《The Journey Home》37 - Walking The Wire
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I sat by the toilet. It was pointless to even stand up, I pretty much lived in the restroom. Another bout of nausea had attacked me and I felt weak. At eight weeks pregnant I spent most of the day in the restroom throwing up and rinsing my mouth. The cramping would come and go and in just a day I would have my appointment to look for a heart beat. I knew my baby would live. I could feel it. My baby was announcing his presence with all the nausea and the mood swings. Luke was the first one to acknowledge it.
I had been struggling to keep up with all my school work because of the constant fatigue. My dad was curious but he didn't push. He was worried that I was depressed, which I wasn't, but I still couldn't bring myself to tell him. I wanted to tell Alex, I craved his support. However, I didn't want to get his hopes up. The doctor had said it was a fifty-fifty chance of a miscarriage. There was no way to tell whether or not the baby would survive. If there was a strong heart beat in the ultrasound though, the chance of the pregnancy being viable was better.
I let my eyes close for a while. After all the hell that the past years had been, I looked forward to this little ray of sunshine. However, a new set of worries accompanied this pregnancy. For one, the threatened miscarriage. The worst worry I had though, was Alex. I wanted him in the picture. He had been such a great father to Angie despite the circumstances, I knew he'd be great if we had a child. But we weren't even together. We had no stability.
I heard a door open and then footsteps nearing. I didn't bother opening my eyes. I knew it was Luke. He didn't know the definition of knocking. He said he liked to "make an entrance."
After listening closer though, the footsteps were heavier. Determined.
The door opened, revealing a serious Alex behind it. My name left his lips as a murmur as he knelt in front of me, reaching out as if to touch me, but stopping himself before he did.
"Are you okay?"
"Uh..y-yeah," I said, pulling myself on to my feet. I had to steady myself when the small restroom started spinning, something that Alex noticed. He didn't ask any questions. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm not sure," he said. "I wanted to see how you were doing."
"Why?" In the past weeks he hadn't made the effort to contact me after the note I left him. I didn't blame him, but still was surprised to see him there.
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Alex scratched the back of his head before taking in my appearance. I knew I looked horrible. I was wearing an over sized shirt with much too big sweatpants. My hair was thrown into a messy bun to avoid it getting in the way every time I threw up.
"Jesus," he said with a smirk. "You look like something ran you over."
He didn't mean it, I told myself. It's not his fault. Keep it inside. DON'T. FUCKING. CRY.
I covered my face with my hands, trying to silent the sob that was about to escape but it was no use.
Pathetic.
I began crying, holding my hands against my face. I had been sensitive and I couldn't blame Alex. Or maybe in a way I could.
"Hey, hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," Alex said pulling me into his arms. I let myself settle in them. Soon the crying wasn't due to his comment but because of how much I had missed being embraced by him. I took in his masculine scent, letting it envelope me completely. I didn't think I would ever tire of him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Eileen." He stroked my back soothingly, and instead of helping me, more tears flowed. Hormones.
"Why are you here?" I hiccuped the question as he walked us to the bed.
"Luke told me you were sick. I wanted to check on you."
Luke. Freaking Luke.
"He said I was sick?"
"Yes. I was worried so I wanted to check on you, Eileen. He says you're barely eating, what's wrong? Do you need to go to the doctor?"
"I'm going tomorrow," I answered. "I'll be going every month after that."
I lifted my hand, tempted to smooth the crease that had formed on his forehead.
"Every month? Why? What's wrong?"
I gave him a small smile and took his hand in mine, placing it over my still flat belly. He looked between us, confused. Seconds, or maybe minutes passed when his eye widened in wonder.
"I'm pregnant," I confessed.
If possible his eyes widened even further. I wished I could have taken a picture of his reaction.
"Pregnant? As in a baby? As in a baby inside you? Growing? Pregnant?"
I laughed softly. Alexander Moretti was at a loss for words. That's not something to happen often; he usually always knows what to say. He pressed his hand even firmer over my belly now, his fingers caressing it with such tenderness that it made my heart skip a beat.
"How far along?" His voice was soft and full of reverence.
"I'm eight weeks now," I murmured.
