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Adelio sits down on her chair with a deep sigh.

She drags a hand through her hair, feeling tense and stressed all over. How has she just spent around a month traveling, pretending to be a man without a single break? She's done this all of her life, but usually she gets a few hours of peace in her office to stop being so tense and cold. Lately it's been hard to even get a minute. She lets the muscles in her shoulders relax and tries to ignore the building pain in her chest.

The thing is, she doesn't have a large chest, thankfully. But as a woman it's still different from a man's, so she uses specific bindings to keep it all smooth and flat. It's not exactly healthy, but it's not dangerous either, since there is not much to bind. But still, at night and when alone, she likes to take away the bindings or they start to hurt. It's not good for her to keep them on for too long, but Adelio honestly doesn't care about that. Her life and her crown is much more important than her health or her comfort. Still it was extremely annoying to suffer through a month's trip, as she almost never got to fully relax or even take it off.

Looking into the mirror right now, she looks like a man. Short hair, although a bit long for a man's usual haircut, broad shoulders and enough masculine features on her face to pass off as intimidating and strong. But if she truly just relaxed, stopped binding, grew her hair out, and stopped frowning and scowling so much to hide her real facial expressions, she would look quite feminine. Similar to her youngest sister, actually, who despite having some masculine features is most definitely a woman. That makes Adelio shiver in fear sometimes. If her mother hadn't needed to make Adelio a man, she could've made the youngest daughter one. Adelio would've lived the life of eldest princess as she was meant to, and her sister would've taken on this huge burden. Sometimes she has nightmares about it. Her poor innocent sister, imagine if she was forced to do something like this?

Forced like Adelio. Wasn't she just an innocent princess, once upon a time?

No, never. Adelio was born a prince and she'll die a king. She will never be a princess, never be a woman, and never truly be honest to anyone. That burden will lessen as the years go by, and eventually it will be like she was never a woman at all. It's thoughts like these that make her throw things to the wall, break glasses and scream and shout until her maids beg her to stop. But it's thoughts like these that keep her in the act, keep her doing what she needs to do to survive. For her to survive, and for her kingdom to survive. Without the inner pressure, she would never have made it this far. Not with her mother dead.

Adelio stands up and starts picking at the golden buttons of her jacket. She makes quick work of the jacket, unbuttoning it all the way down and then throwing it to the floor. She probably shouldn't treat such valuable fabric so carelessly, but with the growing pressure on her chest, it's hard to care about stupid clothes like those. Underneath her jacket there is a white linen, long sleeved shirt and a black vest. The white shirt has small ruffles around the neck and arms, a more northern style of clothing, one which she has worn ever since coming from the Blue Knight kingdom. From now on she'll only wear clothes from her own kingdom. At least then she won't sweat and die.

"F*cking northerners and their f*cking vests"

She could've worn her own clothes during the trip, but sadly there weren't many available. Her only royally presentable pieces of clothing were left in Blue Knight, a result of them leaving in such a hurry. It's Adelio's own fault for wanting to get away from that palace and its king as fast as possible, but she's still annoyed. The crown prince practically rips apart the black vest and drags a hand through her mildly sweaty bangs in the process. She should've done this the moment she got back from the north, but alas there was no time.

All night she had to spend celebrating with her male cousins, in the palace hall. It would've been weird if the newly married crown prince hadn't showed up to her own festivities, celebrating her marriage. It was already sunrise by the time they were finished, and Adelio dragged her feet back to his office, not really clear in the head. It's morning outside, and everybody is waking up and getting to their work or chores. But for her, it's still evening. It's still nighttime. No matter the sun that shines outside, or the people that chatter. The alcohol somewhat wears off as she throws her vest to the ground, and the buttons of it cling against the stone floor. The sun coming from her balcony strikes a nerve, and a huge headache starts to bloom somewhere deep within her forehead. Adelio fumbles with the buttons of her dress shirt as she grows more and more annoyed by the pain.

"Your highness- your wife-"

"Shut up!"

