That Saturday I rose early to leave for the outskirts of Seoul. I had never learned to like driving in Korea, so I usually left early and took my time getting to where I needed to go. I dressed casually in blue jeans and a white cotton cardigan over a bright pink shirt. I matched it with white Vans, put my hair into a high ponytail and left the house, eager to see JaeHyun.

My little JaeHyun was five years old and currently lived in an orphanage on the edge of Seoul. I had first met him when he had only been two years old. I had been twenty-two at the time and had just graduated from college the year before. I was teaching at a public school, but I was about to open my tutoring business.

I was young back then and full of ideas about how to make teaching a better experience, not only for the teachers, but for the students as well. My own experiences teaching in Korea had been key in helping me to make the decision to create my own company.

Back in America, my aging parents did very well for themselves and lived in the Bunk Head area of Atlanta. What most people didn't know was that I had been adopted when I was still a baby, my biological parents having been drug addicts. The Taylors had raised me and never made me feel like I was anything less than their daughter.

Before I had started my company, they'd encouraged me to give back and so I had taken some time off to do charity work. Since I had been blessed in life through adoption, I guess I'd been drawn to helping in orphanages. I had gone to many around Seoul already and felt for all the children who had little hope of being adopted because of Korea's strict laws and intense adoption process. More than one hundred children resided in just three orphanages, most already over the preferred adoption age of two. It was heartbreaking to witness and I thanked God that someone had been there, that someone had wanted me.

While helping out in the final orphanage, I had seen my JaeHyun. He had been small for his age even though he was healthy; the other staff were still carrying him around even though he could walk. He was the sweetest thing I had ever seen and eventually I found myself doing the same. He always had ready kisses and hugs available and he was so precocious. I loved all the children that I worked with, but I remember the day that I fell for JaeHyun like it was yesterday. He had just begun potty training and had taken his first "potty time".

He'd run into the room I was in and grabbed my hand, desperately wanting to show me how well he had done. The whole time he was calling me Eomma and I couldn't tell this beautiful little boy that I wasn't his mother. I had already stopped my charity work by now and begun my business, but I still came to the orphanage just for JaeHyun. That day, as he said those words to me and jumped into my arms in excitement, it was then that I knew the truth. I loved my little boy more than anything and the next day I immediately told my parents.

I had just started my company and they cautioned me to wait, saying that I was too young, but I couldn't. I wanted JaeHyun with me and I wanted him as soon as possible. But the Korean government had other plans. It didn't matter that no one else wanted JaeHyun; they wouldn't let me have him either until I met their requirements. And so, I started the long application process only to be turned down early on for being too young and not making enough money. I had expected the rejection but the pain I'd felt from not being able to have JaeHyun with me was even greater than I had anticipated. Some part of me already knew that he was mine and it felt like they were keeping my son from me.

I hadn't given up though and two years later I was still fighting for my baby. I was 25 now and my business was booming more than ever before. I had even expanded and continued to expand into my new building so that I would meet the salary required for adoptive parents. I had never given up on JaeHyun and visited at least three times a week if not more. He was getting older and more than ever I was worried that the adoption would never go through. I tried to stay strong for JaeHyun but it was extremely hard. It seemed that no matter what I would never have the boy I considered my son with me.

Tears pricked at my eyes but I took a deep breath and willed them away, knowing JaeHyun would notice red eyes. Jae was incredibly intelligent for his age and had become bilingual quite easily since I'd been speaking to him in English from such a young age. And growing up in the orphanage had made him grow up in other ways as well. The older he became, the more he was aware that his life wasn't like a normal child's. And until the adoption administrators changed their minds, there was no way for me to change that.

As I pulled into the orphanage, I was met outside by the director of the place. A sweet woman of fifty-five, KyungMi had told me to call her Unnie on my very first day volunteering and I had never considered calling her anything else. Regardless of her age, she didn't look a day over thirty and she had the spirit of a much younger woman. All the children loved her and she loved them equally in return. Usually she was happy to see me, but today her face was filled with worry as I got out of the car.

