.

I adjusted my body closer and, with our hands still connected, I leaned in. His mouth almost enveloped mine in a fiery kiss.

Keyword being almost.

Before our lips could make contact, Aaron's finger did. He raised his index finger to my lips, stopping me in my movements.

"Please." He strained out, his voice laced with exhaustion.

My eyes snapped open at this and I stared at him, hoping he would offer me a reasonable explanation- But one never came.

I recoiled away from him, nodding numbly.

"Sorry." I mumbled. Tears formed in my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall. Aaron's eyes didn't meet mine as he spoke, his voice quiet.

"No. I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't mean to start anything. I'm sorry." He said, his eyes looking everywhere but at me.

I turned to Aaron who eyed our connected hands with a mixture of disgust and despair.

I waited. I don't know what for, but I didn't feel like moving right now. Aaron clenched and unclenched his jaw, eyeing our hands. His palm pressed against mine with a little force before he hesitantly parted his hand from mine, moving it back slowly to his side.

_____________________

Aaron's lips were like a whisper above hers then and he stilled, knowing that if Lexi did not want it, he wouldn't continue with his own selfish desires. Much to his relief, she didn't object so he proceeded to move in.

He knew that it may make things awkward between them later and he knew that it might compromise her helping him impress his mother, but he couldn't find himself stopping now; not when his need was greater than logic.

He could feel it then: how close they were, the heat from her small form, contrasting with the cold surroundings. It was all he could think off and he felt the strong urge to close the gap hurriedly; to press his lips against hers. It was all he could think of until her small hand trembled as it lay flat against his and- suddenly- he just couldn't do it.

He couldn't use her as a distraction like he did the others.

So, without another thought, he raised his index finger to her lips, stopping their movements altogether. The feel of her soft lips against his hand was enough to test his restraint and he clenched his eyes shut, holding back the urge.

"Please." He strained out, trying to control himself, but he knew that he would cave if she cared to convince him otherwise. He would kiss her with no regrets; no thoughts to the aftermath.

Silence.

He didn't open his eyes, even when she said nothing in response because he knew he wouldn't be able to withstand her assessing gaze. Her brown eyes were so intrusive at times, it made him feel as though she could see his soul and it scared him to his wits.

Then, after what seemed like an eternity of torment, she moved away from him.

"Sorry." Her voice was quiet as she spoke, but she gave nothing else away from it, so he opened his eyes to gauge her expression. She was looking to the side with that same expressionless gaze and Aaron shook his head softly, in protest to her words.

"No. I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't mean to start anything. I'm sorry." He said in response and he meant every word. It was his fault entirely for having no self-control and seeing even the girl, who was helping him impress his mother, as a means for pleasure. He was truly more like his father than he had initially thought.

He couldn't even find the courage to look at her after this thought, so he cast his gaze at the surroundings, feeling disdain for his line of thinking.

It was then that his eyes fell onto their connected palms and he couldn't help but curse internally at what he had just done.

This wasn't just another girl whose name he hadn't cared to know. This was Lexi, the girl who expected nothing from him and still helped him. The girl who gave his insults hack twice as good and the girl who could trump him in any academic class. She was miles above him and, yet, he was going to project his ugly habits on her? He felt disgust then at the realisation of what he was: a feeling that slowly dispersed into despair when he realised that- perhaps- he was right before to assume that Lexi just saw him as some dumb player. He was, most definitely, perceived as less than nothing in her eyes.

The thought made his jaw clench in anger and he moved his hand away from hers hesitantly, letting it fall by his side.

To be parted from her made him realise the infinite distance between them. She was so different to him; so strong-willed; so moral and he- on the other hand- was the exact opposite. A selfish, predator that used his past trauma to excuse his debauchery.

He couldn't help the grief fill him at the thought of how he was behaving in the one way he swore he would never do. Perhaps, the apple truly does not fall far from the tree. Even when he looked up to see her hand fell to her side, his hands clenched involuntary. If he was worth her attention, she would have long since been in his hold, but she wasn't just anyone to have. However, it didn't stop him from longing to it.

So, he looked up, meeting the storm of her brown eyes as she looked to him with the same assessing gaze that he feared. She was trying to read him yet all he could do was yearn. He yearned to one day be able to be a man that wouldn't have to think twice before kissing a girl like Lexi. He wouldn't be so defined by all his screw ups and he'd break out of his bad habits. There'd be no infamous reputation and no more of the toxic cycle of sex as a distraction. He could finally be free.

And, with one longing look at Lexi, he knew. He knew that it would be her that would help him out of the dark rabbit hole he had inadvertently jumped into. She was the only girl that didn't let him excuse his behaviour with and, so, the only girl he couldn't sleep with to stave off his demons. Unbeknownst to her, she had become somewhat of a saviour to him and he hoped she would pull him towards the light, away from the alcoholic mother, an unfaithful father and cheating girlfriend. Away from the darkness is where she would take him.

Or, he feared that he'd be wholly consumed.

