"You've got to be kidding me."

I burst out laughing as soon as I saw the words spray painted on my ex-girlfriend's locker door.

😝

Holy shit. That was more of an insult to our teachers rather than Heather.

I couldn't wait to see Heather's reaction once she sees this. If they thought things like this would break her spirit then they couldn't be more wrong. She was a fighter, that girl. She'd probably just roll on the floor with laughter.

I shook my head.

Man, girls were really a bunch of strange and mean creatures. I would never in a thousand years figure them out, nor was I trying to do so. Girls could figure each other out and they hated one another.

How did I know it was a girl who did this? Simple, the pink coloured paint said it all.

What a waste.

I had high hopes when I decided to once again grace this school with my awe-inspiring presence. After two years of being a responsible citizen, I wanted to take a break from the CIA and all the serious shits even just for a while.

I wanted to forget about all the horrors I'd seen, and go back to being the selfish trouble-maker I used to be. I wanted to have a normal high school life once again and cause a little trouble here and there.

I guessed I had my wish. The vandalism in front of me was just about as normal as high school could ever be.

Man, high school really sucked big time, what was I thinking? I should be eating something right now, not looking at this calligraphic abomination.

Perhaps I should teach these noobs a lesson or two about what intricately designed and amazingly executed pranks looked like.

I smiled.

Time for the return of the Hunter Cole show.

"You think it's funny?" said an angry voice behind me.

I didn't have to look to know that it was my so-called best friend so I just shrugged.

"I don't know man, but you must admit the grammar is remarkable."

Rush took a step closer.

"Don't fuck around, Cole. You know you're the reason why those motherfuckers are doing this to Heather." Rush said, looking totally pissed off just by seeing my face. What was his problem, anyway? He should be happy to gaze upon the awesomeness that was myself.

"Relax bro. Leave it to my capable hands." I told him.

He grunted.

Seriously, what did Heather see in this guy? He was like the love child of Grumpy the dwarf and the Grinch who stole Christmas. I was a hundred times more charming and better looking than him to be honest. And more humble. Just saying.

"Why so serious? We both know this won't affect Heather a bit. She's a tough chick." I said. "Not that I'm not planning to retaliate, mind you."

To my horror, I realized I was I unconsciously humming a song that suspiciously sounded like Justin Bieber's Sorry. I should probably stop hacking into iTunes for a bunch of "free" albums. The pop songs were starting to grow on me.

"So what's your plan?" He said after a while.

"Hmmm..." I tapped my fingers on my chin. "It'll hit you when you least expect it." I said.

He gave me a suspicious look. I gave him an all-too innocent one in exchange.

Of course I had a plan! But it didn't mean I would share it to him. It still annoyed me that he made a move on my ex-girlfriend without informing me first. It didn't matter that I already knew since sixth grade that the two of them had feelings for each other, the fact remained that he just violated our sacred bro-code.

I would forgive him eventually; He was my best friend after all, but not too soon. It was a man pride thing.

And partly because I was a jerk.

"Hey, you two! What are you doing in front of my locker?"

Rush and I turned around at the same time.

Heather walked towards us in all of her red-haired, milky skinned perfection, looking more beautiful than I had ever remembered her to be. Her eyes had this happy sparkle that wasn't there before.

God, I missed this girl.

Heather and I always had a complicated relationship and I had to admit that I felt relieved when I found out that she finally got together with this idiot on my side.

Speaking of the idiot, he was looking at my ex with this ridiculous expression on his face, like he was a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. I had never seen the guy fall head over heels in love before. He looked annoying but adorable at the same time.

It made me want to go get a priest, marry them off, and give them tickets to Hawaii for their honeymoon.

I felt so touched by my own kindness. Really, I was such a nice guy.

"We're just admiring this masterpiece on your locker door. We think it's an amazing tribute to the modern arts." I winked at her and gave her my irresistible, killer smile. No girl had ever resisted that smile before.

She just rolled her eyes at me.

I knew there was something wrong with this girl.

"Good. I thought you two are going to cause some trouble or something." She tried to act nonchalantly but the relief in her eyes was obvious.

I put my hands over my chest and acted as if her words offended me. Yep, I had a penchant for the theatrics. Fuck the haters.

"Me? Cause trouble?" I exclaimed, "Crazy idea, babe. But I like it."

Then I punched Rush in the face. The look of shock on his face was so comical, I almost let out a laugh.

