Screaming was what woke me up, my whole body jolting instantly at the intense sound. My eyes fell on the product of the sound. Toni was tossing and turning in the bed beside me, obviously having some form of nightmare. I shook her lightly in attempt to tear her from the dream state.

"baby wake up, Toni sweetie" finally she sat up, a loud gasp being released. Her chest heaved and sweat drenched her skin. "its ok baby it was just a nightmare" I slipped my hand over her bare back, gently caressing it with my tender fingers but she didn't look at me. She rubbed her face with her hands trying to compose herself. This happened a lot when we moved in together, she was never really OK after everything that happened but I thought she had been getting better, I guess not.

"just go back to sleep babe" toni spoke quietly, her voice a little hoarse.

"babe you know you can talk to me about it" I sat up more and pressed a light kiss onto her shoulder but she moved off the bed out of my reach.

"I just need some air" she grabbed her hoodie from the side and slid it on over her before leaving the room. I wanted to go after her but i thought it would be best to leave her alone for a bit. She must have just been under a lot of stress recently with the tour, maybe it was taking a toll on her.

These nightmares had been coming back a lot more recently, I had them pretty frequently over the tour, I tried to hide it as much as I could but it had started to become a habit that was noticed. Especially when I would get up in the night to grab some tablets after a lot of screaming and crying. Kylie had been the one to speak to me and talk about it, she had done what she could do over the tour and I appreciated her help but it was never enough, nor were the tablets.

I went to where I had left one of my bags and pulled out the pot of pills, pouring a few out into my hand and downed them. I didn't tell Cheryl I had got back onto them to help my sleeping as I didn't wish to worry her. She already had enough on her plate. She didn't need to have my problems added to it.

Finally I went out onto the balcony and leant against the rail. The view looked over this edge of the city, it was a beautiful sight at this time. I pulled my phone out of my hoodie pocket and looked at the time.

3.26am

Fuck.

I went on my phone and looked through my contacts. I contemplated messaging Veronica but decided against it as I didn't want to disturb her sleep. However as I went through I had noticed Kylie was active, odd for her to be on so late but I took this chance, at least she understood my situation. I pressed call and let the phone ring, already I knew this was a bad idea and was about to hang up but she had picked up too quickly.

"Topaz? What are you doing up? You OK?" I could tell she was worried, her sleepy voice mumbling through the speaker.

"I could ask the same to you" I retorted, I knew she was smiling even when I couldn't see her.

"I gotta finish some stuff off for our next show but I'm wrecked now, I need sleep. And so do you... What's up shorty? Why you up so late?" she questioned again.

A quiet sigh fell and I looked back out at the buildings.

"had another nightmare again, they're becoming more frequent and I'm struggling to deal with them" I admitted, I heard a small sigh fall from her lips.

"I'm sorry Topaz, did you take your meds? They might help you rest"

"I have now, it's just a nightmare trying to hide them from Cheryl" I placed my hand over my eyes and rubbed them a little.

"well it's your choice hat you do but it may be better to talk to her about it... And the dream...was it about her or him" her voice was a little softer. I had told Kylie everything about what happened to me at riverdale. The horrors I faced. The others knew bits of it but not the intense deph she did.

"him... Just that scene playing over and over in my head with Veronica and Cheryl and the gun... I can't get it out of my head.... Its driving me insane, its like the trigger pulling is stuck in repeat, that moment of feeling more dead than alive. Fearing I lost everything... "

" I'm sorry Toni, I couldn't imagine what it's like to live with a memory so terrible... But let's take your mind off of that, think about the fact we have the interview in a few days together. It will be good to see you, I already miss you"

I rolled my eyes and chuckled down the phone.

"oh shut up no you don't, but I will be glad to see you again" I admitted, she was a calming presence in my life. Soothing.

"well focus on that and get some rest ok love?" she was right, I needed sleep to be able to survive the next week or so with the kids. I wouldn't get much time to relax.

"alright, thanks Kylie, goodnight"

"night Topaz" I hung up and shoved my phone away again, that sense of loneliness again. It didn't last long however as I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist.

"who was that?" Cheryl asked but I didn't answer, I just rested into her embrace and leant into her taller frame.

"doesn't matter baby, let's go back to bed, it's cold out here" I took her hand and lead her to the bedroom, laying back on the comfy mattress. Cheryl got in beside me and snuggled up into her side. I missed this so much whilst I was gone.

"you're mine forever right?" she whispered in my ear and I instantly nodded.

"I am forever yours"