We'll have the days we break

And we'll have the scars to prove it

We'll have the bombs that we saved

But we'll have the heart

Not to lose it

-Marching On by OneRepublic

******

"Are you okay?" My dad asked for the hundredth time. I had been playing with my food during breakfast and then once again during lunch. I wasn't hungry.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "I'm just not hungry."

"Why?" 

Because Alex and I are a mess.

"I don't know." Shrugging, I stood up and poured myself a glass of water. The past weeks had been hectic. Alex and I hadn't defined our situation but we both knew we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. He'd visit every night and though we would talk about our day, we wouldn't really do much other than have sex. 

With him having started a new job as a professor, he was busy most of the day. I had started my college classes as well, and though I was taking all online courses, I felt utterly drained. I wanted to make time to have a meaningful conversation with Alex but wasn't sure if he was even interested.

We were slowly distancing each other as we avoided talking about our issues. I felt like he didn't trust me after the incident with Luke and Addie. That fall out had proved challenging for everyone. 

"Eileen?" My dad called me again, and I turned to find his worried face. "What's going on? You've been out of it."

"I'm just tired, daddy."

He pressed his lips together, not believing me but didn't push for more. Instead, he stood up, once again leaning on the cane that he was much too young to even have, and embraced me. 

"Sometimes I'm scared to wake up and realize that you're not here. It seems surreal to have you with me." 

I smiled, returning his hug. 

"But you need to eat, dear. Is there anything that you want me to cook for you?" He asked, once again worried.

"No dad, I think I'm actually going to go back to sleep before working on my homework again." 

I went to my bed and curled up, quickly drifting away. 

After working arduously on my homework and even getting ahead, the day became a blur. I tried distracting myself but the only thing on my mind was that I needed this situation with Alex cleared out. I needed stability. If there was anything to save between us it had to be the both of us to put all our effort to save it.

My dad and Nicole insisted on driving me or that I take their car, but I decided to take a cab instead.

I needed a job, I realize. I considered taking back the job with Marty, I missed him after all and wanted to see him as often as before. I knew that he wouldn't hesitate to take me back in even if I kept eating all the pastries.

The cab pulled up to Alex's house. Nerves invaded every part of me when I saw Julia's car parked there. I trusted him, though. He said he wasn't with her and I believed him.

Nothing was happening between them, that I knew, but it still hurt to know that she was here. I pushed aside the fear and jealousy and opened the door. 

I walked inside the house which was quiet, for the most part. I heard a TV upstairs, but other than that there was no noise. 

"Alex?" I called out. No answer. 

Adeleine walked out of her bedroom, surprise covering every part of her face.

"Do you know where Alex is?" I asked, not bothering to greet her.

"I don't know," she said with a shrug. "Are you okay? You look pale."

"Is Julia here?" 

Addie frowned. "I don't think so, I haven't seen her. Why?"

"Her car is outside... I think I should go."

Addie stopped me. I didn't want to go upstairs. I didn't want to confront what could potentially be there. 

"Eileen, I really don't know if she's here. But I haven't heard Alex come downstairs, I'll walk you to his bedroom if you'd like."

I was so nervous, I felt like I was going to be sick. Stupidly enough, I let Addie guide me upstairs praying that what I found wouldn't change what I thought of the man I loved.

Addie knocked on the door and when no one answered she opened slowly. She stepped inside and I followed behind, only to find a sleeping Alex.

"I'll go see where Jules is," Addie whispered.

I watched her leave and sat down on the bed. Alex stirred and opened his eyes, surprise covering his handsome face when he saw me.

"Julia is here," I said quietly.

"Huh?" He sat up confused and scratching his head. "Why? Why are you here too? Are you okay?"

"I'm not, actually. I need to know what's going on between us. I can't keep screwing around with you just hoping for the best."

Alex took a breath, raising his hand to rest on my face. He didnt have a clue as to what we were doing either.

A commotion downstairs made us startle. Luke was yelling and Addie was too. Almost immediately Alex stood up, putting on some sweatpants and ran downstairs while I followed behind.

A drunk Julia was half naked, laughing while Addie tried to cover her up.

"...fucking called her, didn't you?" Luke yelled to Addie.

