I don't know what the hell is happening.

There was no denying that I still felt something for Harry. I don't know if it was just infatuation or the chemistry we had with each other, but there was definitely something there. I'd be an idiot to deny it.

After we walked around the town today, we all went back to my dad's and just sat by the fireplace watching Home Alone - one and two - before my dad left to the hotel he was staying at tonight since the wedding was tomorrow.

Faith called it a night and went to bed after the kids fell asleep, leaving just the five of us in the living room talking amongst ourselves.

We were all seated on the sectional, except Nick who was sitting on the floor directly in front of the fire.

"So is Brandon not coming to the wedding? I just noticed he's not here." Riley asked me.

"He's on his way with Anna and the baby, I think. He texted me an hour ago saying for you two to meet him at the hotel and to take your suits." I say, pointing at Nick and Louis since they were the groomsmen.

"Yes ma'am." Nick saluted with a playful stern look.

"Why would you guys ever leave this place? It's so much cozier than Toronto." Zayn asked randomly.

Riley, Nick, and I all looked between each other knowingly before we started laughing. Our reason for leaving wasn't exactly funny, but the way we instantly reacted like that was.

"We, Uh, we made a pact when we were younger to run away from our families because it was always our dream to leave London. So we settled with Toronto." I answered once our laughter subsided.

"Plus, this town is so small you literally run into every person you've grown up with." Nick added slyly, smirking in my direction and earning an eye roll from me.

"I know. And there was never much to do around here anyway growing up." Riley agreed.

"Yeah. But I still miss it here every once in a while." I sighed, whistling when I hear heavy paws coming down the stairs.

A few seconds later Baby jumps onto my lap, making me groan when he stepped on my bladder. "God, you're getting heavy." I say, petting his head and leaning my head back when he started licking me.

Harry patted the space on the couch between us and Baby jumped from my lap to Harry's, cuddling his lap with Harry scratching behind his ears.

"B just texted me saying he's thirty minutes away from the hotel so we are gonna go." Nick says, breaking my gaze from Harry and my dog.

"Okay. Bye guys." I smiled at Louis and Nick as they stood up and began walking out of the living room. "See ya tomorrow."

"Adios." Nick waved, following Louis out the door after that put their shoes on.

Seconds after they left, Riley got up from the couch, faking a yawn and kicking Zayn's ankle. "We are gonna go too. Gotta get up early."

I sent her a glare, knowing exactly what she was doing. "Mhm. Since when do you go to bed at nine?" I asked suspiciously.

"Since there is wedding tomorrow and I would like to get all the sleep I can." She answered, winking at me when Harry wasn't looking.

When we were at the park earlier, Zayn, Nick, Louis, and Harry were all on the slides while Riley and I were on the swings. She took that opportunity to ask what was going on with Harry and I, to which I answered honestly by saying I didn't know. She didn't believe me, and now she is trying to get me alone with him.

This is why I hate telling her things that include my friendship with Harry.

"Goodnight Harry. We will pick you up around three tomorrow?" Riley asks him as she began walking out of the living room with Zayn.

"Sounds good." He confirmed with a smile, still comforting my dog with his gorgeously perfect and smooth hands, his rings suiting every finger perfectly.

No! Bad, Maddie!

God, I have issues.

I stood up to lock the door behind her as she left, closing the door with a tired and relieved sigh. I need a nice long shower. That would be one less thing I have to worry about right now.

"I'm gonna go shower. Knock on my door if you need anything." I tell Harry as I reach the bottom of the stairs, ready to go up.

"Okay. Goodnight, love."

He smiled softly at me, making my heart want to jump out of my chest and strangle my throat. I returned the same smile before casually hurrying to my room and closing the door gently.

Pushing myself off of the door, I walk over to my closet to grab a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt, setting them on the bed with a sigh. I sit down on the edge of the bed, rubbing my head when I felt an annoying throb behind my eyes.

When there was a knock on my bedroom door, I look at it in annoyance. "Come in."

Suddenly my headache and annoyance went away when I saw the same piercing green eyes that I used to love peaking through the door with his perfect smile.

"Hey. Sorry to bother you." He apologized, opening the door a little wider.

"You're not bothering me. What's up?"

"I, uh, just wanted to let you know I'm gonna go for a walk. You're welcome to come with if you want." He offered, clearing back like he thought I'd say no.

Even though I have been walking a lot today, a walk sounded really nice. Plus Harry didn't know his way around here so I didn't want him alone in case he got lost or something.

"What the hell. I'm not doing anything else." I shrugged, standing up from my bed. My shower can wait till after I get back.

Harry seemed almost relieved at my response and his smile grew. He stepped aside as I left my room and we walked down the stairs together.

The lights were all off and the only thing lighting up the living area was the twelve-foot tall Christmas tree next to the fire place. After we had put on our boots, Harry opened the door for me and we walked out, letting me lock the door behind him.

It was snowing lightly, but there was still around a feet of snow layered on the ground, making it a little more difficult to walk, but neither of us minded.

"So, how do you like London?" I asked him with a smile.

"It's small, but I've always had a thing for small towns. It's beautiful around here." He says quietly, glancing up at me as we walked along the sidewalk.

"It is beautiful. I've been thinking about moving back, but I don't know yet." I say. I've never told anyone that I wanted to move back. Hell, I never even wanted to admit that to myself until now.

