M A R N I E

Late at night my phone rings and I groan realising I didn't put it on mute or turn it off. My limbs are heavy as I wiggle my way to the other side of my bed to grab my phone.

I go back to sleep with a positive mindset. I will go get the books I want, listen to good music, maybe study? Take a walk or something, go get coffee and then go to Arthurs show.

•

Fuck the positive mindset.

Here I was struggling to wake up. My throat was sore and my head was pounding. My muscles were sore and I could hardly open my eyes.

I lugged myself around like heavy baggage to the bathroom. Took a shower and was out of the house by 11 to head to the library but decided to stop by a coffee shop.

It's a small coffee shop tucked away in the downtown area. The morning is cold but at the same time, the sun is blinding. Leaves me confused as to whether I should've worn so many layers or not.

I get my coffee and take a seat by the table near the glass. I would prefer to take a seat tucked away inside where people don't have a direct view of me but the coffee shop is so packed that I have no choice but to suck it up and have the sun blind me.

I take off my jacket as I take out a book and start reading. The coffee is hot and bitter, with no sugar added. I feel myself cringe and gulp down the liquid like it was medicine. It kind of was. I have been waking up in the morning with pounding headaches which continue throughout the day but fade away at night. As soon as I feel some sort of relief I am so tired that I fall asleep, when I wake up the cycle is repeated.

Every single time that I pick up the book I get so lost in it that time doesn't bother me neither does the sun. However today I can't seem to focus, the words are blurring in together as I feel a gaze burn me.

I look around the cafe to see no one looking in my general direction. Confused I sip my coffee and continue to look around the cafe. The realisation hits me like a bullet train as I place my coffee down and look out of the glass window.

A figure in a black shirt quickly turns out and walks the corner. Away from my sight.

I would like to believe that I am being paranoid but the unease I feel right now isn't without a reason.

I keep my half-full coffee cup on the table and pick up my jacket and book as I almost run out of the coffee shop.

The bell rings as I step out and I am running to the corner. My heart beating so fast that I can feel it in my throat. In seconds I am turning the corner and I see that man get inside a black SUV with no number plate. I stop in my tracks as I weigh my options.

I can chase him and question him. Dangerous option.

Or I can turn around and hope that I was being paranoid. Safe option.

I choose the latter as I look at the car for a moment longer as it turns on and speeds away. Almost like whoever it was is trying to get away from me.

I turn around and rush to get home. Safe. Safe safe safe.

Safe.

Whenever I am out walking or any such thing, I feel this paranoia wash over me. Always looking around. Looking at people and the world like it was a threat. It was.

My phone rings and I am pulled out of my thoughts with a flinch as I look at the caller ID.

Sadie.

I pick up without hesitation. I press the cold phone to my ear as I hear the cheerful voice I hadn't heard in days.

"Bitch you didn't call me." That's the first thing I hear from my best friend as I let out a laugh.

"Sorry I have been busy but I missed you so much!" I smile to myself as I walk the way back home.

Safe.

"I thought you were mad because I didn't show up at Cameo." She says and I can see her pouting.

"Oh what? No no. It's just that- things happened." I say as I am reminded of the first time I talked to Arthur.

"Things? As in?" She asks and I sigh as I spill everything.

After a minute or two of me explaining I finally take a breath of fresh air. My shoulders finally slump as I hear absolutely nothing on the other side.

"So I move away and you're gay?" She finally says and I gape at her audacity.

"What? No! I vent to you about someone who annoys me but is also very hot and kind of makes me question everything and all that you can gather is that I am gay?" I exasperate, throwing my hands around because honestly, I don't know what to do with them.

"No no no, I grasped everything and honestly- yeah you're gay." She says after a pause and I roll my eyes.

"You're fucking impossible." I groan as I pass the bamboo park near my home and take a turn.

"Okay okay, look- uh- how about- how about you go to her show tonight. And focus on what you feel when you're around her. Anything honestly. Because what you feel around her is very important. Happy, sad, joyful. A person can make you very happy but very sad at the same time. What do you feel when you're around her?" She asks and I quiet down.

The only thing I have focused on when im around her is her. What I look like if I am sounding dumb or whatever it is. All I think about is her dark eyes following my every move, the way she bites her lip, her grin, the way her hair moves, her hips. Everything about her.

"Okay, fine. I'll figure it out." I sigh and Sadie clicks her tongue.

"No, you think about what you feel and maybe figure it out with her." She says and I am about to argue but I see that I have reached home.

"Let's change the subject I'm home right now," I mutter as I ring the bell and Ma opens the door.

