《Bitter Heart √》Forty One
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I tried my best to calm down while Alex drove to God knows where. The sky had gone dark by now and even the streets felt too scary and empty. I was still gripping my seat and my hands hurt. It felt like something was slowly tightening its hold around my throat, squeezing and squeezing until I couldn't breathe.
Alex was scaring me. My eyes kept darting from his face to the windows. This wasn't my Alex.
After what felt like a whole awfully long hour, he finally stopped the car. And when I looked outside in alarm, it took me a while to recognize where we were.
"Where are we?" I almost cringed at the fear in my voice. I didn't want to be scared. I wanted Alex to tell me that this was fine, that everything was fine.
"My house." He glanced at me with a frown. "Come on now."
I watched him get out and slam the door behind him. And it took me mere seconds to grab my phone from the center console, typing a quick text with shaky fingers and sending it to Caden. I didn't even get a chance to make sure it was Caden I sent that text to when almost the next instant Alex opened my door.
"Alex..." My voice cracked when I saw him clenching his jaw.
Of course, Alex and I had arguments. A lot of them. But he had never looked so angry and frustrated like he did at that moment.
What if he hurt me? I thought and nearly winced at it. He won't. He won't.
"For fuck's sake, Skylar!" He said out loud, running a hand through his hair exasperatedly. "I'm trying here. I'm trying to explain this to you. Why the hell are you making this so complicated?"
His hand reached out towards me and I tried controlling the sudden flinch.
"I'm not...I wasn't--"
"Just get out." He spoke through gritted teeth and grabbed my arm, not in a way that hurt, but it did make me shit-scared. I got out and nearly stumbled twice as he made me follow towards the front door of his house.
I wanted to run away. Shove him away, and run away from here. Because what if Caden didn't see my text? What if he did when it was too late?
My eyes darted around the driveway, hoping I'd see Alex's parents' car. But it wasn't there. And I realised it was too late as Alex pulled me inside behind him.
A beat of silence passed by and he closed the door. Didn't lock it, I noticed and practically thanked the universe.
He moved further inside his house while I stayed where I was. Closer to the door.
"Why was there blood on that gun, Alex?" I asked him, and there was no mistaking the fear in my voice.
He glanced back at me and I saw how tensed he looked at that moment. He wasn't the only one. "That wasn't my gun."
"You have a gun?"
"That's not the point--"
"What have you been hiding, Alex?" I cut him off, raising my voice even if it quivered a bit. I really didn't want the answer to that question. Because this wasn't a joke. And deep down I knew I'd be the one who'd get hurt in the end. He might not be losing anything. But I would. "What is it that I don't know?"
Alex looked away, frowning and running both of his hands through his hair now. "I knew about those gangs way before you found out."
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The knots in my stomach increased tenfold and I felt sick.
"And...are you a part of it?" I wrapped my arms around myself, cold and shaking a little. His house never used to feel so cold. His house had always been so warm and homely.
But not right now.
His eyes were on me again and everything about him, from his messed hair to his clenched fists, seemed wild. Almost as if he was freaking out as much as me. "Would it matter if I was? I'm still your best friend, Sky." And when he inched closer towards me, I found myself stumbling back towards the wall.
"Are you?" I repeated the question.
He stared at me. For a very long time. And as each second ticked by, my heart raced a little more.
"Yes. I am a part of the East Gang."
I blinked. Once. Twice. Gripping my elbows until it hurt. Because pain was something my head could wrap around. This wasn't. My head couldn't wrap around this.
Silence washed all over around us and I felt sick and so lost.
"How long?"
Alex shook his head as if asking me to stop. "Way before."
Way before. It was slow and it was painful as I started placing it all together. Like a thousand pieces of a broken puzzle.
"What..." I trailed off when my throat felt too tight. Then I swallowed. "What does that mean? How long is way before?"
Not once did I let my gaze waver from him.
The days he'd started getting distant. Making excuses to ditch our sleepovers. Exhausted, he'd said he was exhausted. All those times and so many more.
