I love you Quinn Warren. You are my forever.

I woke up gasping for air as Derrick's voice faded where all dreams go after your eyes open. My heart hammered painfully as I gripped my chest tightly. A lone tear ran down my cheek. My eyes glanced around our room. My room. There was no we anymore. Just a me. I had spent the night here after working with Derrick's mom on preparations for a visiting pack. Usually I went home because being in here always gave me the most painful dreams.

The picture of our first day at Hale University was on the desk across the room. The moonlight was perfect to see the photo of two young people smiling with excitement. His perfect white teeth and icy blue eyes stared back at me. His black hair was blowing in the wind. His colorless skin was the definitive antonym to my sun kissed glow. Straight black hair blew partially in my face as he held me close to him. The sundress I wore showed off the mark on my neck. His shirt was unbuttoned to show off mine. It didn't matter where we were, he wanted to be sure all wolves knew who he belonged to. My brown eyes began to leak as I took a deep shuddering breath.

Three years since the car crash that killed him and I still heard him in my dreams. Right above the desk in beautiful custom frames were his honorary degrees in Finance and Computer Science as well as my degree in Life Science. My plans for a medical degree died with him and the original plan of a double major in Microbiology and Biological Engineering, I had thrown myself to get a bachelors done and go home. I had been hoping to help revamp the packs medical practices while he would bring our financial system out of the dinosaur era and make our pack prosper to elite statuses . I could barely function after he died, my grades dipped and the thought of more schooling without him made my stomach feel heavy. Being away from the pack made me anxious already, but he was supportive and promised to visit me. He would be getting ready to ascend to Alpha while finishing an MBA at home. Our life had been planned out for us to rule our pack to the absolute best of our ability.

My jaw clenched as I rolled over in my bed. Alone. He was my mate. We had married straight out of high school and were moving into our apartment when that picture was taken. His parents had made sure it was in a safe and secure area but was modern and close to the social scene. As the future Alpha and Luna of the Mountain Rise pack, we needed to be safe but have some sense of privacy. Glancing at the clock, it was still too early for even me to be awake but I needed to do something. I pulled myself out of bed and decided a run was in order.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw a dark shadow just outside my door. "Markus! You scared me," I whispered almost too harshly, as I stepped into the hallway. "You wanted to go for a run," he asked, his blue eyes probably taking in the tear streaks. My mouth twitched at how alike they were. Derrick's blue eyes looked into my soul and swallowed me whole while Markus remained guarded. I could always feel his eyes on my body like a warm caress that made me shiver as he washed his gaze over me. I nodded and forced a smile. He gently took my hand and led me through the house. I fought the urge to pull my hand away. Derrick had rarely allowed Markus and I any time together. He's not yours, he would say.

Markus had arrived home early this morning after visiting another pack in search of a mate. Without a prospective Luna, the future of the pack would be uncertain. Everyone in the pack seemed to have the same thoughts and whispers. Markus's mate must have passed before they could meet. It wasn't unheard of but rarely happened. No one knew how mates were paired but usually everyone found someone to their own.

I followed him outside and into the cold early morning air. The dew had barely formed as my bare feet touched the grass. The sun wasn't even peaking over the horizon as we stripped our clothes before shifting into our beasts.

I knew where we were heading as Markus shook out his dark fur. The blues in his coat were highlighted by the moons glow just as the silver in white coat shimmered like the stars. His wolf was similar to Derrick's wolf. Not as muscularly built out but still an incredible sight. No one would mistake him for a wolf of low rank, I thought proudly. I remember the way Derrick's wolf would rub against me. Our scents would surround us and show everyone we were mates. "Together we're a beautiful pre-dawn sky," Derrick would say after we were back in our human forms. I always smiled at his remark. I was still too young to be tired of his phrases. His mother constantly rolled her eyes at the things Alpha Warren would say to her. Derrick had his mother's smile while Markus resembled his mother in my opinion.

Our clothes were with the guards that ran in the cover of the forests. They would keep watch over us but remain hidden. With only one son left, the Alpha had commanded his son be guarded at all times. With my Derrick's death, my ranking lowered to that of a Beta female. I knew Markus wanted to give me the lead, I could see it every time he subconsciously slowed his pace during our runs. His mind swam in thoughts of betrayal to his brother. As if establishing himself above me was like disrespecting his brother's memory. His brother's Luna. A small voice in the back of my mind urged me to take the position I was meant to be in. I ignored it with a shake of the head, Markus would be Alpha now. I wasn't going to disrespect him like that.

As we approached the small pond a guard approached us with our clothes. Markus nodded to him before he left. "Just keep your distance. Have the others make rounds. We should be safe here," he said as the wolf nodded. It felt like yesterday that Derrick and I were the ones issuing commands. Markus took the clothes and threw a set to me as he kept his eyes averted from my body. We dressed ourselves comfortably, I knew he wouldn't look. Being shifters took modesty out of the equation and without Derrick, there wasn't a mate to get jealous of our indiscretion.

I remember the night Derrick marked me. My neck throbbed and burned in pain for several days afterwards. Thankfully, it happened on a Friday night so I only missed Monday's classes. I had to wear turtlenecks for the rest of the month to hide the ugly bruising.

