[20]

I watch the sky pour down on the deserted streets of my neighborhood. Droplets of rain pound on my window and the rumble of thunder roars through the crisp air.

All the while watching the sky cry buckets of tears, I try to refrain myself from looking at Chester's reflection. But for the same reason that made me lose control just a few moments ago, I can't stop my eyes from wandering over to it now either.

His blonde curls are tousled up on top of his head, some of it falling in front of his eyes. His head is lowered and his shoulders are slumped, his lip getting assaulted by his teeth like he does every so often.

And before I can stop it, the thought has already crossed my mind.

He's cute.

Immediately, I curse in my mind as the familiar voices invade my thoughts once again. They always come out as soon as I do or think things that I'm not supposed to. They drag me back into that room in the depth of my mind and close the door behind me, locking me. On its walls there are all my flaws and all my mistakes written down; the amount of it is so much that it covers every single inch of the brick walls.

Soon, the voices start mocking and daunting me like they always do.

You're just as much of a psychopath as your father was.

I curl my fists.

You killed your own flesh and blood.

My fists uncurl, my lungs forcing me to suck in a breath.

You're a murderer.

My eyes find Chester's.

Everything you touch, you kill.

When he suddenly speaks up, I'm ripped out of my thoughts. "D-do you have a p-phone?" The stutter in his voice knocks on the walls around my heart, coming dangerously close to tugging on my heart strings.

I turn away from the window, facing the guy that I just can't get off my mind. "Why?" I question coldly. But as soon as the feeling of my fingers on his skin invades my mind once again, I can't help but swallow hardly, my features softening.

This whole thing just fucks with my sanity. He affects me, badly. And I don't even know why. I don't know why he hasn't run away yet, or why he isn't as afraid of me as much as everybody else is, or why I cannot harm him even if I tried, or why it gets me so worked up when he gets too close to other guys. I have no motherfucking idea.

"I-I'll call my aunt t-to pick me up." My jaw ticks.

No matter what I try to convince myself of, I don't want him to go. Not only because of the raging thunderstorm out there or because of the dangerous reputation my neighborhood is known for, but also because I just want him to stay with me a little bit longer.

"Do you even know her number?" He opens his mouth, but as if something dawned on him, it flies shut quicker than his eyes take time to widen.

"Uh-" My eyes are fixed on his lips that are mercilessly getting abused by his teeth, not paying his reaction any attention since I already expected it.

"Just stay," I all but order with a firm yet stoic tone.

He looks at me in bewilderment. "I-I can't just- . . I-I don't even-" However, the thunder that suddenly booms through the building, almost making the floor vibrate, interrupts him. He flinches in surprise, his eyes jumping over to the window just as the sky is lit up by a lightning bolt.

"You really wanna go out there?" I ask, my gaze never leaving his anxious eyes.

After a moment of silence and another rumble of thunder that makes itself known, he slowly shakes his head. "No," he replies with a small voice.

I hold back a smirk and turn to walk to my bedroom. "I'll borrow you some clothes, you can take a shower." I hear him hum in response as I slip through the door.

Strutting down the hallway, my mind drifts back into that room. I know this is wrong. I know I should stay away from him. But why is it so hard? Why do I want to keep him so close?

With a heavy sigh, I open the door to my room and go over to my wardrobe. I pull one of the drawers open, gaining a squealing noise. It's filled with a bunch of black and white clothes, and another few things, like a box with my rings. I grab the smallest shirt and sweatpants that I own and pick up a pair of boxers as well before closing the drawer again.

When I walk back into the living room, Chester is still sitting in the exact same spot that I left him in. "Here. The bathroom is at the end of the hallway, opposite to the room that you woke up in," I explain, handing him the bundle of black clothes.

"Thanks," he whispers. For a moment he looks like he's having an internal fight, like he's debating something, but then he just stands up and silently leaves the room.

My gaze lingers on the closed door for a bit, rethinking my decision of letting him stay longer once again. But like the times before, all I can come up with is the excuse that I can't kick him out when there's a thunderstorm raging through my already dangerous neighborhood.

After locking the door to the bathroom, I let out a shaky breath and put the bundle of clothes that Riku borrowed me along with my backpack onto a small table next to the sink.

I look into the mirror, ignoring the small crack at the upper left corner. My dull eyes stare back at me in boredom, as if seeing my reflection would annoy them. My heart is hammering against my ribcage at a fast pace, reminding me of what situation I have gotten myself into.

I'm in Riku Hamming's apartment after I broke down in front of him, and because of a thunderstorm and my stupidity, I can't leave.

I run my hand through my hair in despair, eyeing the black clothes on my left. Why did he look like it didn't bother him? Why would he just give me his clothes?

There is this confusion again. Literally nothing Riku does makes sense to me. Nor does it make sense that my heart flutters and my mind feels at peace when I'm around him-

What am I even thinking?

