《The Journey Home》17 - Falling
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It had been another long day at the cafe. Things had gotten a bit better, all the computers were replaced, and Alex reinstalled the security systems. Marty had been able to recuperate the money he had lost, still, he was extremely paranoid. He was afraid that all the hard work he'd put into his small cafe could be taken advantage with such ease.
It wasn't by any means a big business, but the locals loved the coziness of the place and more than anything, they loved Marty. It was obvious that he kept his business because he loved it and what it represented. Needless to say, he was constantly checking his bank accounts and calling Alex to see if there was anything suspicious.
I could tell that despite the reassurance that Alex attempted to provide, Marty was a nervous wreck. He wasn't as playful as usual and was more serious than I had ever seen him in the time that I had known him.
"You should really get some rest, Marty." I said to him while I counted the money at the register. "I can handle closing the cafe today, Jess is here and she can help. I'm sure she won't mind."
Marty shook his head, once again on the computer. "I'll sleep when I die, dear."
"Do not say that Marty, I hate when you say that."
He glanced up and gave me a small smile.
"How are you and that boy of mine? Are things working out?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" I asked with a smirk.
He chuckled, once again glancing up at me.
"You're good for him you know? You don't feed his ego, and you don't kiss his ass." He sighed as he stared off the window, looking at the people walking by. "He's a good man, dear. Sure, he's very outspoken and perhaps comes off as careless sometimes, but he's lonely. Always has been."
Lonely is not exactly how I ever pictured Alex. He was always charming women off their feet, or perhaps that's how I pictured him. I believed him to be serious, but as he proved to me when we first spoke, he had a sense of humor.
"You're probably thinking, 'how the hell is Alex lonely?'" Marty said, reading my mind. I nodded, hoping that he would elaborate more on this side of Alex that I didn't know.
"He's always taken the business seriously, ever since his dad died."
There had been few times where Alex had spoken to me about his family, probably a handful. He mentioned his sister more after my awkward encounter with her, but not his parents. Although I knew he cared about his business, he gave me the impression he wasn't passionate about what he was doing. It seemed like a hassle for him to even talk about it.
"He's been a ladies man, Eileen," Marty continued. "But he's never wanted to settle down. Lucas and Addie, they've been his family for years, and now you. Cherish it, dear. He's a man with flaws, but when he loves, he loves deeply."
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I raised an eyebrow. "He doesn't love me, Marty. He hardly knows anything about me."
"No one knows anything about you," Marty countered. "But darling, that's on you. And even then, he cares for you. I care for you. Hell, even Lucas does, and that's difficult to accomplish. You don't find caring people like that often, believe me, I know. And if he doesn't love you yet, he's very close to it."
I rolled my eyes, to which Marty only gave me a knowing look. I knew what he was going to ask next. He'd avoided the subject as much as he could, knowing him though, he was too worried to avoid talking about the subject.
"That father of yours, has he looked for you again?"
"No, he hasn't." I said quietly.
"He left his phone number, Eileen. I haven't given it to you because, well, I wasn't sure that you were ready. I don't know what happened between you two, but whatever it was, don't take it to the grave. It'll eat you up while you're alive and not even dead will you be able to leave it behind."
"Geez, is this Life Lessons with Marty?" I asked, feeling uncomfortable at the topic. Marty understood, and simply squeezed my shoulder before he walked away.
"You see? All you have to do is take away the whatever number is after the minus sign. Are you ready to try?"
I watched as Alex sat at the table, teaching my daughter how to subtract. It was an interesting sight, he was still dressed with his slacks and typical white buttoned down shirt while Angie was already in her pajamas.
For some reason, today she'd decided that for the first time, someone else would help her with her homework. The lucky person turned out to be Alex who didn't hesitate, even for a second. Angie had grown fond of him and that terrified me. He was a good man, I knew that, but the traumatized part of me just couldn't let him completely in. I felt like I needed to be there and I was constantly afraid of leaving him alone with her for even five minutes.
There's no way this will work if I can't trust him completely.
"We're done!" Angie said, jumping from her chair. "You're much nicer than my teacher, she's...not nice." Angela narrowed her eyes, thinking back to the teacher with whom I'd had way too many talks with.