*********************

The sound of him swimming was all that could be heard in the water for a while after. He had tried to get Lexi to stay in the water with him, but she had been adamant on getting out, so he had relented. Why would she want to stay near him when he had encroached on her personal space? She had every right to be disgusted by him.

He spared a tepid gaze to her lying form on the grass as he exited the waters. She didn't even glance his way as he dressed before he lay down beside her, sparing her a look from the corner of his eye.

There was that familiar unreadable expression on her face as she looked to the sky, handing resting against her stomach. The mere look of her hand reminded him of what had happened in the waters and he turned away, feeling the self-disdain grow exponentially.

"Lexi?" He all but blurted out when the silence was giving him too much time with his thoughts.

Silence.

It was the only sound and then there was something else: something strange. He couldn't recognise it first, but when he did, his body stiffened in shock.

The sound of his own heartbeat.

It was loud, pumping against his chest like he had just won a marathon and he wondered why. Why had her lack of response sent him spiralling into a cardiac arrest? It had never happened before, but he knew her silence unnerved him in ways that he couldn't explain. She had to respond or else he'd feel like his heart would beat right out of his body.

"Mm?" Lexi's soft voice broke through the silence, much to his relief, bur that relief was shortlived. He felt himself dampen at the casualness to her tone. How could she be so normal when his heart was thundering so loud? He felt it unfair that she was talking so normally to him.

"Yes?" Lexi spoke again when he didn't respond and he couldn't help it then as he said the first thing that came to his mind; that had been plaguing his mind for a while.

"What's your opinion on it?" He questioned, gazing up at the sky to mirror her movements. His hands clenched by his side as she looked to him and, seen from his peripheral, he could see her confusion.

"What?" She asked and he turned to look at her then, feeling his chest tighten at the topic.

"You know, when you said being a virgin depends on how the person looks at it. What does that mean?" He finally said, at long last as he assessed her eyes for her reaction. It was a question that had plagued him for intimacy had become both a blessing and curse to his existence. How did Lexi see him how? Did his first time mean something? Should it have?

She seemed slightly confused at his line of questioning but, still, she thought for a moment before turning back to him.

"Well, because everyone sees it differently. Some people see a girl's virginity as symbolic of her honour and purity. It's why they first began wearing a white dress in weddings- to indicate their purity and, if it's gone, they think the girl is no longer pure." She spoke the big mouthful and Aaron looked to the sky, listening to the weight of her words. Was that him then? Was he no longer pure in her eyes? It made a despondency fill him as he listened to her next words.

"However, keeping your virginity can also be seen as a bad thing. People start to think you're too prude. Or that no one wants to sleep with you. If a girl keeps her virginity, she's already labelled by society before they even get to know her. Sometimes, she's not seen as pure, but rather as unsexy. It's amazing how society works, really." She edged out with such vivacity that he knew she was referring to herself. The thought that both of them- one who slept around and the other who was a virgin- had suffered from insults about their intimate life made him chuckle sadly.

"It's a fucked up world we live in." Was all he could say and, when she nodded, he began to realise that maybe they weren't as many world's apart as he had initially thought. This common ground made him realise that were even slightly similar and he clung to it like it was hope. He wanted someone to understand him and he found that in her. So, he turned to her then:- his elbow on the ground and his hand holding his head. He tensed slightly at how close he was to her lying form: so close he could caress her cheeks and play with her hair, but he wouldn't do it. Lexi didn't exist to satiate his desires so he would treat her like a person.

"Say something?" He spoke, relenting to the part of him that wanted to know more about her. He couldn't help but smile at his unexpected curiosity in her; a smile that only widened when she smiled up at him.

"What's your most favourite thing to do in the world?" She asked softly and he felt his heart constrict at her line of questioning. It was so simple; so innocent, devoid of any contrived intentions. He hadn't experienced this type of good-willed conversation in a long while.

So, he gave into it, biting his lip in thought as he raised an eyebrow.

"That's easy. Get with some girls" He joked, knowing he only said it because he loved her reactions, but his words teetered on the truth.

She looked to him pointedly then, making him smile.

"Seriously, Aaron? Seriously?" She droned sarcastically and he put up a hand in mock surrender.

"I'm serious, Lexi! It really is. It helps me take my mind off stuff, I guess." He said with a simple shrug and he didn't even know why he was disclosing so much to her. He had shown her this private place, told her about his Dad and, now, he was loading off about how he used sex for his problems. He was sharing this all in one night and he couldn't find it in him to stop.

"What kind of stuff?" She questioned, looking up at him and he shrugged again, despite knowing what type of stuff exactly.

"I don't know. Problems, maybe- Whenever there's something pressing in the back of my mind. It just helps." He disclosed, not venturing to far in and she smiled reassuringly at him in ways that made him feel lighter.

"Ever heard of chocolate therapy?" She joked, making him smile at how she tried to lighten the atmosphere. So, he relented, smirking at her words.

"Of course I have. I always use chocolate therapy- the melted kind. It really does help." He said jokingly, his grin widening when he saw her grimace. He knew he wouldn't grow tired of messing with her; he could do it his whole life and still enjoy it.