"Sky." He shook his head again and I pressed myself a little more against the wall.
As I pondered over his words a little more, I felt my eyes stinging and welling up with hot tears. Hot and cold. I felt cold.
"Alex." My voice came out small. "Were you...the one who broke into my house that day? The first time, that gash on my hand?"
"Sky, I hadn't known--"
I tried thinking of something, anything that I had done to him--any reason that had made him do it. All of this. Had I been an awful friend? Was this some sort of revenge? But for what?
"Were you the one who locked me inside the gym?" I asked him, scrunching my forehead and frantically wiping a tear that rolled down my cheek. I wasn't going to cry. I was going to ask him why and get some answers, but I wasn't going to--I couldn't cry.
Alex pursed his lips and looked away. He couldn't even hold my gaze. "Yeah. It was...it was me."
"How could you?" I whispered, staring.
I had almost called him, phoned him when I had been trapped inside the school gym. Alex would've arrived in a second and saved me, that's what I had thought. How could he have helped me when he was the one who'd locked me inside?
"How could you?" I repeated, though my voice broke this time. He looked at a loss for words.
"Did you do this because of me? Did I do something? Best friends, Alex. Why--" A small sob left my lips and I further backed away from him. "Did...Did Blake make you do this? You could've stopped him. You could've stopped him, Alex!"
He stepped towards me. "Sky, I'm sorry. You have to know I'm sorry. I felt awful, fucking awful doing whatever he made me do. I would never--Sky, let me explain, please."
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I shook my head this time. I didn't want to believe this.
"I'm not staying here." My voice came out shaky as I moved towards the door. "I can't."
Alex didn't let me take another step before finishing off the distance between us just as quick. "No. You've got to let me explain! This isn't what you think it is."
I panicked when he gripped my arm, not letting me leave. He wasn't the same Alex. He wasn't the Alex who'd never hurt me. I didn't know who he was.
"I can't!" I tried pulling away. "I can't, Alex...please. Let me go!"
"Sky--"
I managed to break away from his grasp and run straight for the door. Fortunately, I wasn't wearing any heels. But unfortunately so, the bottom of my dress got pinned against a loose screw on the front table, and it scraped my thigh in the process as I yanked on it, tearing it away.
My vision blurred with fresh tears when Alex, once again, seized my wrist. "Skylar, don't do this. I promise if you just let me explain, you'd understand. Please." There was this desperate edge in his voice which, for a few seconds, made me falter a little.
What was I doing? Why was he doing this?
I shook my head and a few strands of my hair stuck over the tears on my cheeks. "Stop. You can't--let go." And somewhere between my constant struggling, I knocked out the flower vase which was right beside me.
It fell to the floor and broke with a loud shatter. Tiny, sharp pieces.
Caden.
I could only hope at that moment.
•••••
I almost didn't open the text. The text from Skylar. Because she wasn't supposed to be texting me or calling me, not after that night at her house.
I left before she woke up and that should've been it. The end to this, whatever this was. A mess. Something that I kept on messing up the more I stayed near her. Because she was everywhere.
I didn't understand how I left her house that morning before she'd even woken up. Not when every part of me had wanted to stay. Why had I wanted to stay?
Must be that damned wooden box.
But then I did open her text and frowned at what it said,
Just that. What in the world was that supposed to mean? I didn't even know if it was meant to sound like an emergency or a fucking joke. Why would Skylar text me about that moron?
I called her. Once. Twice. Thrice. Every time it went straight to voicemail. And that irritated me more than it should've at that moment. Why wasn't she picking up?
Frowning at that, I exited the small, quiet house I had been staying in for days now. The only place where I had thought I could get some answers. Any answers. But all I'd gotten out of this were long, sleepless nights.
There wasn't anything left here for me anymore.
Starting the motorcycle, I sped off into the night, street after street until I reached a familiar one. Alex's house.
I stopped near the driveway.
