March 25th

Sitting on the bathroom floor, Renae watched the blood trickle down her arm as she slit her wrist. Numb to the pain, she carved the word dead and just stared at it. That's exactly what she felt inside; dead.

Tossing the blade in the trash, she laughed to herself, realizing that she cut too deep, she chuckled as she slid down and laid on the cold floor. Feeling her body become weaker and weaker, she used her finger and signed her name in the blood.

"I drove for miles just to find you

and find myself, all these screams, all these voices in my head..."

"You gave me strength, gave me hope for a lifetime..." as she sang, she thought about Kingston. She was a bit guilty for being so rude to him.

"I never was satisfied... This time won't you save me. This time won't you save me. Baby I can feel myself givin' up.. giving up. This time won't you save me This time won't you save me.. Baby, I can feel myself givin' up, givin' up."

Inhaling a shaky breath, she stared ahead blankly, "It's not your fault, I'm a bitch. I'm a monster..." Her eyes grew watery as she began to think about Dajon. "Yes, I'm a beast and I feast when I conquer. But I'm alone, on my throne, all these witches..."

The tears dropped onto the floor as her breathing mellowed out. "I came this way, all this way just to say... this time won't you save me?"

Looking at the blood on her hand, she went to sing the next line but her body went limp.

Macy knocked on her door and waited for a response. "Renae?" She slowly entered the room.

Not seeing her inside the room, Macy went to walk out until she saw the bathroom light. As she hummed a tune on her way towards the bathroom, she stopped seeing Renae's body laid out in her own blood. Screaming, she rushed out of the room to go get help.

June 26th (Present day)

"Are they treating you good in here?" Egypt asked Renae as they sat in the visitors' room.

Shrugging, Renae looked down at her arms, "I think I'm psychotic." She spoke softly.

Not wanting to see his sister like this or hear her talk like this, Dajon got up and left out.

"Your court date is in two days... are you excited?" Bryson asked, trying to keep a positive mindset.

Ignoring him, Renae looked around seeing the other inmates happy with their loved ones.

Hearing the door open, she looked towards the door and saw Kingston walking in with the guard. Glaring at her mom and Bryson, they looked at her confused then turned around seeing Kingston.

"He wanted to see you." Egypt whispered.

"You got to be kidding me," she mumbled running her fingers through her hair then sighed.

Her right leg began bouncing in frustration as the hear radiated through her veins. Once Kingston sat down, he could tell she didn't want to see him.

"Zuri?" Bryson reached over and grabbed her hands from her face.

King's eyes went from her face to her arms noticing the cuts. Shaking his head, he ran his hands down his face.

Renae pulled her hands from Bryson's and looked down at her tattoo.

"You holding up in here?" King asked.

Ignoring him, she let out a deep sigh and looked over at the clock.

"Renae you gotta talk to us... at least tell us if you're okay?" Egypt begged.

Staring at them, Renae chuckled smugly, standing up. She wasn't the Renae they were used to, this was a totally different side of her.

"Renae?" King called when she began to walk away.

Looking back at him, she stared at him for a moment with disdain lingering in her intense gaze, "I got you, remember you said that?" her eyes darkened, "I guess it sucks to eats your words, hmm?" she smirked before waving the guard over.

King watched her until she was no longer in sight. Shaking his head, he sat down just as Egypt broke down. She didn't earn the right to cry, to King it was her fault Renae was the way she was.

But out of respect, he tried to keep his thoughts to himself. Getting up, he gave a nod to Bryson before he walked out.

"Shit... man." He exhaled, leaning against the wall trying to keep his anger under control. Just knowing that she wasn't gonna be the same had him feeling some type of way.

Court hearing

"Where're the ladies that were attacked?" The judge asked looking around the semi-empty courtroom.

"No show," Paul, Renae's attorney answered.

Nodding, the judge looked over a Renae who held no emotion on her face. What the paper said about her did not match up with what he saw sitting right in his face.

"Ms. Brown?" He called and she looked up at him, he didn't say anything he just studied her. "Would you like to tell me your side?" He queried.

"No." She replied flatly, tapping her finger against the table to keep her nerves at bay.

"Did someone threaten you?"

"Nope."

Nodding, he motioned for Paul to approach the stand.

"What are you doing?" Egypt whispered harshly to her.

Shrugging her off, Renae leaned forward and played with her hair tie.

Nodding, Paul shook the judge's hand before he walked back over towards Renae and sat down.

"Ms. Brown?"

Renae reluctantly stared at him and he smiled smiled a bit.

"I don't think you deserve to be here... when I look at you, I see my sister God rest her soul. I see someone who's on the verge of breaking down but is doing everything to keep everyone happy instead of yourself. I see a broken young woman who's been through more than enough in her life. I don't think you tried to kill that girl, you just wanted them to leave you alone correct?"

Renae nodded.

"I also don't think you're crazy... but I do think you're battling with a lot of demons and you're not sure if you want to keep fighting or not. Can we make a deal?" He asked and she gave him a funny look causing him and the officers to laugh. "I'm gonna make sure these silly charges don't end up on your record and get the ladies that actually started this, but you have to promise to talk to someone about the stuff you've been holding in, deal?"

Sitting quietly for a while, she nodded.

"Do I have your word?" He asked.

"Yeah... yes," She answered and he smiled.

