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This is her kingdom.

She lays on the yellow grass and looks up at the sky. She can feel the texture of the wheat against her fingers, she can hear the rustling of its edges and see the utmost tips of its peaks. The yellow grass moves with the soft wind. To the left, always to the left. It sways, sometimes, and sometimes it bends too far and breaks. Sometimes she reaches her hand out and grabs one, just one. She wraps her fingers around it and rips, so that it remains in her hand, suddenly useless and without purpose. Her own little plaything.

In this world, she is the king.

In this world, she is the god.

And then somebody comes along and rips it away from her. Drags her away from the world where she is king and God, only to cast her into a new realm where she is powerless. A mere pawn in someone else's game. And that life that she was living before? Where she got to live in peace and be the god of her own little world? That life is permanently over. In fact, it was never real in the first place. What was real was the reality that they forced upon her. She is a princess, she is to be married, and her entire life she has been living a carefully constructed lie.

Isn't it frustrating?

Being so angry, filled with pent up rage over something, but not having the logical right to express it?

Maud feels cheated. Lied to. Like her entire marriage has been built on some fantasy, like it was never real. And it's always hard to find out that the one you love has been lying to you. Maud is a bit sensitive to lies, or truths that have been kept from her. It's so frustrating when you know that someone lied for a reason, that they really didn't have another choice, but it still hurts so bad. It's frustrating because it feels like she has no right to be angry. In fact, it seems like they all expect her to just swallow it. All of their lies. Constant, life changing, huge lies that are always so f*cking inevitable. It's hard to cry too, when one stands in front of a lie like this one. A life changing lie. Because crying feels so insignificant in comparison.

Fate must have something against her. The princess sighs out, leaning against the railing of her bedroom balcony. Both now and then, the lies that she was told were always so harsh, they hurt, and they had a big impact on her life, and yet they were forced by fate and not by the liars. Outside it is already late evening, the stars shining in the completely clear night sky. The moon is in a crescent's shape, thin and wondrous. The smells of the private small inner garden down below are nice, filled with that thick aroma of southern flowers and hard leaf plants. That is something which cannot be experienced in Blue Knight, a kingdom so far up north it is hard to ever see anything but spruce trees and whiny bugs in the summer. Changes in life always come with good things too, Maud won't lie and say that she wishes Makai had never taken her for the small farm she grew up in. Getting to live such a privileged life, with the opportunity to change other people's lives, on top of escaping the harsh and gray cold of her home country is not something she regrets.

But being lied to her entire life still doesn't feel very good. Just as she thought she was done with lifelong lies, Adelio pulls the rug underneath her feet, and she falls down the pit of fate once more. This time though, it is definitely different.

"You must not be scared, little sister. As it is a shame to birth women, many princesses are brought to court at a later time in life, in many other kingdoms. This is not a unique happening, and nobody shall mention it in your future because of your high status as princess of this empire"

Last time, Makai reassured her of her position. That the lie in itself was not an uncommon one. Princesses are lied to all over the continent, in nearly every single kingdom. But once they are married off, they live their life of relative security and luxury- as long as they birth sons. This secret that Adelio has suddenly dropped on her shoulders is not something that happens to every single princess in every single kingdom on the continent. No, this is not a common case. Maud might not know much about anything, but she does know that women pretending to be men- especially queens pretending to be kings- are not usual. They do not, in fact, exist. Maud might have had her suspicions about this but once she was finally told the truth, none of it made any sense. She would never have come to the conclusion on her own. It is so sinful, it is probably sinful to even think about it, let alone do it.

And that's where the frustrating part comes in. Maud knows firsthand what it means to be a princess, especially in a kingdom like Blue Knight. One has a certain number of expectations, and the biggest one of them all is not being a woman. They hate women, and by that she means everyone. Everyone hates women, and a princess is no less a woman than anybody else. That's why queens are punished by beheading and dethronement whenever they fail to give a kingdom a male heir, it is shameful to be a woman in the first place, and shameful to birth women too. Not even as queens are women safe, not without a man's help. Not without birthing a male. And that is understandably stupid, even someone like Maud who has been raised very conservatively by her poor farmer parents, and then by her brother who wanted her to be perfect in that sense, can understand that it is inhumane to hate women so. Inhumane. That is why it is so understandable that Adelio is not a man, but a woman. In this world, no matter how much Maud loves being a woman, she would always choose to be a man over being female. She'd rather be praised for every little thing than hated for every little thing.