Adelio ends up ripping the shirt off her chest and throwing it to the ground, halfway through the many white buttons that blended into the linen material. Finally, she comes in contact with the main source of her pain. White, somewhat yellowing bandages, tightly wrapped around her chest. She's worn these as long as she can remember. Every day, ever since turning fourteen. It's pure torture, and often she envies the men around her for not having to pretend. If only they knew what really hid under the many layers of clothing that she always wears. The dark gazes, scowling expressions. If only they knew, then she wouldn't have to hide like this.

"Should I send her away, your highness?"

Adelio rips the bandages off her chest, one layer at a time. It always takes so long to put on and take off, even though she would much rather make it a quick progress.

"Is something wrong in there, your highness?"

Adelio rolls her eyes at the different voice. This time it's not the guard calling for her, it's her wife. That princess, so pretty and gullible, yet so annoying to deal with. A wife was the last thing she needed in this life. It's just another sin, first she's pretending to be a man, now she has a wife too. Not to mention that Margaret is going to have to know at some point. Either, Adelio tells her the truth, or she dies. That's how this will end. Oh how much Adelio had wished for her father to die before he could make the decision on his marriage. But it's too late now. Margaret is her wife, she is a woman with a wife, and now she'll be stuck pretending to be a man within her own private chambers too.

How fantastic.

"I'm fine!"

She's still drunk. Adelio didn't realize that until now. When she finally gets her binds off, and manages to breathe well for the first time in a long time. The alcohol circles in her system, and she's nowhere as near as sober as she thought she was. The room swings a little, from side to side, as she takes one deep breath after another. She slams herself against the desk by mistake, and the papers and writing materials on it clutter, some to the harsh stone floor. In retrospect, Adelio acknowledges how that might have sounded alarming to someone on the other side of her office door. But to her, at that time, it was just another annoying sound adding to her already growing headache and drunk disorientation.

Someone bursts through the door. Adelio feels her world stop. If only she was thinking clearly. In that split of a moment, she turns around, so that it's her back that faces whoever is by her door. The clicking of someone's high heels against the stone floor only agitates her further. Adelio can't think straight. She won't think straight.

"Adelio are you-"

"GET OUT! GET THE F*CK OUT OF HERE!"

She hears Margaret hesitate for a moment. Her shock is evident, even to Adelio who can't see her wife. It's quiet for a second, and Adelio feels her head spin. Then suddenly, the princess turns around and leaves as quickly as possibly. The door is shut behind her as carefully as possible, barely making any sound. But that's worse than the loudest bang she could've produced. Adelio feels like her own heart has stopped. She turns around, bewildered, hesitating for a moment. Her ears still ring with the sound of her own words.

She scrambles over to a chest in the corner of her office. It's filled with lumps of fabric, in colors like red and white and black. They're all here for a situation like this one. She bends down, eyes still wide, hands shaking. This is the moment where she sobers. Completely awake. The room stops spinning. As her hands touch the silk red fabric of the first shirt that she can touch, and the velvet fabric of the first black jacket she can throw over herself, Adelio sobers to the situation.

Despite not having slept in a long while, she feels more awake than ever. Her voice, which was so loud and angry before, has suddenly died in her throat. Adelio takes her time, still shocked, as she drags the expensive and more southern style shirt over her head. It has a more open chest and breathable material, better for the environment in Red Lion. Her jacket is similar to it, but she wouldn't have been wearing it if it weren't for her current situation. Her female situation. Had she been completely flat chested, there wouldn't have been any need for a jacket. Sometimes Adelio hates herself. Hates herself for things that she can't control.

After clothing herself properly, she quickly hides her old clothes and bandages in the clothing chest. Those are not for her wife to see. Hopefully she didn't see them already. This is all Adelio has. Hope. Because if Margaret finds out, Adelio doesn't know what she'll do. Would she have the heart to kill her wife? An innocent woman? And what would she say to the court, to the Blue knight court, if she killed their princess? What would she say to herself, after doing such a thing? No she can't kill her, so all she can do is hope. Hope that Margaret is still on the other side of the door, and hope that she is as gullible and naive as Adelio knows that she is.

