"I'm sorry...can you come back now? "

Dad dropped Louis off and left with Joshua, both of them going back home leaving me alone with Louis. I bought him some ice cream and sat across him not knowing what to do, till he chose to speak first.

"Louis, I'm not going back "

"why not? I apologized, you already punished me, is it not enough? " his voice went up a notch, which alerted me... I knew he was bullied by his friends, I knew what he was dealing with mentally, and I was always cautious with him but he has to learn to deal with it on his own now.

"me leaving is not to punish you "

"then why? "

"I just.. can't stay anymore "

"just like mom couldn't? ..am I that bad? "

"Listen to me, mommy left because she was sick, she didn't choose to leave you, she would just to be with you, do you get it? " I held his small hands in mine feeling warm all over, I moved my left hand up wiping his tears, then brought it back down to hold his hands as much and as long as I can 'cause I knew this dream will soon have an end and he will be pulled away from me

"what about you? "

"you to me "

"LIAR!" he pulled his hands away, "you say that but you leave !"

"you wanted me to leave"

"I never said that!"

"you have always said that you hated me Louis and y-"

"because you wanted my papa and not me!"

I shook my head at him "I have always wanted you and never once wanted your dad"

"then why did you hate it when I called you mommy?"

I knew it, I knew that this was the core of the whole problem but how was i supposed to fix it on my own?

"because it made your papa uncomfortable, he probably thought of your mommy every time he heard it, so I stopped you from calling me mom but I loved it when you called me mommy ..you don't know how much I did"

"then come back " his quivering chin didn't go unnoticed by me but I couldn't give him any false hope just because he was on the verge of crying

"Louis...I can't "

" I will be good to you, ! "

"I know that you can fathom this so listen to me carefully ... I will forever be a mom to you, you like it or dislike it, you are son... but this mom of yours got so greedy that she wants someone whom she can call husband "

"did papa hurt you ? was he bad to you? "

".but he wasn't good to me either, he just loves your mama Ivy so much that he sees no one but her and you... I have always had no one but you, and you seemed to get further away refusing to go back to me, so I just couldn't bear it anymore "

"I won't go away, I will be with you, so please come back " the tears have already formed again and stained his pale tiny face with a trail that I managed to stop with my palm wiping it away

"can you be with me even if I don't come back ? can you forgive your mama and love her, even if she didn't come back ?"

"But I'm asking you to come back "

"and I am asking you to not leave me, but to not also pull me back .. I am sorry baby but I just can't" I refused to let my tears fall in front of him, not to hurt him and not to imprint a broken side of me in his memories, since this could be a last...

He didn't talk just turned to his ice cream and munched on it while I stared at him, trying not to blink so I don't miss any second...I missed him, as much as it's torture not to see him, as much as it is to see him and know that this is somehow a goodbye..

"grandpa is nice, I like him" he said now looking back at me "even though he fought with papa when he came, but, he was nice to me ..."

"he is super nice, I wish you had the chance to meet him earlier"

"he told me I was staying with you for the night" WHAT?!! "is that okay with you? "

My eyes widened as a huge grin was formed " of course it is ...did you bring your clothes? or should we go to buy some new ones? ..what about dinner what would you like to eat? let's just go back home so you can meet your uncles and granny while I cook you some good food, okay? "

"grandpa said not to let you come home early though "

"what? why?"

"he has my clothes and he said granny will be cooking with uncles so I just need to keep you out as long as I can and be a good boy"

what is dad thinking?

I don't really care now

"where do you want to go? the park?"

"but it's getting dark"

"then?"

"I just want to see the neighborhood you live in.."

I was almost sixteen when I was interested to know about my parents past about the homes they lived in, the schools they went to, the memories they shared with their friends and family, the days they rebelled and the days they were sad, but my kid surely was growing fast ...Joshua was right. I raised a human.

"Sure, let's go " I got up and gave him my hand to hold, walking out and taking a stroll around... till our feet got us home..

Aiden picked up Louis the moment he took a step through the door "so this is my dear nephew?"