"Unnie, what is it? Is JaeHyun ok?"

"Imani-yah, I'm sorry to tell you but JaeHyunnie woke up this morning with a high fever. I sent one of the staff with him to the hospital. I tried to reach you but your phone must have been off."

I cursed myself as I reached into my back pocket and checked my phone. After last night's meeting with those guys, I had turned off my phone so I wouldn't have to see his number. Now I had missed finding out that my baby had been sick. I felt sick myself as KyungMi gave me directions to the hospital JaeHyun had been admitted to.

My worry made me step on the gas much harder than I usually would and I was at the hospital in record time. I quickly walked in and asked for JaeHyun's room number from the nurse at the main desk. She looked at me in confusion, but when I spoke urgently and told her that I had to see him, she gave me the room number. It infuriated me that she would question my right to JaeHyun and I vowed again that one day soon I'd have my little guy with me in a way that no one could deny.

JaeHyun was wide eyed and lying in bed watching TV when I walked into his room. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw him and quickly rushed over to give him a much-needed hug. I had to stop myself from crying, not realizing just how worried I had been until I'd seen that he was okay.

"Eomma, guess what? I got to ride in an am. bu. lance," he enunciated slowly in a mix of English and Korean.

"JaeHyun-ah, are you ok? Eomma was so worried." I put my hand to his forehead and sighed again at the normal temperature.

"Ne, I'm fine. Don't worry." He patted my hand with his tiny one and I gave him a small smile and tried not to cry. My Jae was the love of my life; I had watched him grow up from a baby into my little man and it was heartbreaking to think that one day he'd be all grown up.

JaeHyun had finally caught up to his proper height in the last year and I personally believed that he would grow to be taller than the average Korean. He was already the same size as most seven-year-olds and he spoke at the same level as well. I wanted to put him into special classes until elementary school, but I wasn't allowed to put that kind of money into JaeHyun. Legally, he was a ward of the state and as such there were limits to how much I could do for him. I pushed his light brown hair out of his eyes and he flashed a smile at me.

He was so cheeky and knew how much I loved his smile. This was why I could never be anything less than hopeful about our situation; I couldn't bear to hurt him.

"I want to take him home with me tonight," I said later on outside of the orphanage. JaeHyun had been discharged earlier and we'd returned here so that he could see KyungMi, but I didn't want to leave him again.

"Of course, you can dear," she said softly. She looked into the back of my car where JaeHyun slept in his car seat and graced me with one of her sad smiles.

"Imani-yah, I know you're working hard for JaeHyun and what you've done so far is incredible. The fact that you've perfected your Korean, begun a successful business in a foreign country and even gotten through the beginnings of the adoption process, is something to be commended for. There aren't many people who would willing do so much for a child. But I feel as though I have to tell you something." She reached out to grab my hands in hers and looked me directly in the eyes, her gaze unwavering.

"It simply comes down to this; the Korean adoption administration might not see you as a viable applicant because you aren't married. I know you're trying, but it might not work. I don't want to see you or JaeHyun in any more pain."

"But I love him," I whispered back fiercely my throat suddenly not working properly. "No one else does and I won't let him go just because I don't have a husband or I don't have enough money. I'll make the money and then the husband part won't matter."

"It's important in Korea to have a family. Maybe in China it could pass and I know it can in America as well, but why else do you think it's taken so long? Any Korean family with your credentials would've already had a child a year ago."

"KyungMi Unnie, I'm not giving up. I can't let him go."

"Then be prepared Imani, because you have to know that there is a possibility that JaeHyun will never be adopted, by you or anyone else."

Tears ran down my face at her words, and I looked back at my son, asleep and hopefully protected from the harsh words I was hearing.

JaeHyunnie, mommy won't let you go, I silently promised him. You'll be mine someday.