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After spending a few hours with the twins, I left and checked into a hotel. Yasmin's house wasn't much of an option considering my recent actions. I still wasn't sure if her parents were notified or if I was just supposed to relay the message.

If that was the case then, I had quite a day ahead of me. Or maybe I won't, who knows if the Krämers actually even care about their daughter.

I checked my phone and saw a missed call from our therapist, Wendy. I mulled the idea of telling her in my head for a minute before deciding to just do it.

She picks up on the second ring, "Hello? Logan?"

"Yeah, hi, I was just calling to let you know that Yasmin passed away earlier today. I wasn't sure if she was still going to sessions without me."

"I-I'm sorry, she's what?" I heard shuffling as she spoke over the phone. I cleared my throat and sat on the neatly made up bed.

"Sorry, let me back track. She tried to commit suicide about a week ago, she overdosed on prescription pills and she was in a coma until she woke up this morning. She was only up for a moment before she went back to sleep and had a seizure. The doctors did what they could to help her but it was too late."

She was silent for a moment, "... Okay. Do you have any idea as to why she would try to commit suicide? It's all very jarring to me."

"I— well, I tried to leave her. Broke up with her and the next morning I came to get the rest of my things and I found her in her bed unresponsive."

"You found her? I'm very sorry to hear all of this, Logan. How are you holding up, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I'm doing as expected, I suppose. I have to make quite a bit of calls and arrangements, as I'm sure her parents won't be involved much." I frown, wondering if I've said too much or not enough.

She can't possibly suspect me, I mean, who would? They have absolutely no reason to.

"If you'd like, I would gladly help. Even if it's just you coming by for a session, to talk it through. I feel responsible in a way, both of you came to see me for counseling and I'm not sure if I did all I could to help you." She sounded pained, which surprised me. She never really came off to me as a empathetic woman, though, I guess a patient of hers committing suicide would cause for some more emotion from her.

If I talk to her, she won't question anything. "That would be great, I appreciate you concern. I know you're busy, would tomorrow morning work?"

"No problem and tomorrow at nine am would work perfectly." I nod and decide to order pizza since my stomach was growling as she spoke.

"Sure, I'll see you then, Wendy." She gives me a curt goodbye and hangs up. I make an order and head into the shower to wash off the day.

I stood there under the steaming water, my hands braced on the tiled wall. I closed my eyes, feeling every bit of drained and sighed.

Sudden memories from scratching and struggling interrupted my peace, I flinched and opened my eyes. I tilted my head upward to let the water rain on my face, trying to clear my thoughts and closed my eyes again.

Her legs kicked to the side of me, rustling the sheets, her arms wailed, scratching against my skin. Her entire body shook beneath my weight as I held the pillow of her.

"Stop." I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed the heel of my hands into my eyes. "Fuck, stop it," I willed my mind to stop thinking about it but it was useless.

I stepped away from the water and slide down the wall, feeing dizzy. My arms rested over my knees as I stared blankly at the wall. My eyes stung and my head was pounding.

"No! I— I didn't meant to do it! Fuck, I just lost my head for a second and—" my voice cracked, as I broke off into a sob and my eyes welled up with tears.

Crossed my arms over my knees and rocked myself slightly, hoping to get the memory out of my head.

But it was useless, I would always remember what I did.

"So, tell me, what exactly made you want to break up with Yasmin? In our last session you were adamant about staying with her." Dr. Wendy sat in a chair across from me, her leg crossed over another and her brown eyes intense.

I rubbed at my eyes and sighed. I didn't sleep at all and I wasn't sure how much coffee I would need to have enough energy for this.

"I— I don't know, it just wasn't working. I wasn't happy with her anymore and I later realized that I still had feelings for my ex-wife."

"Really? Do you think those feelings ever went away for your ex-wife?"

"Yes... yes, of course they did," I frowned at her question.

"Are you sure? You and Sarah were high school sweethearts, years of a relationship can't possibly go away in the blink of any eye. When do you think you stopped having feelings for Sarah in your marriage?"

"I'm not sure, I think I had stopped being happy with Sarah for a long time and then I saw Yasmin."

She writes something down on her laptop before stopping and looking back up at me. "Do you feel that Yasmin was a distraction for you?"

"What? No. No, she wasn't a distraction. I had feelings for her."

"What did you feel for her? Could you put it into words?"

"I— well, at first she intrigued me. The situation of us working together was odd to begin with but strangely, she was resigned with it. It didn't seem to bother her much. I admired her work ethic, I just admired her. We had an incident at work which led to us... being intimate and that's when I started to pursue her. I was always fucking things up and hurting her, I just wanted things to be different for us than in my marriage. She gave me an ultimatum and I ended up divorcing my wife for her." I cleared my throat and looked out the window, gazing at the dreary sky.

"Is it possible you held some resentment towards Yasmin for giving you an ultimatum?"

"I was a little mad at first but I understood why. She tried to end things with me before and I never let her because I didn't want to lose her."

"Did she ever explain her reasoning or even apologize for the ultimatum?"

I shook my head no, "she was very sure of everything she did and she did it unapologetically."

"With that in mind, would you have expected her to attempt committing suicide?"

"I— no. I found her there, like I said before, I just didn't know what to do. The guilt I felt was hard to put into words, I stayed with her while she was in a coma and I was there when she died." I try my hardest to keep my words minced, giving her just enough to go off of.

"Would it be too troubling for you to talk a little bit shout her death? I understand the emotions and grief are still very raw."

"No, uh, it's fine. We were ta— I mean, I was talking to her, the doctor told me that she might be able to hear me. I was sitting next to her and while she was still asleep, she started having a seizure, I wasn't sure what was happening for a moment. I was in shock, watching her foam at the mouth and I didn't even realize I was backing away from her until the doctor came in. Her heart flatlined and they tried to revive her but it was no use, she was gone." Even as I was speaking, the image I painted for her, made me feel empty inside.

As much as I wanted to forget what happened last night, I couldn't. I knew that as soon as I closed my eyes tonight, I would remember it all. The thought filled me with dread.

I looked up at her to find her hand pausing above her iPad, staring at me.

"Where did you go just then, Logan?"

"I— I don't know, I was just thinking. Um, the session is over, right?"

She nods and finishes typing before standing up. I stand up with her, she holds out her hand for me to shake. I grasp her hand, she gives me a sympathetic smile, "I'd like you to come back next week if you can. Would you be open to that?"

"Yeah, sure, I want to thank you for all that you've done. Going out of your way to help me and Yaz, thank you." She pats my hand and nods, pulling away.

"I care about all of my patients, Logan. My job isn't just a job. Let me know if there's anything else I can do."

I leave with a goodbye and walk to my car, I get in and rest my head against the wheel.

"I can't fucking do this shit"