"Your peace is more important than driving yourself crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did. Let it go."

I collapse onto the couch and tug at my hair with my hands.

I know relationships are hard work. I know it's about communication and compromise and all that other shit. It feels like Zane and I are desperately clinging onto this relationship with everything we have because of our bond but maybe there was a mistake.

My heart hurts when he's upset with me.

Goddess, he's still recovering from an injury and I practically shoved him out of the house.

I sigh. My back aches from sitting in a chair all day and my eyes feel like they might shut at any second. Despite my slight discomfort, I try to rack my brain for clarity.

Zane has a point. I've been holding onto the past for too long. At this point, it's only holding us back, and quite honestly holding on is draining.

A sudden burst of guilt hits me.

Zane knew all those things about me because he took the time to care. What the hell do I know about him? I don't know his favorite foods. I don't know his hopes and dreams.

As the guilt begins to consume me, my papa's words float around in my head.

If there's something bothering you, you can sit there or you can get the hell up and do something about it.

So I get the hell up.

I find Zane on the rocks I once sat at with Lilia. That feels like such a long time ago when everything in my life was uncertain.

The lake looks beautiful tonight just like it does every night but that doesn't mean I'll ever get sick of it.

I trek up the rocks and sit on the one next to Zane's. His eyes meet mine but he turns his head to look out ahead of him again.

Okay, I can do this.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out.

Zane's eyebrows rise with alarm at my sudden words.

"You're right I've been holding onto the past but before I move on from it, we need to discuss everything, and I mean everything."

He raises one brow this time.

My mate sure is a man of words.

"So there is no better time than the present let's get everything hammered out," I say. I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone.

"Did you make a list?"

I give Zane a blank look.

"Of course I made a list. They are the best way to get things done efficiently."

He shakes his head.

"Ok, first off, tell me what you think I should know about you and Isabel."

"Wow, starting off strong huh?"

I can't help but roll my eyes.

"Well, when we got together it felt like we were so alone. She had lost her mate and I was still recovering from losing my mom. It worked out but I don't think we really loved each other. It was more like the idea of love that was appealing."

He takes a deep breath.

"We were bad for each other. I don't like thinking about the person I was with her because he was an asshole. I'm sure Isabel would agree. I think she's a much better person now than she was then."

His words end up alleviating the small doubts I had about his past with my sister.

"Why didn't you want a mate, Alessandra?"

His question stuns me for a second.

"I just always had plans you know? I never envisioned myself sharing them with anyone. I did want a mate, eventually, but I never wanted it to happen so soon."

My view on mates is pretty unpopular. Werewolves dream of meeting their mates their whole lives. But how is that healthy? I didn't want to base my life's success on another person and I don't have regrets about my decision.

"I hear how selfish and ungrateful that sounds now. I mean some people only get so little time with their mate and I'm complaining about finding mine early?"

"There's nothing wrong with wanting things just for yourself, Alessia," Zane speaks.

There's a moment of silence between us. I can hear the wildlife, the cars from the main road, but loudest of all is my heart, which is beating so fast I'm almost concerned. I take a deep breath and just rip off the Band-Aid.

"Why did you send me to Italy?"

Crickets. Actual crickets. Zane says nothing. He stares at the water like it's the most interesting thing in the world and he hasn't lived here his whole life.

"Alessandra, this is something I never wanted to tell you."

Immediately my thoughts go to the worst-case scenarios.

Did he get some girl pregnant?

Do I repulse him?

"Stop that. I know you're thinking the worst right now," he demands.

"Well, I'm going to continue thinking bad things unless you tell me why!"

"Alessandra, you've been my obsession forever."

My breath hitches in my throat.

"When we were little, I'd do anything to get your attention. And when my mom died? You were the only person who didn't treat me like this bomb that was seconds away from detonating."

He turns his body to face me.

"You've always been so damn pretty it should be a crime. And you're so good. Do you know how many actual good people there are in the world? Not that many and of course I get mated to one of the few I know."

"And you're always bustin' my balls. I swear I've never seen so much sass directed towards an alpha."

I think I'm blushing.

"So don't go thinking I did it because I wanted you gone. Of course, I wanted you here with me but I had to make the decision I thought was best."

He looks away from me again and tilts his head back. His eyes latch onto the moon before they return to the lake.

"I wasn't happy when I found out you were my mate. You were the sister of the woman that cheated on me and I was hellbent on being a single man."

He laughs but there is no humor in it.

"It's hard watching the man you admire fall apart because he lost his other half and I vowed that no woman would do that to me. Then you waltzed into my life and I couldn't stand being apart from you."

"Shortly after your birthday, I had a dream. Well, I guess it was more of a vision or a memory because it did not feel like a dream."

His newly found detached tone fills me with dread.

"I was holding you, no I was holding your corpse."

I gasp.

"There was blood everywhere and I mean everywhere Alessandra."

"It scared the crap out of me and when I went to Donata about it she told me that it could be connected to our past lives like a memory Lorenzo passed onto me."

I want to say something to comfort him because he looks broken right now and it's the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen, but I can't. I'm too shocked to offer any words of comfort.

"But then it changed. The first one had Rosanna but this new one? It was you. I'm sure of it."

The look of agony in his eyes matched with the fear I feel pulsating off of him has me reaching over to hug him.

"I'm not going to die on you," I whisper into his ear.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

He pulls back, his hand still holding me close by the waist.

"I need you to understand that I can live with the idea of you in Italy, even if it's with someone else, but I can't live with the thought of you dead in my arms."

"I'd rather be dead than be apart from you," I respond.

"Don't say such cruel words," his words end in a rasp as his lips capture mine in a slow kiss.

"I'd never let you die, you know that right? I don't want you to be scared now that I told you the truth," he says, leaving my lips aching for more.

I want to smile at his words because they're unnecessary. Even though there have been times where I've been unsure about us, I've never doubted that Zane would keep me safe. He would never place me in harm's way.

"I can protect myself," I tell him.

"Oh, I know."

"Ok now ask me a question."

I hope for an easy one but of course when has anything with this man been easy?

"Tell me about the guys."

I can tell it's something that bothers him but I also know that he has no right to be upset because then he'd be a hypocrite.

"I mean there's not much to tell. We did some things and I did try to have sex but it just never worked out."

"Why?"

"Don't let your ego grow, it wasn't about you. I just realized that I didn't have a real connection with any of them and I wanted to remember my first time in a positive way, without any regrets."

"And did it meet your expectations?"

"Hmm I don't know, I think you need to consider taking some supplements-"

He growls, even though it's pretty obvious I'm lying.

I let out a giggle before dropping a quick kiss on his lips.

"Let's go home, mate."

"Gladly," he says while picking me up like a bride on her wedding day.

As he races us home, I can't help but think that I wouldn't mind staring at his face forever.