My head was pounding with the need to close the blinds and sleep in. It was a Sunday. The day of Arthur's gig. I sighed and pulled the thick duvet over my head in an attempt to shy away from the blinding sun.

"Mer, darling wake up. Your room is a mess. You need to clean it up too. Come on baby, get to work." Mom's voice came in through the thick barrier of my door and I hummed to let her know I was up.

"Fucking 'clean your room'?" I groaned to myself before finally letting go of the bed and heading towards the bathroom.

I brushed my teeth and did my business, my body clad in my PJs still but I couldn't give a flying fuck. I let my eyes run over my room to see that it was indeed a mess. Last night after Arthur left I took out all of my books in an attempt to arrange them since I have been getting to reading them I have not kept them alphabetically arranged. There were piles upon piles of books scattered everywhere and I simply did a full 180 and walked out of my room.

The floor was cold and the smell of fresh coffee hit me and made my insides tingle. I don't drink coffee, nor tea. But today I need it.

"Ma," I whispered my head pounding so badly I could hardly hear anything.

"Good morning baccha." She said smiling and I tried to smile back but it looked more like a wince.

"My head hurts." I whimpered hugging her and the cold in my body melted away as she kissed the top of my head.

"It must be a stupid migraine. Here, take this." She opened up a cabinet as I let go of her and passed me a painkiller. I smiled at her, staring at the mocha pot.

"Are you making some for me?" I ask and she raises an eyebrow.

"You don't drink coffee, but there is some extra." She smiled and I nodded before walking out of the kitchen and settling down on the couch. I swallowed the pill chasing it down with water before turning on the TV.

I winced as the loud noise pierced my ears and made me feel like it would bleed anytime soon. The light from the TV was too bright and sharp. Everything, the headache, the light, the noise blended in together and I groaned before turning the TV off again.

"What's got you in a curl?" Val asked plopping down beside me and I shook my head.

"My head hurts." I whimpered and I didn't bother to look at her worried expression.

"Breakfast is ready." Moms voice was not comforting anymore but a shrill scream.

"Ugh." I groaned before getting up and walking towards mom and getting the breakfast in hand.

"Let's sit outside." She said getting her own coffee mug, I sighed before walking with them outside.

Our backyard was very pretty. A large sprawling lush green garden. A small table with a couple of chairs scattered around it, mismatched of course. Under a large tree. I groaned at the sunlight and Val took the breakfast from my hand and pulled out a chair for me to sit.

"I think we should take her to the doctor ma." Val's hushed whisper was not for me to hear but only for ma but I heard it anyway and nodded.

"It's just a migraine it will go away." Ma said and I sighed before digging into breakfast.

"So, about Arthur." Ma started and I groaned.

"Oh God, not this now." I sighed placing my fork down and sipping my coffee.

"I just need to know what friends you have." I internally rolled my eyes.

"Well, I met her in my biology class. And we were paired together for a project and that's it.'' I shrugged and Val simply stared at me.

"She sings? Or so I have heard." Ma said and I passed a subtle but pointed look to Valerie and she shrugged.

"Yes, she is in a rock band. They play upstate. Near those super-rich pubs." I answered and she nodded.

Lie lie lie.

She plays downtown at a super suspicious and dingy club where drug deals go on.

"Are you going to go to school since Monday or are you still feeling sick?" Val asks and ma glares at her.

"We were talking Valerie." Ma grins and Val passes her a sheepish grin.

"Well, Arthur is a great person. I hung out with her last summer." Val answers and I nudge her foot. Begging her not to open her mouth and spill everything out.

"She's a good influence," Val says gritting her teeth and I raise my eyebrows.

Val might hate Arthur and spew bullshit but I know for a FACT Arthur is not a good influence but... Okay?

"Okay then." Ma said stretching out the okay, breakfast went by without any other obstacles.

"I am going to the library to get some studies in." I smiled kissing their cheeks and Ma nodded. Val shot me a look which I so expertly brushed off but I guess she didn't like that so she followed me back inside.

"Get me some markers on your way back?" She asks as I ascend the stairs and I look to her and then to the closed doors where ma is drinking her tea.

"Why did you take her side?" I ask softly and Val grins.

"Well, Arthur is not that bad. Besides you don't have friends." She shrugs and I raise an eyebrow.

"That still doesn't mean I like her though." She finishes and then walks back out. I smile to myself and get ready to go out.

