kalani depradine

I was two weeks into my new position and I already loved it. My office was already decorated and it felt like home. Employees at the company had held a mini celebration party for me during lunch. They had cake and balloons and it was the first they had ever done such a thing for someone. I was already loving the position. It offered me a lot of creative freedom I didn't know I wanted. My days turned longer which was understandable considering we're building this position from the ground up.

Entering my apartment, I clicked the light on as I went to the kitchen. The only thing I had to eat was leftover pasta I was going to force myself to eat after I showered and got ready for bed.

My shower was long and well overdue and I took my time to enjoy it. When I stepped out, I stared myself down in the mirror. A small bump was making an appearance. It was nothing more than a pouch and I could pass off for just being bloated. My hand went on my stomach like a magnet. I rubbed it and even smiled at the idea of a mini me growing inside of me.

I was forced to put all my thoughts on hold when my phone started ringing. I quickly clothed myself in shorts and a tank before answering my phone without even seeing who was calling.

"Kalani, hey. I'm sorry, I know this is weird for me to call at this time," Joshua paused. I looked at the time on my microwave. It was almost ten and the latest he's ever called is five, so I was really worried about what this could be about.

"It's totally fine. What's up?" I poured myself a glass of juice while my pasta warmed up in the microwave.

"I actually wanted to ask earlier today, but didn't have the time. I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner sometime this week?" Joshua asked just as I choked on the juice I was drinking. It left me coughing for days and Joshua questioning if everything was okay.

"Joshua, that's really nice of you. But I can't. Things right now are really complicated in my personal life," I admitted, knowing it would be out of bounds for me to go into details. But he's already crossed the line by asking me on a date.

"Oh, is it the guy who was at the office two weeks ago?" Joshua sounded hurt, which was the last thing I wanted to do. If this question had come to me two years ago, I would've been jumping up and down at Joshua asking me on a date. But now the thought of dating my boss feels completely inappropriate despite how HR wouldn't have an issue with it.

"No. It's not that. I just...it's complicated," I looked at the ground with a sigh.

"I just thought because of the promotion that..." he trailed off and my skin went cold because there was no possible way he was suggesting I only got the promotion because he wanted to ask me on a date. "Okay, maybe it's best if we just let things go back to how they were. I mean, this position isn't even something we really need and-"

"What?" I quickly cut him off. I felt the tears appear and I didn't want to let him make me cry. But I couldn't help it. I was convinced my hard work landed me the position, but this entire time this man just wanted to get in my pants? "I'm confused."

"You should move back to your prior desk," he continued to go on and it felt like everything was falling to shreds right in front of me. "Anyways, I'll let you enjoy the rest of your night." Then he hung up. Just like that he hung up the phone and left me with the bomb of news.

My legs gave out on me completely and I found myself seated on my kitchen floor while sobbing into my knees. I'm not sure how long I sat on the kitchen floor, but my phone kept ringing and I didn't even care to check who it was.

I was excited for this position. I acquired this job when I was 21 because my older brother has a friend who knew an employee. I got this job through a connection and I wanted to prove to myself I don't need help. Turns out I do and my hard work goes almost indistinguishable.

Everything in me froze when the door to my apartment opened and Grayson came in calling my name. He was wearing workout attire and his body looked like he was out of breath and he was sweaty.

"What are you doing here?" I awkwardly asked, not understanding how he could've gotten into my apartment without a key.

"You weren't answering your phone. What's wrong? Why're you sitting on the kitchen floor and crying?" Grayson entered my apartment like he was invited in. I put my crying on pause when he knelt down in front of me. He is the last person I want to see me crying.

"Can you please just go away? I'm not in the mood," I looked away from him, almost embarrassed he was catching me in this compromised position. But this is my apartment.

"What happened?" He held my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him and I've never seen his eyes so concerned. He looked genuinely worried.

"I don't want to talk about it. I feel humiliated," I covered my face with my hands, going back to my large sobs I could not control. Talking about it felt like a terrible idea, but Grayson wouldn't leave me alone until he had an answer. "Joshua asked me on a date."

"Who?"

I squeezed my eyes shut out of irritation. "My boss."

"He asked you on a date? What did you say?" Grayson cautiously asked.

"I said no, of course. But then he brought up my promotion and thinks it's best if I go back to my old position and he's making me move out of my office," I wanted to punch a wall just thinking about this. When I removed my hands to look at Grayson, he looked like the gears were shifting in his head. His jaw was tense and his hands were clenched.

"You got an office? You never told me," he expressed his concerned. I sighed, tilting my head back onto the cabinet behind me.

"I told you about my promotion and you didn't seem to care. I felt no use in telling you I was being upgraded from my cubicle. It doesn't even matter now," I mumbled as I stared at the ceiling, hoping my tears could end. "I really liked this position. I mean, I know it's only been two weeks, but still."

He stayed quiet like he didn't know what to say and I didn't expect much from him. Grayson doesn't seem like the man you go to when you want to be comforted.

"Have you eaten?" He quickly switched the topic which was probably a good idea. I stood to my feet and went to the microwave to bring out my left over pasta which was now looking dry. "Jesus, Kalani. Do I now need to be concerned with all the things you put in your body? What is that?"

"You can leave now. When I said I'm not in the mood I meant it," I threw my food into the trash. My appetite was completely lost.

"I'm going to have my assistant send over dinner," he went on his phone.

"It's fine, Grayson. I'm just going to go to bed," I insisted but he completely ignored me by going to the living room to sit down. "Why are you in workout clothes?"

"The outfit should be self explanatory. I was working out. Do you have food allergies?" He stared at his phone as he typed away.