Derrick didn't like that I had to cover his mark. His wolf was still very hard for him to control as he couldn't help touching or kissing his mark on my neck. "I can't wait until you claim me, Quinn," he would say. He wouldn't allow any unmated male near me. Especially Markus, an unmated Alpha blooded wolf was out of the question for him. When I begged to see Markus he could barely contain marking me again. Usually. It released endorphines in my system but was painful afterwards and his wolf would whine and beg for my forgiveness when I cried from the pain. Without a wolf's strength, the healing process was slow and the saliva wasn't healing the wound as well as it should. Without a wolf, I may as well have been human. Their marks were painful for them but like me, they felt the pull of their bond's strength. I had been so naive then and didn't understand.

It was a month later that I went through my shift. His mother stayed with me along with a few of the older females. My mom had left after Luna assured her everything was going to be fine. It was the first time I ever really fought females. My wolf and I wanted to get to her mate, damn all the consequences. If Alpha hadn't been there, I don't think Luna would have been able to hold me down without killing me.

Derrick snuck into the woods later and had me mark him. After two years together we became each other's firsts. Thankfully, I did not swell with pups after that. We were much more careful afterwards.

My wolf had barely made any appearance towards me since the accident. Her soul was torn and our bond together was fragile. Being bonded to Derrick for so long made the silence within myself incredibly lonely. I was used to hearing and seeing his thoughts and feeling his emotions. Now all I could feel was the emptiness inside.

Markus and I fell to the ground as we gazed at the night sky, our breath produced some fog as our hearts tried to catch up from the run. I could hear his lungs struggle to bring in enough air. I had just started to feel the blood in my throat when we stopped.

"Several females from the Witherstone pack will be visiting tomorrow," Markus said in a baritone voice that most would say mimicked his twin's. I would disagree wholeheartedly. "I know. Your mother and I were finishing up the preparations for their arrival," I said quietly. Luna had taken me under her wing ever since I was marked. Even more so as her son was looking for his mate. I think it was just to help take her mind off the fact that I might decide to take another mate. She had always considered me a daughter and taught me to act like a proper she-wolf. Manners and composure will make your mate stand tall but always be prepared to defend the pack when necessary, she would say while training me in both combat and etiquette.

"I'll be having dinner with my parents," I replied picking at the grass. "They're a large pack with many eligible females," he said. I could feel he had something else to say. "What is it," I ask but already knowing the answer. For two years, both my parents and his had been prodding me to find another male to stay by my side. I knew they meant well but I found it irritating.

"They are bringing some females and males who no longer have mates too," he said after a minute. I let out an unladylike snort. No one could compare to him and no one will replace him. "You're a beautiful she-wolf Quinn. You deserve to be happy," he said, his throat tightening around the words. "My brother would want you to be happy," he added as if it wasn't a sword to my heart. "I don't want some stand-in. None of those wolves could compare to a true mate! It isn't fair to them or me if all I do is compare them to...," I drifted off not being able to finish the damn sentence. "I won't do that! Losing your brother was hard enough. And we...," I choked before lowering my tone. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't snap at you," I said as my training of werewolf hierarchy came to my mind. He laughed lightly. "You don't ever have to apologize to me when we have these talks Quinn. When we want to get away from the hierarchy, this is where we've always gone. That's why we're out here. You, me, and Derrick," he said as he gestured towards the stars. The sun was beginning its ascent but they were still clearly visible. I smiled as I gripped his hand gently.

"Would this place be necessary if I was raised in a pack," I asked. I had always been curious just how many social norms the pack had broken or smoothed out because I was being raised by humans. "Not necessarily. If you were born from a family lower on the hierarchy, then maybe. It would help bridge the gap between an omega and alpha wolf," Markus said. "But you were probably born from a warrior wolf. Your beast is enormous for a female and has filled out to match my brother in strength," Markus added that made me smile in pride. "You know what I mean. I still have trouble interacting with wolves sometimes," I said, the smile fading quickly.

"Any wolf would have trouble in this situation. Usually the female would go back to her home pack if her mate dies before they have a pup. The other wolves aren't sure how to address you. You would cry every time they called you Ms. Warren...or future Luna."

"I just don't know if another wolf could handle being with me," I admitted. "What do you mean," he asked. "We grew up together. We loved each other even before... All my childhood memories revolve around both of you," I said as my voice started to croak. "How could I ask another to stand by my side and see all that. When I marked him, I could feel the memories, feel his love for me," I said as my other hand rubbed my stomach. We never got to have a pup of our own. "You're young. You could change your mind," Markus said. "I know that but it just doesn't feel like I will. Not truly," I admitted. I could hear his exhale of disappointment and felt even worse about my choices.

"He marked me when I was only fifteen. We were supposed to have our Ascension Ceremony last year as the pack's new Alpha and Luna. I don't want anyone to see us in love like we were and live their life comparing us," I said with tears flowing freely. Ugly hiccups came and I covered my face and let my pain become sound. I should be carrying his pup. I should be by his side.

"Please don't cry, Quinn. I didn't mean to upset you," Markus said as he pulled me to him. I was thankful that Derrick and Markus smelled so different. "Why does it still hurt so much," I asked between sniffles as I gained some control back. "Because it was supposed to be different," he replied, his tears falling into the grass.