"Did you know March actually used to be the first month of the year?"

"Nick, I swear to god if you do not shut the fuck up and help me I will revoke that goddamn key from your pocket and you will never get it back." I snapped, tossing a plastic hanger at his head as he was sprawled out on my bed.

I called him over to help me find an outfit for my date tonight, but all he's done is be a nuisance. Harry was right.

Unfortunately, our date was almost canceled because it started raining and we had a flood warning, but Harry seemed to have an idea on how to fix it. All he said was that he would pick me up at eight and to wear something fancy that I don't mind getting a little wet.

"Damn, woman. No need to bring the key into this." He grumbled, setting the hanger aside and walking over to me.

"He's going to pick me up in an hour, Nick. What the fuck am I supposed to wear?" I sighed, checking my hair in the mirror and making sure I didn't miss any straight spots I forgot to curl. Not that it mattered if we were possibly going to get wet.

"He said something you don't care if it gets wet?" He asked, leaning against the doorframe of my closet and looking in with me.

"Something fancy I don't mind getting wet. That could be anything." I answered, reaching forward and grabbing a red, satin, slip dress from the formal side of my closet.

"If you are going to wear lingerie, then a definite yes to the dress." He nodded in approval.

I scrunched my face up. "Why would I need to wear lingerie?"

He looked at me as if I sprouted a third leg between my eyes. "You aren't on your period anymore and you're going on a date. I'm very sure you two will end up fucking each other senseless by the end of the night so you gotta dress the part."

I cringed at his wording, although not that surprised because that is a very Nick thing to say.

"Weird that you know I'm off, but I'm gonna ignore that part. What color lingerie?" I wound up asking, opening the top drawer of my dresser and looking for a matching set. "Black?"

"Yes. Black. Now get dressed, add black heels, and come out when you're done so I can see." Nick closed my closet door with me inside without a warning, making me flinch.

Okay.

As I was searching through the drawer, I noticed Harry's journal at the bottom. Something white was poking out of it and I realized it was the letter on a separate piece of paper. I never read it.

I still have some time.

The same two words I saw the first time around were still peaking through the paper, and I carefully unfolded it. The one thing I noticed about the paper was that it looked like it had been crumpled up before it was folded, and the paper was also the same type as the one in the journal. I rub my finger along the ripped left edge, assuming he had ripped the page out. I also noticed that the date was one day before the last one I read in his journal. My only guess is he didn't like this one so he ripped it out and rewrote the other one.

January 28, 2020

I'm sorry.

I never thought I'd write to you again. It's been forever, but hi.

I would ask how you are, but what's the point? It's not like you'll ever see this journal.

I know it's been years and I should have moved on by now, but I haven't. Zayn has tried getting me to date, but it never worked out. Nobody deserves to be dating someone who is still in love with his ex.

Yeah, you saw that right. I still love you.

Not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of you. I would have random moments during the day where I'd ask myself "I wonder how Maddie is doing."

So many places here remind me of you and it made it hard to go out. Even sleeping in my bed was hard. I started sleeping in Gemma's room after she moved out, but that made me miss her too.

She got married recently. You would have loved the wedding. She wanted you here.

My mum also got married to Robin over a year ago. They also wish you would have been able to come.

Also, I cut my hair. Six inches. You should have seen how long it grew out. I cut it to the length I know you loved on me. You used to call me a prince.

Anyways, the reason I'm writing in here after so long is because I have some news. Zayn got a teaching job in Toronto, and he asked me to move out there with him...so I am.

Wednesday is my last day in England. My flight to Toronto leaves tonight. I don't know if I'll ever see you. Toronto is a big city.

I didn't think this through. I know you live there, and that makes me nervous. What if I run into you? What would I even say?

Fuck, maybe I shouldn't move. But it's too late. I'm already packed and I have a flight booked. I can't back out now.

To this day I still miss you, and not a day goes by where I don't regret leaving you the way I did. Ghosting someone is a dick move, and I did it when I was trying to get better so you wouldn't have to deal with the amount of times I relapsed.

I don't know if you are seeing someone, but I really hope you're happy.

I told myself everyday that you deserved so much better than me, but I hated the idea of you with anyone else so I became better.

And I am better. Two years sober. You'd be proud of me.

I have to go finish packing but hopefully I'll see you again one day.

You are and always will be the love of my life. Ti amo, baby.

-H.

I stood in my closet silently, just staring at the paper for I don't even know how long. I'm sure I had tears in my eyes, but not enough to call it crying.

"Are you done yet?" I hear Nick call out, breaking me out of my thoughts.

Folding the paper up and putting it back between the journal pages, I grab the first black lingerie piece I could find and shout "almost!"

I quickly did as Nick said and changed before looking for my best pair of black heels that wouldn't hurt my feet too much. They were strapless, but thank god my toes were done and painted a nice maroon color.

I stepped out of the closet after setting my robe down and did a dramatic twirl for Nick. "Yeah?"

