Edwin, I appreciate you since the day I ever met you, and still do, till now and forever. But I won't leave you hanging ...or hoping for something that won't happen

I do love you and cherish you but I never thought of a family with you and I can't just use you and try it out with you

You helped me and I can't repay you by throwing you under the bus for my selfish reasons

I can't pick the first guy I find just because I was recently out of divorce, I need time more than you think and I need to find someone who I can be with for a lifetime and I just can't seem to think of you that way anymore

I should have held you when I did, I shouldn't have left you for someone else but I did and I missed the timing ...

It was my fault and I don't intend on making another one, I don't want to hurt you twice.

I hope we can just remain, friends, the way we were since the beginning but if it's uncomfortable for you then trust me, I won't blame you for the decision you make

I'm sorry but I have no courage to face you for now so I am just sending you this long message instead...

"You sure about this? if it's because of me Amanda, then please don't.. "

"How many times should I tell you that ?"

"I ju-"

"Stop living in guilt when it's not your fault, nobody's blaming you Madeline, and if you keep doing that, your relationship with him won't work out. The two of you won't make it if any of you feels guilty towards me"

"Ama-"

"Just let go of it for god sake! it's not that big of a deal. I've already spent a day on this issue, I don't want to spend another one on it ... go shopping if you feel sorry for me "

she shook her head before a smile penetrated her lips "I'll buy you anything you like "

", I'm an independent thirty years old woman I don't need you to spend your money on me "

"wow, somebody decided to purchase the whole mall? "

"how many bodies do you have Amanda? "

My lovely brothers and their sarcastic tongues were the first things to welcome me home

"no, just bought some stuff for you guys "

"OH! that's understandable then, what have you got for me?" Joshua jumped down from the counter and came to the living room, checking the shopping bags I left on the ground before I laid down on the couch

"WOW! a not my size though.. Who is this for? "

"That's Dad's, the third bag on your left is yours, along with the small white one beside it"

"what about me?" Aiden asked now checking the bags along with that big dumbo who was checking the watch I got him along with a leather bag

"yours is the first one to your left and the one at the far right "

He picked them up in a haste and opened them checking what's inside "OH MY GOD! I love you sis " he jumped over me hugging before I can object.

"GROUP HUG !"Joshua decided to join smashing me with his heavy body along with Aiden

"GUYS! I'M SUFFOCATING!!!"

"what are you three doing? "

"MOM! Amanda got me the latest edition of Gucci's footwear and a leather jacket "

"what about mom?" Joshua asked me, just as, Aiden started showing her his new clothes

"I'm too tired to get up, can you give her, that purple one there" I pointed to the shopping bag and he obliged; getting up from his sitting position beside me and picking the bag up giving it to our mother..

"What is this? did you buy one for me too? "

"Yeah, check it out"

She opened the bag and got the white box out, slowly opening it to have her eyes widen and build some shine in them caused by the forming tears "Mom! no tears for god sake, no one died!"

"I love it, but it's expensive and I have nowhere to wear it to" she said, picking up the blue-green dress I bought her and examining its every detail

". I already booked the plane tickets and the hotel for you and dad "

"Where to?"

"that will be a surprise that you will get to know when you reach the airport but till then, you will have to wait "

"Honey but this must have cost you so much"

"not that much, I've been saving quite the money for years and I got paid quite well for the appearance on the show"

"what about that one?" Aiden asked eyeing the big white shopping bag beside my dad's

"that's for Louis"

"What about you?"

"I have enough in my closet, there are some that I never even touched "

"Still! you should have bought something "

"I'll wait for you to get a good job and good pay, then you can buy me some good things"

"that won't take long, since I was chosen for a role in a movie! "

"

"I AUDITIONED FOR A ROLE AND I GOT ACCEPTED!!"

I somehow found the strength to get up, because now, someone else was about to suffocate and get smashed by a group hug!...

The three of us; the siblings, were watching tv after we had dinner when mom came and called for me "Amanda honey, your father asked for you"

"where is he?"

"the study room"

"okay"

Joshua picked up the remote "I'll pause it"

"Nah, it's fine, I've already seen it, I know what's going to happen, keep watching" I insisted, heading to the stairs and climbing them, walking straight to the study room.

"get in " I heard my father's voice when I knocked on the door, to that, I turned the knob, getting in slowly

"you called for me?"

"Yes, sit down, I need to talk to you"

I walked up to the chair in front of his and sat down waiting for him to speak

"I heard all about you and Edwin, and I believe you are a grown-up now and you can make your own decisions so I believe you had your reasons "

"I do dad"

"Okay, then, know that I have my reasons for this too"

"what's wrong?"

"I am thankful for the trip you organized for me and your mother and so happy for the beautiful gifts you gave, and I don't want you to think that I'm repaying you in a bad way, but I do have my reasons for this"

"dad, what is it? you're scaring me "

"Louis is coming to join you while we're away"

"I know he said he would spend the weekend with us"

"not only the weekend but a whole week and maybe more"

"that's great, i-"

"along with Henry"

"what?"

You might not understand it now ..but this is my gift for you ...

That was what my father said at the end