"Yes, it was me. I brought you here." He said simply and I raised my hand sharply to slap him. However, it didn't reach its destination and was stopped-rather- by his tight grip on my wrist. He looked down at me with no expression as I tried pulling my hand away yet to avail. I was too weak at this minute of time.

He looked down at my hand as he spoke.

"Call me selfish, I don't care. I didn't bring you here for you or for anyone else. I did it for me and I'd do it again." He said, shrugging his shoulders indifferently.

The wind above hurtled above him, crashing against the naked trees at a violent speed, but he chose to ignore it. The texture of his jeans were a far more interesting sight. Well, they must have been if he had been staring at them for 25 minutes now.

He had excused himself to get away from Justin and Danny. On a regular basis, he’d be there, complaining about his problems until the neighbors could hear, but he didn’t feel this urge that time. In fact, anything that pertained to her felt different. Many a time, he would use the excuse of partying and girls to forget all his problems, but he knew that it wouldn’t work this time. He didn’t know how he knew, but he just did.

That was how things often worked with him and Lexi. Whatever he felt or whatever he did, he couldn’t explain, but every action just came naturally. So, he let his instincts take the rein. He cursed internally- just look where that had gotten him.

He had let her into his life and- in return- she turned it upside down before walking out just as quickly as she had come. He laughed darkly to himself at his plight. How often can you say that everybody you ever loved left you, two of which from a terminal illness?

Loved?

He hated that word since his Dad has cheated on his mom; even more so when Avalon had left him. Now, he couldn’t stand it. Still, he couldn’t help but almost like the word when it came out of Lexi’s mouth.

He shook his head, brushing a hand through his midnight locks. Her words were as false as the lies she had been spewing to him all along. If she did have any feelings for him, would she not deem it important to share this vital part of her life?

He closed his eyes to clear his head, but glittering brown doe eyes fogged his vision. Her small perky nose; her pouty rose lips, they filled his head and he opened his eyes in frustration, choosing instead to look around at his surroundings.

He was sat in an empty park, situated 10 minutes away from his house. It was so cold, he could see his breaths come out in white icy puffs. He busied his thoughts, thinking more about the frost that covered the grass and the broken doll in the sandpit. Yet even when the sound of the screeching swing being pushed back and forth was loud enough to be heard from a block away, he couldn’t help but drown it out with her musical laugh. The frost on the grass didn’t do any justice to the shimmering white of her skin and the broken doll only reminded him of the tattered remains of what could have been.

He let out a frustrated groan before leaning his head in his hands.

“You ruined everything.” He muttered aloud, but even he was unsure if he was talking about her or himself.

Things were going perfect and, for once, he felt like he had everything. Her words had sent him crashing down and, he knew, this time, he’d stay down for good. There was nothing to get up for now, but this thought still confused him.

The girl had just entered his life a few months ago and, already, she had invaded every aspect. He couldn’t think of how it would be without her nor would he try. But, he had to try; very soon, it was to become his reality and he had to suck it up. She was going and he had no say in it.

His hand punched hard at the bench he was sat on before he could even realize, but the sight of red, dripping on the wet grass below didn’t faze him in the slightest. No, it only turned his head to more sinister thoughts that plagued him like nightmares.

Severe Aplastic Anaemia- a deficiency in the production of blood cells. He had searched that when he had gotten home right after their confrontation and, now, looking at the scarlet liquid oozing from his knuckles, he despised himself. He despised himself for selfishly functioning perfectly when all his loved ones were dropping dead like flies.

“What a waste.” He thought aloud as a he watched the blood fall drop by drop.

A sudden ringtone interrupted his thoughts and he pulled the phone out of his back pocket to check.

Justin calling?

He sighed heavily before dropping his phone beside him. He wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t disappointed that it wasn’t a certain someone. He looked to his phone again, feeling bad to not have answered Justin’s calls, but he was in no mood for company. He knew that Justin would be worried as he knew how rash Aaron could be when he was angry yet he couldn’t find himself to make the painstaking journey home.

She was his home.

Again, he cursed at his unhealthy and irrational thoughts. He needed to be rid of this mentality. It would do him no good when…

His fist reached out and punched the bench again before he could stop it and he grimaced at the red blotch that now stained the wooden seating area. He felt the dull pain in his hand, but it was no competition to the pain he felt inside. Try as he might, he couldn’t shake the heavy feeling from his chest, ever since their last conversation.

What had he said last? Goodbye? It seemed fitting in the moment, but now it seemed like a cold sealed promise of her fate. He felt as though he had hammered the last nail into the coffin and not just figuratively speaking. He had passively let her go.

But why?

Why had he been so stupid to have given up as easily as he had done? He had done the same with his mom and he was doing the same now.

Just watching while his world collapsed.

His body shook with anger and he couldn’t help the heat that raised to his chest. She had said what was to be and he had simply left it. He had let her decide and he had walked away. Not because he didn’t want a say, but because he was a coward.