It's not just for that reason Adelio has hidden her gender either. The king has saved her mother and her sisters by pretending to be a man since birth. Not to mention saved herself and her kingdom. Maud is proud of her for sacrificing herself in such a manner, for being so righteous and kind towards her family and her people.

All she needed was a moment to feel angry, that's all. A moment where she could feel sorry for herself. It truly does feel horrible to be lied to so many times, to build your life on layers upon layers of lies. Maud fears she might one day begin to fear new relations with other people, fear change in her life and fear building her current life if she is lied too so often. If a moment is what she needs to process it, then a moment is what she will be given. It does feel nice to breathe. The humid air outside is quite common in early spring, Adelio told her that. The constant winter rain brings about such a feel. And maybe it's a little inappropriate, standing on a balcony in the early night- dressed in nothing but a white embroidered nightgown. But the private garden below her is empty, and she can't bring herself to care much about etiquette when such a surprise has been dropped on her so suddenly. When the weather is so gentle.

"Can we talk?"

Adelio sounds hesitant, as she approaches her wife on the wide stone balcony. Maud turns around, startled by the woman's sudden presence. She steps to the side to give room for Adelio, the king taking a spot right next to her. The nod that she gives her is soft and sweet, her brown hair looking beautiful under the moonlight. That is all Adelio can think of. How beautiful her wife is. It's been a while since she had time to think about it. Brown haired, short and enchantingly wonderful. Ethereal. The way she looks above the moonlit green garden, the way her eyes sparkle under the stars. But most importantly, how kind and gentle she is to everyone around her. Despite living in a world where practically anything out of the ordinary deserves a punishment of death, she has taken the matter of Adelio being a woman so very calmly. Instead of asking a million questions at once, or screaming and raging, she simply decided that she needed space and time to think about it. She said it in such a gentle way too. Needing a bit of fresh air. Adelio looks down at her hands, playing around with them, wanting to talk but not knowing how to begin.

"I'm sorry for keeping this from you"

Maud does like apologies. She never did get one from her brother, nothing proper at least. Hearing it from Adelio feels rather nice. She looks to the side, where Adelio is avoiding her gaze. Maud feels shy too. It hasn't been like this between them since- well since a long time back. Not even their wedding night was this awkward, and in the beginning, that night truly was very awkward.

"It's alright, I understand"

Maud hesitates for a moment. It's quiet between them.

"Are you sure you won't tell anybody else? Your sisters?"

Adelio glances at Maud, her gaze suddenly more determined and stricter.

"No"

Maud nods, pressing her lips together and looking away from her tall wife. The nature below them is silent and peaceful, but the air is getting a bit too chilly. She shudders, only standing in her beautiful white nightgown, under the mercy of the wild. Adelio notices it immediately. She- who is now dressed in much more than her linen white nightshirt that she was wearing earlier, takes off her red king's military jacket. A cliche move, which Maud has never experienced before. Adelio talks softly as she covers her wife with the jacket.

"This isn't a fairytale, as much as I hate to admit it. I shouldn't even have told you; I should've kept it a secret forever. If anybody knows- this secret becomes a reality. I will no longer just be a woman in my head and in my privacy but also with others. That cannot happen. I am still king, and this kingdom is leaning heavily on my secret not being exposed. I know I can trust all of my sisters, but it's better if I continue to live as if this is a reality rather than a dirty secret"

Maud looks sadder with every word that she speaks, snuggling up to the comfortable jacket she has been given, liking the scent of it. She knows that it is true- of course. But the reality of it also just makes it sadder. Now she knows the truth, and yet nothing will change. Adelio is a man to everybody, even to herself- to protect the kingdom and her family. And Maud understands that she can also not let anything change, she can't see her any differently nor can she ever talk about this again. It's too risky. So, with that thought in mind, she takes the opportunity to speak now rather than later.

"You know... the thing you said back when we had just gotten married. About us being one and not two?"

"When I said that you belong to me now, I meant it, Margaret. Because we are married, we are not two but one, so anything that happens to you affects me too"

Adelio looks at her.

