"Well hello, stranger. You didn't come by yesterday."

I do a double take as I walk into the stairs hall, finding Zayn following in after me.

"Sorry. I was exhausted." I apologized, moving out of the way and making room by my side for him as we walked up the stairs.

"It's fine. What are you up to?" He asked, putting his arm around my shoulder as I took a sip of the coffee in my right hand.

"I am about to go take my cousin to dinner after I return this book to Louis." I tell him. "What about you?"

"Nothing. I was just about to see if Harry was with Louis because I am bored as shit." He replied, walking me towards Louis' door.

"Oh, okay. Well after dinner, my cousin and I are walking around downtown and she said you guys could come if you want." I offered. Roma was very persistent on getting me to ask the "sexy English men" to go out with us after dinner.

Zayn's face lit up. "I'd love to join." He said in a breath. "Why are you taking the stairs?"

I shrugged. "Good exercise. It's only two floors down." Once we were on Louis' floor, I opened the door and stepped into the hall, holding it for Zayn.

We approached Louis' apartment door and I raised my fist to knock on it.

"Hey." Louis greeted happily once the door swung open, widening the space for us to step inside. "Come in."

"Hola." Zayn and I step inside and close the door behind us.

"Here's your book back." I say, handing Louis the small copy of Song Of Achilles.

He takes it from my hands and smiled, setting it on the counter. "Thanks. Did you like it?"

"Eh. It was okay. Kinda boring." I made the so-and-so gesture with my hand as I sat down on the stool at the island.

Louis gasps and holds a hand to his chest dramatically, making me roll my eyes jokingly. "It is not boring."

"Whatever you say." I sang. "I'm taking Roma downtown after dinner if you would like to meet up with us. Zayn is going."

"Sure, why not. Just let me know what time." He agreed and I nodded.

"Is Harry here?" Zayn asked Louis, leaning against the counter next to me.

Before Louis could answer, all of our heads turned to the bathroom door as it opened, the drop dead gorgeous man I am very fond of stepping out, looking perfect as usual.

He had a neutral expression on his face, but it dropped when he made eye contact with me.

I quickly shift my eyes away to something else, and I hear him let out a sigh before retreating back into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Ouch. That hurt.

"Is he alright?" Zayn asked, both confused and worried.

Louis just gave a shrug of defeat. "I don't know. I've noticed he's been a bit distant this week."

Then the both of them turn to look at me as if I know something they don't.

Maybe because I do know something they don't.

"What?" I asked coyly, glancing between the both of them in discomfort.

"He's been acting funny since your party. Something had to have happened." Louis interrogated, staring me down.

Before I can blurt it out, I stand up and clear my throat. "I have nothing to do with his man period. What I do have is dinner with Roma so ciao."

As I'm walking towards the door, I hear Zayn following behind me. "Wait, I'm coming!"

• • •

"Man. Toronto is beautiful." Roma says in awe as we walked in front of the large Toronto sign downtown.

"You've been here before." I tell her through a chuckle.

"It's still beautiful."

"It really is." I smiled before turning to Zayn. "What about you? Regret moving here yet?"

He shook his head and looked down at me. "No way. This city is amazing." He smiled.

We walked around for an hour before Roma and I parted ways, saying our goodbyes with very tight hugs.

Zayn, Louis, and I continued to walk around for a little more since it was nice outside.

"So what happened with you and Harry?"

Taken back by Zayn's unexpected question, I look at him tiredly. "Nothing. Why is everyone assuming his bitchy mood has something to do with me?!" I exclaimed exasperatedly, throwing my arms up and dropping them back at my sides.

Louis comes out of nowhere and tosses his arm around my shoulder. "Because it does have something to do with you."

I shove his arm off of me in annoyance. "Fuck off. Nobody asked you."

"Damn. I thought Canadians were supposed to be nice." Zayn asked.

"She's more Italian than she is Canadian." Louis responds to him.

"I can tell." Zayn replied cockily, earning a glare from me. "Now back to Harry. What happened? I want every detail from when he moved here to now." He basically demanded.

"Oh my god. Nothing happened." I huffed, feeling ready to just give in.

"Liar." Louis sang in my ear, my eyes squeezing shut tightly.

"Would you stop? I'm not telling you anything." I begged, immediately regretting those words leaving my mouth.

"So something did happen?" Zayn gasped.

"For fucks sake." I mumbled, rubbing my temples before finally breaking. "We made out, okay?"

"Woah, you did what?" Nick shrieked as he stopped walking, pulling on my arm. Zayn also came to a halt while Louis had no clue what was happening, but listened in anyway. "When did this happen?"

Through a sigh, I run a hand down my face in frustration. "After Riley's party and-"

"And? How many times did this happen?" Zayn cut me off in shock.

"Twice, but-" I answered, now fidgeting with the scarf around my neck.

"And you didn't tell me?!" Zayn says, clearly almost in hysterics.

"Let me talk!" I bursted out. Zayn instantly shut up and all three of them stared at me, waiting for me to speak. "At Riley's party, he found out I flew his family out here and then he kissed me." I held my hand up before any of them could speak, continuing. "Then around midnight after my party, he took me out for a drive where he sort of indirectly told me he might want to get back together...and we made out a little."

All of their eyes were scarily wide, but none of them said anything until I told them they could. "I'm done."

"Holy shit, Maddie. Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Louis asked first before Zayn could say anything.

"Because I don't have to?" I answered in an obvious tone.

Louis just stared at me like I was a stranger to him, which is a little dramatic. "You are one of my best friends. You are supposed to tell me this kind of stuff."