Small town. Too many familiar houses. You either knew everyone, or you were a no one.
I hoped, as I got off the bike, that Skylar had sent that text for a valid reason. I didn't think I had it in me to face her just for something stupidly casual. It was hard enough when she'd called me over for that locker. I didn't want to let myself complicate things any further.
A few minutes ticked by as I leaned against the motorcycle, staring up at the house, raking both of my hands through my hair. Nothing seemed out of the blue. What in the hell had that text meant?
I narrowed my eyes at the closed front door, then looked over at the only car parked along some distance. All the while, my mind kept drifting off-topic. Sleep. I needed a decent few hours of sleep, even when that seemed impossible at the house I was staying in.
Last time I'd slept was at Skylar's house.
It was the sudden crashing sound that made me look up in alarm. Without wasting another second, I ran for the front door. And it wasn't locked as I pushed it open. Something was wrong.
I pushed past and stepped inside the house, looking around. I stopped advancing when I heard voices.
"I swear to God I didn't kill anybody!" That sounded like Alexander.
"I...I don't care. Just let me go!"
Stepping into view, my eyes widened a little when I saw Skylar--in a dress so blue--trying to pull away from the grasp on her wrist.
I truly had no idea what the hell was even going on.
Soon after, Alex's gaze flew towards me and I saw how easily the look on his face changed from one of disbelief to a furious one. Skylar turned her head around as well. The fear on her face got mixed up with sudden relief.
"Caden--"
"You called him?" Alex gritted out the words.
I wasn't really paying attention to him though--even when he was acting quite like a maniac. My gaze ran across Skylar's face, searching, and it took me seconds to notice the redness of her eyes. She was crying. I didn't realize how furious I got at that until I gripped her other arm and pulled her away from Alex, behind me.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I glared at him. And it took a lot of me to hold myself back. It was surprising enough that I held back. I couldn't start throwing punches, not when Skylar was crying.
Get some answers first, I told myself. And if this little shit has done anything that he shouldn't have, I'll probably fuck him up afterwards.
"Get out of my way, Miller."
I clenched my jaw, frowning at him. Glancing over my shoulder at Skylar, I noticed the way she blinked so fast, her eyes on Alex; so wide and scared. She was scared.
Turning around, I grabbed the front of his shirt and slammed him into the nearest wall. "What did you do?" I demanded lowly, so bloody furious. I was sleep-deprived and already a little too easy to rile up.
"Fucking hell!" Alex tried shoving me off but I held my ground. "This doesn't fucking concern you. Stay out of it."
I curled my free hand into a fist. "Oh, it does fucking concern me. If you don't start speaking now, I'll--"
"Caden." Skylar gripped the back of my jacket, tugging on it. "Don't. Please. Please."
I was gritting my teeth by the time I shoved him away, enough to make my jaw hurt. Clearly, holding back wasn't really something I was good at.
"What did he do?" I asked Skylar then, frowning at the way she pursed her lips. She still looked scared. I didn't bloody understand why.
Why was she scared?
"I can't believe you trust this guy, Skylar." Alex snapped. "How is he any less dangerous than me?"
To my surprise, I felt her grip on my sleeve loosening a bit as if she really was thinking over his words. I could've murdered someone at that point. Why was she even paying attention to what he was saying? More importantly, why the fuck was he still talking?
"What did he do, Skylar?" I asked her again, fixing my glare on him.
Alex, surprisingly, also looked like he was waiting for her to say something.
"He's...a part of the East gang."
It took seconds for my anger to be overtaken by surprise. Absolute fucking surprise. I had most definitely not expected that. I didn't even think the bastard had it in him to be involved with Blake.
"You have to listen to me, Sky." He spoke up, and I almost would've pitied his desperate self if I wasn't already on the brink of knocking him out. When he tried sidestepping me, I got in the way again.
"Don't you fucking dare." I directed the words at him, the threat loud and clear.
