TW: mention of abuse and sexual assault!

[11]

I close the locker door and whip my head around. My eyes search the crowd of students, as they stroll out of the classrooms, for one specific head with a mess of black hair on top. The kids around me are whispering loudly and chatting with their friends, so once again, I sigh and turn back around to my locker.

It has been going on like this, since that one day where I treated Riku's wound two weeks ago. I occasionally catch myself looking out for him and getting disappointed when I don't find him. Every time the kids around me go quiet in the hallway, the hope sparks up, but gets drowned in disappointment when I don't see him.

And honestly, it irritates me. And scares me. Why would I look out for him? Why would I care whether he strutts down the hallway with his hood up and his hands pocketed, chewing on a gum, or not?

He's dangerous. He has told me so multiple times already, just like the other kids in this school. I shouldn't be around him. And especially, I shouldn't want to be around him.

I shake my head and take off into the direction of my next class.

The rest of the day passes by in a blur. Students filed in and out of classrooms, teachers punished and scolded kids, people feel asleep on their desks, and so on. All the same like every day. Nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary.

So, when the bell, that indicates the end of my last class, echoes loudly throughout the school, I'm one of the first ones to leave the building. I hook my fingers around the straps of my backpack and walk through the school's gate. The bus station is right around the corner, so I only have to walk about 10 minutes or so.

I don't wait for Chloe though, since she has some afternoon classes, and I also don't wait for Kai or Gwen, because they are headed into the opposite direction to some diner in town.

It's not as peaceful as I had wanted it to be, though. A group of students walks down the sidewalk across the street, chattering and laughing loudly. It feels like I'm standing right in between them, although I'm more than enough feet away from them. I sigh and my mind wanders off to my latest nightmare, one of those, that I'd love to erase from my memories.

Don't misunderstand me. If I could decide, I'd rather not have any nightmares at all. I've dreamed of having at least one peaceful night for longer than I can remember; of having no demons haunt me every time my eyelids get too heavy and drop.

But why pray for something, when there's no-one listening to your prays?

However, there are these particular dreams that have me increasing the height of the walls, that are supposed to protect me. These dreams have me on guard for two days straight, sometimes even more than that. They penetrate the depths of my mind and pull forth memories that I try to keep hidden, that I try to never think about again.

Because when I do, I can not only see it happen again, but I can feel it. I can feel hands on me, roaming my fragile body, threatening to break my bones apart. I can feel the goosebumps, that had crawled onto my skin, whenever the hands had touched parts of me, that I was in no way ready for, to be touched.

And the pain. The pain of witnessing and experiencing something, that neither my body, nor my mind, were ready for, or would ever be. The pain of defeat, of being so weak as to let something like this happen to me.

Tears form in my eyes, blurring my sight, and my legs start to feel wobbly. I try to take deep breaths, but all I can manage to do, is quicken my breathing. The panic rises in my throat, as I have no idea where I am walking to. The only thing I can hear, is the honking of cars, and lights from all sides blend my vision.

Suddenly I'm being pulled back by a hand, that is tightly wrapped around my upper arm, and am pushed into a chest. My heart is still racing inside of my ribcage, making it hard to for me to get oxygen into my lungs.

I feel the person, who probably just saved me from being run over by who knows how many cars, breathing heavily, their heart beating just as fast as mine. Their chin is resting on the top of my head, meaning that they are way taller than my 5''6' body will ever be.

After a few moments, the person pushes me gently away from them and cups my cheeks, though I can only see blurry lines, instead of a face. Soft and cooing words fill my ears, which I concentrate on, slowing down my heartbeat.

After another few moments, I can finally see clear again, but when I make out who the person is, that has now wrapped their hands tightly around my waist, I squeeze my eyes shut again and bite down on my lower lip.

Cooper.

Why is he here, anyways?

Anyhow, I know squeezing my eyes shut isn't the best thing to do and probably looks hilarious and kinda weird, but it's almost automatic. When I was younger and he found me hiding under the bed, then I always shut my eyes so tightly, that I would have to blink a few times before I was able to see clear again.

"Hey, open your eyes," he chuckles softly, bringing me back to reality. I let out a short breath and slowly peak open one of my eyes. I blink a couple of times, but when my eyes get adjusted to the sunlight that is shining straight down on us, I see Cooper, looking at me with an unknown emotion swirling around in his eyes.