"You mean when I warned you about not putting yourself in danger? I'm surprised you still remember"

Maud smiles, looking out over the gardens again. She remembers that day like it was just yesterday. Adelio, the woman who seemed like such a dangerous man back then. She was absolutely convinced that Adelio was a heartless warrior, a man who could and would kill her if given the chance. The terror that she felt in that moment, thinking that she was stuck with him for the rest of her life, thinking that he would hit her. Now he's a she, and everything makes so much sense. Of course, Adelio protected her. Of course, she was different from all other men Maud had ever met. She is and was- a woman. A woman who understands. It should've been obvious from the beginning.

"Yeah, I remember it well. Either way... since we are one and not two, I will support you no matter what happens. And frankly, I'm amazed... if not proud about how far you have gone to protect your family. By doing this you protect me now too, so even though I still feel a bit anxious about all these lies, I'll always support you"

Adelio looks at her with a sparkle in her eye, something which Maud has never seen in her before. The queen is surprised, her lips parting at the sight of her. Adelio looks like she wasn't expecting it, like a whole new world has suddenly been opened up to her. She is frozen, either from shock or from delight and Maud feels immensely proud of herself for making her wife feel such emotion. Especially since Adelio is so stoic all the time. Still, it's just a bit embarrassing to be looked upon in such an intense manner.

"Oh, don't look at me like that... I only said what-"

Maud is completely cut off by Adelio grabbing both sides of her face and kissing her right then and there, under the white moonlight. Her eyes widen for a moment, as she feels her wife's lips against hers. The garden around them smells as sweetly as the sudden sparks between them, and Maud feels herself melt into the moment. She quickly closes her eyes and responds to the kiss, wrapping her arms around the taller to avoid just standing there and looking stupid. Adelio pulls herself closer to her wife, completely enchanted by the beauty of her character. Drawn under a spell

For aren't the most beautiful moments the ones where words are not needed to express one's emotions?

Slowly they let go of each other, despite their close proximity remaining. Adelio looks down at Maud with the most adoring eyes, and even though they have just shared such an intimate moment together, the queen is too shy to hold her gaze for too long. Such emotion, which she just one year ago didn't even know existed, is now driving her completely insane. How could one person love and appreciate another so intensely? When did they go from fearing and despising each other to staring at each other with such love?

"I'm so incredibly lucky to have married such a good person"

Maud hides her face in her hands. Sweet words are too much for someone of her culture to handle. Adelio may say that she is lucky to have married her, but Maud would rather think that she is the lucky one. Adelio is probably the one and only prince or king in the entire world who would even think of treating her this well. Her luck has been hitting the stratosphere. Oh, how uncommon it is for women with arranged marriages to ever even fall in love! Maud has gotten so much more than that. Who cares if her wife is a woman and not a man, the most important thing will always be her luck in love. To hell with God and to hell with society.

"Should we head back? It's getting late"

Adelio muses to her after a while, having had fun watching Maud blush and zone out. Who knows what goes on in that curious head of hers... It must be something very beautiful. Adelio doesn't think Maud has ever thought of anything ugly. She is just so different from herself, as Adelio has fought all of her life and lived quite gruesomely on the battlefield, her mind feels tainted sometimes. But Maud is just so refreshingly sweet and kind and against all that violence she has experienced. It only makes Adelio fall even more in love.

They begin to walk back to their shared bedchamber, Maud still wrapped in Adelio's jacket. Surprisingly, the king is not cold herself. Perhaps she has gotten used to such weather during her short military career. Rather, she suggested they should head back because she couldn't stop worrying about her wife's health. She wants Maud to live a long and healthy life, she should not be getting sick just because of the cold. As they get inside, Maud seems to think for a while before mumbling out her question, still all shy and a little quiet.

"It's still okay for us to like... you know... even though we're both women?"

Adelio smirks, grabbing her arms gently and spinning her around.

"Okay for us to do what?"

Maud turns red in the face. She looks away from her gaze, suddenly very embarrassed. She doesn't care much about what society says about them, but what if Adelio doesn't feel the same way? What if Adelio was only doing certain things with her to keep up her act? Adelio's smile, however, tells a different story. She laughs heartily when Maud refuses to answer.

"Don't be ridiculous, of course it's okay. And even if it wasn't, do you think I would ever stop getting in bed with such a beautiful wife?"

Maud's jaw practically falls to the floor.

"Adelio!"

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