"Louis, this is uncle Aiden my younger brother, well the youngest ..and " I said pointing at Joshua who appeared out of the kitchen with an apron " is uncle Joshua who is also my younger brother"

", let's go meet " Aiden announced taking his leave with Louis still in his arms, getting into the kitchen to let him meet mom

"you cried" Joshua stated studying my face while I was taking my shoes off

"Yeah, had a bit of an emotional reunion... You look good in an apron by the way "

"I know right! " he made a pose with one arm in the air and the other on his hips giving me the duck face at the end

"you look constipated" I chuckled then looked around us..."where is dad? "

"Waiting for you in the study room"

"Okay then, tell Louis I am with grandpa and I will be down in a second if he needs "

"he won't need you, we won't eat him, so rest assured "

"fine!"

I knocked on the door of the study room and I heard my dad from the other side, telling me to get in, so I turned the knob and pushed the door slowly to meet his eyes "hi, dad"

"you're back already? "

"yeah, it is getting late, and Louis sleeps early usually so...here I am "

We kept looking at each other not knowing where to start..Well, I don't know about him but I didn't know what to say, I was lost for words, these are the times where my work doesn't come in handy ...I was just one of the lost people I was treating ...but I knew one way, that none of them thought of.

I walked towards him, opening my hands wide and engulfing him in a hug, the moment his warm big hands caressed my head and patted my back I was a goner, I cried and shook, in my father's arms "I love you, dad ...I truly love you "

"I know and I am so proud of you no matter what "

...proud is a word that parents use, to show just how much the word love is useless because

of you means that I love you, I appreciate you, and that YOU...YOU are a part of ME, a part that manages to bring me up or down any time of the year

"thank you, dad, for everything ...and I am so sorry, for depriving you of meeting Louis all these years, I was so stupid and weak "

"I don't blame you, I never do" I felt a peck on the side of my head so I closed my eyes letting the tears fall "and I am so so proud that, you managed to bring up an amazing boy ..even when he wasn't yours "

I had to grow up and take care of a family, of a kid...A kid that wasn't even mine and wasn't even planned ..but, now, he is mine, no matter what the world said

""

" "

we went downstairs about to head to the kitchen when the lights went off "what's going on?"

small candles appeared in front of us lighten up our surroundings "happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear !! happy birthday to you" before the lights were on again and I looked around me to these five people wishing me a happy birthday.

"what?" was the only thing I said

"Today is your birthday " Aiden announced before he made use of my shocked state and messed up my face with the frosting of the cake

"!"

I ran to get him after getting some frosting on my hand, we were running around the glass table in the living room when I heard the laughter of my boy echoing through all the other waves of laughter, and I stopped to look at him with his head arched back, his mouth wide open and his eyes smiling along with him

when I felt my hand slammed across my face and that brought me back to the idiot that was holding my hand, I turned and gave him the darkest smile I could and finally got a hold of his shirt when he was trying to flee again, I pulled him to me and hugged him so hard, making sure to transfer the frosting on my face to his in the process..

Believe it or not, I was now thirty...

Laying on my bed, facing each other, while my hand ran through his soft blonde hair "mommy" he said

"hm?" I answered

"I want you to stay here" he expressed which took me by surprise, it made me feel a bit disappointed I won't lie but also happy that he understood that there is no way that I would go back.

"you are fine with it?" I asked

"you are happy here "

"what about you? "

"you never had your birthday before and I want you to have them now because I want to see you happy...so can I come here sometimes at least on your birthdays"

"you are welcomed any time, Louis this is also your home, and we all love you here"

His eyes started to get heavier and he was about to sleep, but he managed to ask "what about when you get married and have a family, what will we do then? "

"then you will have three homes to visit whenever you want, you will get to see grandpa and granny along with your uncles, then you will get to see me and your new siblings "

"promise? "

"I promise"

....

"But ...what if your new husband doesn't like me? "

"I won't marry someone who doesn't like you "

"promise? "

"I , now go to sleep, I will be here" I hugged him, giving him a peck on his forehead before i kept staring at him while he slept ..not believing that he was here