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So, I dialled his number.

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Ringing.

I could hear the ringing, but it wasn't from the phone. It was from my head. I clenched my eyes shut tightly as the incessant pounding continued.

I wanted to call him. I opened my eyes widely as the phone stopped ringing.

"Aaron! Help, I-"

'I'm sorry. Your call cannot be taken right now. Please wait for-'

I screamed loudly in frustration, but regretted the action soon after when it's aftermath impacted heavily on my head.

I tried to console myself with thoughts of him actually being too busy to answer rather than ignoring me, but the odds seemed unlikely. I sighed heavily, knowing that what I had done; what I had hid was undoubtedly wrong. Nevertheless, I couldn't shake the hurt that reverberated within me upon knowing that he didn't answer my call.

I panted as the short jabs of pain turned to vigorous and long aches. Sweating from pain, it was getting to much for me too handle.

I dialled his number in haste; in the hope that he'd have second thoughts on answering; that maybe he forgave me and would cuddle me in the last moments we would share together. Even during the intense pain I was feeling, I managed a pathetic scoff and thoughts of, what had happened when we last met, arose to my mind.

"Aaron, wait! I love you."

Aaron turned his head slightly to his left, so he could look at me from the corner of his eye. His face was stone hard; unlike him. He dropped his gaze to the floor and a look of focus passed over his face. He gazed up at me for a last second before slowly shaking his head and, with that, he exited the hallway.

He was gone.

He didn't feel the way I felt about him, about this, I was sure. I hummed hurriedly in a feeble attempt to distract myself from the pain as I waited for him to pick up. It was ringing, so his phone was not off.

Maybe, he's not near his phone.

I scoffed again at my pathetic high hopes. In the period of which I knew Aaron, there hadn't been a time in which his phone wasn't either in his hand or his back pocket. He never kept it away from him- I knew that much about him at the least.

I contemplated the thought of using my Mother's cell to call him, knowing all too well that the reason he wasn't picking up was because he knew who was on the other side of the call.

Me- and he was in no mood to talk to me.

Yet, I disregarded the thought as soon as it had come. I wanted him to pick up with the mind frame that it was me; not because he thought it was someone else. If he answered my call, it would presumably indicate that a part of him has forgiven me. Maybe not fully, but a single fibre of his being could feel my actions forgivable.

'I'm sorry. Your call cannot be taken right now. Please-'

I hung the phone up, sighing heavily. It was useless. I knew he wouldn't answer me. I panted as the pain began to increase.

I needed to get help. It would be the right thing to do, but I couldn't go without hearing Aaron's voice. I wanted to hear my name roll of his tongue, not 'Alexis' but 'Lexi'. I wanted to hear his laugh and feel shivers invoke my spine.

But, mostly, I wanted to hear an 'I love you too'.

I didn't want anything else in this moment of time than to hear him reciprocate that what I felt towards him. I wanted to hear him say it.

I bit my lip in thought as I looked down at the phone. Should I call again? Third time has always been deemed as 'the charm', never the second time.

And, with this justification, I rang again.

His number was dialling and I looked at it tepidly. Had I made a mistake? The sharp shoots of pain continued, but it all felt numb now- numb compared to the pain I felt in my heart.

I tutted as it rang for what seemed like a millenia. He was probably annoyed at this minute of time, but I couldn't think about that. I needed him right now and that need exceeded my regards for his well mannered behaviour. All I could think about was hearing his voice.

I expected to be sent to voicemail again yet that wasn't what happened. The ringing stopped and a silence passed. The silence in which I realised- he had answered the call. I was about to speak, but a cold voice arose from the other side- sounding both dead and unfamiliar.

"What do you want?" The voice spoke; it's question blunt and soaked with distaste. I breathed through my nose. He probably hated me and, the worst part of it all, I deserved it.

I coughed heavily as another sharp pain hit my stomach before speaking.

"Aaron, I just-"

"Actually, I don't want to hear your answer. It's probably going to be a lie too." He interrupted me before I could tell him about the pain that I was suffering.

I sighed, sweating profusely. "Look, Aaron, I know I was-"

Yet, before I could finish, he interrupted me again.

"You were what? Selfish? All you ever did, by hiding it, was think about yourself. Did you consider what anyone else was feeling? " He spoke, his voice harsh and cold.

I sighed, knowing he was right.

"I know, Aaron, but-"

He interrupted me again yet this time his voice sounded different; almost fragile.

"Did you consider how I'd feel?"

I stopped trying to speak then because it was all getting too much for me. It was all too overwhelming to hear him as broken as he sounded now and, knowing it was my fault, was like a stake to the heart.

I gulped back the tears that were on the verge of spilling. Amidst all the pain, the sound of his breathing was the only thing I could concentrate on. By the pattern of it, I knew he was angry, but mostly, I could tell he was upset.

Another sharp shot of pain hit and I gasped at the unexpected severity of it. Nevertheless, I continued in my pleas for him to listen. Maybe if he knew the pain I was in, he'd come to me.

