***

Fear

An unpleasant emotion of threat and pain. The one thing he never felt all his life was now his constant partner. Making his every breath like a burden of boulder on his chest.

Every second seems like years of never ending darkness. Life is going. That's how it is and that's how it'll be.

Life goes on, no matter what. But it's the person who remains in the dilemma of their loophole. Seeing their world repeat itself again and again.

The house was oddly quiet. Lost was his happiness and lost was his sparkle leaving nothing behind but just a mirage of memories of those mesmerizing eyes.

Ringing of the house bell took him out of his trance as he slowly opened the door. Brad stood their holding a parcel. Brad almost shoved the parcel at him as Alexander stared at him confused.

"I'm not supposed to give the diary but I thought it would be better for you to know everything." Brad spoke calmly as he glared daggers at the man before storming off. Before, Alex could say a word.

Rubbing his hand on his tired face Alex closed the door as he came inside and sat on the couch observing the parcel for name.

His heart almost stopped beating when he read the name. In a beautiful handwriting it was written 'From Bruja to Beast.'

Confusion and shock made him numb as he immediately opened the parcel.

The first thing that he saw was a beautiful diary followed by a folded paper. With shaky hands he unfolded the paper.

7th October 2023

My Beast,

I hope this letter finds you well. I hope receiving this letter won't cause you any inconvenience but if it does. Then you can stop reading it and I'm sorry for disturbing your precious time.

But if you want to read, then brace yourself fella. * _*

I really don't know from where to start but anyway.

I wasn't intending to escape when you were shot that day Alexander. It was all too much for me. I was dying bit by bit from all your disgust and hatred. It was killing me like a slow poison but when you told Mike. ' I don't give a f**k about her! F**k her all you want! ' That did it! You killed me! You ripped my pride!

'Words are most dangerous than swords and guns. They reach further and hurt deeper.'

That day I realized the depths of these lines. The wounds given by swords can heal but nothing can heal the wounds your words inflicted on me. They made me feel dirty like filth of your shoes, like a whore as you always say. You killed me that day Alexander.

I was just trying to get away from everything for few seconds maybe but I just wanted to get away, so I kept on running. I was lost and broken. Then Michael came like a savior, sometimes I think maybe Allah has sent him there for my help. He asked me to trust him and I did. Wallah! I'm glad that I trusted him. He helped me escape. You maybe wonder who Michael is? Well he's the older brother of my friend Amir. I've met him once in uni days. Michael took me to Los Angeles to one of his friends whose Brad the guy who gave you this parcel. Brad is a good man, with decent job at some designing multinational company. He's a complete flirt sometimes but is really caring. He has a granny who runs a flower shop and coincidentally, granny need a worker and I got the job at her shop. They lived in beautiful apartment near the shop. First they insisted me to stay with them but I can't, I left my life behind not my morals. Understanding me Brad helped me in renting the small mini apartment next to them, the rent was less, very less if I may add and affordable. I don't know but I do believe that Brad is behind this cheap renting thing.

My life was going pretty fine as it sounds but it wasn't. There wasn't a single day that I didn't miss my family, my friends. How dearly I wanted to call just to hear their voice for once but I can't. Because, I was scared. Scared of you. That maybe any moment if you find out about my whereabouts, you'll come and get me. Will take me back to your hell.

I know I was wrong Alexander for not telling you, but I was scared for my family. Cane was keeping tabs on us. And when I do had the courage to tell you everything, you didn't believe me, instead inked my body when you knew it was haram. You branded me and made me into a freaking property of your possessions.

I haven't seen my back till this date. You know why because I'm scared to see at the scars of lashes that you inflicted on me. You made me ugly Alexander.

You've hurt me bad!

I didn't know how or when but I fell in love with you. Maybe because the small part of my heart always said your doing all this because you don't know the truth. Or maybe because of the money you sent to my parents for Ali's treatment or maybe taking me out for dinners and lunch. Or maybe because of that wolfish grin of yours that made my heart all jittery and giddy every time. You were changing, your eyes started showing emotions which you always kept sealed. That change was doing things to my heart but Wallah I tried! I tried really hard to not fall for you but it was not in my will anymore. It was too late to back away. So I tried to give our relationship a chance. I prepared a surprise plan to confess my feelings but everything went wrong. My life crumbled down that night. Why I'm telling you all this when you already know!

The time I confessed my purest feelings to you and you said 'you don't f**king deserve to love bruja!' That hit pretty hard in this beating organ sadly called heart. It hurts till now whenever those words ring in my head at nights when I try to stop the unstoppable tears and my painful screams are muffled in my pillows. Rejection hurts but yours was brutal. Your harsh words kept me awake at nights making me cry. The way you brought that blond at your home kissing her in front of me that scene still haunts me. Taunting me!

It didn't matter anymore.