"Okay, did you make any new friends? Other than Ms Making-you-question-your-sexuality." She asks and I roll my eyes.

"Yes, I did make a friend. We met at a paint and hardware shop. Her name is Willow. And yes she is a good influence." I say before she asks me that stupid fucking question.

"Okay, that's good." She says and I hum.

"What about you? Did you make any friends?" I ask and she sighs.

"Yeah, I guess. Uh- it's kinda hard you know." She sighs and I sigh with her as I plop down on my bed.

"I know Sadie. But you have to try. Life is not gonna be fun all alone." I mutter and I can hear her nod.

"Yeah of course." She mutters, I close my eyes not knowing what to say to her.

Half a year ago, a home on Xavier road collapsed due to termite infestation. Sadie lived there with her brother and father who single-handedly raised them after their mom abandoned them. He was a teen father and did everything to make her happy and provide for both of them. As the house collapsed and Sadie was inside a huge part of the roof fell on her. Her brother, Zane was out playing volleyball with his friends and was saved. The damage to the home was so bad that they couldn't find her for hours. Her father returned to see her daughter with broken limbs and bloodied face being hauled away on a stretcher.

The paramedics managed to save her but the family lost everything. Her face was completely messed up and unrecognisable. I remember the horrific day, the screams that had left her father and brothers mouths as they tried to find her under all the debris. The horrifying sight of people trying to hold him down as he tried to find her himself.

Due to such huge loss and their bank account crying they had to move away and start over. No one had any idea what Sadie had gone through. No idea what the family had gone through. They judged her based on what she looked like. They moved to a town a couple of hours from Volterra and started over. Until a couple of days ago she visited me almost every day, but the travel expenses were too much and she stopped. The only way that we get to meet is if I go there myself or through facetime.

Life is horrible.

We talk and talk and talk until the bell rings and I am reminded of my plans with Willow.

"Hey, can we speak later I think someone is over?" I rush as Val yells at me to look who's at the door.

"Yeah sure. Goodbye! Take care, I love you." She says cheerfully and I grin as I near the door.

"Goodbye, I love you more. And take care of yourself and Zane." I say as I am again reminded of my little summer fling with her brother Zane.

I cringe as she hangs up and I open the door. The redhead is standing on the other side with a box in her hand.

"I brought cookies!" She grins, I smile as she hugs me and her scent fills my nose.

"I was getting bored. Let's go." I grab her hand as I pull her to my room. We walk through the impossibly long corridors of my home as I finally push open a door and let her in.

"Woah you love books." That's the first thing she says as she enters my room to see my beauty and the beast themed library. Well, my room is a library with a bed.

"And that paint is still there. Untouched." She points out and I laugh before turning her away from the tin of paint.

"I didn't get time to paint okay?" I roll my eyes and she laughs before plopping down on a leather chair.

"So, weren't we going to take pictures?" She asks as I look at her outfit to see her all dressed up while I sit next to her dressed like a complete bum.

"Oh yeah, shit hold on." I wince as I get up in embarrassment and walk to my closet.

"We should go to the bamboo park too. It's right by you." She points out as she walks with me and I nod.

"Oh yes. There's also a hiking trail?" I say but it sounds like a question and she looks down at the dress and heels she's wearing.

"I would love to go hike." She mutters and I laugh.

"You can borrow some of my clothes." I shrug and she does too as I push open my closet.

I pick out a black puffer jacket along with a black tank top and some leather pants.

"Be right back," I mutter as I walk over to my bathroom and change as quick as possible. By the time I'm back she is browsing through one of the fashion magazines.

"You're into fashion?" She asks and I nod.

"Why'd you choose science then?" She asks closing the book and I shrug.

"Because I am into fashion but I want to become a doctor," I state as I slip on my rings and chains while looking for my socks.

"That's so cool." She grins and I smile.

"What about you?" I ask and she looks down.

"I dropped out last year. We couldn't afford education." She says and I for once am glad that my back is to her as I cannot hide my remorseful expression.

"Well, what would you have wanted to become?" I ask gulping and I can hear her hum as she figures out.

"A doctor too. More for the learning though. I'm very interested in the human body and how it works." She finally says as I pull on my socks while finally facing her.

"You can always borrow my medical books if you want to do some reading." I smile and her entire face lights up.

"Really?" She asks and I nod.

"Yes." I grin at her as I carry my shoes in my hand.

"Oh my God, thank you!" She practically squeals as she gets up from her seat on the leather couch as we walk near the window.

"It's no big deal, Will." I smile as she grins even bigger. If that was even possible.

"Okay so-" I start off as we take a couple of photos and spend the next couple of hours just talking about books, music, fashion and even medical school.