I strip off my clothes, shaking my head to ridden myself of those ridiculous thoughts. Stepping into the shower, I notice the lack of color in this bathroom. It looks just plain and dull. The walls are this weird kind of beige again and the furniture in here has a yellowish color as well.

I turn on the water and put my hand on the wall in front of me, leaning my body forwards. As soon as the cold water hits my bruised skin, a hiss escapes my lips. Goosebumps crawl onto my skin as I continue letting the coldness embrace my body. It wraps me up in its welcoming arms and causes my heart to skip a beat, the temperature sinking further.

And as the water patterns down on me, I think back to what happened on that couch. I remember my nose brushing Riku's, the thought alone sending my stomach into a whirlwind of strange emotions. I remember the look in his eyes, the way he gazed at me for the first time with a soft stare, and not that glare of his. I also remember my heart thundering louder and faster than it had ever done before.

Unconsciously, I bring my fingers up to my lips, imagining what would've happend, had I not turned away. The image of Riku's lips on mine pops up in my mind, painting my cheeks pink.

Snapping out of it, I slap my cheek. "What are you doing?" I scold myself.

And that's what I do all throughout the shower. I let the confusion consume me before an image of Riku being dangerously close to my face pops up in my mind, and I have to slap my cheek to snap out of it.

After a couple of minutes, I finish my shower with red cheeks and instantly grab a towel that I had found in one of the drawers earlier, wrapping it around me.

As I dry myself, I notice Riku's scent on my skin. The same one that I have been smelling on him since the first time I met him. I turn around to look at the shampoo that stands in one corner of the shower. And indeed, it is a citrus shampoo.

I haven't even noticed while putting it on, but now that I know, I feel like I practically bathed in his scent.

But to be honest, I don't find it bad. I actually kind of . . like it.

With the sky growling outside, I dry myself off and slip into Riku's clothes, ignoring that thought of mine. The clothes are extremely loose on me - the sleeves are way longer than my arms and the hoodie is almost reaching down to my knees. But it hides everything I don't want to be seen, so I can't complain.

I grab my backpack, shove my own clothes inside and swing it over my shoulder before I make my way out of the bathroom.

When I approach the door to the living room and grab ahold of the door handle, my hands become sweaty. Nervosity is plaguing my stomach for some reason. Is it because I'm wearing Riku's clothes?

Before I can think about an answer to my own question, the door is pulled open, causing my hand to drop to my side. My breath gets stuck in my throat. And as if on instinct, my eyes find Riku's. I don't even think about averting my gaze like I usually do, I just keep the eye contact, my heart picking up its pace.

"Damn," he mutters almost incoherently, his eyes wandering up and down my body. It makes me feel insecure, to know that his attention is solely on me, that his mind is filled with thoughts about me - thoughts from which I don't know whether they're good or bad. But just like my mind isn't filled with screaming voices, I don't feel like an anxiety attack is building up; which admittedly isn't the most uncommon thing to happen, but not the most common thing either.

Out of nervosity, I slip past him and walk into the center of the living room. When I pass him by though, my chest brushes his, causing him to suck in a breath and freeze. So, when I glance over my shoulder he is still standing in the same spot.

I divert my attention to the window, feeling the whirlwind rage through my stomach once again. The rain hasn't stopped pounding against the window and the sky is still being lit up by lightning bolts once in a while. It makes me wonder if it'll stop today at all. How will I get home?

I don't even know my aunt's number and my phone is dead. I should really start remembering phone numbers, or at least write them down on a piece of paper and put it into my bag or something. What if something serious had happened? What if I had needed to call someone but didn't know any numbers?

A sigh escapes my lips, but I draw it right back in when a voice suddenly appears right next to my ear. "What are you thinking about?" he asks, his breath sending a shiver up my spine.

I whirl around, almost pumping into Riku's chest that is only mere inches away from me. My gaze trails up to his face, locking eyes with him. My breathing becomes heavy as he grabs my waist and pulls me closer.

"Answer me," he whispers.

I gulp, my heart clawing against my ribcage with such an intensity that I can hear it in my ears. "I-I thought about h-how I'll get home," I reply quietly, fearing that my voice wouldn't play along if I tried to say it any louder.

I feel his grip tighten. "Don't go." My breath gets caught in my throat. What does he mean? Why not? Why does he care?

"Just stay for the night," he mumbles.

I look at him with uncertainty in my eyes. He's still a stranger, one that I should stay far away from. So, why do I feel the urge to stay and let him become something more?

Without thinking, I answer him, "Okay."

Maybe I'll regret it, maybe not. I don't know. I know nothing when it comes to him. But what I do know is, that the things he makes me feel - I don't want them to stop.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hey there.

Welp, my ass is way too obsessed with this book lately, so I'll just keep uploading until I feel guilty for not uploading my other book and switch to that one, lmao.

Anyway, in this chap y'all got a view of what Riku is feeling.

What do you think about that, or rather, what do you think holds him back?

Stay safe! Love ya guys!

❤

- L I S A