[16]

I jump to my feet, startling everyone around me. I just can't sit here anymore, I need some time alone. This feels suffocating; as if the air I breath was deadly gas, choking my throat and squeezing my lungs.

"I'll get some water," I mumble, feeling the others' eyes burning holes into my skin.

"Can you get me some cola when you're on it?" Kai asks as he diverts his eyes back to the screen. I force out a small 'yes', before I turn around and disappear into the kitchen.

As soon as I enter it, a stinging smell invades my nostrils. I glance over to the sink, spotting plates and cutlery spread on the counter beside it. It's glimmering in the sunlight that sneaks in through the window above.

That explains the smell. Nicole washed the dishes by hand this morning, I guess. It's a weird thing about her, but she always says how calming she finds doing the dishes herself, instead of stuffing them into the dishwasher.

I always hated doing it.

I open the window and inhale deeply, taking in the scent of the afternoon air. It had rained again until just a few minutes ago, so the air smells earthy, causing me to inhale even deeper. My chest heaves up and down as I repeat my actions, filling my lungs with fresh air.

I stop when I feel my ribs starting to throb from all the straining, and put my hands on the counter, letting my head drop.

Suddenly, a warm chest presses against my back and two hands are put on the counter right next to mine. My breath gets caught in my throat, my heart skipping a beat. I turn around, slamming my wounded back into the edge of the counter. I hiss quietly, but bite my lip to prevent a yelp from escaping.

My eyes lock with a pair of green ones as soon as I raise my head.

Cooper.

His eyes search my face, his lips in a tight line. I copy his actions, letting my eyes trail down to his lips, to his nose and then back up to his vibrant dark green orbs.

A slight stubble is decorating the skin around his mouth and a few freckles are spread over the bridge of his nose, other than that his skin is pale, looking even paler because of the black t-shirt he's wearing.

"I-I think w-we should go back," I mutter quietly, feeling panic blossom in my stomach.

It's just Cooper, he wouldn't hurt me. It's just Gwen's little brother, not my father. It's just-

His hand reaches up and cups my cheek. His cold palm pierces my hot skin, causing a shiver to run up my spine. I gaze into his eyes, unmoving, my heart thumping against my ribcage at an ridiculous pace.

But right now, all I can think about is how his chest presses into my ribs, poking my lungs, and how his fingers feel like they're burning my skin, like when he touched my knee. However, the worst thought that crosses my mind is, how Riku's touch felt so different.

"Stop," I whimper, memories flashing in front of my eyes. He's too close, way too close.

Instantly, his hand drops to his side, his face contorting into one of regret. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. It's like a black out, my mind is filled with so many thoughts and words, but not one leaves my mouth.

Cooper gulps heavily, his gaze fixed on me. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have- I . . I'm sorry," he whispers, rubbing his forehead in a sheepish manner. And without giving me a chance to speak, he turns around and storms off, his footsteps echoing through the eerily silence of the kitchen.

What was that? My head starts pounding at the thoughts that are ringing through my mind. It's all too overwhelming. And now Cooper gave me yet another reason to be unable to breathe freely.

Tears well up in my eyes, my chest tightening.

I walk into the hallway, rushing past the living room with quick yet quiet steps. I grab my jacket, slip into my worn shoes and storm out the door, almost stumbling over my un-tied shoe laces in the process.

As soon as the door is closed behind me, the cold air attacks my lungs and my skin, forcing me to slip into my jacket while walking down the steps of the front porch. I almost stumble over my feet again as I take off to who knows where, my breathing quickening and my heart pounding heavily against my throbbing ribcage.

When I look up at the sky, it's painted grey, clouds decorating it and obscuring the sight of the setting sun. It looks dangerously dark, as if it were to start raining again.

As if on cue the first few rain drops fall down, gently dropping onto my skin and making the wind feel even colder. I groan, glaring up at the sky. Then, the whole sky starts pouring down on me.

My lungs burn as I keep on running, my clothes getting soaked by the rain. I feel my heart clench painfully inside of my chest. I just want to get away. I just need to breathe. Just a few breaths.

Please.

My eyes start stinging with tears and before I can even attempt to swallow them down, they cascade down my cheeks like a waterfall.