He ran a hand roughly through his hair. It wasn’t her fault; it was his. She was so vulnerable the last time he had seen her and the need to cradle her was insatiable, but he hadn’t given in. She was so weak, why hadn’t he seen it? He was supposed to take care of her and he left her stranded on her own. He had left her when she needed him the most.

The wind howled yet again, but he paid no need to the cold, standing up quickly and making his way out of the park. Dressed in only a thin v-neck, he made his way to the place that he had been longing to go as soon as he had left his house. The cold air bit at his skin and sliced at the tip of his ears, but he trudged through, the thought of her face keeping him going. It was only when the last memory of her tear-streaked face that his slow jog turned into a full sprint, his hair flopping carelessly against his face. Feeling the desperation now, he didn’t know how he repressed the urge to see her for so long.

The way to her place was ingrained in his head and every step was like clockwork. He stopped abruptly when he reached the front door, his chest rising and falling. He had been running for 12 whole minutes, but it felt like a few seconds yet an eternity at the same time. His breathing didn’t calm as he walked to the door and knocked.

Not long back, she had kissed him at this very doorstep, a smile on her face yet now she was broken and he let it happen. He knocked again, the urge to hold her increasing with every second he waited.

“Lexi, it’s me.” He called out, hoping that then- at least- the door would open, but to no avail. He sighed heavily at this.

She wasn’t home.

He backed away from the door slowly, feeling slightly defeated. He had hoped he could hold her there and then, but it seems as God always had other plans. He moved to leave, but a mesh of brown hair from the front window caught his eye. He wasn’t usually one to invade privacy; that was usually Danny’s job, but the situation made it such that he felt there was no other choice. He peered into the window and the sight made him see red- Lexi on the floor, her hair scattered above her like a beautiful halo.

“Lexi!” He banged against the window repeatedly, the sound making the neighbor’s dog bark and nearby pigeons scatter in a fluttering mess, but he wouldn’t relent. Just looking at her there, unresponsive, he knew what he felt for her was far more than he’d ever felt for anyone else in his entire life.

But, he was too late.

“Please!” He shouted again, his blood-smeared hands creating streaks against the window, but the glass was just as stubborn as he was.

Hurriedly, he moved away from the window, looking for other ways to enter, but the house was sealed like a fortress. Like lightning, he moved towards the back of the house, jumping over the 7ft fence with ease. His hand went to his back pocket, instinctively, taking out his phone. He dialed the number as fast he could.

“911. What is your emergency?” The voice spoke politely.

“She’s collapsed in her house and I don’t know what to do.” He admitted honestly, his voice stricken with fear, but she paid no heed to this and carried on calmly, asking a few questions as well as the address which he provided immediately.

Putting the phone down, he looked around for an opening, feeling a small sense of triumph when the second floor bathroom door was wide open. He looked around for any type of ladder or anything that would help the climb but when all he saw was a garden table, he yanked it forward and stepped on it, cursing when it didn’t even bring him halfway to his destination. The possibilities to get to her were slim, but his determination exceeded the possibilities by a hefty amount.

Using the vines hanging from the house, he hauled himself up, the stoned walls digging into every ounce of the flesh on his arms, but it didn’t matter as long as his arms could still hold her. His skin was tearing from each intrusion and his legs ached with each heaving step, but the blood that trickled down brought not pain, but only motivation. It was better his blood be spilled than hers. Finally, he pulled himself up the last step, toppling down into the bathtub which he stained crimson. But, he didn’t stay to compose himself and jumped out as soon as he had landed, running towards the stairs. He could feel the throbbing in his arms and legs, his muscles aching with exhaustion but he willed himself to carry on. She needed him right now.

He almost but tumbled down the stairs before sliding into the kitchen, falling next to her limp form, in a bloody mess, his chest heaving up and down as he gulped ferocious breaths of oxygen.

“Lexi, please, wake up,” He muttered, lifting her up and holding her close to his chest. He sighed in relief when he could hear the thumping of her heart. The warmth of her body soothed him slightly, but he couldn’t relax until she was completely safe. That was his responsibility.

He watched her, taking in every single aspect of her face, her body, her movements. The sound of the ambulance siren nearing calmed him more and he put her down gently to open the door.

Then, there was mayhem.

Paramedics clambered in and he allowed them passage, watching as they slowly loaded her onto a gurney. He watched intently. He was going to make sure she was safe; he would protect her. He dismissed the paramedic that came towards him, gazing at the wounds on his arms.

Pulling his phone out yet again, he walked to the side to get a bit of quiet. After a few rings, the call went through and he was greeted with a male’s voice. He let out a small breath, looking on as the paramedics worked.

“Terry, I need your help.”

**********

I let out a small laugh, ushering him in.

“Erm, Justin, come in. What are you doing here?” I said all-too-cheerfully to which Justin raised an eyebrow. I mentally-cringed. If I were to succeed in fooling Justin, I would have to excuse myself for acting lessons because this was beyond pathetic.

Justin stepped inside, shutting the door behind him- something that I wish I had the sense to do.

“Don’t change the topic, Alexis. What illness were you talking about?” His eyes darted from mine to my mothers who had remained mute since Justin’s arrival.