Adoration? No, why would he look at me with adoration? I'm anything but adorable.

"You okay? You don't look that good. . .," he asks, a look of concern crossing his features. Thereupon, I open my other eye as well and just stare at him.

Concern. Haven't see that one directed at me for quite a long time. Sure, on the funeral everyone said their condolences, some cried here and there, but mostly they only pitied me. No concern, no worrying about my well-being, only pity.

"I'm fine," I mumble. I try to move away from him, but I can't, because of his hands. A soft pink color taints my cheeks, as I realize what kind of situation I'm in. A guy has his arms wrapped around my torso, and my hands are lying on his chest, because I was pushed into his body and tried to not get hurt.

"Can. . . Can you- You know, let. . . let go of me?" I whisper, my voice not allowing me to speak louder due to the embarrassment and the panic, that makes my chest tighten uncomfortably. Upon hearing my words, he immediately releases me, and we both take a step backwards.

When I raise my gaze though, his cheeks are painted in the same pink color as mine, indicating that this is just as embarrassing for him as it is for me.

"Well, I- I gotta go then, I guess." Before I can even turn around, he speaks up again, this time with a slight bit more confidence than just seconds ago.

"Wait!" he calls out, "I originally had planned on walking you home, like I wanted to pay you a visit. Hang out with you, ya know?" He scratches the back of his head as I go quiet.

Hang out with me?

It's been quite some time since I last had a friend over. Mostly because my one and only friend had moved away back then, and the rest of my old school hadn't been really fond of me. Or maybe because I had never let anyone into my house, because the surprise behind the door wouldn't have sat well with them.

So, I just reply with, "Uh, sure", and turn around quicker than I had intended to, before I take off into the direction of the bus station with fast steps. Unfortunately, Cooper's legs are much longer than mine, so he catches up with me pretty quickly.

When we fall into step beside each other though, an uncomfortable silence embraces us, making me cave in to my habit for the probably 3rd time today.

Digging my teeth into the flesh of my lower lip, I tighten my hold around the straps of my backpack when I see the bus station on the other side of the street coming into view. Only a few people are standing there, waiting for one of the buses to pick them up, since most of the students that go to my school live on the opposite of town, far away from my aunt's two story house in the middle of the woods.

I straighten my back and look to my left and to my right, before I cross the street, with Cooper hot on my tail. When I suddenly feel the familiar taste of blood lingering on the tip my tongue, I scrunch up my face and wipe away the blood that is oozing out of the small crack in my lip. When we arrive in front of the bench of the bus stop, I attempt to sit down, but the bus that halts on my right, prevents me from doing so.

Instead, I get in the front and pay for my ride, just like I do every other day, since my aunt stopped driving Chloe and me to school. I spot a seat in the back of the vehicle, that just seconds ago started rumbling under my feet. Stumbling slightly over a bag, that is sitting on the ground next to a guy in a neatly ironed suit, a phone stuck to his ear, I weave my way through the bus, until I find myself standing in the middle of the famous u-shaped back row of the bus.

I quickly sit down in the empty seat and exhale heavily. My eyes wander to the window opposite of me, and I stare at the sky, its blue-ish gray color drawing me in. A couple of clouds are obscuring the sight of the sun, which is shining brightly through a tiny hole in between them.

Suddenly I feel a knee nudge mine, startling me. I turn my head around to see Cooper beaming at me, his arm snaking around my shoulder. "Like the sky?" he inquires, turning his head around, so he can have a look at the sky.

I follow his gaze and reply softly, "I do."

"Looks like it's gonna rain though," he mutters, whereupon my eyes wander back to his face; a grimace has spread on it.

"You don't like rain?" I ask.

"Not the biggest fan of it. It's just too cold, and wet," he answers, whereupon I roll my eyes. "Hey! Did you just roll your eyes at me?"

I nod innocently and turn my head away, stifling a chuckle. He huffs, but lets out a laugh shortly after. After a few seconds, I join him, chuckling to myself. I don't laugh loudly like he does, and my smile also doesn't reach my eyes like his does, but at least a few chuckles roll off my tongue, leaving me with a small smile etched onto my lips.

The day was boring and exhausting, and totally unnecessary for me, but at least he succeeded to put a smile on my face, no matter how small it might be.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hey there,

Here's another chapter, this time no Riku, haha.

The next one will be with him again, don't worry, in case you worried, lol.

Stay safe!

❤

- L I S A