He eyed me and smiled. "Yeah."

"Should I wear jewelry?" I asked, going back into my closet to look for silver jewelry. Gold washes me out, so silver was my best bet.

"Not too much. You should wear that bracelet Harry got you. And that peace ring."

"Good idea." I nodded despite the fact that I was hidden and he couldn't see me. I scrambled through my jewelry organizer and grabbed the ring as well as the bracelet before putting them on. I already had on small diamond studded earnings from my Nonna, so I didn't bother with big fancy earrings.

"I think I'm done." I smiled with one last look in the mirror, feeling pretty pleased with my outfit. The dress reached about mid-thigh and was tight on the waist but loose below it. I decided against the bra because with the straps on the dress, I would have been able to see it, so the only thing underneath the dress was black lace underwear.

"If Harry doesn't fuck you tonight, I will."

"And you made it weird. Out." I pointed to my door and kicked his foot.

"I was kidding. I'd rather fuck Louis." He winked, standing up from his spot on my bed.

"Out." I repeated, opening my bedroom door and following him out of the room. Just as I was about to open the front door, there was a knock.

I froze and looked at Nick. "Fuck, that's probably him. Do I look okay?"

"You look absolutely beautiful, Mads. Now open the door so I can leave and not see you two make out."

Taking a deep breath, I grab the door handle and push it down, pulling the door open to reveal the man I have been waiting for. What surprised me was the state of his hair.

"Hi." He greeted, flashing his adorable smile and handing me a small bouquet of white roses.

"Hi." I breathed, at loss for words as I stepped aside to invite him in.

"That is my cue. Have fun." Nick patted Harry's back as well as mine before exiting my apartment.

I see the roses down on the counter, my eyes remaining on the man in front of me.

"You look absolutely beautiful." Harry breathlessly commented, his arms sliding around my waist.

"Thank you." I murmured, eyeing his appearance. He wore black trousers and a satin red button up shirt rolled up to his sleeves. "We're matching."

"That we are, my love." He notices. "Ready for our date?"

I hummed as my lips brushed against his softly, his intoxicatingly beautiful cologne once again reaching my nose.

"I will be once you tell me what compelled you to cut your hair." I whispered, my fingers threading between the shorter strands in the back.

"It was too high maintenance." He replied, closing the gap annoyingly slow.

His chest pressed against mine and he pulled away from the kiss by a fraction. "Are you wearing a bra?"

"Nope."

"Fuck." He groaned. "We should leave now or else we never will."

I smiled and stepped out of his arms. "Ready whenever you are."

I made sure to lock the door behind us with my keys before taking his hand and following him to the elevator.

"Before anything, I need to blindfold you. Is that alright?" He asked as we pressed the button and waited.

"I don't have a choice, do I?"

He chuckled and pulled a white banana from his back pocket. I let him put it on and my vision turned black. He kept a hand on my lower back and led me into the elevator. The doors closed and I swear we were in the elevator for nearly a minute, which was not how long it took to get to the ground floor - if that is where we are even going.

I finally heard the doors open and I reached out for Harry's hand so I don't fall over.

"Don't worry, I've got you." He assured, leading me out of the elevator. I felt a warm breeze brush my hair back and I immediately knew where he had brought me.

"You're not gonna murder me, are you?" I joked.

"Depends on your definition of murder."

Oh. "Okay then."

He chuckled at my response.

"Just a few more steps and you can take it off." He says, tightening his hand around mine. Through the tip of my fingers on his wrist, I felt his pulse quicken. He's either excited or nervous.

We came to a stop and I felt his hands let me go. "Okay. You can take it off."

Hesitantly, I bring my hands up to the bandana covering my eyes and removed it so I could see again. My thoughts where correct when I assumed he had brought me to the roof, but the setup I saw left me speechless.

Inside the single cabana hung fairy lights, and there was a blanket with candles and a basket sheltered from the rain that was soon about to start coming down.

"Oh my god." I whispered.

"I know you don't like things that are cheesy and too romantic, so if it's too much, you can tell me and we can do something e-"

"Shut up." I grinned, turning to face him and practically throwing myself at him, my lips meeting his.

He relaxed around me and kissed me back just as I pulled away. "Dubiti troppo di te stesso, amore mio."

Timidly, he smiled, understanding what I said to him. "So you like it?"

"I love it. And I love you." I whispered, my eyes flickering between his nervous ones. "Voglio cadere in ginocchio e proporti in questo momento."

He tilted his head to the left a bit, showing he didn't quite know what that part meant. "Still learning. Mind saying it in English?"

Instead of replying, I just grinned and locked my hands around his, pulling him towards the set up as I walked backwards.

"Not gonna tell me?" He questioned adorably, and I shook my head.

"Maybe."

He pouted and I released one of his hands so I was now walking beside him. "I'll find out one of these days."

"So che lo farai, mio ​​bella ragazzo."

• • •