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His eyes were bright. Specks of green adorning them; they swirled with one single emotion: happiness. Alex cupped my face in his hands, and leaned down to kiss me not before smiling widely at me. He was everything, he had steadied me in the middle of the chaos before. I knew he would anchor me now.
"You're pregnant," he whispered against my lips. "We're having a baby."
I nodded and he kissed me once again, his hand still between us where our baby grew. He laid me down on the bed without breaking the kiss. Alex was happy, he wanted our child. He raised the over sized shirt only to place a kiss there and let himself rest over my belly. I ran my fingers through his dark hair.
After a world of darkness and sorrow, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It was shining bright, just waiting for us to reach it.
"How did you find out?" he murmured, still with his lips against me.
"If I tell you, you can't worry," I replied. At my words he sat up, immediately in defense mode. I took his hand in mine, hoping to ease some of the worry.
"I had miscarriage threat." He cursed, squeezing my hand. "I went to the hospital, I didn't even know I was pregnant until they told me. I didn't have any symptoms then."
"So, you're bleeding?"
"Not really, no. I have some spotting, and sometimes some cramping but it's gotten better. Tomorrow they will check for a heart beat and they will hopefully say that everything will be okay."
"And Luke, he knows this? He's been taking care of you?"
"Yes."
"Okay, good." He smiled at me once again, placing the softest of kisses on my lips. "No more back and forth, Eileen. We're either together or we're not, and I want to be with you. I want you with me, I want us to raise our child together."
"Me too," I whispered.
"So this is it?" Alex looked so happy, the happiest I had seen it since the day Angie asked him to be her dad. "We're together now? No more ending it, no more running, Eileen?"
"This is it, Moretti. It's us against the world."
"So, you two are back together again?" My dad had arrived only to find Alex and I sleeping in my room. He'd invited Alex to stay for dinner but things were awkward, despite the fact that we were making friendly conversation.
"Yes," Alex replied. "For good this time."
Nicole smiled widely. "Well, congratulations."
I blushed. She didn't know of the pregnancy yet but the way that she congratulated us made me think otherwise.
"She's moving in with me," Alex said without warning. My dad stopped with the fork midway, setting it down. After he managed to hide his shock, he once again spoke.
"Why is that? Isn't it a bit too soon?" He began chewing on his food, but his eyes were set on Alex and I.
"Well, you wouldn't want your grandchild to grow up with his parents in different homes, right?"
My dad choked on his food. Alex only smirked and continued eating. Nicole once again congratulated us, patting my dad in the back.
"You're pregnant?" My dad asked when he controlled his coughing fit.
"I am, dad. You're going to be a grandpa again."
"Finally," Luke barged into the dining room. "See, Dic- Raymond, I am essential to the well-being of this family. Thanks to me it is that these two, got their shit together."
Luke walked over to me and placed a kiss on my head.
"Congrats, darling. This is what you deserve."
Alex set his napkin on the table and stood, pulling Luke into a handshake and a hug. I heard Alex thank him, and the smile that Luke tried to hold back proved just how strong their bond was.
After dinner, my dad and Luke made friendly conversation (to the best of their ability) and I went up to bed. It had been decided that I'd be moving in with Alex during the weekend, to ease the transition. Though the situation with Addie was still to be determined, Alex seemed set on not tolerating any type of disrespect towards us anymore.
I laid in bed, breathing through a small cramp. I closed my eyes. Everything was going to be okay. It hurt that my Angela wouldn't be here, but I knew that she was happy for us nonetheless. I would continue with school and earn a degree, Alex and I would be together finally, and we would live life to the fullest.
"Stop thinking," Alex murmured, nuzzling my neck. "How are you feeling?"
"Good," I replied, still with my eyes closed. I was exhausted.
"Is this how you got with Angie?"
"No, actually. With her I didn't have symptoms. The only reason I knew I was pregnant was because of my lack of period."
Alex hummed, laying his hand once again on my flat stomach. It had only been a day and already he couldn't seem to keep his hands off of me.
"I love you, Eileen."
I sucked in a breath. He hadn't said the words since I had gotten back, and to hear them; it was a dream come true. A lone tear escaped and as if he sensed it, his eyes met my own.
"Don't cry," he murmured. "This is it baby. This is how it was always supposed to be."
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