"Can you--Can we leave?" Skylar murmured behind me. She gripped my sleeve a bit too tightly when she whispered the next few words, "If that's not a problem for you."
I couldn't understand, for the life of me, why she even said that. Did she really think I would've left her here out of all the goddamn places?
Exhaling slowly, I took hold of her hand and directed another threatening glare towards Alex, before pulling her along towards the exit. He didn't try stopping her, or me even. I'm pretty sure he knew I would've done much worse than state petty threats if he had tried. Sparing him right now was probably one of the rarest moments of my life.
I'd get to him later, especially now that I know he's in the East Gang.
When I had led Skylar out of the house, under the night sky, she slowly pulled her hand away from mine and I had to stifle the urge to chase back for it. This wasn't the right time. I told myself to suck it up for once, and neared my motorcycle, getting on it. I glanced up at her and there she was, standing so still and looking at nothing in particular. Her eyes didn't hold questions like they did most of the time. Her eyes held sadness and for a moment I thought she wouldn't come with me.
Why would she?
But then she walked towards me and got seated behind me and there wasn't any more contemplation. I saw the way her eyes watered and I saw the way her chin trembled and it took everything, everything inside me not to get up right that second, stalk back inside that house just to hit that fucking bastard.
I sighed and clenched my jaw. Before he could've gotten out of the house too and made me lose all the willpower I had at that moment, I sped my motorcycle out of the driveway.
•••••
The whole ride was silent. Dark and empty like the night sky above. Skylar had her hands grasping the back of my jacket as she cried. I didn't know what I could've done or said to make her stop crying. I wasn't even sure if there was anything that could've made her feel better.
I wished I knew, but I didn't.
I found myself glancing over my shoulder once again and this time she had her face entirely pressed into my back, her shoulders shaking as she cried. It was absurd, the fact that I had to look away. Because I hated this. I absolutely hated this.
I stopped when we reached the end of our town, the familiar spot looking a bit too peaceful under the moonlight. I liked coming here just because of that. This place was always quiet. You could see miles from up here. Look down on everyone, tiny lights below, as insignificant as the other.
Skylar took a few seconds to realise that I had stopped, and she slowly pulled away, letting go. A few silent seconds passed by before I noticed her wiping her eyes hastily, getting down from the motorcycle.
I kept sitting there as I watched her walk towards the crest of the hill, her dark blue dress flapping along with the wind. I had no idea why she was even wearing that. Had she been going somewhere? With Alex? And there it was again. The heaviness dawning over me as I stared. The strange twist near my chest--something that I wished I couldn't feel.
She looked beautiful.
Stepping down from the motorcycle, I started following her. Almost as if she knew that I was, she spoke up.
"Did you know about this?" She asked me, and it was barely an audible whisper. "About Alex?"
I blinked in surprise. "I would've told you if I knew."
"You would've?" She turned towards me and there was this unhappy frown on her face. Upset, she was so upset. "Haven't you heard the phrase 'don't tell Skylar'?"
I frowned. "If I have ever not told you something, it has always been because of a reason." And I wasn't even lying.
Her eyes strayed away from me and I almost asked her not to. Not to look away. There was a whole city I could see from here, yet my eyes didn't want to leave her.
"I get it." She said. "It doesn't matter."
It did matter. This all did matter to me more than it should've.
"Skylar--"
"I don't even know why I'm here with you." She sounded miserable and confused and I had never seen her like this. I didn't want to see her like this.
"I didn't know that about Alex." I ignored what she had just said. "I would've told you."
She went silent for a while, but when her big brown eyes flew up to mine, brimming with new tears and a flash of frustration, I momentarily froze.
"Why...didn't you?" Her voice broke in between. A crack in the glass. "You should've known. You should've told me."
I should've.
"I know," I whispered, still staring.
She crossed her arms, shivering a little. I wanted to step closer but I wasn't sure if she'd let me.
"I thought I knew him." She sniffled. "He used to tell me everything. We were...are best friends. He must be lying."
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