CHAPTER TWENTY

jeonghan knocked on seungcheol's dorm room almost everyday for a week now. but each time, he either was gone or refused to talk to him.

seungcheol would not answer anyone's messages or calls, especially not jeonghan's.

the younger boy sat in his bedroom. he was not sure what to do, he really hurt seungcheol. and more than that, he hurt himself.

it seemed like everyone was pissed off at him, soonyoung would leave early and not come home until late to avoid jeonghan.

seungkwan wouldn't so much as give him a glance during class and jihoon just completely dropped him.

and most importantly, seungcheol completely hated him. jeonghan could not think of any other explanation. seungcheol may hate him, but not more than jeonghan hates himself.

seungcheol won't even hear him out, but jeonghan knew he was in the wrong.

the tears welded in his eyes, staining his dark gray sweater. why? why did jisoo have to pull that stunt? but, why did jeonghan have to give in? why was he not strong enough to resist it?

jeonghan needed seungcheol, he loved him so much. he knew that if he felt this way, then he knew he made seungcheol feel ten times worse.

he knows because he felt that way.

jeonghan sobbed, the anger inside him surfacing as he punched the wall next to him. creating and indent in the thin wood.

“FUCK.” he held his fist close to his stomach. it began to throb in pain. he turned his back to the wall and slid down slowly, bringing his knees to his chest.

suddenly his door swung open, the air from it brushing against jeonghan's face.

“jeonghan what the heck!?” it was soonyoung. the black haired boy ran to his friend, he glanced at the hole in the wall then back to jeonghan.

he was a mess. that was for sure.

“hey, hey, come here,” soonyoung sat next to him, embracing him into a hug. jeonghan was loudly crying, he dug his face into soon's chest and cried.

“w-what do..i-i do?” his muffled voice yelled. “i-I mi-miss him. he fucking hates me...”

soonyoung was still upset with his friend, but seeing him like this—again— hurt him. he rubbed jeonghan's hair, repeating 'shh' as he waited for him to calm down.

soon, jeonghan's cries calmed to sniffles.

he pulled away from soonyoung and wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater, “soonyoung...what the fuck do I do?”

“i honestly don't know Han,” the older boy looked up at his friend. his eyes were big and filled with hurt. “this isn't what—”

“i don't love jisoo soon, I don't. I love seungcheol, what happened... It was a mistake okay. but no one gets that... ” jeonghan exclaimed. he was tired if everyone assuming it was mutual.

it was silent from jeonghan's outburst.

until soonyoung stood up, he knew the two hadn't seen each other since the incident, and the not knowing of the others feeling was beginning to slowly kill both of them.

“get your shoes on and meet me in my car...”

* * *

“soonyoung I'm depressed and you're giving me a headache.... die...” jeonghan sunk into the passenger as they parked at the night club where seungcheol worked.

“no listen you little shit—”

“im older than you.”

“shut up, do you love him really?” jeonghan gave him a 'don't act stupid' look before his friend continued on. “then go and force him to talk to you, don't you remember being in his positon?”

jeonghan nervously bit his lip, thinking about soonyoung's words.

“dont you remember wishing jisoo would give you and explanation, when you sulked in bed for days?”

“soonyoung, he fucking hates my guts, do you even think he wants to see me? let's just go ho—”

soonyoung forcibly pushed jeonghan out of his car, as soon as he closed the door he locked it. jeonghan hit the window, a look of fear appeared across his face.

“jeonghan, don't let him go.” soonyoung yelled through the cracked window as he drove off, leaving jeonghan alone in the cold.

for the first ten minutes or so, jeonghan paced back and fourth. should he go inside? he knows his shift ends in five minutes, or should he wait by the entrance?

after awhile more of debating, he settled for waiting by his black jeep.

it must have been below forty outside, but jeonghan had beads of sweat on the sides of his forehead and a throat dryer than the desert.

he kept pulling out his phone and checking the time. five more minutes, three more minutes....one more minute.

he could hear the familiar, contagious laughter in the distance, “alright see you tomorrow jun.”

“aye, don't forget to bring the thing, hao's ass is still in pain from last week..”

another laugh escaped his throat and jeonghan's heart rate sped up the closer it got, “yikes. okay....mhm..night..”

he heard the dangling of keys from behind the jeep, jeonghan felt like he could feint at any moment.

he looked up when he saw the footsteps come to a halt.

jeonghan's eyes met seungcheol's, and the expression that covered his face completely cracked jeonghan's heart..

“seungcheol...”

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