"Why do you want to move back?"

"Toronto feels like home to me, but sometimes I get really homesick when I come here to visit. Makes me miss when I was kid." My voice was extremely quiet when I spoke, but it was loud enough for Harry to hear. "Which reminds me, there is one more place I want to show you."

"Lead the way." He says with excitement. The spot was only a block away, so we didn't have to do too much walking.

"There is this place by my aunt's old house here, and I would go there all time whenever I wanted to be alone. Either there or the ice rink we saw earlier." I tell him softly. Nobody knew about where I would be when I was there, so it was very special to me. And for that reason, I wanted to show it to Harry. He just felt like the person I know I could trust to know about it.

After ten minutes of walking, we had made it to my aunt's neighborhood. "That's her old house." I tell him as I look to our right, pointing to the very last house before there were a bunch of trees and bushes. On the other side of the trees was the spot, and my heart raced as we made our way up the small trail.

"It's a train track?" Harry asked in confusion, probably thinking this was a dumb place to come to think to myself.

"Yeah. I know it's dumb, but whenever things would become to much for me, I would come here so nobody could find me." I explained, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"It's not dumb. Does Nick know about it?"

I shook my head and we stopped walking as I sat down on one side of the tracks. "Nobody knew. You're the only person I've ever brought here." I said sheepishly, looking down at my hands as I pressed them into the snow, seeing my breath cloud in front of me when I breathed.

"Oh. I feel very special." He chuckled, sitting down in front of me in the same position.

"But now that you know about it, I'm gonna have to kill you." I joked in the most serious tone I could use.

"Damn. I never even got to say goodbye to my wife and kids." He continued, faking a sob that made me let out a laugh that hurt my stomach, Harry soon joining in. After a good minute or so, our laughter faded and we were left with the comfortable silence until he broke it. "But seriously, thank you for bringing me. It means a lot more than you know."

I lift my head up and meet his gaze, somehow feeling intimidated by his soft stare. "Just my way of saying thank you."

He tilted his head to the side in confusion. "For what?"

"For coming here with me. For being a good friend." I shrugged, not really have a specific reason for saying thank you. Although, the word friend tasted bitter as it rolled off of my tongue.

His face hardened and he sucked in a breath before softening his features and smiling. "Of course."

I just made things awkward. Shit.

Doing the first thing I could think of to break the ice that formed between us, I scoop up a handful of snow behind my back and tossed it at his face.

His face scrunched up and he gasped while I got ready to stand up.

"You're gonna pay for that." He chuckled menacingly. When I saw him grab snow, I cursed and stood up quickly, starting to run down the track and away from him as he chased me. It's not fair that he had longer legs because I didn't get very far.

"No!" I let out a squeal as he grabbed me from behind with one arm and pulled my back against his chest, using his other hand to wrap around my shoulder to smush the snow against my mouth and cheek. I sputter and wipe the wetness away, the both of us laughing uncontrollably. It was only until we realized how close we were that we stopped laughing. My heart was beating against my chest and since his was pressed against my back, I felt his racing as well. His heavy breaths fanned against my ear, and I swallowed harshly, trying to steady my ragged breathing. Before I could pull myself from his grasp, we both slipped and fell into the soft pile of snow, and of course he just had to land on top of me.

His face was flushed and pale at the same time from the cold as he stared down at me, his warm breath now hitting my face as it was barely inches away from his.

I watched as his eyes bored into mine, and the closer his face got, the more panic I felt bubble inside of me.

"I think...we should head back." I spoke slowly and breathlessly, watching as he made the move to get up. It took him a minute to process my words before nodding and an apologetic look crossed his face.

"Yeah." He mumbled, pushing himself up and reaching out of my hands to help me back into my feet. Once I was up, he let go of my hands and shoved them into his coat pockets.

We walked back to the house without saying another word to each other.

• • •

-Hey are you still awake?

I stare at my phone, hoping it will speed up the process of him texting me back but it didn't.

When we got back to the house, we went up to our rooms and haven't spoken the rest of the night. It was now eleven, and all that has been on my mind was what happened earlier. What even did happen?

My mind was still trying to make sense of it all, and my dumb ass thought it would be a good idea to text Harry after I had gotten out of the shower and went to bed.

I close my eyes for a short minute, thinking maybe there will be a response when I open them. And there was.

- yeah. You okay?

I smile and type a reply.

- I can't sleep :/

- me neither. A lot on my mind

-me too

-really? Like what?

Deciding to just say Fuck it, I type a response and send it before I can back out.

- just thinking about this guy

I wait anxiously for him response, watching the three bubbles in the bottom left corner of the screen turn into actual words.

- is that so?

-yeah. What about you

-oh just thinking about this girl I know

-I wonder if she thinks about me as much I think about her

I read that message in his voice, and I swear I felt my heart stop a few times. I read it over and over again until I could think of what I would actually say to that.

I knew I took too long to figure out what I was going to say next when he sent a follow up message.

- you still there?

My fingers hesitantly typed in four single letters and hit send.

- yeah

-try to get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow

- okay. goodnight

- goodnight love xx

I contemplated sending the next message I typed up, but my thumb hit send before I could gain the courage to do it consciously.

- by the way, she thinks about you all the time too

• • •