There was innocence, and then there was darkness. Innocence is what God intended for the world; it is what he wanted it to be full of.

Flowers, green fields, millions of trees, everywhere not a flaw could be seen for miles. Until, however, he created man. And ever since, the innocence that God intended for the world became demolished in the flames of war and people that hurt others for pleasure.

Jaxson Maddox thought about it as he stood in front of his mirror like he had everyday for at least twenty minutes. He began to trace his fingers along his jaw and lick at his chapped lips at the thought of Mattie being finally his.

It's been five weeks. He counted each day and hour, tracking each time she threw up by writing it in his small, worn black journal.

He then dropped and did push ups until sweat beads formed upon his forehead. And with each drop, his muscles flexed as he felt more power flow through his pulsing veins.

He was addicted to feeling strong, addicted to being in control. And he would do what ever it took for everything he's ever wanted to fall right into his sweaty palms. For he felt as though he deserved it.

Mattie knew she deserved something too. She did not know what of exactly, but she knew.

She laid in Jaxson's bed with her hands on her stomach, her breaths semi-shaky, for she tried to calm them down by swallowing the lump in her throat that felt as if she inhaled fire and smoke.

She felt as if she were choking on air and dying on life on the inside, but on the outside she wore a mask, a mask that would have Jaxson thinking everything was okay.

Also, her mother had stopped speaking.

Not in a sugarcoated, not talk for a day type of way. But in a legitimate, not talk for weeks type of way. Weeks, she thought mentally with a bitten lip and a churning stomach.

She felt her stomach rumble under her fingertips, and began to think to herself why she was throwing up so much. She thought a lot about disease as well, and it scared her.

Did she have cancer? She thought as she began watching Jaxson get up from his push ups that he did daily before looking back into his mirror. She noticed that he always looked at himself in a way that he wanted him to look at her.

He always looked at her lovingly, but the way he looked at his own reflection was simply indescribable. It's like his face was a piece of juicy meat and he was a flesh eating wolf; he loved who he was becoming. Mattie did not know yet, but he did.

She finally turned her head from him, and then begun to think of how she could go see her doctor without Jaxson coming along. For he always came along.

She did love him, but even since her mother had stopped speaking and became locked up in her bedroom, Jaxson insisted on having her sleep over at his place more often. Which also involved her barely getting any time alone.

She was worried about her health, and was concerned about her daily nausea. If Jaxson didn't have that condition, I would have believed that I was pregnant, she thought, half relieved and half worried for what could be wrong with her.

A stomach bug for weeks upon weeks? She thought mentally again, feeling her mouth begin to water and bile rise in her already burning throat.

"Jaxson," she said aloud, swallowing the hot bile before squeezing her watering eyes shut.

He looked over at her with worry filled eyes and picked up the small trash can beside his bathroom toilet.

"No, no- not that." She stopped him, and he raised a brow.

"Oh," he set it down, "then what is it?" He asked before licking his lips and sitting on the bed beside her.

"I want to go out." Mattie hesitated and focused her gaze away from his, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"All we ever do is go to school, come back to your house, eat, then I puke and we go to bed. I want to go shopping or something, something kids my age do." She lied, thinking mentally of what the directions to her doctor was.

Jaxson nodded and agreed all too quickly, letting Mattie know right then that he thought she meant the both of them.

She cleared her throat, "Only me."

"Only you?" Jaxson repeated seconds after the words slipped past her chapped, colorless lips.

"What do you mean only you? No." He stood on his feet and begun rummaging through his dresser for a fresh T-shirt.

"Jaxson," she mumbled under her breath, looking at her lap as he continued to talk about the many reasons why he didn't think she should go alone.

Anger begun to boil in her stomach after a few minutes, and to her chest, then finally on her tongue like fire as she yelled his name.

Regret immediately filled her veins at the look he gave as he turned around. His eyes were darker and his expression venomous, causing a shiver to rake down her back and chills to grow upon her cold skin. His home was always cold.

"Fine." He swallowed his anger and frustration and threw the shirt from the dresser on the floor. "Go alone then." Jaxson gave her one last look, and went back into the bathroom before closing the door behind him with a slam.

Mattie flinched at the sound, and contemplated wether or not she should knock on the door and apologize. But, for once, she knew she needed to do something on her own for once.

She sighed and spotted her old Chuck Taylor's, finally getting up and wasting no time before slipping them on and making way out of the door before Jaxson had a chance to change his mind.

Jaxson listened from the bathroom as she walked across his floor and down his wooden stairs that creaked with every step, and when he heard the front door slam and his car start, realization hit him like a ton of bricks and his heart dropped; for his black notebook that he wrote his plans upon was in the backseat.

He looked in the mirror in front of him, not seeing a strong man any longer. But instead, saw fear- the kind of fear that he hadn't seen in himself since the day he ended the life of a little girl with one quick push.

"Fuck!" He yelled loudly and looked at the way his face in the reflection crumbled into what he saw was less of a man. Less of what he wanted to be, and more of what he was becoming.

He then punched the mirror with all of the force he had built up- and let the glass cut through his fists without a single flinch. He liked to feel the hot blood drip down his cold skin. It relieved his tension and calmed his nerves, just like the time with his father.

He remembered it clearly, as if it were yesterday. He got off to the remembrance of his hands tightening around his neck until his face and lips turned blue. He smiled as he did it, for his father was a horrid person. He hit Jaxson's mother constantly, and to make things worse, forced himself upon her until all Jaxson heard through the thin walls was crying and the word "No."

A simple word that meant so much, but also so little to people that were so low.

Jaxson finally opened his eyes to see the glass in his knuckles and the blood smearing his sink and hand, before falling to his knees and weeping into his bloody hands; defeated.

___

(A/N)

Sorry for the late update! Expect sooner ones, schools been hell.

Also, I forgot to tell you guys, the ending chapters to this story are nearing, HOWEVER I'm going to be making a second story FOLLOWING this one. More details to come..

Follow my insta, I follow back! @woah.itsbee