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~

"Oh you who believe! Be upright to God, witnessing with justice; and let not the hatred of certain people prevent you from acting justly. Adhere to justice, for that is nearer to piety, and fear God. God is informed of what you do." (Qur'an 5:8)

~

When Ammi, Aisha, and Naima come again, Zoya rushes upstairs. She cannot speak to them. Not now. Not ever.

The last time she saw them, they had lovingly wrapped their arms around her and told her how happy she made Haroun. And that was what he had needed for a long time. Happiness.

She may die of guilt if she faces them now.

Every time words bubble to her mouth, she bites them back. Knowing no words will ever justify what she has done.

But just to make herself feel better, just to lessen the guilt that coils itself around her like barbed wire every day, she thinks of why she had to do it. Of why she had to take Haroun Suleiman.

In the past few years of her life, she has only taken, taken, taken by force. She has bribed people with her money, has mocked them with her wealth and status, has manipulated people into giving her what she wants.

And she has always ended up getting what she wants.

Zoya has never attained anything good without force, she realizes. She constantly manipulated her way to attaining her desires, starting with taking Farhan's investments and the mahr he gave her upon marriage to build herself up quicker than most people would be able to. Using Zaki Ahmed as a stepladder for her career before she disposed of him. Then building a career and manipulating her way into making her employees faithful to her and her company.

Integrity, integrity, integrity. She had always drilled this into her employees' heads, constantly lashing out at them if they didn't hold integrity in their work ethic.

And her work ethic? What about all the things she had done? What about the threats she made to her workers to cut from their paychecks if they didn't work properly? The bribes she made, the people she fired without reason, the empty threats that kept her employees on their toes, the way she treated them?

Even the way she used Zaki Ahmed to make herself a name?

Zoya blinks then, coming to a forceful realization. One that hits her like a ton of bricks.

She has been a hypocrite.

Always doing what she had hated being done to her. Treating people needlessly harsh, using her past as an excuse for her attitude, toying with people's emotions.

And then, ah. Then Haroun came along, and she manipulated and toyed with him the most. She did things she thought were good for him, not ever stopping to consider his ideals. She did things all in the wrong manner. All with the wrong decorum. By cheating, manipulating, bribing. Like when she played around with him and his morals when he first started working, when she gave him a promotion to keep him near her even when it didn't exactly make professional sense to, when she toyed with managers to get his sisters better jobs.

And then she manipulated him worst of all by taking his love by force. By coercing him into marrying a dying woman. By forcing his love for her even when she knew he was not ready. Even when she knew he was emotionally unstable and still reeling from the after effects of his broken engagement. She took advantage of his brokenness and manipulated him towards her.

Like a puppeteer to a puppet would.

Because she couldn't bear the thought of life without him. And she knew no one would ever know her and love her by choice. So she felt she had to do the next best thing.

Forcefully take and take and take. And be okay with taking and never receiving.

Haroun Suleiman was like those exquisite diamonds, those last jewels left in the expensive jewel shop. Those crazy expensive cars that nobody had the money to buy but everybody wanted to own. That treasure nobody had the deeds to match but everybody wanted nonetheless.

At first, Zoya felt that she had fallen in love with him.

Now that she looks back at it, it was more than just love. In her there had been a growing desire to protect, maintain, and nurture this last remnant of purity and goodness left in the world.

And the only way she felt she could do that was to keep him all to herself.

Zoya had never felt like she needed anybody until she met Haroun. Her life had been filled with rage and fire and anger and harshness, and Haroun was the softness and gentleness she never had the lovely opportunity to experience. And that was what she needed.

He had been the thing she found when she wasn't even looking. He was the water to her fire. The calm to her rage. The eye in her storm.

He was the hope. The love. The compassion. All the things she had been robbed of in life.

So of course she had to have him. Of course she did.

Even if it was by force. And even if in the end, it was by breaking his pure and gentle heart.

She drove him to his breaking point. For all her taunts and warnings to Haroun that the world was an evil place and it wasn't merciful with good people like him, for all her threats for him to stop being so good because this cruel world would rob him of it, she had been the one to destroy him.

Zoya Zameer drove the man who seldom broke to the point of no return.

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