Adelio opens the office door, her face much more calm than it was before. It makes a squeaking sound, and someone startles on the other side. Adelio feels a strange stab to her heart at the small motion of her wife. She should be thinking of her own survival, but instead she feels a growing guilt and hatred of herself. Margaret shouldn't matter. Their marriage is wrong, and their relationship doesn't actually mean anything. But Adelio can't help it. Not when the princess turns to her with her concerned, and slightly frightened eyes. Not when her heart has grown strangely soft to the woman who she married. The woman she promised to protect at the altar.

Perhaps marriage really is a curse. Maybe Adelio is a fool for thinking that she can make empty promises. A promise made at the altar, no matter fake or not, is never empty. Her head might not believe, but her heart does. And that is the most terrifying thing. Is she going to lose everything to this woman? Margaret meets her gaze, but can't hold it for more than a second. Her eyes quickly fall to the floor. Adelio can't tell if she's scared or if she feels guilty. Guilty for making her husband angry. How ridiculous. Adelio is the one who yelled, and yet as a man she is the one who is in the right. The one who deserves an apology. Adelio is the one who benefits from this situation, yet she feels horrible. How can she ever make a woman, who has been told all of her life that she is worth less than a man, believe that she is worth the same?

Adelio isn't even a man. All of it is so ridiculous. She almost forgets what to say.

"I'm sorry for barging in without permission, your highness"

The way she says it, it's like she believes it. Believes that she is in the wrong when she isn't. Margret was only worried about Adelio, even in her drunk mind, the prince knows this. She's the one who yelled, and yet Margaret is the one who is apologizing.

"Did I scare you?"

Since apologizing will only make Margaret believe that she is a good man, an exception, Adelio won't start with it. She doesn't want this, her doing the least she could, to become the best a man can be. Margaret is surprised. Her eyes snap back up at Adelio, and the crown prince considers it a win. She doesn't scowl or look cold this time, just neutral. She tries to look as calm as possible. To contradict the anger that she showed before. To show remorse. To show that she is sorry. To make Margaret understand that she didn't mean any harm.

"Of course not, your highness"

But the way she still calls her by her title, Adelio knows that Margaret is lying. The quiver of her voice is just another clue. So out of instinct, she steps forwards and grabs the princesses hand. Somehow wanting to prove that she doesn't want to harm her. She just wants to hold her, softly, like this. It's the only thing she can do right now. When she knows that Margaret thinks it's normal for a husband to shout and hit his wife. In a situation where she knows that her wife feels like she herself is in the wrong. This is the only thing she can do.

"You have every right to be scared. I'm your husband. I'm supposed to protect you, not scare you. I'm sorry for yelling at you, you didn't deserve it, and even if you did I should never have went that far"

Margaret frowns. She looks confused, and Adelio knows that she is. As she said before, how can she make a woman, who has always been told that she is worth less than a man, believe that she is worth the same? Just words won't do.

"Is there something you need from me?"

To some extent, it still feels strange to be so kind to Margaret. Just a few weeks ago, she still felt like Adelio's number one enemy. But she was foolish back then. Foolish to think that Margaret would have the power to hurt her in any way. If anything, it's always going to be Adelio who has the power to hurt her own wife. That's what she gets for being the husband, the man. She should never have thought otherwise, that was stupid of her. From now on, she won't do anything but help this endangered person.

"Well- it's not important. It's dumb now, I just- well I thought I should just ask you when we would, you know.... Uhm... when we would sleep together again. You know, as a married couple should. It's been so many weeks since last time, and I feel like I'm not doing my duty right"

Adelio smiles.

"I haven't slept yet, it's still evening for me. Do you want to come to my room right now?"

Margaret blushes and nods, so innocently. How could there ever be dangerous thoughts within this precious woman?

Margret's mind drifts off to the things she saw in Adelio's office, as they walk all the way back to the prince's sleeping chambers.

How could there ever be a dangerous thought within her?

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