Marry him? How can I be a wife? I'm crazy. Don't get me wrong every little girl pictures her big white wedding but I can't go outside without a freak out, how do I stand up in a church in front of a crowd in a big white dress? I grabbed my phone as I ran into the bathroom and text the only person I knew who would rationalise my crazy.

"Ok, what's happening?" She says sitting on the closed toilet seat as I sit on the counter

"Rowan and I were having sex and he said 'Marry me'" I blurted out. I saw her stifle a laugh before she made her face appear more serious again

"And that is good? Bad?" She asks

"I love Rowan, I love being his old lady and can't wait to get a tattoo to prove it but I can't be a wife." I say my breath hitching

"Well what's the difference? I'm an old lady and a wife and trust me there isn't much in it." She says with a reassuring smile

"No, wife is all official and she has to be good to her husband. I'm a crazy lady, I can't be a good wife when he has to keep saving me from my crazy." I reply holding the key around my neck

"I trust him enough to be ok with him having a key to my safe place, which is his room. That shows how I feel about him and he knows I love him why do I have to be a wife?" I ask

"Say no then." She says bluntly. I could, I could just say no and hope that we can just stay the way we are

"But I don't want him to think I don't love him. I'm scared if I say no that things will change between us and I love the way things are. If I said no it would be because of me not because of him but I don't think he would see it that way." I say twirling a strand of hair in my fingers

"Tell him that then. That poor guy is confused as hell out there. Tell him exactly why you aren't sure and he will understand." She says reaching out to rest her hand on my knee

"What if he doesn't? What if it's marriage or nothing and he breaks up with me, I don't have a safe place to go and he has a key too." I reply my breathing picking up again

"Ok dial it down, now go out there and get dressed while I talk to Bullet, I need you to take Diesel for me this afternoon, are you up to it? How's your back doing?" She says

"Its sore but I'm ok, you know I'll have Diesel anytime." I smile, I love baby Diesel, he's so cute. She takes Bullet out of the room and I grab some shorts and a tank top, quickly getting dressed. I see my property vest hanging in the closet. Rowan had it made for me, property of Broken Demons with Bullet VP on the front. I want to wear it so everyone knows I'm his, I want the tattoo to show I belong to him forever. But the idea of marriage and being a wife scares me almost as much as the idea of being a mother.

"We need to talk about a few things." Rowan says sitting on the bed and I sit beside him. There's silence for a while and it's not a comfortable one like it used to be

"I didn't mean to ask you like that. I figured when I asked you I'd do it in a big romantic way, I mean I haven't even bought a ring yet. I love you Indigo, I just want you to be happy." He says taking my hand in his

"So you don't want to marry me?" I ask honestly feeling relieved.

"I do want to marry you, I just wish I'd asked you in a better way. I want you to be my wife Indigo, but I get the feeling you don't want to marry me." He replies

"I love you Rowan you know I do, but being a wife scares me. I'm crazy, I can't be a good wife to you. I love that I'm your old lady and can't wait to get my tattoo. Can that be enough for you?" I feel his grip tighten on my hand

"I know you love me and I love you. You're not crazy and I think you'd be an amazing wife, but as long as I know you're mine and I'm yours then fine. But I'm not saying we will never get married, you don't need to panic I'm hiding around the corner ready to jump out with a ring, but in the future maybe we could talk about it again." He takes the vest from my hands and helps me put it on. He smiles and kisses me softly

"Mine." He whispers

"Yours." I reply smiling.

For the first time since Rowan saved me I've ventured out of his room and sat in the bar with Diesel in my arms while the guys are in church. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and pulled it out to find a text from Cordelia asking to meet her at her house with Diesel. I've ventured this far from my room, I can go to Cordelia's house, it's only across the compound.

With Diesel in my arm and his bag over my shoulder I walk out the door, I stop briefly when I stand in the spot Duke took me, where I watched him shoot Rowan, but Diesel stirring pulls me out of my thoughts and I quickly continue on my journey.

I walk in and set Diesel down on his play mat before finding Cordelia in the kitchen

"Hey, I thought I could check out your back in the clinic." She says turning towards me and I follow her through to the clinic on the side of her house.

"It's healing well, considering how badly you were hurt. Where's the tattoo going? I know you're super excited to get that." Cordelia smiles as I put my shirt back on

"On my stomach here, covering these scars." I say as I circle the left side of my stomach, the scars Rowan found when we almost had sex for the first time.

"Good choice, as long as you're comfortable while Needles works his magic I don't see any reason why you can't get it done." She replies. She helps me slip my property vest on and I stand up off the bed before following Cordelia back to her house.