"!"

"yeah? "

"LOUIS"

"WHAT?!"

I watched him coming out of his room, dragging his feet before his eyes fell on me and he noticed my state "mom?...MOM!!"

I was sitting on the ground_ not like I had any other choice_ holding my baby bump and panting through tightly clenched teeth..."call-..oh god!..call your dad and- ...tell him to.. GET HERE!! " I squealed trying to hold in the pain but all my efforts were in vain...I am an idiot for thinking that those cramps I got were just the usual cramps but just a little more intense! I am an idiot as I totally forgot that I was

"I'm here, I'm here, it's okay, it's alright" Henry came back and helped me up after Louis tried to do that so many times but failed

"Just shut up and get me out! please!" I bawled as I fisted his shirt and pulled him closer to me_or maybe pulled myself closer to him... I don't really know what's going on right now!!

"okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he kept apologizing all the while leading me to the front door

I let out a wail as a response to his constant apologizes hoping he would just stop

"Mom?.." I turned to the eleven years old boy and saw the fear in his frantic eyes "you'll be fine right?" he demanded some sort of reassurance and comfort, and I wanted to dispel his fears but I couldn't utter another word, the pain was intensifying with every passing second, all I could do was, nod my head and give him a small weak smile before it was interrupted by a scream of murder! "HOSPITAL! NOW!!"

It wasn't that bad ...painful; felt like I was getting stabbed for hours..but worth it...so worth it!... The baby was out but I didn't have the chance to see her since the doctor and nurses took her away for examination, before I can get my head straight which took me some time.

It took me a while to become totally aware of what's around me, the room I was in, my family members around me, the relief in their faces, the pride and euphoria in their dancing orbs..but most importantly the state that Henry was left in, it got quite the attention from every single eyeball in this room

"can you stop looking at me?" he grumbled with half-shut lids, to prove his already evident annoyance, yet, his one simple request got him the exact opposite of what he demanded.

"you look like Tarzan " Aiden commented before he snickered along with the rest of us.

His necktie in his hand, after I pulled on it so many times that I almost killed him, His shirt open wide after I made sure to pull it harshly, making every single button fly away, his hair standing in every possible direction after his fingers dove into it so many numerous times to release some of the tension he felt.

"at least close your shirt, this is a hospital" Joshua chortled at his own remark, fist-bumping Aiden

Sighing in defeat with his inability to retort, Henry turned to glare at me "I wish I could "

"well there is a button right there, you could close it" _believe it or not _ that was my dad, he said it in the most genuine way possible, pointing at Henry's shirt but not for long since he then burst out laughing making the other two join him

"hey! Stop teasing my son !" mom warned them and marched towards him before she hugged him from the side, eyeing the other three that kept laughing at him "keep it down it's a hospital! There are other women resting here!" she hissed now, which made their laughter cease ... "go change honey, you can use one of her shirts they are big enough to fit you"

Is she implying that I'm fat?!!

"choose a pink one " Aiden added holding his laughter

"Mom doesn't wear pink " I looked at Louis now, holding my left hand like his life depended on it .. I wanted to tell him I was fine, but I was drained, I just wanted to sleep...

"that's a letdown " Josh commented, gaining a glare from mom "fine, I got it, sorry "

"go change dear "

Henry was reluctant to leave, he kept looking at me like he was about to leave me with wolves

"go " I mouthed to him slowly, unable to make a sound ...I yelled for hours that my vocal cords are refusing to function now

"Okay, please take care of her "

"she's my daughter before she is your wife, go wash that face and fix that hair while you're there"

He turned to playfully glare at me "look at what you did to me "

His hair ...yeah.. it was not only him ruffling it, but it was also my doing, I pulled at it when he picked me up.. his face!... I had nothing to do with it, he was the one to cry with his own will.

"Rest.." he told me and caressed my head before he left with heavy steps leading him towards the washroom to change... AND I obeyed... I closed my eyes, unable to hold on anymore ...

"It looks WAY better on you" I commented the moment I opened my eyes and they laid on him wearing my yellow shirt with the rainbow imprint on it. His eyes moved to mine when he heard my voice, gazed at me with his teary eyes squeezing the hand that he was holding tight

"where's everyone? "

"Joshua went to his house to pick Vic up, she cooked you food, so make sure to eat ..as for the rest ..they are ..with the doctor"

Doctor?

I looked around the room, trying to find her but they still didn't bring her here ..so I looked at the clock ...five hours...it's been five hours since I gave birth...that's more than enough for checkups "where is she?.."