The people there, they weren't too fond of a single young mother in their precious building. Not all of them were that way, but they felt as if it damaged their reputation. To my surprise, or perhaps not, as soon as they saw Alex Moretti taking Angie to school and picking her up with me, all of that changed.
Money talks.
Or shuts people up.
Either way, our relationship, which I was struggling to get used to, seemed to be off to a great start. I feared it though, being so close to him, growing so attached. We hadn't spent the night together since a week before, our first time and I was anxious to repeat it.
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"He really did show me how good it could be," I thought to myself as I remembered the words he'd said to me.
"Why are you biting your lip?" he asked, pulling it from under my teeth. "That's not something you should do unless you want to end up tangled up with me on the floor."
"Oh." I blushed, and he gave me a playful smile.
"So, what are you thinking?"
"You're good with her," I said.
"Do you really think so?" Alex sounded uncertain.
"You are," I confirmed. "You're patient with her, not many people are patient with kids that age. And she really likes you. You'd be a good father one day, Moretti."
"We'll know in a month, I guess," he said, with a nervous smile.
He's scared.
"Yeah, we will. Are we being careless Alex? Do you even want kids?"
Alex sighed, taking a seat on the sofa. He ran his hands over his face and closed his eyes leaning his head back.
"I don't know," he finally answered. "I mean, I'm not worried about STDs or anything like that, we're both clean but I don't know if I want kids. Then again, I didn't think I wanted a relationship either and now here I am with you. If it happened I wouldn't walk away though, and if I were to have kids I'd be lucky for them to be with you. You're a great mom after all, raising your daughter on your own, I know at least one of us would be a good parent."
I sat on his lap, and he opened those eyes that would take me to another world.
"You don't give yourself enough credit," I said, tracing his jaw with my fingers. "Was your relationship with your parents not good?"
Alex clenched his jaw for a moment and then released it. I found it hard to think that someone so carefree like him could have had a hard childhood. He seemed to have grown up in a safe environment, a happy one. But then again, nothing is ever what it seems.
"My grandfather immigrated from Italy," Alex said, once again closing his eyes. "They were poor, Eileen. Growing up, according to what my father used to say, they struggled even to have food on the table. So, once my father grew older and was able to form this business, he did. He poured his heart and soul into it, even when he married my mother.
"Then, we came along, Addie and I, but his focus was still his work. I don't want to be like him. I don't want to put my child aside for something that could go away any moment. So no, I've never wanted to be a father or have a wife, or any of that because I don't want to be neglectful with an innocent being."
It was as if all the insecurities he didn't seem to have came to the surface, gnawing at his soul. My chest ached, suddenly, but it wasn't over myself or my own fears; it was over his. I placed a kiss on his cheek, then on his soft lips, lingering there for a moment.
I wanted to comfort him this time, wash away all the doubt that he felt just like he had with me. Perhaps it was knowing what it felt like to be insecure and not trusting yourself but I didn't want him to feel that way.
"You sure know how to lift a man's spirits," he said, lifting his hips.
I laughed and his adoring eyes met mine.
"For the record, Moretti, I would have given anything for you to be Angie's father."
He kissed me again, and somehow, his lips ended up on my neck.
"Do you speak Italian?" I asked, realizing that I didn't even know that.
"Hmm. Si. And Spanish."
I already know Spanish. I want Italian.
"Say something in Italian," I whispered, the world becoming a blur as he picked me up and guided us to my bedroom. I felt him smirk against my skin, and I shivered just at the way that he spoke.
"Nemmeno immagini cosa ho intenzione di farti, bella"
(You don't even imagine what I'm going to do to you.)
He glared at me, his eyes fuming with anger as he took a step towards me.
"You don't trust me," he hissed, taking my arm in his hand.
I gasped. He wasn't hurting me, but his voice was laced with nothing but fury and disappointment. He pulled me towards him, his hand on my waist holding me tightly so that I couldn't step away.
"Moretti, calm down. Let me-"
"Let you what? Are you finally going to tell me or just bullshit around the situation, Eileen?" He was breathing heavily, I didn't know if it was out of anger or if it was out of something else. "I can't do this shit. For the first time I know, I fucking know what I want, and you don't."
My eyes closed, when his lips grazed just near my ear, his breath warming up my skin.
"This, us, will not work if you don't trust me," he said kissing my skin, sending jolts of pleasure throughout my body. "So tell me, do you or do you not trust me?"
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