I always had this deep urge in me to know whether I'm your lust as you always indicated or have you ever felt a bit of love towards me even for the tiniest bit. But guess what I've to die without even knowing. Burying this question with my life like a secret never spoken about.

So much emotional eh! ;)

Well I've searched the meaning of your endearments. Corazon means 'My heart' did that mean I was your heart or maybe I'm thinking too much. Silly me. And Bruja means 'witch' Wallah this nickname was such a leech like seriously beast from which angle I'm witch. I've done some research in Spanish words so you should call me hada which means 'fairy' instead of that bruja but I also don't mind being called Corazon haha.

You know just a year back I was planning on coming back to my parents but guess what destiny has its own planing as I got severely ill and got diagnosed with certain type of incurable disease. Now don't ask what's the disease.

So now the doc said I had probably a year left to live. What a sane person would do after hearing this! They would probably run back to their family and live everyday like it's their last but I wasn't stupid. My friends and family had already lost me once I can't make them bare the same pain again. So I decided to stay the rest of my days here with Brad and granny. They did everything in their will to always keep me happy.

Guess what? I also got a proposal from a handsome Muslim guy who used to come every day at our flower shop to buy flowers but now I think he comes to see me. His name was Zahid and he was a doctor. Brad nearly killed him the first time the guy asked for my number. But unfortunately he was disheartened when I told him I'm already married. The guy didn't believe me at all asking me to say 'wallah' hahah.

My disease got worse and worse when the doc said I'm not trying myself. How can I try when I just want to die. The doc finally said I've three months left and if I tried I can get better.

Brad and granny were heartbroken, but I knew how to cheer them up with my special yummy baking. Let it be for a day only.

As the days passed a thought dwelt in my mind. Never once I lived for myself. Everything I did. I did for others, so I made my 'to do' list. The things I wanted to do before dying and I will do them all in my last month of December. And well I'm writing this letter in October and it will get to you probably after two months of my expiry hehe. I sound creepy right ;)

Sometimes I wonder how life would've been if our lives weren't in such a web of deceit. We would've been living like normal couple falling in love with each other slowly. You would go to office and I would cook for you, watching movies, dates and what not. Wallah if our situations were different I would be swooning over my husband and why not you're one handsome beast. My beast! Now don't get all arrogant and stuff. Well I don't know how many babies you want but I want three, two boys one girl. Our adorable babies.

I know it sounds surreal just like a beautiful dream.

I don't know if you are still there or has moved on and don't even remember about certain, sharp tongued hot headed Alizey. Yeah! that's me ;)

But if you are still there stuck with my memories. Then I want you to forget me and move on. Death is inevitable and I can't fight it. But I can tell you this, I'm going to my Allah the one who love his human seventy times more than their mothers. Just imagine how much love I'm gonna get.

I want you to leave this killing thing Alexander it won't get you anywhere. You are a freaking businessman so do business only. No killing! Find a loving woman, marry her and have kids. Have hope! Live like normal person for once, trust me you'll like it.

It will look really weird of me saying all this stuff if you've already moved on and forgotten about certain girl you kidnapped once. It would be very awkward.

I'm really happy for you if you're happy. I want all the happiness to be thrown in your lap because I love you. But don't think of my love as my weakness. Wallah! Small part of me still hates you for hurting me so much and it's not forgettable but wallah I'm trying to forget those awful things.

I will keep on writing like this till night! If I didn't stop now.

So finally the goodbye time is here. I would probably not ask for your letter in return because there will no me waiting to read it. So guess we have to work with my one sided letter only.

In the end remember this!

I loved your darkness. Imagine how much I will love your light!

From your Corazon.

Alizey Alexander Blade.

With blurry vision he wiped his face off tears as a sob racked his body. Immediately he opened her diary.

Every page was filled with her every day happening in Los Angeles. Her happiness and sadness was oozing out of her diary. His chest vibrates as deep sobs escaped his lips.

In the last page was 'to do' list of hers. Few of wishes were written there and the first one of them had his heart constricting painfully in his chest. His breathing became difficult as he yanked his hair the diary falling from his hand.

Will definitely see the snowfall before dying.

In the end of the page was written about her complete schedule of the month December and how and on which date she'll complete her wishes.

But what got his body to rack in sobs was he took away that month from her. He took away her wishes. The day he brought her back lying about Ali's health the very second day she had the flight to London because it was snowing there.

God! Pulling his hair the man screamed. His scream was full of agony that walls trembled in sorrow. Why is this happening to them? Why?

Wiping his face the man immediately took his car keys as the car now dashed on the almost empty road. Speeding like a madman, driving recklessly with tears flowing endlessly as her smiling face flashed in front of his eyes.

In his own trance a sharp flashing lights blinded his view as a truck was coming straight at him. Only few words left his lips.

"I'm coming Corazon."