"In that case, you are free to go, but please talk to someone about your problem Ms. Brown, I know that look too well and my sister is no longer here," his voice softened.

When his eyes became watery, she had to look away not wanting to cry.

"God bless you." He added before the police walked over to take her to the back.

Egypt them walked out the courtroom all talking at once. Kingston, on the other hand, was off to the side in deep thought.

"What's on your mind son?" Bryson asked standing next to him.

"She doesn't want anything to do wit me, man... dat ain't even my Nae in there... I don't recognize dat person."

"You know what I think?" He stared at him and King shrugged staring out the window. I think you're afraid to fight for her. She's gonna be even more sheltered when she comes home and you're afraid you won't be able to get to her heart as easily."

"She doesn't want me... if I would've never asked her to leave she wouldn't even be here," King stressed.

"Well son, you were in a tough situation. What you thought was the right decision wasn't but you know that and you learned from it. Now it's time for you to be a grown man and win her heart back because what I see are two people who are in love but afraid to be let down. It's time to be a man Kingston..." Patting his back, Bryson walked away and King continued to stare out the window.

What the hell am I supposed to do? He thought.

July 1st

Pressing play on the song, Renae closed her eyes and took a slow deep breath. Giving her body time to relax and feel the music within.

I drove for miles just to find you and find myself.

Spinning around, she jumped into the air landing on her feet, dropping down to her knees, she placed her hands over her ears.

All these screams, all these voices in my head...

You gave me strength, gave me hope for a lifetime.

Thinking of Kingston, her eyes grew watery as she tried to block out their memories.

Standing, she looked down at her arms as the next verse came up.

I never was satisfied.

Shaking her head, she wiped under her eyes before she ran then leaped into the air. Flipping in the air, she landed on her feet.

Stretching her hands out as if she was surrendering herself to God, she tried to stop herself from crying as the next verse came up.

This time won't you save me

This time won't you save me?

Baby, I can feel myself

givin' up.. givin' up..

Hugging herself, she dropped down to her knees, turned over onto her back and stretched her legs out. Pulling them back in, she rocked slowly as she began to lay back.

Arching up, rose her arms, reaching for the ceiling.

This time won't you save me

This time won't you save me?

Wiping the tears from her eyes, she held her hand over her heart.

Baby, I can feel myself givin' up,

givin' up

Laying down on the floor, she covered her face as she had a small breakdown. All she ever wanted was happiness and the moment she felt like she had it, it was gone with the blink of an eye.

It's not your fault I'm a bitch,

I'm a monster

Yes, I'm a beast

and I feast when I conquer..

Standing, she kept her head down as she tried to stop herself from crying. Flexing her biceps, she made a U with the motions of her arms then formed a crown with her hands.

But I'm alone

Wiping her eyes, she acted as if she was fighting with her real dad and Bryson.

On my throne

All these witches

I came this way, all this way

Just to say

This time won't you save me?

Pointing to herself as if she was begging Kingston to save her, she got into the song kicking the chair across the room.

This time won't you save me?

Baby I can feel myself givin' up, givin' up

This time won't you save me?

This time won't you save me?

Walking over towards the corner of the room, she slid down the wall and stared at her scarred arms as the tears began to flow like a river.

Baby, I can feel myself givin' up

I'm givin' up baby

Pulling her knees into her chest, she covered her face, "I'm giving up, baby."

The music played again which made her cry harder.

She wanted her father but he loved the drugs more. She needed her mother but she barely paid attention to her. She trusted King but he chose Keenan over her.

She chose death, but Life chose her.

Feeling arms wrap around her, already knowing who they belonged to, she pushed him off of her. "Stay away from me!"

"I can't do dat," King said.

Picking up her things, she reached for her phone but jumped back when he touched her hand. "Don't touch me!"

She was hurting. He could see it and just wanted to apologize for his fault.

"Yo— you pushed me away," her voice croaked as she shoved him away from her. "I trusted you!"

"I know," He sighed, walking towards her.

The closer he got the harder it became for her to breathe.

"Why would you do that?" Hurt was laced heavily in her voice as the tears stained her face.

"I made a mistake, Nae," he said.

"Don't you da— no," she glared at him, "You don't get to use that line on me, not this time." She tried to walk away but he grabbed her arm.

Snatching from him, she wiped her face angrily as she headed for the door.

"I love you!" He blurted causing her to stop dead in her tracks. "I... I can't keep seeing you like dis Nae... shit eating me up."

Dropping her things, she rubbed her arm as she tried to steady her breathing.

"I love you Nae," he took a step forward.

Shaking her head, she turned around and marched towards him.

Slapping him not once but twice, she pushed him back and went to slap him again but he caught her hand. "Get off me," she spoke through clenched teeth as she beat against his chest with her free hand.

"You wanted me to save you right?" His face hardened as he stared at her.

"You left me just like everyone else!" She shoved him back before snatching away and resumed hitting on his chest. "When nobody was there for me, you were! YOU! Out of everyone that had my back, you decided to turn around and push me away!" Pushing him back, she tried to slap him but he grabbed her hand and flexed his jaw.

"I hate you!" She pulled away before dropping to the floor. "I hate you!"

Words were powerful and those were three words that King never wanted to hear but she said it. Sitting behind her, he pulled her into him and this time she allowed him.

"I'm sorry Nae... I'm sorry ma."

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Whew! My tears are real! Excuse me while I hide in the bathroom lol.