"Ew, yeah, no thanks. I'm good." She finalised and it made him laugh as he nudged her arm playfully.

"You never know unless you try." He jibed yet again, expecting her to glare at him but, instead, she rubbed her chin in a pretence to think. That moment made his jaw clench as he saw her contemplating it and then she smirked, shaking her head.

"Nope. I'll take my chances." She answered airily and he felt glad that she couldn't read his mind; the mere thought that he had gotten his hopes up embarrassed him.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts before turning to look at her.

"What's your most favourite thing to do in the world?" Aaron questioned, in a bid to change the subject and he watched as she looked up in thought. A few moments passed like this before she shrugged.

"No idea." Was all she said and it confused him.

"You don't know?" He questioned, feeling slightly frustrated that he knew nothing about her. She was a walking mystery for him and he wanted to discover all her facets; all the hidden depths.

"I've never really thought about it and, now, when I do- I don't think I have a favourite thing to do." Lexi spoke and he frowned as he saw her visibly dampen.

So, he did what he did best, leaning down towards her, his eyes glittering with playful mirth.

"So, have you ever had a boyfriend?" He asked in a bid to change the subject but also because he knew a part of him was curious about that. The thought of her with another man was odd for him but before he could think of why, she let out a giggle.

"Depends. Does James Whitman from play-school count?" She asked with a breathtaking smile and he couldn't help but smile, a pang of relief filling him.

"No. Wasn't he too young to ask you out?" He questioned curiously and Lexi shook her head, looking up at the memory.

"He didn't technically ask me out. He gave me his crayon and that was that- Boyfriend and Girlfriend." She said with a smile and he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow.

"How cute?" He joked and she huffed before poking his arm with a finger.

"How about you, Casanova? How many girls have had the blessed status of being your girlfriend? 30? 31? I could go higher?" She was teasing him and he knew that, but a part of him felt a sting at her assumptions. Of course, he wholly deserved it but he had hoped she'd see him as more.

Nevertheless, he gave into her joke, laughing with a shake of his head.

"Believe it or not. I've only had 2 girlfriends." He answered, thinking back to the memory of the first not to serious one that had only lasted a week. He couldn't even let his thoughts trail to the second- to Avalon- in the fear it would bring him under again.

"But all the girls that-" Lexi began, but he knew what she was going to say and he couldn't bear to hear it.

"Most rumours and some just casual hook ups." He interrupted, cursing when the hardness showed in his tone; the hardness at wanting to change how he was seen. He could tell Lexi sensed it, so her turned away and lay down, putting both his arms behind his head.

"And that is why, Lexi, you should consider yourself lucky to be 'blessed with the status of being my girlfriend.'" He joked, smiling when her eyes lit up in amusement.

Pretty.

"I feel so lucky." She droned in a monotone voice and he laughed at her dry wit, enjoying their back and forth.

"As you should be." He joked in a mock cocky manner before nudging her with his side.

"Girlfriend Number 3." He muttered under his breath, laughter bubbling in his voice. His laughter would have continued had she not nudged him back, making him wince at the force. For someone so frail, she packed a lot of force.

He could see her looking at him smugly, so he smirked, not wanting her to get the last word.

"Wow. Such powerful hips. Good for birth-giving. I see a really good surrogacy career ahead of you." He muttered jokingly, but it was just another hit of her hips that he fell quiet. He wasn't going to risk getting a fractured hip bone; he still had stuff he wanted to do. He rubbed his hip in comfort, drowning out the sound of her phone as he lay relaxed.

"Aaron?" Lexi whispered as he neared him and he frowned.

"Yeah?" He said, his eyes closed but he still tensed when her arm touched against his.

"What was that noise?" Her voice trembling and he shook his head reassuringly, eyes still closed.

"Oh, that was your phone. It's rung like 5 times now." He answered truthfully and then he flinched as she sat up frantically.

"What?!" She shouted, hands against her hair and he felt the worry fill him as he leaned towards her, placing a hand on her arm.

"You okay?" He asked, concern evident in his voice. She didn't respond to him, getting up and turning away from him.

"I need to get home." Was all she said and, with that, she began to walk away. It made his eyes widen and then he was following after her hurriedly, taking hold of her phone as he followed her.

"Hey, wait! Let me drop you." He offered, looking around to the dark surroundings. Was she truly thinking of walking by herself?

She hook her head and grabbed her phone from him, confirming his question.

"No, I'll be fine. You need to go home too. Bye." She finalised before turning away and he stood with wide eyes at her retreating figure. Try as he might, he couldn't leave her be; it would eat him alive all night until he would see her next morning.

He knew this wouldn't convince her so instead he folded his arms, letting out a laugh. She turned around just as he raised an eyebrow.

"Where are we Lexi?" He questioned, watching as she opened her mouth to argue before shutting it again. He could only smile innocently as she glared at him before she turned away.

"Lead the way." She grumbled bitterly but it made him smile. Sure, she seemed moody about it, but he was happy. He was happy to spend more time with her.

He didn't stop to think about what that meant.

_____________________