I ignore everything around me and run as if I was running a marathon. The tears blur my eyesight, but even about that I don't care. The only thing on my mind right now is, to breathe, to get away from that suffocating feeling.

After a while, my lungs start literally screaming at me to stop, but I can't, even if I wanted to. The wind causes goosebumps to crawl onto my skin and my hair to stand up, its coldness embracing me like an ocean of icy water.

Soon the noises of the busy city life fill my ears, though muffled - the honking of cars, the roaring of engines, the shouts from angry drivers. It sounds like every evening, hectic and rushed.

Suddenly, I bump into a hard chest. My sob gets caught in my throat as I try to stop my face from colliding with the chest by pushing my palms into it. Hands snake around my waist, securing me from falling.

My heart is beating frantically, panic rising in my throat, choking me. I try to wiggle myself out of the person's grip, but they hold me tight, digging their fingers into my bruises. I cry out in pain. I can't hold it in anymore; I don't want to, not right now.

As soon as my cries intermingle with the loud sounds of the traffic, the guy's grip loosens, but it still doesn't allow me to move out of it or back away. Even though that is all I wanna do right now.

Slowly and with quick breaths, I raise my head, my eyes instantly being captured by a pair of dark ones. It's just a pool of darkness, no light; no hope, I'd almost say. It's like the life had left the body and left behind only a shell of one's self. As if the person in front of me were nothing but an empty mask with nothing behind.

My eyes widen when the blurriness in my eyes has disappeared enough to recognize the person's face. The nasty colors on it are still clearly visible, resting proudly on his skin; his lips busted and pressed into a tight line.

Before I can try to tell myself how wrong it is, how utterly crazy on top of that, I push myself into his chest, my arms wrapping around his torso. I just want to breathe, just for a few minutes.

I breathe in his scent that is as evident in the rain as it usually is. He stands stiff, as if frozen, his breath even and almost unnoticeable in the rain.

His body radiates warmth that I wrap myself up in. I let out a sob, my chest allowing me to breathe. Finally.

And no matter how much my instincts tell me to run away, how my mind practically screams at me to stop hugging him, I don't. Because right now, it feels so damn right.

Right now, it feels like it's the best thing I've done in years - to hug Riku Hamming.

You know, since I've been young I've never enjoyed too long embraces. They felt suffocating to me. But my thoughts always made it impossible to pull away before the other person did.

I always felt guilty and like I was being rude when I did that, so one day I just stopped. I stopped turning away from hugs and stopped pulling away when I was hugged, it became like a mechanism. A mechanism that built up inside of me and couldn't just be turned off.

So, while I'm wrapped up in Riku's arms, I can't pull away. And to be honest, for the first time in a long while, I don't want to.

His embrace doesn't feel suffocating, his touch doesn't feel like it's burning my skin and his breath doesn't send a shiver up my spine; at least not in an uncomfortable way.

Suddenly, Riku pushes me away, his hands gripping onto my injured shoulder in the process. "Are you crazy?" he asks, his voice dark and void of any emotion, just like I'm used to by now.

When I finally realize what I just did, my eyes grow wide, my heart clawing against my ribs. I gulp. "I- uh, I'm . . . I'm sorry," I whisper with a shaky voice. A hiccup escapes my mouth, heating up my face.

"Really, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have- oh god, I- . . . " I say between hiccups.

Riku clicks with his tongue and runs his hand through his damp hair but stays quiet, his eyes trained on me. I look at the ground, my body trembling from the cold.

Suddenly I feel something around my shoulders, its fabric shielding me from the rain. Raising my gaze, I'm met with Riku's face. It's inches away from mine. His are hands around my shoulders, holding onto the jacket that he laid on them.

"W-what are you doing?"

"Shut up," he grumbles, averting his gaze.

I hug the fabric around my body when the wind brushes past my body. "T-thanks."

And with the next breeze of wind that tries to sweep us away, my thoughts go flying. They wander off, leaving behind an empty mind. One that isn't filled with heart-clenching memories or painful thoughts. But one that makes it able to breathe a bit better than usually, filled with thoughts about that one mysterious guy.

Riku Hamming.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hey there.

Quite a few things happened in this chap, huh?

Anyhow, I hope you have a wonderful day and happy eastern (at least it's eastern in germany today, no idea if it is too wherever you are, lmao)

Stay safe! Love ya!

❤

- L I S A