"What the fuck, man?" he cursed, massaging his jaw.

"Come at me, bro. Let's give them the show they want." I told him in a low voice so that no one would hear it.

Now that I punched Rush in front of many people, our schoolmates would think we were enemies and would start taking sides. People who would choose my side would start blabbing about things... things like who was the one who made this stupid and ugly graffiti. And once I find out, she'd be a special guest to my show.

That was the plan.

LOL. Just kidding. Fuck the plan. I was just making up excuses to punch Rush.

Rush gave me a look that says: "I am getting tired of your shit, Cole!" and then proceeded to hit me back in the face. Hard.

The motherfucker, I knew he had a secret grudge on me!

We continued to exchange punches, careful not to put too much force in every hit so we wouldn't cause serious damage to each other. And while doing so, I realized how I missed this, not the giving him physical injuries part, but the scheming part. We were so good at it. We were partners in crime.

Now I had to do without him for a while. Guessed I just had to live without our bromance for a few weeks. Sad life.

I was vaguely aware of Heather's shouts for help.

Why was no one coming forward to stop this stupid fight? I was getting hungry here. I hadn't eaten for exactly two hours and I needed the sustenance now.

I started imagining delicious food between the punches and I decided to have one box of Pepperoni pizza with lots and lots of cheese for breakfast. I knew I already had ten pancakes earlier but what could I do? I was a growing boy.

After a while, I felt someone tugging my shirt to pull me away from Rush.

Finally! I was getting old here.

I contemplated whether I should also punch whoever it was to put on a better show but I decided against it. No use for unnecessary violence.

I thrashed to get away from the feather-like grip but I was shocked when I heard a female voice... a very annoyed female voice to be specific.

"Dude, seriously, can you stop thrashing? You're going to break my arm!"

I froze. What the hell? She was really a girl! I almost hit her, for Christ's sake!

I turned around.

"What the hell are you doing?" I said, horrified when I saw the current state of my t-shirt. The tugging and pulling made the threads on it loosen. Fuck, it was my favorite shirt!

"Errr, stopping you from killing someone?"

What? I couldn't even kill the spider in my bathroom earlier much more kill another person.

I had to bend to see the girl's face because she was staring at her sneakers as if she was reading Nostradamus' divine prophecy there.

My eyes widened upon seeing her face. I knew this girl.

Brown hair, gorgeous caramel skin, big chocolate brown eyes, lips that were just begging to be kissed... I knew her! She was The Girl!

And she was ruining my favorite t-shirt.

"You're ruining my shirt." I told her.

A look of fear flashed in her eyes and I almost kicked myself for mentioning the bloody shirt. It was obvious she had a fear of loose threads and over-stretched fabrics. What else could explain that look of terror on her face?

"Sorry." She whispered, clearly shaken by what I said.

What was she so afraid of? Did I look like an ogre or something? I was such a sweetheart as far as I knew.

I was ready to give her a lecture complete with powerpoint presentation about how much of a nice guy I really was when my buddies decided it was time to enter the scene.

"The fuck are you doing man?" said Cal, one of my best buddies. He looked like this whole situation bored him to death. Beside him was our other buddy, Parker Fray.

At Rush's side was two of our female friends, Pen and Natalie. Poor girls, both looked like they were in a state of shock.

I gave them a look that says, "I'll explain later, ignorant peasants."

Parker, knowing how much of a scheming asshole I was, immediately got the gist and decided to put his own twist to the already action-packed scene.

"What's wrong with you guys? Are you really going to just throw away our years of friendship because of a girl? She's not even that bang-worthy!"

He exclaimed in an act worthy of an Oscar Award. His dramatic moment was ruined when Heather punched his arm.

"I heard that, you moron!"

Parker smiled sheepishly at her.

"Sorry Heath, I was just kidding, I'll bang you anytime."

This time, it was me and Rush who gave him a twin stomach punch. This guy was even more mental than I was.

"Watch your mouth, Fray!" warned Rush.

I looked beside me and saw that the girl had already gone AWOL on me.

"Wait, where's the girl?" I asked to no one in particular.

"What girl?" asked Cal.

"The Girl who ruined my favorite t-shirt!"

I showed them what happened to my shirt.

Everyone just looked at me as if I was a mad man.

"Did you hit him hard on the head?" Parker semi-whispered to Rush.

"I don't know, but it would take more than a hard hit to crack a head like that."