, turns away

Of course I don't pursue him

for that is not our way

HE spots me at the party early on

says hi, and swiftly walks on by

just as the dancing part begins

Alone I hover by the birthday punch

costumed up as pallid witch:

White skin, black lips

Black domino encircling my eyes

Green stockings, black high heels

Confused, for no one else there is my friend

my anything, except my host, who did invite me

but is surrounded now by very many siblings

A private party in the party

Agog, alive with squeals of 'you're eighteen!'

And all those gleeful expectations, inside jokes

All crowned by matching goofball party hats

All together, all one, all of course apart

from those not of their tribe

***