《Perish • Ben Parish》07

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We headed back to Grace's house, slowing down slightly when the sky started to turn black. Eventually, Ringer made the executive decision for the group to take a break. If it were up to me, we'd just keep going. We were close enough - within hours of Grace's.

"I'm heading over there," Zombie muttered, waving his arm heartedly to a small clearing a little ways a way.

He left without much of a glance in my direction, quietly lumbering off without a another word.

I turned to speak with Ringer, but she was a little ways off, in a deep conversation with Constance.

I pursed my lips, letting a small sigh escape. I took another glance at Zombie, whose silouhette could be seen amidst the trees.

Okay, I didn't care if he wanted to be a lone right now. I was sick and tired of him not communicating with me. I was sick and tired of him having the communication skills of a rock. Especially after Dumbo dying, wouldn't he have realized how important it was to spend as much time with someone as you could?

I shook my head, determined to get some sense into him.

I walked over, making sure to watch where I was stepping. Who knew how close an Other was.

I wound around the trees, peering past one to see him sitting on the ground, with his back up against a tree trunk.

I coughed lightly, trekking over to sit next to him. I settled down to the ground, not speaking until I was fully situated.

"Are you okay?" I asked him softly, my voice hardly above a whisper.

He glanced over at me quickly, "Yeah," he said.

I shook my head, refusing to let him get away so easy. "It's okay if you're not," I said, dragging a stick through the dirt. I dug it as far into the ground as it could go before snapping, the stick crumbling in my grasp.

"I know I'm not okay," I said slowly. "He's gone. After everything, Dumbo is just...gone," I said, brushing my hands off on my jeans.

My thoughts wandered back to Dumbo's lifeless body sprawled on the alley's floor and the trail of blood indicating his struggle. One of us should've stayed with him. There was no need for both of us to go, especially with a injured friend, utterly helpless if anything were to happen. And well, something did happen. And now he was gone, taken to Dubuque.

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Zombie looked over at me again, this time deciding not to take his eyes away.

"Fine," he mumbled, sounding as if he was almost ashamed. "I'm not okay." His gaze returned to the his hands resting in his lap.

"I'm not okay. Everyone I seem to know is getting ripped away, killed. Sissy, Oompa, Poundcake, and now Dumbo. And I can't help but think that all of this is happening because of me. Because I keep screwing up. All of this is my fault," he said, gesturing around us.

I shook my head carefully. "That's not true," I said, "You have no control over who lives and who dies."

I frowned slightly. He had been consoling me earlier and now I was doing the same for him. I wondered if there would ever be a time when neither one of us would be worried about something.

Zombie shook his head a bit. "Canary," he said in a hushed, distraught whisper. "I killed them. I know I did. I kill everyone who gets even remotely close to me."

I shook my head again and gently slid my hand into his, moving them so they rested in my lap.

"Zombie, listen to me," I said, "It's not your fault. And I'm still here and I'm not planning on leaving you anytime soon," I said reassuringly.

He turned to look at me and I smiled. "You're the strongest person I know, Zombie. You don't mean for harm to come to anyone."

"That's not true," he said, his voice husky. "I want Voche to die. I want to see him bleed out in front of me."

I nodded, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles. "Me too," I whispered.

Before, Zombie had been right in telling me I wasn't the type of person to hurt Ringer. But Voche was different. He, and the rest of his wretched race, deserved all the pain in the world.

"And we're going to make that happen," I said defiantly, "One way or another he's going suffer. And I promise, we going to do it together, side by side. But you've got to know Dumbo, Oompa, Poundcake...Sissy? They didn't die in vain. And they definitely didn't die because of you."

Zombie nodded stiffly, choosing t direct his gaze away from me, again.

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I bit my lip, not knowing whether I wanted to cry or yell at him for his standoffish behavior.

I miss him. I missed the Zombie I had fallen in love with.

My heart skipped a beat. I loved him. I did. I guess I'd know for awhile. And we'll, I guess that's why I was annoyed at how he always distanced himself from me.

"Zombie-" I whispered.

Maybe it was time to finally talk to him about us. I'd been meaning to talk to him for a long time and I guess now was as good as time as any.

"Zombie, I want to talk about us," I said, letting his hand fall away from my grasp.

He looked over at me, his beautiful brown eyes illuminated by the moonlight. His hair, although shorter now, still fell into his eyes and there was dirt smudged on his right cheek.

I brought my hand up to face and brushed the dirt with my fingers.

"I'm hopeful that all this will get better," I said gesturing around us, "that the Others will be dealt with and everything. But what if it does but...one of us doesn't make it?" I asked quietly.

"Don't say that," he said, his deep voice tinged with desperation.

"I'm trying to be realistic," I said, taking a shaking breath. "If one of us doesn't make it, wouldn't the other want something to look back on? Something other than the two of us discussing strategy or obsessing over the silencers?"

It's all we ever seemed to do. At Wright Patterson, it had been easier to forget about the world around us and be selfish. But now? Now we were running 24/7 and it appeared as if the fate of the human race was riding on our backs.

"Yeah I want that. I'm just not sure I can just forget about everything that's happening," he said slowly.

"I'm not asking you to forget," I said, "I'm just asking you to remember us."

I reached up and brushed the hair out of his eyes. "I know it's hard but after everything that's happened, I just want us to not have any regrets," I said. "And if my time is coming up, I want to spend as much of my life that's left with you," I whispered.

"Canary-" he said hoarsely.

He looked as if he were about to protest, so I shook my head vigorously, cutting him off.

"That is, if you still...care for me," I said, my voice breaking slightly.

I hadn't considered that possibility until now.

Zombie shook his head, his eyes widening.

"Baby, no," he said, "My feelings haven't changed. I care about you more than any person here," he said, taking my face in his hands. "And I want to do better and spend time with you...but-"

"But?" I asked, my voice breaking again. "What do you mean but?"

I felt my eyes brimming with tears. He was so close that all I wanted to do was throw my arms around him and kiss him till my lips grew numb.

But he looked like the last thing he wanted to be doing was sitting here with me. He looked like he wanted to run away... and not from the Others this time... from me.

"I can't," he said, letting his hands fall.

"Why? Why can't you?" I asked.

He started to stand up but I grabbed his wrist, forcing him to come back down to me.

"No. You're not going to run away from me this time," I said. "Why?"

Zombie shook his head. "What you said - about Dumbo, Poundcake, Oompa, and Sissy not dying in vain?" He asked.

"Yes," I said, egging him to continue.

"Well they did- unless we win."

"And you think the only way we can win is if we ignore one another?" I pressed.

"I just think-"

"You just think what exactly?" I asked, angry now. "Winning will mean nothing if you've driven away all the people who care about you," I said, giving a forceful push to his chest. "Because that's exactly what you're doing to me."

I stood up, and before leaving, whipped around to face him again. "I miss you," I said. "And not the Ben Parish you, but the old Zombie, the one I fell in love with."

And then it was my turn to walk away.

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