The pounding in my head and the heavy pain in my chest never stops as I shower. My eyes close when the warm water hits my body and I let my muscles loose.

I feel like I am not doing enough in life. Every day is the same, studying, never living and always brushing past memories. A little more to the right and life goes to hell, a little to the left life goes to hell. All I have been doing is going down the same path because I am so scared of anything going wrong and disappointing someone. Walking on eggshells around people because I'm shit scared they will leave. Always being the one to say sorry because I cannot for the life of me bear the idea of someone hating me.

This fear of abandonment gnaws at me every day. What if I kiss Arthur? Would she think I am weird? What if I tell mom and dad that I couldn't do well on my finals? Would they tell me I am a disappointment? What if I tell Val that all she talks about is herself and I never relate to her? Would that bruise her ego? What if I finally tell grandpa that I forget to call him to wish him goodnight because I am so tired of life? Would he think of me as a failure? What happens when I tell my grandma that there is a tea stain on the saree she lent me? Would she think that I am irresponsible?

It is always wondering and never living for me.

I never realise when I reach my room and bitter cold water is pouring down my body. My hands are clenched and my eyes are closed.

What happens when someone peers into the door of me that always stays locked? Would they leave?

I try to block out my intrusive thoughts and finish showering and getting dressed. I dress without paying any heed to the fact that my socks are mismatched. I walk out of the door with my notes in my hand.

"Bye ma! I'm leaving." I call out to hear a goodbye back. Before I know it I am out of the home and walking through the unforgivable cold.

The autumn leaves are falling down like all the things I tried to do that went wrong. I feel all the bruises on my hip from when I bumped into the counter. I feel every single kiss my mom pressed to my head, I could hear every single 'be a good girl' from when ma dropped me off at school.

The bell to the library's large door chimed and I winced at the noise before walking inside the place that I shed so many tears in because I read a crappy romance. The place that I muffled my screams in because the villain finally kissed the hero. The place that I rolled my eyes in when the miscommunication trope set in. The place where I hated certain books and loved certain. But today I was here to write a paper on William Shakespeare.

Ugh.

I walked to the English literature section and I could have seen her from miles away. Bright red hair waved so violently as she walked hurriedly to get a book.

Willow.

"Hi!" I smiled waving and I felt a sense of pride fill in me when I approached someone for the first time.

"Oh hi... Girl from the store!" She grinned and I smiled before offering out my hand.

"I'm Marnie! Nice to meet you- again." I blushed in embarrassment.

"I'm Willow! Great to meet you- again." She smiled and I nodded before looking at the book she held in her hands.

"Jane Austen? Great choice." I stated and she raised an eyebrow.

"Really?" She asked. Her Italian accent was so powerful that I had to take a minute to understand her.

"Oh yeah, totally. Girlboss, wrote men with some sort of...hatred? She is everything a young woman would aspire to be." I answered quickly and Willow nodded.

"I'm new to reading though." She said and I smiled at her words.

"The first book I ever read was 'The Alchemist' it is kind of what got me into reading," I said tapping on the copy of Alchemist which was in her hand.

Huh? Coincidence.

"Oh really? So I should not go for classics?" She asked setting Jane Austen in one hand and The Alchemist in another.

"That's not what I said. I mean you should start wherever you feel like it. If you want to start with Jane Austen then go for it." I smiled and she nodded slowly still grinning.

"Okay then, what are you reading?" She asked and I looked down smiling before looking at her again.

"Shakespeare. Well, I have to write a paper on him." I added quickly and she laughed loudly before her eyes widen and she covers her mouth.

"Good luck. That man writes shit that will make you feel high." She laughs and I nod laughing slowly.

"We can sit together. I promise I am not as loud in the library." Her pearly white teeth are still on display as I think about it.

"So you mean you're louder?" I whisper as I look for something underrated that Mr Shakespeare wrote.

"Well, you'll have to find out." She whispers back as I pick out 'King John'.

"Sure then." I smile and she looks at the book in my hand.

"If you want to get good grades you should go for 'Hamnet' by Maggie O'Farrell. It's about his family and stuff." She talks with her hands as she explains and I nod after telling her to find a seat as I get the book she recommended.

Hello! I know I haven't updated in a long ass while. Uh sorry lol.

Here you guys go!

Her fit:

In case y'all forgot what willow looks like: