Hold on, I still want you

Come back, I still need you

Let me take your hand, I'll make it right

I swear to love you all my life

Hold on, I still need you

---

"Babe? Can you open the door please?" Ryan knocked on the door and pressed an ear against the wood, listening for any movement on the other side.

Brendon bent over the sink while the facet was running cold water. He pooled water into his hands a splashed it onto his face. He panted softly suddenly feeling out of breath. A sharp pain resonated in his head. He groaned and clutched the side of his head. He squeezed his eyes shut as the pain began spreading down his body. When it finally dulled, he opened his eyes and found himself wobbling, unable to stay balanced.

"Something's not right," he mumbled.

"Babe? C'mon. Let me in," Ryan said from the other side of the door.

Brendon turned to make his way over to the entrance of the bathroom but instead staggered side to side. He was slouched forward, trying to keep his center of gravity low for better control. The room felt as if it where twisting and turning around him. He fumbled forward until he eventually fell onto his hands and knees.

Ryan frowned when he heard Brendon's hands smack onto the tiled floor during his landing. "Bren, you okay?" He jiggled the doorknob, finding it locked. Panic began to settle in as he thought the uncertainty of the situation on the other side of the door. "Brendon!" He knocked, now just hoping for any kind of response.

Brendon leaned forward, pressing his head on the cool tile. He let out a weak breath, his lungs not wanting to cooperate fully. He mumbled Ryan's name but it was too soft to hear.

"Brendon," Spencer's voice joined Ryan's. The knob began jiggling again, refusing to open. "Answer us. Please."

Brendon's body relaxed until he was fully pressed to the ground. He tried to look up at the door but his head felt too heavy now. His breathing came more labored, not allowing any words to come out anymore. He could do nothing but listen to the frantic voices trying to get to him.

If he listened closely enough, he could hear a faint '1, 2, 3 ' followed by a loud thump. Then again. And again only this time with wood cracks mixed with the thud.

His vision because to blur around the edges and Brendon grew tired of trying to keep his eyes open. All he had strength to do was listen. Listen to the water still running next to him. Listen to the voices now shouting. Listen to the thumping.

Finally, the wood cracking stopped with a slam as it gave way to the consistent ramming done by two grown men. Footsteps rushing into the bathroom and straight to his side. Brendon wanted to move, wanted to look up at his friend and boyfriend and let them know he was really okay, but he wasn't. He couldn't. He could only lay there, helpless.

"Bren."

Brendon felt his body get pulled against someone chest. He managed to clear his vision enough to see Ryan's face. The man looked beyond worried, eyebrows pressed together, worry lines covering his forehead, eyes swimming with panic. He was panting from forcing the door open.

"What's wrong? Talk to me baby. Please." Ryan was gripping at Brendon's body, pulling him impossibly close.

Brendon wanted to talk, but he couldn't get his lips to form anything other than a straight line. His body grew numb and he was needing to fight hard to keep his eyes open now. They started blinking close as the energy was fleeting his body.

"No, no, no. Stay with me baby." Ryan started to lightly shake Brendon's body. Brendon's body went limp in his arms. Tears immediately pooled in his eyes. "Baby wake up. I don't like this. Wake up," he pleaded.

Ryan looked up at Spencer and the other man immediately knew what Ryan was ready to say.

"I'll drive."

Ryan repositioned Brendon in his arms and stood up. Linda was quickly out the way as Spencer led Ryan out the bathroom and down the hall to the front door. Brendon swayed lifelessly in Ryan's arms.

"Ryan, is he sti-"

"Yes!" Ryan didn't dare let Spencer finish his sentence. Brendon was going to be okay. It wasn't his time to go. Brendon and him were going to grow old together and die grey haired men.

Spencer didn't dare argue and they hurried down the building to the ground floor. They rushed past people who were giving them weird looks as they cared a body down the street. Spencer was parked around the block which irritated Ryan. His car was parked right out front but Spencer was the one who grabbed the keys.

Ryan and Spencer laid Brendon across the backseat, Ryan sitting back there with him and using his lap as a pillow. Spencer rounded the car and hopped into the driver's seat. They were racing down the road, following the road rules just enough to barely be legal.

Ryan was combing his finger's through Brendon's hair. " You're going to be okay. We're okay," he said on repeat. He placed a hand on Brendon's chest, relieved to feel the gentle yet very present rise and fall of the man's chest. Even if it hadn't been there, Ryan refused to believe this would be his end. After all the work they were going through, Brendon deserved more than this.

"We're almost there. How's he doing?" Spencer asked over his shoulder.

"He's alive," Ryan replied. 'He's alive,' he kept repeating to himself. He needed hope and he was holding onto that fact for dear life. 'Brendon is still alive.'

Spencer stopped in front of the ER entrance and threw the door open. He moved around to Ryan's door and helped him pull out Brendon's body. Ryan took liberty of holding Brendon again, not wanting to let go. They rushed inside, Ryan ready to knock down anything that got in their way.

"Someone help us!" Spencer began shouting, getting everyone to turn toward them. "My friend! He needs help now!"

A doctor hurried over, not one that Ryan recognized. She was young, maybe an intern. Not good enough but Brendon needed someone. Anyone. She'll have to do for now. She led them to a gurney where Ryan finally set Brendon down.

"He has cancer," Ryan said, clenching onto Brendon's hand. "But he's doing chemo."

"What happened?" The doctor asked as she opened Brendon's eyes and flashed a light over his face. Ryan wished he had an answer for her.

"He went to the bathroom and just collapsed," Spencer answered. That was the best answer they got.

"We need to go run some tests on him." She went to roll Brendon away, but Ryan stopped her from leaving by still holding onto Brendon's hand. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to let go of him so I can take him to the back."

Ryan knew what was back there. Anything could happen back there. Someone could make a mistake somewhere and take his boyfriend from him. He squeezed Brendon's hand.

"I'm a doctor," Ryan said. More importantly, he was this hospital's main doctor. Did she really not recognize him.

"I'm sorry but even if you are, you are too close to the situation. Don't worry. We'll take good care of him."

Ryan's said that to people before. He's said that to people then the next time he saw them had to tell them he was sorry for their loss. No way in hell he was letting that happen.

"Ry, buddy, you have to let her take him," Spencer placed a hand on his shoulder. "Brendon needs their help."

Ryan looked down at Brendon, his face relaxed and pain free. He needed to soak up this moment of his love still in front of him, still breathing. He leaned over and planted a kiss forehead then looked up at the doctor.

"You let him die, I'll end your career."

Spencer had to pull him away from Brendon and the doctor was quickly moving the gurney out of sight.

"He'll be okay."

"He better be," Ryan mumbled.

---

A/N:

Sorry for the very late update! I was procrastinating and when I was planning on posting again, my sister got covid and I couldn't go to my apartment for over a week. She's okay, just held my notebooks hostage. Also! I've been waiting for this chapter ever since I was creating the playlist that inspired this book! This was one of the chapters that was heavily inspired by the song. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you at the next update!