"I didn't! I didn't know she was here."

Both Luke and Addie turned around when they saw us. Julia was so drunk she was oblivious as to the chaos around her.

"Sober her up," Alex said to Addie, breaking the silence. "Then drive her home. Don't let her upstairs. And Addie, if I find out you brought her you won't be allowed in this house again."

He didn't acknowledge Luke once again. Men are so stubborn.

Once we were back in his bedroom Alex locked the door and undressed. He was going to shower I realised and he was expecting me to go with him. I refused. I didn't want sex to complicate things anymore.

I smiled when I saw the framed picture he had of Angie and I. He had taken it without us noticing and had it printed. For that moment, I felt the pure joy that I had felt in that picture. Angie was laughing. She could illuminate the whole house just with one smile.

It was impossible, I realized, for Alex and I to work. We were at a limbo and neither of us knew how to get past it. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone things don't work. They don't fuction, and it's for the best.

I found a pen and notepad in his bedroom and quickly scribbled a note. My hand shook as I wrote it and I prayed that in time we'd both heal well enough to be happy.

I had spent the last three weeks drowning myself in school work. Alex hadn't tried to contact me after the short note I had left him and frankly, as much as it hurt, it was for the best.

Lucas was still living with us after my father hinted at the fact that he thought that I needed him around. That was all the invitation that Luke needed.

They had a rather weird relationship but it seemed as if, in their own ways, they had made ammends.

Luke and I decided to visit Marty. I was missing him more than ever, so on a particular day in which I was in a terrible mood, Luke insisted we visit.

"Are you here to eat all my pastries?" Marty asked with a grin.

I scrunched up my face but hugged him as tightly as I could.

"How dare you accuse me of such a thing?"

He chuckled, then greeting Luke. We took a seat in the booth where Angie used to always sit, and surprisingly, though it hurt, I could tolerate the pain. Luke and Marty noticed that, and a proud smile graced their faces.

"How have you been?" Marty asked. "How is school going?"

"Good. I'm getting the hang of things. It's kind of hard going back to school when you've been out for so long."

"She's smart, though," Luke said butting in. "I might get her to start working and you know, financially support me."

"Oh, such a gentleman," I said rolling my eyes.

We talked for a while until the cafe began to get busy. It was nice to have the familiarity of the cafe surrounding us despite the painful memories.

The happiness I was feeling diminished in a few seconds though, when I began to feel discomfort. I excused myself and went to the restroom where I tried my best not to bend over from the pain.

My period was about to start, I realized.

But it had never been this intense. It had never hurt so much. I breathed through the pain and managed with shaking hands to text Lucas to come to the restroom. My legs trembled as the pain radiated to my lower back.

"Jesus, Eileen. This is really not how I want to pick up women. Where are you?"

I moaned in pain and I heard him curse and open the stall I was in.

"What's wrong?"

"I, uh, I think it's my period," I whispered.

He frowned but as the realization of what was happening he called an ambulance.

The next few minutes were a blur as we arrived at the hospital. The pain eased some with the cramping sometimes making it's dreadful appearance. Luke stayed with me even though I insisted that I was okay.

After a few moments, a doctor came in. He was tall, and though he had a worried look in his eyes I could tell that it wasn't all bad.

"How are you feeling, Ms. Gutierrez? I'm doctor McNeal, I'll be helping you out today. I have a couple of questions for you, if you don't mind."

I nodded and after asking the basic questions, he proceeded to address the situation.

"It looks here like you've just had a miscarriage threat," he finally said.

"Wh-What?"

"Your hCG levels suggest that you are around six weeks pregnant, but we will take an ultrasound to be sure. Unless you want to terminate the pregnancy?"

My eyes widened at his suggestion. And Luke, well, he looked like he was about to faint.

"But I'm on the pill," I said.

The doctor smiled nicely and set his hand on my shoulder. "Well then, I suppose someone was set on sending you this little surprise."

And just like that, everything in the world was okay again.

A/N:

DO YOU THINK SHE'LL BE TELLING ALEX ANY TIME SOON??

I SHOULD HOPEFULLY UPDATE LATER TODAY.

THANKS ONCE AGAIN.

❤