"No. But nothing with pickles. I hate pickles," I sat down on the end of the couch, bringing my feet under me. He was quiet for a while before he put his phone away in his pocket then turned to look at me. His eyes left mine, landing on my stomach which was made the slightest bit noticeable. He looked nauseous the longer he stared at it and eventually had to just pry his eyes away. "So...how is your wife hunting going?"

He chuckled, resting his arm on the back of my couch. "I've put my hunt on pause for the meantime." I wanted to ask why. It doesn't seem like this pregnancy has affected much of his schedule considering he hasn't invested much time into me or this arriving baby. But I never expected for him to want to be involved so I'm not allowed to be upset.

"Have you ever just tried being in a relationship?"

"I can't," he quickly responded and I asked him why. "Because, I can't be romanticized."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I rose an eyebrow.

"It means people become disappointed when they realize my work comes first. They think they can change me or fix me. But I don't need fixing. I want my life this way and no woman or intervention is going to change the fact that work is my lifestyle. I don't care for...love. It slows you down and is a waste of time," he stated this like it was a fact and not like he's been heartbroken. I can't imagine ever believing something as beautiful as love can be seen as a weakness and a waste of time.

"Well, I think love is an amazing thing and it can often bring out the best in people," I shrugged being set in my ways.

"Yeah and I bet you also read fairytales growing up. Wait until you enter the real world and realize love is nothing but an unnecessary distraction," he almost laughed. Every time I think Grayson might have some form of a heart, he proves to me it's merely nonexistent.

"Whatever. I wouldn't trade my fairytales for anything," I rolled my eyes.

He took in a deep breath. "I'm just...I'm not good at that stuff. I'm not good at being vulnerable and putting someone else first. I would rather stick to what I'm good at than see someone be disappointed when I don't live up to their expectations," he began to open up to me and it left me in shock. I couldn't believe Grayson was sharing his feelings. Grayson has feelings? "It's not necessarily that I don't want one. But woman typically don't understand my lifestyle and don't understand they won't be my number one priority and they'll rarely have my full attention. If a relationship could consist of me calling someone every time I want to fuck and bringing them to events where I need a date, then I would've been happily married already. But women want more. I can't give more. I don't have more to give."

"Friends with benefits," I slowly nodded.

"What?" He looked at me confused. I just ruined his moment.

"That's what you're looking for. Not a relationship or a marriage. You're looking for friends with benefits," I informed him but only made him even more confused.

"Whatever you wanna call it," he muttered under his breath. He stood to his feet when there was a knock on the door.

When he came back from opening the door, he returned with two paper bags in hand. He placed them on the coffee table and brought all the food out. It was Vietnamese food with pho and spring rolls and wonton soup and noodle dishes I hadn't tried. It looked like he ordered at least one of everything. And the last to come out of the bag was a bag of skittles. My eyes lit up and I reached for it but Grayson was quick to snatch it away.

"After you eat," he stuffed it in his pocket. He took napkins, placing them on my lap before handing me pho.

"You like Vietnamese food?" I used the spoon to take small sips. It was so good that I was eager to burn my tongue by having this all right away.

"I like everything," he took the wonton soup and began eating. We ate in silence and despite not asking him to stay here, I was happy he came and seemed to be wanting to comfort me. He did as best as he can with the little emotions he seems to have.

We ate all the food, not leaving a trace of evidence there was ever anything here.

"Thank you for coming and bringing food. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry for being such a hot mess," I cleaned up the mess that was on my counter.

"You're far from a hot mess," he spoke quietly under his breath while he stood at the door. But he was just standing there while I cleaned everything up. I figured he wanted a proper goodbye. So I cleaned up quickly then went to the door.

"Okay, well bye. Get home safe," I wrapped my arms around his torso to hug him. That's what I thought he wanted. Until all he did was stand there like he doesn't know how to hug or didn't know what to do. He was making this awfully awkward, so I pulled away and opened the door.

"No more tears about this nitwit," he instructed and I smiled. "I told you I didn't like him. I said-"

I shut the door before he could make me feel any worse about this.

-

I felt embarrassed the next morning when I had to go to work. I contemplated calling in sick. But then I remembered how he said he wanted my office cleared out, so I had no choice but to show up.

I shut my eyes, feeling the elevator ascend to my work floor. My heart was beating out of its chest, preparing for all the eyes that were going to be on my. But when the elevator doors opened, they weren't. Everyone was on their individual phones, consumed in something I didn't understand.

Hesitantly, I walked to my office but on the way I had to pass Joshua's. I didn't want to look inside in fear of seeing his face. But from the corner of my eye, I could see it wasn't him. Instead, his office was being cleared out by maintenance.

"Hi, is Joshua coming in today?" I stood by the door to ask them. They scoffed, not bothering to look up at me as they cleaned.

"Joshua was fired."

My jaw snapped open. "He's what?"

"Yeah. Apparently he got on one of the bad sides of New York's elites. Overnight he was fired and blacklisted. I doubt he'll ever find a job in New York City that's not minimum wage," they all laughed in unison. "They sent an email."

I rushed over to Andrea who was still at the cubicle beside my old one. "Have you read the email?"

"No. What does it say?" Anticipation was eating me alive.

"He 'resigned' but rumours have it he was fired. The email added that all positions remain as they are until a new senior manager is hired. They said it'll be internal too. So any of us can apply!" Andrea squealed, being excited about this new opening. But I was distraught at the fact that not only was my boss fired, but I was getting to keep my position. I was fully ready to pridefully pack my office and move back to my cubicle, but clearly that's not the case.

I went to my office with the widest smile on my face. I sat down and all I could think of was Grayson. There's no question this was his doing and the fact that he was so upset he did this for me completely warmed my heart. Him texting me was all the confirmation I needed to know that he did this.

: how is work?

: joshua is nowhere in sight and i can't help but think it's your doing

: i have no idea what you're talking about, skittle fingers