"Henry? " I added shaking the hand he was holding, when he didn't answer.

"she needs surgery" he said in a breathy way, tears falling on the sheets when he looked down shutting his eyes tight, kissing my hand then leaving it on his forehead

"w-what surgery? hm?" I shook my hand trying to get his attention again

"she's suffering from CHD" he stated in a whisper, still with his head facing the sheets

"CHD?...GOD! you scared me " I breathed in relief

his head rose up and his eyes criticized me before his lips did "babe, she needs surgery !"

"it's okay, it's not that bad ..not as bad as it sounds, it's actually a bit common. Josh had it before, now look at him, he is fine and healthy ... it's just a simple surgery, it's okay "

"Still ..it's our daughter Amanda "

"that's why ..she's our daughter so she will be fine ..she-"

The door opened and Aiden appeared, he noticed that I was awake while he was closing the door behind him "you good? Feeling better? "

"yeah ..what happened out there? "

Aiden looked at Henry then back at me "dad was able to convince them to let him perform the surgery, he just got in, mom and Louis are there waiting for him "

"good " I nodded my head and felt the warm liquid fall from my eyes going straight to my ears "it will be fine"

I was convincing myself more than anyone else ...I was concerned but also hopeful...I-

"MOMMY!" the door was pushed open and came a crying Louis. Henry got up like bolt, picking him up in his arms and calming him down "what's wrong with you? calm dow-"

I was unable to hear anything else when I saw the shadow of my mother at the door, her hand on her mouth muffling her cries and her head shaking so slowly ...telling me ...

What does that mean?

Wha..what is that supposed to mean?

"she had an arrest before your father can even start ..he did his best to save her honey ...he really did"

Seems like...She just..

...

she wasn't meant to be mine ...

Joshua and Vic picked Aiden up and left, taking Louis with them after they delivered the food and saw how the situation turned out to be, they decided to lessen the pressure on me and leave...as for the rest; mom, dad, along Henry, they stayed by my side, trying their best to console me and bring me to open my mouth and eat

But I had no appetite, even they didn't, so how could I? ... how could I? when I am her mother, even if she didn't like it and left... I am still her mother, she is still my baby... and I lost her...

Henry tightened his hold on my left hand, caressing it with his thumb "We can just have another baby, we are still alive and healthy, we can still try again, hm?"

"Henry!" my father hissed, his tone was somewhat harsh as if warning him, alerting the two of us and making us look at him shocked

"honey" my mom held his fisted hand and tried to calm him "I haven't told them yet "

dad turned to her with his angry eyes that softened when he laid them on her "why? she had to know about it before any other thing, she-"

"I know what's right and wrong but I also know what a woman will feel about it "

" what's wrong ?.... you're scaring me now .." Henry asked, being on full alert, still unable to read in between the lines ..but I did

"I can't give birth anymore ..can I? " I looked at their shocked faces when I said that

Henry turned to me shaking his head "what makes you say that? stop-"

"their eyes are telling me so " I interrupted him and that made him stare at them with wide eyes, hope in them, hope that they would just deny it all..but they can't...they can't deny the truth..

Dad turned his face away, not wanting to face me anymore and my mom cried; walking slowly towards me and sitting across of me on the bed, She stared at my hand and held it in hers unable to look straight at me, she just kept staring at my hand instead "they had to take out your womb ..you-"

"you're saying .. you're saying that..I-i can't give birth anymore?! " I sobbed as my chest heaved with the effort that my lungs were making to get air in, to let me breathe "" I cried out loud, alerting every soul in the room

"honey-"

"WHY DID THEY DO THAT ?!! WITH WHO'S PERMISSION!" I was unable to control myself, I cried hard, breathed hard. I was fretting, and how can I not ...when I lost my child and the ability to have another...I lost

My heart was clenching inside of me as if shrinking, breathing became harder with every passing second as I pulled my hands away from each of their hold and fisted them to my sides clenching the sheets tightly, hoping to ease some of the pain while doing so ... but... no use.

Next thing I know, my fist went to my chest, thumping it, trying to lessen the pain that was inside, Henry hugged me tight, caging my hands so I don't hurt myself anymore. I turned to clench his shirt and cry on his shoulder, yelling from all the pain that I am enduring.

It was a hundred times more painful than giving birth, I wish I can give birth again instead of feeling this way... I wish I .. but ...

Just..Why am I so unlucky?