"I'm supposed to come to you every time I have boy problems like we are in middle school?"

He stared at me with wide eyes, responding with so much certainty. "Yes!"

"Okay, stop. You can argue about this later." Zayn finally cuts in before turning to me. "So you and Harry made out. That's why he's been moody?"

"I honestly don't know why he's moody. I've tried talking to him every chance I got before I went to New York but he ran away whenever he saw me. I don't know what's going on." I tell him through a deep breath, feeling the hurt all over again.

But I can't help but wonder if I made a mistake by giving in to the temptation of kissing him again. He seemed to enjoy it, and I did too, if I'm honest. So I don't know why he's avoiding me.

"Okay, I need you to fill me in on everything since it happened." Zayn asked calmly, beginning to walk again and leading me along with him, the other two following.

So I did. I told him everything from the moment Harry kissed me to now. It took me around five minutes to explain it all, and it took him ten minutes to process everything I told him. I even told him about the journal Gemma gave me, hoping maybe he knew something about it.

"Wait. Is the journal she gave you brown and leather?" He asked curiously, filling me with hope as I nodded.

"Yes, that's the one. Do you know why she would give it to me and why she wants me to read it so badly?" I asked, praying for an answer that will help me understand what's in it, because I don't want to read it if it is something Harry doesn't want anybody knowing. It's his private journal, for god's sake. I would never want to see it without his permission.

"Mads, you have to read it." Zayn answers, making all the hope I had fall out of me.

"But why? Why do I have to read it?" I practically whined, tired of hearing that response about this journal.

"I know you don't want to because it feels like you are invading his privacy, but he wrote that journal for you, Maddie. I personally have not read it, but I do know that what is inside is something he wrote for your eyes only." He reassured me, but it didn't help at all.

I will not read it until Harry himself tells me I am allowed to. I open my mouth to tell him I still wasn't going to read it, but he continued before I could.

"I mean, he started writing in the journal since the moment he moved back to England. The entire time he was going to AA meetings, he was an absolute wreck. All he could think about was how he was letting you down. He wrote in there up until the moment we moved, but he would never tell me what was in it. All he ever told me was that it was for you." Zayn finishes, leaving me with tears in my eyes.

"It's been a while, though. He obviously left it in England for a reason, so that must mean he doesn't want anyone to see it." I justified, trying to make sense of it all.

"That is true, but honestly I can't tell you what to do. Do whatever you want with that journal. It's yours now." Zayn shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets as we started walking back towards where I parked my car.

I thought about Zayn's words. "It's yours now."

He may say that, but it doesn't feel that way. It's still Harry's journal in my eyes.

The three of us decided to go back to Zayn apartment afterwards, and we sat in his room talking about how he was looking for a studio to practice his art in.

"Faith is a realtor. I'm sure she can help you find some places around here, if you want." I inform him, sitting up on his bed when I saw the picture that was in a frame sitting on the dresser, a smile spreading on my face.

"That would be amazing. Thank you." He sighs in relief, walking over to me to see what I was looking at.

I grab the frame and study everyone in the picture, feeling nostalgic as I stared at it. From left to right, it was Gemma, Riley, Zayn, Harry, and me lined up next to each other. We were all at the beach and I remember just before this picture was taken, Anne screamed because a piece of seaweed touched her foot.

"I forgot about this picture." I said quietly.

"Yeah. I found it while I was packing my stuff and thought it would be nice to frame." I look up and see Zayn smiling at the photo with me. "You and Harry weren't even looking at the camera." He chuckled, pointing it out.

And he was right. Harry and I were not looking at the camera.

We were looking at each other. Not just that, but we had the biggest grins on our faces too.

"You two used to be so in love with each other, it was very hard to keep you apart." Zayn chuckled, instantly going quiet when he realized what he was saying. "Shit, sorry."

"No, it's okay." I whispered, feeling my eyes brim with tears once again. I can feel the guilt radiate off of him as I still held the picture, my finger brushing over a piece of dust that was on Harry's face.

"Wait..." he mutters, pulling out his phone and typing into it for a minute before showing me what he was pulling up. "I knew this post looked familiar."

It was a picture on Gemma's Instagram account of all of us at my party. Gemma, Anne, Harry, Riley, Zayn, we're standing around the table while I was sat down in front of the cake.

But like the beach picture, Harry and I were only looking at each other with smiles on our faces.

"Three years later and you guys still look at each other like that." Zayn smiles to himself, like he accomplished something by comparing the two photographs. "I've never seen him as happy as he is with you, Maddie."

"If your plan was to make me feel like shit, congrats." I joke through a sniffle, setting the picture frame back down and reaching up to wipe my eyes.

"No no no. I didn't mean to upset you." Zayn panics, pushing my hand away from my face and wiping my tears away himself.

"I promise, it's fine. I just...I wish I could go back to being that happy with him." I sighed, politely removing his hands from my face. "We used to be so good at communicating, but now it's just like...what the fuck."

"I know, Maddie. I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to make you cry." Zayn says, guilt clear in his voice as he stood by my side, comforting me by rubbing my back.

"It's not your fault, Zayn. I just wish I knew what I did for him to just ignore me like this. He's confusing as shit." I chuckled sadly, taking a deep and shaky breath to avoid from letting more tears spill.

"I agree he is confusing. But you know what?" He asked with a sympathetic smile.

"What?" I asked lowly, folding my arms in front of my chest.

"Whether it's three years or ten, that man is and always will be in love with you."

• • •