"Aaron, I feel-"

Unsurprisingly, I couldn't finish what I had to say and Aaron's cold voice arose from the other side.

"You feel what? Guilty? Good. You should. Actually, you know what? You shouldn't feel guilty; you should feel pained and hurt because that's how you made me feel." His voice was choked up yet so emotionless that I couldn't decipher what he was feeling.

"But, I am in pain, Aaron!" I finally let out, shouting as another jab of pain shot through me.

I was hoping for him to enquire or panic or at least something of that sort, but- instead- he scoffed.

"No, don't try to act like you know how I'm feeling; like you know what you did to me." He said with a frustrated sigh.

I coughed wildly before answering.

"Believe me. I know." I simply said because I knew how hard it would be to get any other words in with a guy like him on the other side of the call.

He scoffed yet again and I began thinking as to whether this was a newly devised fad.

"Why should I believe anything you say? Give me one example of when you said something that wasn't a lie." He said in a condescending tone.

"Aaron, wait! I love you."

I was about to bring it up, but dismissed the idea, knowing I'd regret it immediately after. He didn't feel the same way and the conversation would take an unneeded tangent. All I should focus on right now was telling him about the pain.

"What? So, you don't believe me?" I asked and I cursed at how vulnerable my voice sounded when asking this question. I didn't want to sound weak in front of him. I needed to be strong.

I was expecting a softer answer or maybe just a dismissal. I didn't, however, expect him to be so blunt.

"No." He said so simply yet that simple answer brought the tears to my eyes and they cascaded down my face. I soon regretted letting them spill as it increased the pain I felt in my abdomen.

"Please, believe me, Aaron. I know I've hurt you, but that was never the intention." I said, fighting through the pain. I needed to clarify it all before speaking about something else.

Aaron laughed, but it wasn't the laugh that I had been so diligently waiting for. No, this was a different laugh altogether.

"Then what was your intention? To discretely leave this world in the hope that no one will notice?" He asked sarcastically and I wavered a bit because that was sort of the plan.

Well, in a less pathetic way, of course.

I wiped the sheen of sweat off my forehead before speaking.

"No. The intention was to keep my distance from you so you wouldn't begin to care! " I let out, my voice rising to octaves I didn't think it could reach.

He didn't waver at all, however. Instead, he laughed yet again and -if anyone else was standing beside him- they'd probably guess he was talking to a comedian.

"Yes, you're right. I don't care. I'm just shouting at you right now because it gives me kicks." He said yet again in a heavily drenched sarcastic tone and it took everything in my power to not get up; run to his house and bitch slap him into his senses.

I breathed through my nose to make myself calm down.

"Aaron, you're making it hard for me to-"

"Hard for you to what? Hard for you to talk to me? Good then don't do it." He sneered, a daring tone to his voice. I would have hung up, if it were any other situation, but- right now- it was extremely crucial that I talk to him.

The pain, suddenly, shot to immeasurable intensities of pain and I covered my mouth to stop the screaming. I was in cold sweats now and I needed to say something.

"Aaron, listen to me. I-"

I couldn't say anything, however, because Aaron wasn't going to let me speak.

"No, you listen to me. I do care. I care a lot. You must be fucking blind if you don't see that." He said, making my heart flutter and the pain in my abdomen decrease.

He breathed in deeply before talking again.

"I care about you in ways I can't describe. It doesn't matter if you don't believe me; I know how I feel. I don't need your stamp of approval." He said and I could imagine him shrugging indifferently. I blushed at his words even when I knew he couldn't see me.

His voice arose again from the other side.

"But, don't mistake that care. Just because I care about you, it doesn't mean that I'd respect the decision you've made. I have my opinions and I hate the decision you've made. That's how I feel, but I know nothing I do or say will change your decision. Only you can do that. You'll only realise when you see what you're doing to everyone around you." His voice remained levelled as he spoke, his wording hitting me like stones. I wanted to answer him, but his voice spoke again and I was silenced.

"With the decision you've made, you can't blame me for leaving. I've lost an important woman in my life; I can't lose another. I'm not going to sit around helplessly and watch something happen to you. I won't be able to take it." His voice sounded bitter yet- at the same time- it sounded vulnerable. He was begging and I couldn't stand to hear it.

The pain in my abdomen chose then to increase my suffering, increasing in intensity. I lied down on the cold floor, the phone near my ear. I needed to tell him.

"Please, Aaron, I-"

But, my pleas were falling upon deaf ears or, more accurately, ignorant ears.

"No, don't speak. I don't want to hear it. I shouldn't have picked up the call; it was a mistake. Goodbye, Alexis." And, with that, the dialling tone rung- leaving me numb.

Yet, before I could decipher what had just happened, a wave of dizziness passed through me. I clutched my head, suddenly feeling very weak.

"But Aaron." I whispered, before everything faded to black.

Was this the end?

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